I recently had a very unique interview....
Eugenia Massaquoi, a 12th year student from Nazareth Catholic College in Adelaide South Australia contacted me and asked if she could interview me for her English project regarding the topic of, "What are some of the reasons why people are attracted to different races?" What a special interview it was...
Interview:
Eugenia:
Are you attracted to a certain race? If yes, is it
physical attraction or is it related more to elements of their culture?
Amy:
After being with my husband (who
is black) for 22 years, I am physically attracted to black men now. I think
that is the natural progression of human nature. We gravitate toward what we
have wonderful experiences with.
Eugenia:
When did your attraction to other races start for
you?
Amy:
I have always been very open to
being with anyone. The race of the person never mattered, the heart did. I
first dated outside my race in my mid twenties.
Eugenia:
What are some of the biggest challenges you had to
face being in an interracial relationship?
Amy:
-Family rejection
-Friends non-acceptance
-Societal racism
-Stereotypes of the “black man
with the white woman.” i.e.: my husband was called a “sell out.” I was told I
took “another brother from the hood.” I was called a “fad” or a “phase” he was
going through. It went on and on.
Eugenia:
What do you believe are the advantages and disadvantages
of being in an interracial relationship?
Amy:
-The advantages are you are with
the person you love...your heart and your soul. You get to experience a new
culture filled with so much richness. You learn new things about an entirely
different group of people. It becomes about co-existing with everyone and not
excluding anyone. The heart and mind automatically open to everything in life. It’s
quite amazing.
-The disadvantages are dealing
with racism on different levels: from family, to friends, to society.
Eugenia:
How did
you meet?
Amy:
It was 1992 and I was
driving up the 805 freeway in San Diego, CA. I was with my "little
sister" from the Big Sis/Little Sis program. As we were driving,
multiple black sports cars, (all with black men in them), were in the lane
next to us. My little sis started to wave at one of the men in one of the cars.
I told her to stop waving because they were too old for her (she was 15 at the
time). My little sis said, "No, I know one of
them, he used to coach my basketball team when I was little." That coach so happened to be my future husband! I
wasn't sure if I believed her or if she was just flirting, so on we went up the
freeway. A few weeks went by and
my little sis was out and about, and who did she run into....my future hubby!
He asked her, "Who was that woman you were in the car with the other
day?" She told him it was her big sis, and then he proceeded to give her
his phone number to give to me. So the next time her and I were together, she
gave me the phone number and told me it was from the guy we saw on the freeway.
Well, I promptly threw it in the trash and said, "I don't call people that
I see on the freeway who are complete strangers!" She said, "But I
know him!" I didn't care, he was a stranger to me. A couple more months went by and my little sis and I were
driving around again and low and behold but who was standing in a friend's
front yard talking.....again! Odds?!? My little sis said, "That is the guy
who gave you the phone number." I said, "Oh my gosh, you have got to
be kidding me!? I better pull over and say hi or he is going to think I am
totally rude." We pulled over, he came over to the car and said hi,
and then promptly asked why I didn't call him. I told him, "I don't call
people I see on the freeway. Let's do this the right
way...you call me...here's my number." We talked for FOUR hours on
our first call! However, we still didn't go out for another two months. We got
to know each other over the phone, day, after day, after day. Finally, we had our first date. You would think the
rest was history, but noooooo, that would have been too easy. We dated from
that day on, but there was a slight snag in our future. I had already made the
decision before he and I met, to move back to Oregon to be closer to my family.
Soooo, we literally fell in love, and it was time for me to leave. I debated whether
or not to go, but he told me to go because I would regret it if I didn't. He
said, "If we are meant to be it will work out. You want to be with your
family, so that is where you need to be." I left. We wrote and called
constantly. Distance, not so fun....four months later he moved up to Oregon!
Then three months later we moved back to San Diego! Nuts huh!? I am a California
girl, I couldn't take the rainy weather. THEN the rest was history! We got
engaged, got married in '93, had our daughter in '94, and here we are today. So
when anyone asks the question......how did we meet? The answer is.....on the
805 freeway.....fate took care of the rest!
Eugenia:
What do you feel is the public's reaction to your relationship
when it first started compared to today?
Amy:
Hmmm...that is a very good
question because so much has changed, yet so much still remains the same. We
were featured in the national newspaper USA Today in an article about
interracial marriage statistics, and our family photo was also part of the article.
The comment section in the online version was filled with hateful comments
about our family. It shocked me. Those are the times when I see how far we
still have to come. Yet, I also embrace the very fact that we are legally able
to be married and walk down the street hand in hand without being thrown in
jail, as was the case not many decades ago. So, to answer the question: we have
come leaps and bounds when it comes to equality regarding the laws on the books,
but we have a very long way to go when it comes to people treating people
equally.
Eugenia:
What was your family's first reaction? How do they
feel now?
Amy:
My
family was totally accepting when it came to race but had issues with the
socio-economic differences and educational differences. My husband’s family did
not accept me for years because of the racial differences. On both sides, they
were all still hanging on to “societal norms.” My husband and I crossed all the
“social lines” and it was hard for people to accept. It was easy for us because
it was based on love not on pre-conceived rules set up by society. Now, today,
everyone loves everyone and we are one, big happy family unit. They all
realized what we knew from day one...it’s about love.
Eugenia:
Do you have children? If so, how is their
experience growing up as interracial children?
Amy:
We have one daughter. We have
always taught her to embrace both sides of who she is. She is very secure
regarding her racial identity. When someone asks, “What are you,” her answer is,
“I’m human.” She grew up in a diverse area and has always had friends of all
races. She hasn’t had many negative experiences but the few she had were
heartbreaking for us as parents. She received a piece of hate mail because of
her mixed race and she has been called the “n” word. Because of how strong she
is, instead of being hurt or horrified, she was sad for the person spewing the
hate.
Eugenia:
What were your initial thoughts or concerns of each
other prior to dating?
Amy:
We
didn’t really have any concerns about anything prior to dating. We just let
things happen naturally and fell in love. It wasn’t about our race, it was just
about us.
Eugenia:
Do you believe your life would be different in any
way if your spouse was of the same race? If yes, how so? If not,
why?
Amy:
Yes,
it would be quite different. When a couple is of the same race there are things
that will never be an issue for them. They don’t have to worry about society’s
reaction, family reactions, issues regarding their children, parts of the
country they can and can’t live in due to racism, walking into a restaurant and
being approached as if separate parties, I could go on.
Eugenia:
What advice would you give to individuals starting
to date out of their race?
Amy:
To
anyone starting out in an interracial relationship: Follow your heart and block
out all the “noise.” The world is not color blind and reality is what it is
when it comes to interracial relationships. Stay true to who you are as a
couple. If you allow the opinions of others to rule your relationship you won’t
make it past the first couple of dates. Build a foundation based on love and
don’t let “outside cracks” break your foundation. It’s not going to be easy,
but it’s so worth it to have a long lasting relationship with the one you truly
love. Always remember; it’s about the heart, not the color of the skin.
Eugenia:
What have
you learned being in an interracial relationship?
Amy:
I have learned that I am
stronger than I ever realized. I have learned that crossing “society’s lines”
can be a wonderful thing! I have learned to compromise. I have learned to stay
true to who I am no matter what the opinions of others are. I have learned that
love trumps hate...every, single, time.
Eugenia:
What are
your thoughts on people who don’t agree with interracial relationship or who
has a negative opinion towards interracial relationship?
Amy:
I feel sad for someone who isn’t willing to date outside their race.
They are missing out on an entire population of amazing human beings that could
be their partner for life. The color of someone’s skin has nothing to do with what
an amazing heart they might have.
Eugenia:
Do you feel
religion and or customs can play a part in interracial relationships being
difficult? Can you give expamples?
Amy:
They definitely play a part.
It‘s up to us whether or not that becomes difficult. It’s about choosing to
compromise and embrace aspects of both races; from religion, to food, to dress,
to music, to everything. It’s icing on the cake and a great addition to one’s
life if they can be open to adding new things from other cultures and
religions. We should never stop learning and growing. Being in an interracial
relationship brings a whole new level of understanding and being open minded to
all.
Thank you for reaching out to me Eugenia! Hopefully we both opened some more hearts and minds together...through your English project! Wishing you happiness and success. Here's to your bright future!
All my best,
Amy
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