Time Flies.....

Picture this…..your sixteen year old comes home and says, “I want to talk to you and I really want you to listen and think seriously about what I’m going to say.” What is the first thing that goes through your mind? I know…me too…..you hold your breath for a minute and hope for the best…right!?  You just never know with teenagers! You just never know. So that’s what I did, I held my breath and I listened. The last thing that I expected to hear was, “I’ve decided to graduate high school a year early.”  My eyes lit up; a little from relief and a little from shock, and then I said, “What…why?!” She said, “I’m done with high school and I’m really ready to move on with my future.” I said, “How on earth are you going to do this.”  She said, “I knew you wouldn’t even listen if I didn’t have a plan, so I already have it all figured out. I’ve talked to everyone I need to talk to, and I know exactly what I need to do to get it done.” She knows me soooo well.  Don’t just ask to do something…..know how it’s going to get done. How could I not listen after hearing that?  Not only did she have a plan, she was beyond determined to make it happen. After I heard the plan, then we had to wait for Daddy to come home so we could talk to him about it. We make decisions as a family and this was big. Without going into every little detail….after much discussion, many phone calls to universities, and multiple meetings at the school…..it was a go!

Well, that was five months ago and here we are today…..our sixteen year old is graduating from high school exactly one year early. Yes, ONE YEAR EARLY! I can’t believe this day is here! How did this happen so fast?!? I’m not talking about the five months going by fast, I’m talking about our "baby" graduating from high school!

I know it’s a cliché, but I swear it was just yesterday that we were letting go of her little hands as she walked away to her classroom on the first day of kindergarten. Flash forward! This week we will be "letting go" of her "little hands" again as we watch “our baby” walk across the stage in her cap and gown to receive her high school diploma. Proud? That is an understatement! It’s all so surreal. Boy, did she earn this one! Big time! I have never seen such determination or hard work in my life. She knew it wasn’t’ going to be easy to finish school a year early, in fact she just told us the other day that she really wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to pull it off.  But she did!  Goal - set - done!

Tatiana has always had a mind of her own and has ALWAYS done things, shall we say, “her way,” but this….I’m speechless. It’s hard to truly express how proud we are of our beautiful daughter and all that she has accomplished in sixteen short years. Time truly does fly…..and very soon, so will she.

The Love of My Life.....

The love of my life..

He looks different than me.

He acts different than me.

He is different than me.

None of that matters,

because he is,

the love of my life.

They said he was too ghetto.

They said I was a fad.

They said we wouldn't last.

 Here we are today,

even stronger than before,

and he is STILL the love of my life.

His family is all that matters.

His family is his life.

His family is his world.

That is what's important

and that is why he is, 

the love of my life.

He is my best friend.

He is my partner.

He is my lover.

What more could I ask for,

I'm full of joy
from the love of my life.

He is my rock.

He is my shoulder.

He is my heart.

He is the love of my life.

Agree to Disagree?

As you all know by now, I'm not one who is shy about voicing my opinions and beliefs.  I have never had a problem speaking up or speaking out about things that I feel strongly about.  In fact, when I was younger, that “attribute” got me in a bit of trouble throughout the years!  I always felt that it was more important to speak up about what you believe in then to worry about getting in trouble.  Needless to say, I was in trouble a lot! Just ask my parents. Wait, no, on second thought…don’t!  Who knows what they will reveal!  =)

Recently, I had separate conversations with different family members that left each one of us at opposite ends of the “opinion spectrum.”  Ironically, both conversations had to do with gay marriage.  I don’t even remember how the topic came up, but I do remember, very clearly, how each of us felt about the subject.  It was prop 8 all over again, but this time in my house.

The first conversation was interesting because the family member I was talking to felt that gay rights should cover everything but marriage.  I didn’t get it.  Why everything but? I used the example of my marriage being against the law back in the 60’s and asked them how they would feel if Jamie and I could not legally be married today.  They said that was totally different.  I said no it wasn’t.  They said yes it was.  Back and forth we went.  I said it was about the right to marry.  They said marriage is between a man and a woman.  Interracial marriage, gay marriage….rights are rights as far as I’m concerned.  As this banter went on, I could see that neither of us was EVER going to change the other’s mind, so I finally said, “Look, I love you, I totally disagree with you, and clearly we are just going to have to agree to disagree.”

Then came conversation number two.  This time with a totally different family member.  Once again the topic of gay marriage came up. Go figure.  We were discussing current events on the news and one of the stories was about gay marriage.  This conversation wasn’t so much of a back and forth, but more of a; there is no way in hell you are ever going to change my mind, kind of conversation.  The exact words from this family member were, “I hope they realize they are not going to heaven.”  Okay, are your eyes popping out of your head yet? Mine sure were! I said, “Do you seriously believe that!?”  The answer was a very, very strong yes! I couldn’t believe it. Tensions were rising, and at this point even my daughter was getting uncomfortable.  She is about as open minded as they come and she was visibly upset that a relative could feel this way about someone else’s right to marry.  She finally said, “Can we not talk about this right now!”  We were all “enjoying” a family meal and the mood had quickly gone South.  Straight to hell, apparently.

Opinions shrouded in religion drive me nuts.  “Gay people aren’t going to heaven?”  Really?  Who decided that?  Ohhhh religion…..why do you have to be so mean?  Against my norm we changed the subject and moved on.  Mind you, I’m not done…I will talk to this relative again and ask them if they really believe that gay people are “banned” from heaven.  I will ask them if they really believe God is that mean.  I know He’s not, and it breaks my heart that people are being taught this in the very churches that are supposed to teach love.  I don’t get it.

So in the end, I will love my “opposite opinioned" relatives with all my heart. I will agree to disagree.  For now.

After All This Time....

Relationships can be so tricky, especially in a mixed race marriage. In a world seen through rose-colored glasses we all get along, but once the glasses come off that’s not always the case. Jamie’s Mom (otherwise known as Gigi), was, to put it mildly, not thrilled when I entered the picture. When her son chose to marry a white woman she was not happy! She did not attend our wedding and for years she and I had no relationship at all. None. Sadly we didn’t get close until she was literally on her death bed. She became ill while visiting from Atlanta many years ago. She was in the hospital for quite some time and Jamie and I went to visit her almost everyday. During those visits she witnessed our love and our family’s closeness. She realized that her son and I were happy; and, skin color and everything else aside, in the end that’s all that really matters. All the “bad blood” had finally melted away. I’m sad it took so long, but oh so happy it finally happened. I just wish we had had more time.

Heartbreakingly, she was never able to go home and passed away while she was still visiting. We were with her to the end, so in a way it was a blessing that she was here and not home in Atlanta. I will never ever forget the heartbreak my husband went through on her very last day so many years ago. He was filled with pure and utter sadness at the loss of his mother that he loved so much.

Flash forward to present day. We were volunteering at my sister-in-law’s church and a little piece of Gigi appeared. Jamie’s sister said, “Oh, I found this the other day when I was cleaning out some boxes.” She then handed us a card in an envelope. It was a Christmas card from the last Christmas that Gigi was alive. She has been gone for almost 10 years, so it was surreal to have this card show up out of the blue. In the card she wrote that she was sending her love to Jamie, to me, and to Tatiana. Jamie and I sat on the church steps and cried. For Jamie, his mom came to life –if only for a minute through her handwriting; for me it was a little treasure of love sent to our entire family, even after all this time.

So as Mother’s Day approaches, I’m thankful, that, in the end, Gigi and I were okay.

The Verdict is in....Love Rocks!

When two people of the same "color" are married to one another, there are so many things they do in their daily lives that are "issue" free. On the flip side, when two people of different "colors" are married, bizarre things come up that most people would never even think about. Welcome to my world.

As you all know we are in this nightmare trial with Otay Water et al. We are on week 3 and still standing strong. Exhausted, but strong!! Of course, before trial started we had to pick a jury. When we were all going through the various jurors, one of the things that we had to keep in mind was if anyone had a problem with Jamie and I being an interracial couple. Weird huh? I know.....this isn't something that one would normally consider when worrying about what a juror is going to think! However, I can guarantee you if there was a juror that had "issues" with us it could possibly interfere with their feelings regarding the outcome. You would hope this would not be the case, and that they would always be impartial, but in the end jurors are just people with opinions. So oddly, these are things that have to be considered. Crazy huh?! Never a dull moment, that's for sure!

It's still so bizarre to me that race plays such a part of our lives. However, things are always popping up regarding our "interracialness," so it's just a fact of life for us in our marriage. Bummer, but life. We are just "us" and nothing else, but in some people's eyes we are still an oddity or something they don't believe in at all. Hopefully by the time we are old and gray we can look back on all these weird racial situations with "fond" memories. For now it's still a very real part of our world. We don't mind if people don't get us, don't approve of us, or for that matter, don't like us.....because the bottom line is; we get us, we approve of us, and we LOVE us! The verdict is in.......love rocks, no matter what the mix!

This Is My Life....Not Theirs......

Is this actually happening?  I must be dreaming!  Somebody pinch me. OH MY GOD.....after FOUR LONG years we are going to trial!  Justice is going to prevail. Finally!  We lost our store, our health, our finances, our credit, our peace of mind, our faith in the system, our trust in authority, our dream. (click here for that sordid story)  BUT, for all that we've lost, we've also gained so much, and I'm truly overwhelmed by it all.  Strength, love, determination, support, generosity, and last but not least, faith.  What more could I ask for out of life.  What more?

And then there's my marriage.  Wow.  Who knew when Jamie and I got married 18 years ago that the strength we gained from our interracial struggles, would give us the strength to get through this madness!?  Now, after all that we've been through, we are ready for the fight of our lives.  Trial.  Ready to get up on the witness stand and speak from our hearts.  Ready to get justice for a dream destroyed.  Ready to stomp out the injustice of promises broken.  Ready to take our lives back!

I choose to stop being a victim.  I choose to stop being destroyed.  I choose to move on.  I choose to live my new dream.  I choose to live MY life.

I used to concentrate on all that was taken away, but now I'm embracing all that's coming my way.  I'm surrounded by love from family and friends who continue to rally by my side.  Love can do wonders in the darkest of times because now all I see is LIGHT!  The trial is just a detail to be crossed off the list, a blip on the radar so to speak.  I took back my life when I embraced all the love, and let go of the anger and hate. When I sit on that stand and look into the eyes of attorney's that continue to try and take me down, I'm going to think of all of you that are in my life that have helped me stay so strong.  You know who you are, and I send you my love, because without you I'd be curled up on the floor.  I would be checked in somewhere, wearing a jacket with belts, and white all over the walls!  You have lifted me up and made me whole, and given me a new lease on life.  Today I say thank you from the bottom of my heart because your love has gotten me through.

So yes, this week is our trial, and we will fight for what's right, but this is MY life, not theirs.

Letting Go.....

As you know I am a contributing writer to The Next Family online magazine. This week I received an email from the Editor of The Next Family saying that this month's theme was "Letting Go." I literally laughed out loud! This very minute, as I sit here and write, there are so many "letting go" moments happening in my life. So many!  I had to share here as well......

Today Tatiana is starting her behind the wheel driving lessons. I will be letting her go to drive on her own in a very short period of time. She has been practicing with me for 6 months and now she is going to be receiving her license. How do you let your baby go to drive on her own without worry and fear? I know I have to, and I know I have to trust that I have taught her well. She is a safe, smart driver and that's what matters. Letting her go is not going to be easy but I know it's time. Ready or not.

Today I'm also ordering Tatiana's cap and gown for high school graduation. This past January she decided she wanted to graduate a year early. She did the research, she figured out how to do it, we had meetings, called universities, and have now made it a reality. I'm letting her go to her next phase in life a year early! This one is BIG!!! Talk about letting go! She is ready, the question is, am I?

Today I'm going downtown for trial preparation for our water trial next week. I'm letting go after 4 long years and I'm putting my life and my family's life in the hands of 12 jurors. How do you let go and give it all over to 12 complete strangers? How? My husband says I'm a trooper and I can do it. I know I have to let go and let the system do what it's designed to do. I don't have an option, I must.

Today, as I prepare for trial and to get justice for the loss of our original dream, I'm moving on and letting go and working on my new dream. I'm writing my book with a new fervor, and now have a deadline for finishing. It's not until I let go of the old and let in the new, did this determination and drive fully kick in. It's time to move on and then some.

As you can see there is a lot of "letting go" going on in my life right now! It feels like an entire new life is being born right before my eyes. Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be? It's a lot to handle all at once, and sometimes letting go seems overwhelming, but when I just let be what will be, then it all seems to fall into place, just as it should.

So today I give my daughter wings, today I trust in the justice system, today I let my words flow. Today, I LET GO.

Knock on Wood.....

The other day I was at Starbucks with a friend of mine. I call her my "Starbucks Homie" because that is the only place we ever see each other. Ever. We get together about once a month and sit there for hours, and I mean hours, catching up on all that happened in our lives the previous month.

As always, some pretty intense subjects come up.  At some point in the conversation she was telling me about a friend of hers that had been ill and had recently passed away. This friend, unfortunately, did not leave a will. Long story short, it's going to be a mess because there is an ex wife, a new wife, children, property and so on. After she finished her story about her friend, we started talking about our own wills, or actually lack thereof. Both of us were not concerned about the "stuff," our only concern was our kids. God forbid, what if something happened to both parents and there was no will? Who would take care of the kids? It's funny because we had similar concerns but also very different concerns. My friend and her hubby are both white and of course Jamie and I are black and white. One of my main concerns was that if anything (knock on wood) were to happen to both Jamie and I, I wouldn't want Tatiana to be raised in "white bread anywhere." All of my relatives happen to live in "white bread everywhere," so automatically unless they moved to So Cal...they are out. Then there is Jamie's family. The opposite of "white bread everywhere." What happens to her white side?  Do you see my conundrum?  So now that she is 16 and graduating a year early from high school, this isn't such an issue....knocking on more wood.....but through the years it was a worry. Mind you...we love all of our family members, but there is nobody that would be just right. Maybe I'm putting too much thought into this, but I want her to always live both sides of her "coin." We determined through much thought and many discussions that if anything had happened to both of us we would have had one of our interracial couple friends raise her. There are many reasons for that choice. The first one being that she would still live here and go to her own school. The second is, these people are like family to us. The third, she would get the cultural mix that is so important to us and to her. Lastly, she would not have to move away from all she knew. That is huge.  

So many of our friends are like family to us, so this doesn't seem strange at all. What's right for one fam might not be for the other. We have never fit into any kind of mold, so it's normal for us to think out of the box.  Clearly. 

It's weird writing about these things, in fact, it kind of freaks me out. Thankfully Tatiana is almost grown and we don't really have to worry about this anymore, because truly, how do you ever decide who is going to raise your child?  Black, white, mixed or otherwise.

Now I'm off to go knock on some more wood, big time!

My Plate Runneth Over.....

Life, sometimes it can be a bit much. To say my plate is full is the understatement of the year. I need a giant turkey platter to hold all that is going on in my life right now!  Ironically I haven't been writing much because my brain is so full I can't seem to write a cohesive sentence these days. So many words...yet none of them make sense. It's like white noise swirling around in my brain! I need some serious meditation time. Or maybe an island with a really big drink! Ya, that sounds good......I'll take door number two. Now!

I know we all have challenges, and I know we all go through "stuff," but dang, can I catch a break!? Let me give you a taste of what it's been like. As most of you know we are still going through this horrible lawsuit with the water dept et al over the loss of our business 4 years ago. If you aren't familiar with our story you can check it out here and you can also read about it in the book Oil and Water and Other Things That Don't Mix.  Recently we found out that the Otay Water Dept settled with the landlord/builder who is a plaintiff and  defendant, and as part of their settlement they are suing all of us for back rent and for breaking our leases. Yes indeed, you read that right, the very people that poisoned us, got us sick, and took away our business, are now suing us!  Hmmm....you gotta "love" our legal system. Or not.

Because we lost our business, and have been in this legal nightmare for 4 years, our financial situation isn't a situation, it's just gone.....history, kaput, null and freakin' void! Needless to say, we have had to get very creative when it comes to money.

I'm not only a writer writing for multiple sites, magazines, and a book, while also writing my own book, but I'm also a part time Program Director at a tutoring facility, and starting this week, a part time "assistant" at an accessory company that I have been a fan of  for a couple of years. The second job is thanks to a referral from the wonderful Marketing Manager of The Next Family who is now a dear friend!  You rock Madge!! 

Then of course there is my "favorite" part time job, the lawsuit. Conference calls, hearings, depos, trial prep and so much more! All of the ridiculousness has continued to suck up my time for 4, insane, long years! Oh the good times, they just keep on rollin'. Can you hear the sarcasm in my voice? I can taste it at this point.  Oh ya, did I forget to mention...trial starts on March 14th?!  Oy vey!

As if my plate isn't full enough already, our daughter just recently decided she is going to graduate high school a year early. We have had to do some fancy footwork to get all the puzzle pieces in place to make that happen! I'm SUPER proud of her and wouldn't discourage her for a minute, but who knew we were going to add graduation and senior activities to our "platter" this year? She is so motivated, she is keeping me motivated! Love that kid!

Let's see, what else? My husband and I also "take care of" our neighbor (Cali Mom) who has recently had many medical issues, so I have been "living" with her at various doctors appointments and surgeries. Again, wouldn't change it for the world, because she means the world to us, but ooowee does all this have to happen at the same time?

Sleep at this point would be great! Whew! I'm tired just writing all of this! The funny thing is, I'm not complaining. Venting, yes, complaining, no. I'm really quite thankful....really!

I'm still doing what I love most, which is writing, I'm part of a book that helps others dealing with the worst water tragedy of all time, I have two jobs that are getting me through this case, I have amazing parents that continue to help us through it all, I have family that's ALWAYS there, I have attorneys that haven't stopped fighting for 4 years, I have friends that are constant shoulders, I have wonderful women friends from my writing world who inspire me every day, I have an amazing daughter whose motivation keeps me going, and of course, last but not least, my supportive, hard working, loving, rock of a husband! So what do I have to complain about? That's all pretty amazing don't you think? I'm surrounded by love 24/7! That just rocks!

So yes my plate is full, and as a matter of fact it's spilling all over the place, but at the end of the day, it's okay. As my hubby always says, "I woke up today, so of course it's a good day."  We have been through so many challenges as an interracial couple, and as just a "regular couple," that nothing seems to get us down anymore.  How cool is that?  Cool.

Now it's time for some deep breaths and maybe some wine. Breath in, sip, breath out, sip, breath in, sip, breath out, sip......awwww. That's better.

Hair....It Continues to Amaze Me...........

One thing that I’m still getting used to even after 16 years of having a mixed race daughter is this whole "hair thing." The other day I went into Tatiana's bathroom and hanging everywhere were rows of HAIR! She had washed her weave and it was hanging off the towel racks, shower curtain, and counter. It looked like long black creatures had taken over everything in sight. At first when I walked into the bathroom I was a little freaked out, but then I looked around and literally laughed out loud!

Each time I write about hair, and there have been many, it seems Tatiana is at a different stage in her life. First, as a little girl, it was combing through, braiding, and filling her thick, curly hair with barrettes. Then, as a pre-teen, it was adding extensions, and having them braided for hours at a time. Now, as a teen, it’s long, straight extensions, after her bi-monthly trips to the salon. I don't know why this blows me away so much because as a white woman, I go through the same type of craziness every month when I get my hair cut, colored and highlighted. What's the difference? The difference is I don't have someone else's hair attached to my head and hanging throughout the house! =) Trippy!

The other night we were all getting ready for bed and Jamie looked down and thought our little black poodle was lying really still on the floor, when in actuality it was Tat's weave! We had all been watching a movie together and she had taken it out piece by piece, and eventually it ended up in a nice, neat pile on the floor looking exactly like our dog. Hilarious! It just cracks me up that this black fluff ball on the floor looked more like our tiny toy poodle then my child’s hair!

Because I always want to know as much as I can about what my child goes through, I recently sat down to watch Good Hair. Good Hair is the documentary hosted by Chris Rock that follows where the hair extensions come from and how they eventually get to the heads of black women all over America. I haven’t watched the whole thing yet because once I started watching I asked Tat if she had seen it, and she said no. I want to sit and watch it with her so she can see the history behind what is attached to her head. It just fascinates me that there is a documentary about this! I’m sure the black women that are reading this are cracking up at me because this is just part of how you were raised and who you are, but for me it’s a totally new adventure.

Whenever we go to buy Tat’s hair we have to go to the “hood” because of course you can’t by “her hair” in the suburbs where we live. Even though our neighborhood is quite the melting pot, we still don’t have a beauty supply place that caters to the African American crowd. What’s up with that!? Hmmm, maybe I should open one....would that be weird? I’m always the only white person at the beauty supply where she shops so why not be the only one in our area that owns one!? It’s a thought. =)

As Tatiana hits each of the different life stages, I continue to learn something new. I love it, and wouldn’t change a thing. So even today, after 16 long years, her hair continues to amaze me and probably always will!

You can check out some of my other hair stories from at the links below:

http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/10/salon.html

http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/07/where-can-i-buy-pick.html

http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/05/hairsimple-right.html

I Didn't Know You Were Adopted....

You probably thought this story was about me after reading the title didn't you?  Guess again. This one would be about Tatiana and the assumptions that are made when strangers see us together. This time the scenario went like this.....Tatiana drove to school, pulled into the parking lot, we both got out of the car, said goodbye, I hopped into the drivers seat, and drove away.  Someone who obviously doesn't know her very well came up to her and said, "I didn't know you were adopted." Tatiana said, "Um, I'm not." The guy just looked at her like she didn't know what SHE was talking about and said, "Oh."

This isn't the first time I have written about this, nor I'm sure, will it be the last. However, normally when "confusion" arises as to who "I" am, the comment is, "I didn't know your Mom was white," not, "I didn't know you were adopted." This makes me giggle and frustrates me all at the same time. When you carry someone for 9 months, have 20+ hours of labor and raise them for 16 years, you tend to want to shout...."Ya she is my daughter!!"

Now for those of you that know me well, or have been reading my stories for a while, you know that I am an adopted child myself. So why does the comment this boy made to my daughter irritate me? I love my Mom with all my heart so I don't know why it "bugs" me to hear someone ask if my child is adopted. Is it all the hard work I put into the pregnancy and labor? With all the grief I gave my Mom during my teen years she deserves an award for "that" work! Not even 9 months of pregnancy and 20+ hours of labor compare to the grief I caused my Mom during those years. We will leave it at that for now. That's another story for another time! =)

You would think I would be used to these "mom" questions by now, but I'm not. My kid is my kid. Period. I'm very proud and protective of my family so when someone tries to change the reality, I get a little "buggy."

The funny thing is, nobody ever questions Jamie and Tatiana when they are out and about. What's up with that!? She is a mix of the two of us in looks and color, so why don't they question him? is it because he is big, and black, and scary, and they don't dare!? Or is it simply because she is brown and so is he, so there is no question? Hmmph...I'm still bugged.

I wonder if that's why I'm so passionate about writing for my blog and The Next Family? I love my family so much and when anything about them is questioned, I tend to go a little "mama bear," if you know what I mean!

So just to clarify; No, she's not adopted. Yes, I am white. Yes, her Dad is black. All clear? Good. I feel better now.  On to the next question.

If You Celebrate it....Say it!!

The holidays are such an amazing time of year. They bring out the best in all of us. As I decorate, shop, and take in all the sights, sounds and smells of the season, I wonder, why can't it be like this all the time? What is it about the holidays that makes everyone just a little bit nicer and smile just a little wider?

We all might celebrate different holidays this season, but no matter which one we celebrate, it's all about peace and love. Right!? My mixed melting pot of a family happens to be Christian and we celebrate Christmas, but I love to share all the holidays with my amazing diverse group of friends. If we all took a moment to learn about each other's religions and celebrations, the unknown would now be known and the scary wouldn't be so scary anymore. It's not about condemning, it's about accepting. It's not about converting, it's about learning. There is nothing evil, or wrong, or "satanic" about a different religion....it's just that....different. Whether you celebrate Christmas, or Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa, or nothing at all, it's your prerogative as a citizen of the world to do just that.....in peace.

So this year my wish for all of us is to learn about each other, accept each other, live with each other, and love each other. If you celebrate Christmas...I wish you a very merry Christmas. If you celebrate Hanukkah....I say, happy Hanukkah. If you celebrate Kwanzaa....I wish you happy Kwanzaa. If you are determined to be politically correct.....I wish you Happy Holidays! =)

It's okay to be proud of your religion and traditions as long as you respect what others celebrate as well. See how easy it is.....let's all stop walking on egg shells......if you celebrate it.....SAY IT!!!

My Story in a Very Special Book......Available Now!

Available for purchase at:

LL- Publications:

www.ll-publications.com/oilandwater.html

Amazon.com:

http://www.amazon.com/Water-Other-Things-That-Dont/dp/1905091850/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1292260129&sr=8-1

BarnesandNoble.com:
http://productsearch.barnesandnoble.com/search/results.aspx?WRD=oil+and+water+and+other+things+that+don't+mix&page=index&prod=univ&choice=allproducts&query=oil+and+water+and+other+things+that+don't+mix&flag=False&ugrp=1

Just in time for the holidays I would like to share a book with you that is near and dear to my heart. It’s called Oil and Water and Other Things That Don’t Mix.

This is an anthology of stories, poems, and recollections from 27 authors. The pieces all focus on the theme: “Conflict…Resolution Optional.” This book will make you laugh, cry, think, and may even make you angry. The volume includes work from award-winning authors and journalists, newly published authors, as well as talented new authors making their debut.

The BP oil spill disaster in April 2010 prompted authors Zetta Brown and Nicky Wheeler-Nicholson Brown from the She Writes™ online community of writers to develop the charity anthology Oil and Water and Other Things That Don’t Mix. 100% of the proceeds will be divided between charities that not only help the wildlife and environment, but also the people living in the area. With this in mind, they picked The Bay Area Food Bank (http://www.bayareafoodbank.org//) and MOBILE Baykeeper® (http://www.mobilebaykeeper.org//) to aid their continuing mission to help the Gulf Coast communities affected.

There are many reasons why this book is so special to me. First, I’m thrilled and honored to be part of the book and to be able to share my own water story in this special anthology. Second, the fact that 100% of the proceeds are going to help the Gulf and the people of that region…well that just rocks! Lastly, when my life was turned upside down due to a water tragedy, I promised myself that I was going to make it my mission to help others affected by water tragedies of their own. It doesn’t get much worse than the Gulf oil spill when it comes to water disasters. It actually brings tears to my eyes to be able to share my water struggle in a book that is going to help those dealing with one of the worst water atrocities of all time. It’s surreal, it’s special, and it’s amazing. Words can’t express how proud I am to be part of this book.

So, if you want some wonderful reading, a great gift for family and friends, and most importantly, a wonderful book for an important cause, you can order your copy now......just in time to finish up your holiday list.

I hope you enjoy reading it as much as we all enjoyed writing it. This one is pretty darn special…....

Oil and Water…and Other Things That Don’t Mix is available from http://www.amazon.com//, http://www.barnesandnoble.com/, direct from the publisher at http://www.ll-publications.com//, and from many other online book retailers. Other retailers who wish to carry the book should contact Jim Brown at editor@ll-publications.com for details.

Oil and Water and Other Things That Don't Mix......Publication Date Dec. 15, 2010

Media Release

 Oil and Water...and Other Things That Don’t Mix

Anthology to raise funds to aid the Gulf Coast clean-up

Edited by Zetta Brown and Nicky Wheeler-Nicholson Brown

Published by LL-Publications

Release Date: December 15, 2010

$14.99 (US) / £9.99 (UK/EU)

ISBN: 978-1-905091-85-0

© LL-Publications, 2010

Permission to Forward Granted

The BP oil spill disaster in April 2010 prompted authors Zetta Brown and Nicky Wheeler-Nicholson Brown from the She Writes™ online community of writers to develop the charity anthology Oil and Water...and Other Things That Don’t Mix. All proceeds will be divided between charities that not only help the wildlife and environment, but also the people living in the area. With this in mind, they picked the charities of The Bay Area Food Bank (http://www.bayareafoodbank.org/) and MOBILE Baykeeper® (http://www.mobilebaykeeper.org/) to aid their continuing mission to help the Gulf Coast communities affected.

After placing a call for submissions last June, the resulting anthology features award-winning authors, poets, journalists, bloggists, newly published authors, and talented new authors making their debut. The women and men contributing to the anthology came from everywhere wanting to do something to help the Gulf region.

Jenne’ R. Andrews - Shonell Bacon - Lissa Brown - Mollie Cox Bryan

Maureen E. Doallas - Mylène Dressler - Nicole Easterwood
Angela Elson - Melanie Eversley - Kimeko Farrar - L B Gschwandtner
John Klawitter - Mary Larkin - Linda Lou - Kelly Martineau
Patricia Anne McGoldrick - Ginger McKnight-Chavers - Carl Palmer
Karen Pickell - Dania Rajendra - Cherie Reich - Jarvis Slacks
Tynia Thomassie - Amy Wise - Dallas Woodburn
Zetta Brown - Nicky Wheeler-Nicholson Brown

The official theme of the anthology is “Conflict...Resolution optional.” Not all stories are specific to the South, but all have the theme of conflict and there is fiction and non-fiction inside. The stories, poems and recollections will make you laugh, cry, think—and some may even get you angry—and topics range from personal relationships to dealing with the kitchen oven.

The editors of Oil and Water...and Other Things That Don’t Mix are from the South. Zetta Brown is from Texas but currently lives in Scotland with her husband Jim Brown, and together they own and operate LL-Publications that will publish the anthology. Nicky Wheeler-Nicholson Brown was born and raised on the Gulf Coast of Alabama. She is currently an editor and ghostwriter for several publishing houses in New York and the Berkshires and is following in the footsteps of her grandfather Major Malcolm Wheeler-Nicholson, founder of DC Comics.

“Despite our names, Nicky and I are not related,” says Zetta Brown. “In fact, we have never met in person. We met through the social network She Writes™ in the Southern Writers subgroup. When the oil disaster happened, the members in our little group were disgusted—which is Southern for ‘pissed off.’ I had the idea of doing an anthology to benefit charities dealing with the disaster and I approached Nicky because she has deep roots in the Gulf. She came up with the name and we’ve been running with it ever since.”

Nicky Wheeler-Nicholson Brown adds, “I am a seventh generation Gulf Coastal inhabitant and the only way I can describe how I felt once the oil started gushing is that my heart broke. My mother’s family arrived in New Orleans around 1820 and we’ve been somewhere on the coast between there and Pensacola, Florida ever since. The Gulf Coast has been through so much, particularly in the last six years—one devastating hurricane after another, economic difficulties, over-development and now this horrific oil spill. The charities that we honor in our donations are doing the best they can to help the people and the environment on the coast.”

Oil and Water...and Other Things That Don’t Mix is scheduled for release on December 15, 2010 and will be available from http://www.amazon.com/, www.barnesandnoble.com, direct from the publisher at http://www.ll-publications.com/, and from many other online book retailers. Other retailers who wish to carry the book should contact Jim Brown at editor@ll-publications.com for details.

Orders are now being taken. Visit the Oil and Water...and Other Things That Don’t Mix page at LL- Publications: www.ll-publications.com/oilandwater.html

LL-Publications (http://www.ll-publications.com/) is an independent publisher based in Scotland specializing in genre and literary titles in both print and ebook formats since 2008.

Contact: Zetta Brown, editor@ll-publications.com

Injustice At Its Worst.......

Almost 4 years after they stood in front of these very same news cameras Otay Water, City of Chula Vista, Bremco, Seymour Lewis Development et al, have done nothing but destroy us.....this can't be allowed to happen to innocent victims...it just can't....check out a portion of the video from our story.....speak up and get angry! This must stop!

http://www.10news.com/news/25954124/detail.html

"Oh Lordy, Lordy!"

This past Friday was a beautiful crisp Fall night in San Diego. Our daughter Tatiana was out of town taking dance classes in Vegas and Jamie and I had the weekend to ourselves. Friday afternoon, I announced, “Let the adult weekend begin!” Of course everyone’s minds went straight to the gutter!  =)  We however “got out of the gutter” and decided to go to dinner and then to Fashion Valley Mall for a stroll. Fashion Valley is an outdoor mall filled with beautiful high end stores and lovely Christmas decorations. Not Jamie’s cup of tea at all, but we both decided it would be nice to walk around and enjoy the night air after dinner. As we got out of our car and started walking toward the stores, a man walked by us (this man so happened to be black) and said, “Oh lordy, lordy, it’s a black man with a white woman!” Mind you, he said this loudly, pretty much at the top of his lungs. Jamie and I looked at each other and just laughed! Normally I would have been offended, but the way he said it just struck us as funny for some reason.

Well, it didn’t stop there. He literally watched us, and kept making comments as he waited for the elevator. He went on to say, “Aaaand it’s a black man, with a white woman, at a white mall, oh lordy!” White mall? I’m not sure where that came from because everyone and their “brother”, no pun intended, shops there. He repeated the black man/white woman thing a couple of more times. By now the comedy had worn off and he had become irritating. Jamie said, “Really…” and then gave him a look that changed the guy’s tune. He said, “Aw, it’s all good man, you and your wife have a nice night together.” It was the weirdest thing.

What makes someone say things like that out loud, and not only that, but what makes them think it’s okay? Would he ever say that to a couple that wasn’t mixed? Picture it: “Oh lordy, lordy it’s a white man with a white woman!” I guess it’s just not as catchy huh? It’s funny to me that someone feels the need to “point out” our race to us. Clearly I know I’m white, and clearly Jamie knows he’s black, and CLEARLY we know that we’re together! But gosh, just in case we weren’t sure…thanks for pointing that out Mr. Man! We “appreciate” it! By the way…let me point out to YOU, if you haven’t looked at your calendar lately…it’s 2010, not 1910.

Maybe I should have said, “Oh lordy, lordy, it’s a black man that needs to keep his opinions to himself.” We all know what they say about opinions now don’t we? ‘Nuf said, especially by you, Mr. Man.

Flashback....Driving Miss Daisy....

In honor of Driving Miss Daisy playing on Broadway with Vanessa Redgrave and James Earl Jones I thought I would share this one again.....this is a story I posted in May of '09. Enjoy....it still makes me giggle. =)

One of the things I love about my husband is, he always makes me laugh. He must have been a comedian in a former life because he is hilarious! There is not a day that goes by that he doesn't make me crack up in one way or another. Let's just say, most days I never know what I am going to get! Some days it drives me crazy, but I love that about him....it's just him. On one of the particularly funny days, we were visiting my parents in Lake Oswego, Oregon. We needed to run errands so we borrowed my Dad's car to go to the grocery store. Of course Jamie drove because he does not like me driving if he is in the car. I am a great driver by the way so I don't know what the issue is! So anyway, we get to the grocery store and pull into the parking lot. I just needed to run in and pick up a couple of things so Jamie said he would wait in the car. As I am getting out of the car (which happens to be a luxury car, and this only matters because of what comes next) Jamie sticks his head out of the window, and in his best Southern accent, with a huge smile on his face, says, "Okay Miss Daisy I'll be sittin' right here waitin' for ya! You be careful now Miss Daisy!" I almost died! The parking lot was full of people walking around, and remember we were in Lake Oswego, Oregon...not exactly a melting pot. I think I turned 500 shades of red and Jamie just sat in the car cracking up while people stared at us! Hilarity at it's best! Once in a while when we are in just the "perfect area," he will pull this lovely little comedic rabbit out of his hat for a re-run, and each time I am just as embarrassed, and each time it is just as funny! Next time I'm driving! =)

"Secret"...Love in Black and White.....

I’m not sure how many of you have seen the new video from Seal featuring his wife Heidi Klum. If you haven’t you can check it out here. I absolutely love this video. This is what two people in love feel for each other. It’s not about being black and white, famous or not famous, it’s about being in love. The beauty of this video speaks volumes for interracial couples, or, for that matter, all couples. I applaud Seal and Heidi for putting this out there. It’s racy, and it’s personal, but most of all, it’s romantic and touching. The contrast of their skin, the looks in their eyes, and the words in the song…beautiful.

Sadly when an interracial couple is “out there” there is always some form of hate that comes out of the woodwork. In this case it’s in the form of the comment section. I read through some of the comments and thankfully most of them voiced nothing but praise for the video and all its beauty. However there were some comments that just made me sad. I won’t print them because they don’t deserve “air time.” All I can say is, I feel for people who don’t get to experience all that the world has to offer. They choose to close themselves off from people and places that are not like them, so they miss out. They choose to hate people who are in situations different from theirs, so they live with anger. To me living with hate would be just like dying a little inside each and every day. We don’t all have to agree, but there is no need to be hateful when we don’t.

Love is a beautiful thing and if you happen to find it with someone of a different race, then yippee! Celebrate! When in doubt, watch this video again and realize that love comes in all colors. Or, you can just ask me…18 loving years later…Jamie and I are living proof of love in black and white.

"Honorary Black Person"

 It’s official…I’ve been with Jamie so long I’m now an “honorary black person!” I’m not making this stuff up. We were in a meeting the other day with a room full of people and the meeting was not going well. One of the people said, in a joking manner, “It’s cause we’re black, that’s why this isn’t working out.” Everyone laughed and then I looked at the person that said that, tilted my head, pointed at myself, and said, “Um excuse me…helloooo..,white person in the room.” He looked at me and said, “Whatever, you’re not white, you’re an honorary black person.” I was the only white person in the room, but apparently not really, because according to him I’m an “honorary black person”! Who knew!?

Hmm…what does it take to get that title? Is it because everyone is so used to me being with Jamie? Is it because it’s easier to make the jokes if I’m the honorary black person instead of the white person? It’s a curious thing this distinction, or maybe I should look at it as lack thereof. No distinction is what we all want! This is a good thing.

Back in the day when Jamie and I first got together I was the “devil” white woman…no, seriously, that’s what I was called by some, so it seems I have come a VERY long way now that I’m the “honorary black person.” I should celebrate this milestone…with wine perhaps!

All joking aside, I think what it comes down to is, I’m comfortable no matter who I’m with or what setting I’m in. I try and “make friends” no matter where I go because I just love people. So whether I’m in a room full of black people, white people or purple people, it’s all good, all the time. That’s my hope for everyone.

I still feel like I should get a certificate or something:
Amy Wise – Honorary Black Person. It kind of has a ring to it don’t ya think?

Nicknames.......

 

With all the seriousness that is wrapped around race, this week I thought I would lighten it up a bit.

One of the reasons that Jamie and I have lasted as long as we have is because we love to have fun and we love to laugh! Even better, we like to make each other laugh by poking fun at each other. Only in a nice way of course…well, most of the time. You gotta be able to laugh, right? Otherwise, what’s the point? One of the ways we make each other giggle is by having very silly nicknames for each other and using them often. Now of course, because we are an interracial couple the names we give each other pretty much relate to that. Our nicknames have just become part of our daily conversations and they always make us smile.

Our silliness in a nutshell:

Jamie’s names for me depending on the day…
Snow Bunny (he uses this one a lot!)
White Woman
Crazy White Woman (some days that’s just how I roll)
Vanilla
White Chocolate
Vanilla Ice
Patty Hearst (this one just makes me laugh)
Wifey
Light Bright
Sunshine (cute)
Lily White A$$ (really depending on the day and the mood….now, now get your mind out of the gutter!)

My names for Jamie (also depending on the day and of course my mood!)…
Big Sexy Hunk O’ Chocolate (my favorite and I use it often)
Hot Chocolate
Black Maaaaan (remember, from Designing Women?)
Chocolate Bar
Chocolate Deliciousness (Mhmm)
Big Bald Black Man
Hubby
Hubs
Big Daddy (He is known as this)
Big Black A$$ (as in, get your B.B.A. in here! Tee hee)

So that pretty much covers it. Goofy nicknames for goofy people. That’s us! I hope you got a little smile or maybe even a giggle out of our silliness. Now I’m off to see what my Big Sexy Hunk O’ Chocolate is up to!

"The House"

One of the many joys I get from writing, aside from the writing itself of course, are all the wonderful Authors that I'm getting to know.  I'm in awe of all the talent and feel very blessed to be a part of their writing journey.  One of the talented Authors that I am referring to is Anjuelle Floyd.  Her first book, Keeper of Secrets: Translations of an Incident (2007) was received with rave reviews.  Anjuelle is now preparing to release her first novel, The House, which will publish this Fall. 

The House:

On receiving the very thing she wants—a divorce and the power to sell their house—over which they have fought the past year—Anna Manning learns that Edward, her soon-to-be ex-husband is dying from cancer.  A faithful wife for three decades, and stay-at-home mother of four children, Anna endured Edward’s constant absence due to travel for his international real estate firm and numerous extra-marital affairs. With their children now adults, Edward has less than six months, possibly three, to live.  Anna takes him home to die in the house she has fought so vigorously to sell. But letting go of someone who has caused so much pain in your life doesn’t come easily. Edward has changed. There are Anna and Edward’s four children, three of whom who are married and struggling to endow their families with meaning and purpose.  The House shows what happens when one adopts the belief that: All hold regret and are seeking forgiveness. Our salvation rests in the hands of others—most particularly the ones we love, and who have treated us wrongly.

I recently had the opportunity to read The House, and let me just say, it captivated me.  The book is a novel, yet the characters were so strong I felt like I was reading someone's memoir.  Anjuelle sent a copy of the book to me back in August and I just finished it last week.  Life tends to get in the way of reading and relaxing, and due to time, or actually lack thereof, it took me much longer than I intended to finish this book.  However, most of the time when I have to walk away from a book because time is not on my side I tend to forget who the characters are and where the plot left off.  I find myself having to go back and re-read so I can refresh my memory as to where I was in the book.  This was not the case at all with The House. The characters felt like family to me, so each time I picked up the book I "fell" right back into their lives like I had never set the book down.  It's like talking to an old friend after not speaking to them for years, but for some reason once the conversation starts it seems like it was just yesterday.

The characters in the book had many types of relationships that all of us could relate to in one way or another.  One of the aspects of the book that I loved, were the interracial relationships that were intertwined amongst the characters.  This wasn't a focus of the book or focus of the relationships, it just was.  Exactly like life, there were real feelings and real views expressed about the interracial relationships and how they affected the family dynamics.  I could relate to every single thought because I have lived them all and then some.  I truly appreciated how Anjuelle's characters reacted to these relationships.  She did this with a subtlety that rang very true to life.

The House is a book that I didn't want to end because I didn't want to say goodbye to the characters.  I laughed, I cried, I related....as will you.  This is a must read that you will also want to recommend to your friends. 

Thank you Anjuelle for letting me be a small part of The House's journey!

African American Section......

I have received so many emails and comments from my latest story on The Next Family and She Writes that I had to share the story here.  Normally I try and have different stories on my blog and Next Fam because  I don't want to bore!  =)  However I think this one needs to be shared on both sites.............

So I have a question: Did you know that in general books written by black authors are shelved in the African American section? Did any of you out there realize that? Unless of course you are Toni Morrison or friends with Oprah, black authors are pretty much housed in their own “special” section.

A fellow writer who happens to be black recently published her first novel. A few months ago, just prior to her publication date, she sent out an interesting request. We are all on a writers’ site together and one of her posts was: “Wanted: White Ambassadors to Help Me Cross Over”. Seriously, that was her post! After I read this request she sent out, I wrote about it on my blog at "I'll Be Your White Friend"

I thought she had such guts and honesty by asking that simple “favor.” She knew that unless she got the word out to others outside her “circle,” her book would end up in the African American section and her audience would be limited. Her post caused quite the stir and received both sympathy and “are you kidding me?” responses. I get it though. You spend all this time writing and coming up with this wonderful story that has nothing to do with being black or white, and then boom, you are put into a category that many readers will never venture to. It’s so silly. A lot of people who read her request had never thought of her situation because of course, if you are a white writer there is no “white section!” Romance, mystery, memoir, self-help, religious…yes…but “white section”? No way!

Why am I on such a rant about this issue so long after her post? Well, the writer that I’m talking about is now published and I promised her when the book was pubbed that I would buy it. So off I went to Borders this past weekend and I was so happy to find her book stocked in the store. There it was on the computer…Substitute Me, by Lori Tharps. I had looked in the store on previous occasions but it was only available online. I was thrilled to see that I could finally get her book, take it home and get to reading! Imagine the look on my face when I saw that her book was located in the….drum roll please….African American section! You have to be freakin’ kidding me! Yes indeed, that’s exactly where it was. I literally laughed out loud at the ridiculousness of it and how spot-on Lori was about where her book would end up!

Off I went to the African American section, perusing the shelves for Lori’s book while noticing the obvious glances my way. I truly wanted to share my dismay and story with the other women in the section, but I was so heated I didn’t want the guys with the white coats to show up for the crazy lady in the African American section at Borders! So instead, I bought the book, went home, and emailed my experience to Lori. She was irritated, but of course not surprised. Unless we stop putting people, books, music, and everything else in categories, that’s exactly where we are going to stay. Let’s all start thinking outside the box, people. You might be surprised at all the new things you will learn and enjoy. Until then, I’ll see ya at the bookstore…you can find me in the African American section. 

Interview With Crime/Mystery & Interracial Romance Novelist Stacy-Deanne

Stacy-Deanne

Melody ~

The Award-Winning

Crime/Mystery & Interracial Romance

2008 ~ Simon and Schuster

Amy: Stacy, thank you for joining me today. I'm very excited to have an Interracial Fiction Writer on my blog since all my writing is basically real life...or rather, my life!

Stacy: Thanks for having me. I appreciate the opportunity!

Amy: The first question I'd like to ask you is how did you get into writing?

Stacy: I started writing at nineteen when I got my first computer. I loved it so much I decided to do it professionally. It made me happier than anything else did.

Amy: What inspired you to make writing your career?

Stacy: The minute I started writing, something clicked and I knew this was what I was put on earth to do. I had many stories inside of me and I wanted to share them with the world. I got so much joy from writing that any rewards outweighed the risks.

Amy: What made you choose fiction?

Stacy: Well, I love to make up stories and I’ve always had a great imagination. If I couldn’t make up my own characters or plots than I wouldn’t want to write. Also fiction is what I read. I don’t read nonfiction.

Amy: Obviously I'm very interested in your writing because so many of your characters are involved in interracial relationships. Let me ask you this....are you in an interracial relationship or have you ever been in one? Nothing like cutting to the chase right!?

Stacy: Right now I am single and no I am not looking, LOL. Yes I've been in interracial relationships.

Amy: Is this why you write about interracial relationships? Because of your experiences?

Stacy: I write interracial romances because they are a preference and interest of mine personally. I think interracial romances are beautiful and very exciting. I always loved books and movies that centered on them and I enjoy writing those types of romances.

Amy: Will all your books have aspects of interracial relationships in them?

Stacy: I can’t say if all will. I write what comes to me and what’s right for the story but the majority of my books will definitely be interracial romances. My books also contain regular romances between other characters that might not be the main characters, so usually there is more than a few couples in my novels. Along with the crime and mystery of course. LOL!

Amy: I know you are currently working on your 4th book after writing Divas in '05, Everlasting in '07, and Melody in '08. Your newest book "Giving Up the Ghost" will publish in 2011....can you give us a "taste" of the story?

Stacy: Would love to! Here’s a sneak peek of Giving up the Ghost coming April 2011. It’s the first installment in my detective and interracial romance series:

Albany Detective Brianna “Bree” Morris is having the year from hell. A sadistic admirer has been stalking her for months and now her friend Cheyenne Wilson has been beaten and left for dead.

With her ex-lover and faithful partner, Steven Kemp, Bree thrusts herself into the case. It’s not long before they believe two unrelated British men are connected to the attack. Michael is a womanizing artist with a ferocious appetite for rough sex. Simon is a wealthy free spirit looking for love in all the wrong places, but has one too many skeletons in his closet.  Bree struggles to determine fact from fiction when it comes to Michael and Simon, but her attempts are blurred by Michael's manipulation and her sexual attraction to Simon, who Steven is convinced cannot be trusted. 

Meanwhile the stalker does everything in his power to get close to Bree and his obsession evokes a spiral of violence. 

Bree must trust her heart to find answers but her heart leads her to the most dangerous man of all.

Amy: Stacy, it sounds so intriguing! I can't wait to read it!  You are a busy lady writing so many books in a fairly short period of time. Do you write full time?

Stacy: Yes I am writing full time right now.  It's funny, I wish I'd had more books out at this point but the publishing industry is very slow. LOL.

Amy: What advice do you have for up and coming writers that want to follow the dream of writing their first book?

Stacy: I want them to know it won’t be easy if they hope to seek publication. I also want them to be realistic and realize that writing is hard work. There is a difference between writing a first draft and writing something that is publishable. It takes a lot of skill, learning and hard work to write something that is good enough to be published. I’d also let them know that rarely is your first book published. I’d written twelve books before my first published book. It’s not an easy career, believe me. I’d also tell anyone they’d better love writing and do it because they love it because there is no guarantee you’ll ever get published.

Amy: Stacy, thank you so much for being here today and for giving us such an honest perspective on your writing and the "writing world" in general. It's been a pleasure having an interracial fiction writer on my blog and I just wish you so much continued success! Congratulations on your new book, I'm truly looking forward it!

Stacy: Thanks so much, Amy! I enjoyed being here and I enjoy your blog very much. To the readers and IR fans out there, keep a look out for my work and check out my web site to keep up with me: http://www.stacy-deanne.net/

"That's Okay, They're Family"......

When it comes to race issues in America we are not surprised when the older generation still has problems regarding interracial dating and marriage.  Sometimes it's hard to let go of old school ways when that's how someone was raised.  However, the younger generation is supposed to give us hope that race will just be a fact and not an issue.  Now the "pee wee generation"....I'm talking about our itty bitties....kinder, first graders and so on......those little kiddos should have ZERO issues when it comes to race, right? Why would a first or second grader care, or even know, to have a problem with interracial dating or marriage?  The one and only reason a little one would care, or rather know to care, is because they are being taught to care.   I wrote about this last year at "Nobody is Born a Bigot" but this year it hit even closer to home. 

Recently, we were out with relatives from Jamie's side of the family and one of them told us a story that was very concerning to me.  Her little daughter was watching a wedding show with her and the couple that was getting married happened to be a black woman and an Asian man.  Our little relative said to her Mama, "How can they be getting married? They don't belong together."  Mama said, "What? They're getting married because they love each other."  Little relative said, "They can't get married, they should be the same."  Is your mouth dropping yet?  At this point mine did!  Mama then said, "It doesn't matter what skin color someone is as long as the man treats the woman like a princess, they make each other happy, and they love each other."  Little relative wasn't going for it.  She said, "No, it's not okay, they need to be the same."  Mama then said,  "Well what about Uncle Jamie and Aunt Amy?"  Little relative said, "That's okay, they're family."  Isn't it fascinating that because we are family, and she loves us to pieces, she feels that our interracial marriage is okay?  She's just a child, so she doesn't understand that if we're okay, then all interracial marriage should be okay.  As the story goes on, I still can't believe what I'm hearing. How could our little relative feel this way? Mama continued to explain that it's all about love and happiness, and not skin color. However, with the exception of "us," little relative was not about to change her mind in regards to how she feels about interracial couples.

You might be asking, where is she learning this kind of thinking?  I asked the very same question. Clearly Mama isn't teaching racism.  Mama and Daddy are not together anymore, so is it being taught at Daddy's?  Is she learning from friends at school who learn from their Mommy's and Daddy's?  Is she learning from Grandparents?  Who knows?  It's just sad and wrong. 

Tolerance is so important and the little ones are the key.  They are like sponges, and no matter what we teach them they will soak it in.  It breaks my heart that our little relative feels this way.  I hope that all of her Mama's positive feedback and teaching will outweigh the negative that she is being exposed to elsewhere.  Hate can be taught, but love can still be learned.  This is my hope for her.