When Jamie and I met and fell in love we knew fairly soon that we were going to be married and have a family together. Sometimes you just know these things. For us it was just a given. We were married in August of '93 and little Miss Tatiana was on the way in December of '93. =) I remember having a conversation with my Mom when Jamie and I decided to get married. It was about being in a mixed race marriage. She had no issues with this except for the fact she was worried about her future grandchildren. She didn't want them to face any prejudice or hate. She said it would break her heart. So think about it, when two people of the same race get married and decide to have a family they just do it. They don't have to think about what their kids will face in regards to the color of their skin. My Mom certainly didn't need to have that conversation with my Sister or Brother when they got married. The issues and decisions that an interracial couple face are so different than couples in same race relationships. When the day came that we found out we were expecting, ironically my parents were in town visiting from the Northwest. It was a happy, happy day and all of us were thrilled! The worry somehow melted away. I will always focus on the positive and deal with the negative as it comes. I will never let the negative rule my life, my marriage, or my daughter. So when my Mom voiced her worry, bless her heart, I just told her we would make sure that our children lived the happiest life possible. We wouldn't shelter them from racism, and when and if it occurred, we would teach them where it came from, how to deal with it, and to always be proud of who they are. That is what we have done with Tatiana....she has grown into an amazing, proud, beautiful young woman.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Okay, so yesterday on facebook...wait a minute, I seem to have a lot of facebook stories...hmmm does that mean I am spending too much time on facebook!? Is there a facebook anonymous out there!? Anywho....yesterday I posted that I was having a hard time writing on my blog. Brain freeze or something! One of my friends told me to FOCUS. So I tried..it didn't work. Once again, he said, "FOCUS." As you can see there were no posts yesterday, so focusing....didn't happen. Then one of my friends said, "Just channel the energy and wit of your husband (Jamie) and lover (me) and I guarantee you will get something going!" As you can see he is a big jokester! No lovers in my marriage or his! =) The "lover" by the way is a white man. Relevance...you will see in a moment. Well, the jokes went back and forth and then a couple of other friends chimed in, and finally I said, "Now you all know, once you go black you never go back." Well the laughter roared out loud on facebook! Lot's of LOL's! LOL...wow, am I 13!!!? =) One of my friend's who is also married to a black man (she happens to be Hispanic) said, "So true!" So is it true? Once you go black, you never go back? The saying came from somewhere, so how true is it? I'm married, so I'm not going anywhere, black, white, brown or blue, but if I wasn't married I would definitely be attracted to black men. Aww heck, I am attracted to black men! I'm not dead! =) Is it because that is what I'm used to? Is it because I'm happy in my marriage? Is it because my daughter is half black? Is it because of the stereotype about black men? This is a "G" rated blog, so we can't get into that one. =) Is it just my preference? I'm pretty specific in my preference of black men that I find I'm attracted to....big, tall, bald, with a goatee....ohhhhh, that's my husband! Now I get it!!!! =) Hmmm, what is your thought on this one.......?
Thursday, September 10, 2009
If a grown adult has a mind filled with racist thoughts, can that mind be changed? I am asking this question because yesterday at work I had a client, that in random conversation started telling me how she feels about black people. As the conversation started to go in a direction that I knew was not going to be good, I told myself, "Okay, you can either get really mad and go off on her, or you can take this moment in time and "help" her maybe see another way of thinking." I chose the latter. So, I "calmly" sat there as she proceeded to tell me that black people are "freeloaders, drug dealers, drug addicts, lazy and good for nothing." The rant went on for a bit longer, but without going into further detail, I think you get what she was saying. When she was done, I looked at her and said, "You do realize my husband is black, right?" She said, "yes," and then started to stumble on her words a bit, and said, "Oh, I don't think ALL black people are like that." Then, the famous, "One of my best friends is black," excuse came out! That one always kills me! Oh, you have a black friend so that makes it okay to be derogatory? I don't get it. Wouldn't it be the exact opposite? Wouldn't one feel they were disrespecting a friendship by talking that way? Twisted thinking and then some, don't ya think!? Okay I am off track.....back to the conversation. As my blood is boiling inside, I kept telling myself, "Let's help her understand another way of thinking and not get angry." So, I said to her, "How is it possible that you can look at someone on the outside and automatically assume just based on their skin color that they are a lazy, good for nothing, druggy?" I said, "You have to get to know someone's heart first, and then if they continue to act that way it's not because they are black, it's because they have issues." She then said, "But that is just their culture and I don't like it." I told her, "I am not sure who you have been around, but that is a small, unfortunate part of everyone's culture." I proceeded to tell her that, "It really makes me sad that you feel that way because my husband would give the shirt off his back for anyone that needed it and he is a hard worker that is always there for his family." The conversation went on for a good 20 minutes and then she decided to tell me how much she hates our President. Hmmmm, could it be because he is black?! I then said, "You know what, the beauty of why we live in America is, you can feel one way, I can feel another, and the two of us can agree to disagree." I was determined to kill her with kindness. So each time I see her, if the subject arises again, I will continue to do the same. I hope that little by little, she will see that if she lets go of her hate, she will open the door for some love, and maybe, just maybe the mind of a racist will be forever changed. We shall see.