Sunday, October 25, 2009

The Salon.........




It's that time of year.....Homecoming time!  Yesterday was our daughter's Homecoming dance.  Dresses, jewelry, shoes, flowers, limos, nails, hair-do's and more!  Part of the day of course was spent at the hair salon getting the "do" done for the big night!  As you all know from one of my previous posts hair is not a simple thing in our house. =)  It just got a little more complicated because the lady that used to do Tatiana's hair moved back home to Indiana!  What to do!?  You don't understand...this is a tragedy!  Now you know girls, once you find someone to do the hair right, they are with you for life!  Hopefully! Well luckily we got referred to someone else, so off we went to the new salon....Tatiana, cousin Alyssa, and Moi.  We walked in and as usual I am the ONLY white person there.  Not only was this a "black salon," it was also a "black barber shop." "Stick out.....sore thumb.....Me." =)  However, after being with Jamie for all of these years I am very used to being the only white person in the room.  So after the initial "awkwardness" when we first walked in, we then met the new stylist and took our seats.  While sitting there, of course I got the curious glances, and polite half smiles.  Then a little boy comes over and sits beside me and says, "What are you doing here?"  Out  of the mouths of babes!  Just an innocent question from a kid. Obviously he was just wondering......kind of like, "One of these things is not like the other." =)  So I proceeded to tell him that I was waiting for my daughter to finish getting her hair done.  He then pointed to every female in the room and asked if any of them was my daughter.  Young, old and in between.  It was pretty funny!  Tatiana was at the shampoo bowl so he never did point at her because he couldn't see her.  I told him he needed to go behind the wall to see her.  So up he got...over he went...and back he came.  He said, "I saw your daughter, and I said hi!"  Too freakin' cute.  He kept going  back and forth to say hi. =)  Then a little girl that was in the salon decided I needed to be her friend too.  So she came and sat by me and showed me her video game.  I LOVE that kids can make friends with anyone!  Even the odd "wo-man" out!  After more time went by I started looking at the clock and was hoping we were going to have enough time to get home and get Tatiana ready for the dance.  A lady that was also getting a perm by the same stylist heard me talk about the time.  She asked what Tat was getting her hair done for and when we said homecoming she kindly let us finish before she started her perm.  I thanked her a hundred times and made another new "friend"...this time one of the adults. When Tat finished I said goodbye to everyone in the salon and said, "See you next time." Everyone smiled and said good-bye.  So by the time we left I was no longer the odd wo-man out, I was just another Mom getting her daughter's hair done....well, kind of. =)    

Friday, October 16, 2009

Interracial Couple Denied Marriage License. 2009 or 1909!!!???......


The picture above was taken at a wedding we went to this past weekend.  The significance of the picture and the wedding is pretty amazing considering today's post.  Because I write a blog about interracial marriage I pay a lot of attention to things that are going on in regards to interracial relationships and race in general.  However, somehow I missed this latest story until it showed up in my inbox from a friend of mine who is also in an interracial marriage. She is Hispanic and her Hubby is black.  But first, back to the picture.  The wedding that we went to in the picture was also for a mixed race couple.  She is white and he is Hispanic.  The wedding, and the day, was about a beautiful couple, getting married in a beautiful location, creating a beautiful family.  The end. It wasn't about what race they are, it was just about love.  Now, back to today's post.  Sorry I'm all over the place today, but I think I'm in such shock, and the relevance of an interracial wedding is so ironic, that you will quickly get the picture. 

The article below is about an interracial couple in Louisiana who went to apply for a marriage license.  When the Justice of the Peace found out they were a mixed race couple he denied the license!!! Yes, you heard me.....denied!!!  This is some of what he said....

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091016/ap_on_re_us/us_interracial_rebuff

Keith Bardwell, justice of the peace in Tangipahoa Parish, says, "It is his experience that most interracial marriages do not last long." Bardwell said he asks everyone who calls about marriage if they are a mixed race couple. If they are, he does not marry them, he said.  Bardwell said he has discussed the topic with blacks and whites, along with witnessing some interracial marriages. He came to the conclusion that most of black society does not readily accept offspring of such relationships, and neither does white society, he said.  "There is a problem with both groups accepting a child from such a marriage," Bardwell said. "I think those children suffer and I won't help put them through it."

Excuse me!!!????  Interracial marriages don't last that long??? The children suffer!!!??  Last I checked I have been married to my husband for 16 years and we are stronger than ever! He is my best friend and the love of my life!  Did I not just recently write a post about "The Children" and how amazing it is to have such a diverse background?  How embracing all of who you are makes you such a fabulous well rounded person?  If that's suffering, well then bring it on!  Um, isn't the President of the United States a "mixed race child?" Too bad he had such low aspirations and ended up doing nothing with his life! =) I wonder how he feels about this decision? Last I checked denying a marriage license based on race was outlawed in 1967....why is this man still allowed to marry people?  Why isn't he in jail?  He is breaking the law based on personal opinion.  I'm sorry, how is that legal?  I can't stop shaking my head, and have yet to pick my jaw up off the floor because I seriously can't believe this happened in 2009!!!  It's one thing to be ignorant and we all know racism is out there, but THIS!!!?  Ohhhh heck no!  Not acceptable.  Discrimination at it's worst. Okay I have ranted enough......soooo Mr. Keith Bardwell, so called Justice of the "Peace," first of all, you should not be allowed to use the word "peace" in your title, you are creating hate not peace.  Second of all, next time maybe you should do a little research on interracial couples and you will find that we are all quite happy in our marriages!  We might have to go through some things that most people in same race marriages don't, but the reason we have to go through these "things" is because of people like YOU who just keep the madness of racism alive.  We are just couples, no different than anyone else.  Me personally, I feel sorry for you that you haven't allowed yourself  to experience the joy of marrying EVERYONE who is in love.  Love doesn't discriminate, maybe you shouldn't either. 

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Is Love Enough?....

Out to dinner with family and friends in '08

I was going through my blog this morning re-reading some of my old posts, reading some of the previous comments from people, and just looking at all of the different things I have written about.  I started thinking, wow, we have gone through so much together......good, bad, crazy, ups, downs, funny stuff, scary stuff, happy times, sad times and on and on. It's so amazing that we are stronger and stronger through it all!  So then I started thinking, is love enough?  Is love all we need?  Can love get us through it all? (Sounds like a song). =)  I know all the things that we have gone through are just part of life, but I can guarantee we have gone through more than the norm because we are a mixed race couple.  There are so many times that challenges get to everyone and people just give up.  We have seen many of our friends go through divorce recently, and it just blows me away because these are people that I never would have imagined splitting up.  So for them, was love not enough?  We are the couple that everyone thought wouldn't make it because we are sooooo different and from such different backgrounds. Yet for us a challenge is really nothing because we have already been there done that in regards to "proving us."  Not that we have anything to prove, so that wasn't the perfect choice of words, but I guess I mean the constant misconceptions that other people have of us.  Back in the day it hurt me to hear anything negative about us, but now it makes me giggle because people have no idea the joy that we give each other.  I WISH this joy on everyone, even the naysayers!  It's awesome!  Don't get me wrong, by no means are we perfect.  There are days when we are ready to throttle each other....we had one of those days the other day...but the wonderful thing is, we always, and I mean always, talk it through, work it out, and start fresh.  Our love is too important and too strong to let any argument or any issues get in the way.   So hmmmm, once again, is love enough?   In reading some of the comments about what people are going through in their new interracial relationships I just want to reach out and say....be strong, be true to who you are, treasure each other,  don't ever give up, and in the end, through it all, LOVE WILL BE ENOUGH! 

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Always Be Aware of Your Surroundings..........



Always be aware of your surroundings......this is something that Jamie has ingrained in my brain since the day we met.  He says that no matter what neighborhood you live in or where you are, you are subject for a "jacking" at any moment if you don't pay attention to what is around you.  This thought process comes from years of experience and growing up in the "hood" (as he says). He and I grew up in totally different types of neighborhoods which gave us very different perspectives on what goes on around us.  I "loosely" paid attention to his advice, and then one day, low and behold, I was the one who got "jacked."  I was grocery shopping on a Sunday afternoon in our old neighborhood.  As I was coming out of the grocery store I did look around, but as usual didn't pay a ton of attention to what was going on around me.  I was standing at the back of my car loading my groceries and all of the sudden a young black man was standing next to me.  He was so close that I figured he must know me to be acting soooo familiar.  I looked at him to see if I recognized him as one of Jamie's friends.  He looked really young so I thought maybe he was one of my nephew's friends.  I just kept thinking, he must know me because he is so close to me that our hips are touching.  Never, ever did it cross my mind that something really bad was about to go down.  Clearly, I trust too easily.  Mind you, this is all happening in a matter of minutes. Finally when I realized I didn't know who he was, I looked at the young "man" and said, "Can I help you?" He then lifted his jacket and pulled out a gun and said, "See this, don't move, and don't say a word, where is your purse?"  I just stood there in shock thinking this can't be happening!  I thought for a second and then said, "It's in the front seat."  It wasn't, but I just needed him to get away from me, so I could have a minute to breathe.  He then said again, "Don't move and don't say a word, while his eyes were "bulging" out of his head."  He was not playing!  All the while people are coming and going having know idea what was happening right in front of their eyes.  When he didn't find the purse in the front seat he started getting very upset.  He said, "Where is it, where is it?!"   I could see he was losing it, and realized I just needed to give it to him or he might shoot me.  I told him it was right by me and he grabbed it and said, "Don't you say anything!"  Then off he ran to a waiting car.  I just stood their for a second and then just started to cry and yelled, "Someone call 911!"  A car pulled up to me that had seen the guy running and asked if I had just been robbed.  I said, "Yes! Call the police!" I think the thought of a gun being involved and what could have happened just shook me to my core because I was just in shock.  The police arrived and amazingly enough it was the SAME cop that told me at the infamous "Toys "R" Us arrest" themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/07/false-arrest.html that "I would be on the ground with my husband if I didn't shut up."  Really?  What are the odds that of all the cops he would be the one to show up to "my robbery!?"  So he took my statement, as I stood there shaking, and then I said, "Do you remember me?" Of course he didn't, so I quickly refreshed his memory. He said, "We were just doing our job that day."  Yeah, whatever.  I was too upset at what just happened to also re-live that terrible day.  After that I went home and when I walked in the door I just started to cry.  Jamie said, "What's wrong!?" I told him what happened and he was soooo MAD he was ready to go find the guy and "kill" him.  Okay not literally, but let's just say it would not have been pretty if he had found him. Needless to say the guy was long gone.  After that, for an entire year I was too freaked out to go to the grocery store.  It was the weirdest thing.  But the worst thing that came out of this was I kept thinking I was going to run into him again, or that he would come back and rob me again because he had all my information about where I lived.  I would see a young black man that resembled him and literally start to shake.  How awful is that?  Afraid of young black men and I am married to a black man!  It was a horrible feeling.  These are the things that create the hateful stereotypes that I am so against, and this time I was the one living it!  I felt guilty because of the fear and I felt anger because of what he "created" in my life.  Over time I got over it and realized that my purse was probably in a dumpster somewhere and I was the last person on this young "man's" mind.  I am sure karma has caught up with him and I hope with all my heart that he has changed, but I can guarantee he has no idea that what he did that day changed my life forever. One thing is for certain, you can be sure that I am now very aware of my surroundings even in my "safe" little neighborhood.