She's Just a Fad.....

Me at Seaport Village June '09

Jamie's Birthday April '09

When Jamie and I started dating in 1992, one of the many things that people told Jamie was, "It's the thing to date white women right now, but you'll get over it, it won't last, she's just a fad." Well, 17 years later here we are! Hmmm, I think it has lasted, and I would venture a guess that I am definitely not a fad! =) Why is it that just because I am white and Jamie is black people assumed I was a fad? They thought I was "something" he had to "get out of his system" so to speak. We were, and still are together because of the love we have for each other. What people seem to forget is, we are all "trying each other out" when we first meet and start dating. It doesn't matter what your race is......everyone is getting to know everyone at first. It was no different for us. We met, we became friends, we enjoyed each other's company, we fell in love, we realized we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, we got married, and we had a family. Sound familiar? That is what we all go through right? We didn't take that path because I am white and he is black....we took it because that is the natural progression of two people in love. People.....that's us....just two people in love. =)

Music.....

Today it seems appropriate to write about music since we just lost one of the most amazing talents of our time....Michael Jackson. My last post, being about identity crisis might have actually been a fitting one for him. Somewhere along the way, in the madness of uber celebrity, MJ got lost, and it seems, just didn't know who he truly was anymore. But even with all of the change and metamorphosis the music always remained. "The Many Shades of Love" rings so true when it came to MJ's music. Whether we were raised in the 70's, 80's, 90's or even the 2000's we all knew him and listened to his music. Is there anyone out there that didn't? It didn't matter if we were black, white, brown, listened to country, rap, rock, or r & b, he crossed all racial lines, all age lines, all religious lines, and all musical genre lines, simply because of his talent. How amazing that one man could bring so much to so many just through music. If we can all come together through music, why then can't we just come together in life. Think about it.

Identity Crisis...Not!!!

Today when I woke up I was trying to decide what I was going to write about. I actually have a journal with a list of all sorts of events that have happened throughout the time that my husband and I have been together and I refer to that frequently when I need ideas for my blog. However, lately it seems that I don't need to look at the journal at all because something always comes up that I can write about, as was the case earlier today. This morning Tatiana and her cousin Alonzo were in the kitchen making breakfast. As teenagers do, they were making fun of each other. Back and forth with the "digs" they went, I just listened and laughed and enjoyed my cup of coffee. =) One of the comments that her cousin made was, "Whatever, you have an identity crisis, you don't know what you are, are you black, are you white, neither, you are yellow like that piece of paper over there." Seriously, this was actually what he said! Let me clarify before I go on....the conversation and the tone were truly all in fun because you know if it wasn't I would have stopped it then and there. However as it turned out I didn't need to worry at all because Tatiana stopped him and said, "Not even, you have got the wroooong person, I am the last person with an identity crisis, I know exactly who I am!" Once again I just listened and then I told her I was proud of her. She DOES know exactly who she is, and she is so strong in that conviction, I just love it! We have raised her to love ALL of who she is, and to embrace her diversity. Teenagers have enough issues on their minds that the last thing I want Tat to have deal with is an identity crisis. Thank goodness there is NO question in her mind as to who she is! We all want that for our children don't we? Know matter what "mix" they are, we all just want them to be happy, strong, loving, kind, independent individuals.....well, so far, so good. =)

My Two Favorite Men...Happy Father's Day!

To my Dad and to my Husband....today is dedicated to you! Two men that couldn't be more different if they tried. =) Dad, my amazing Dad, thank you for giving me my strength, my work ethic, and all of your support throughout the years, especially the last two!! Jamie, what can I say....thank you for your love, your friendship, your amazing support and understanding and most of all, for being such a wonderful Father to our beautiful daughter! You two men rock!!! Happy Father's Day! I love you both with all my heart!! Amy

Oh, You're Together?

It's funny, when my husband and I are together, whether in a restaurant, standing in line somewhere, even at a hospital, people aren't quite sure if we are a couple. Most recently I was in the emergency room (that's another crazy story for another day) and we were waiting for the doctor. When he finally came in and introduced himself he shook my hand and then looked at Jamie, shook his hand and said, "You are?".......long pause.......I finally finished his sentence and said, "Husband." He said, "You just never know these days." Yeah right! We all know if Jamie had been white the doctor would have automatically assumed he was my husband, but since he was black he just didn't go there. Funny don't you think!? The same thing happens to us in restaurants when we are waiting for a table. Unless we are holding hands or wrapped around each other, which we try not to do in public, =) it's always, "Oh, you're together?" Really, is this such a shock....this is southern Cali for goodness sake! One of the more comical "Oh, you're together" moments was when I was having surgery years ago. I was waking up post surgery and was asking for my husband. I wanted him by my side, and he also had my glasses and I couldn't see a darn thing! No contact lenses during surgery. =( The nurse said she checked the family waiting room and he wasn't there. I knew he was because he would make sure he was there when I woke up. That is just the kind of guy he is. I asked her to check again. She did, and she then went on to describe who was in the room and once again she was determined that he was not there. Well guess what "nurse ratchet," the black man in the waiting room is my husband! She didn't even ask him if he was with me! Imagine!? I finally had my hubby back by my side AND I could see again too! Let's hope the nurse's eyes were opened just a little wider that day as well!

Melting Pot.....

Sis, Mom and Me

Nephew and Sis n Law
Hubby and Nephew cookin'

Great Nephew and Daughter hangin' out

Family, our beautiful, wonderful, melting pot of a family. Blending two backgrounds can be as easy as 1, 2, 3 or there can be many challenges. One of the hurdles to overcome when two people from different races decide to get married is family acceptance, or actually lack thereof. There is the old school generation that just doesn't believe in interracial marriage, and there is the new school generation that thinks it's selling out. Unfortunately we had to deal with both. However, instead of dwelling on what other people thought about us we just moved forward and lived our lives in love. If they wanted to take the ride with us, fantastic, come along, but if not, we had to keep on "riding!" As our love and commitment grew so did the acceptance from everyone else. When people see that you are truly with someone because of the love you have for that person and not for the color of their skin, or anything else for that matter, all of the other "stuff" just seems to float away. I feel so blessed to be in a family that is so diverse. We are all unique and we continue to learn from each other every single day. I am happy to say that today we are an amazing group of very different people that all love each other very much. It didn't happen overnight and it wasn't always easy, but with a lot of work and understanding, we did it! So here's to family....our differences, our similarities, and our love for each other!

Family Barbecues..........

It's that time of year again.....barbecue time! Yesterday we had our first family barbecue of the Summer. Barbecues with my husband and his family have always been such a fun production, and so different from the barbecues I grew up with! One of Tatiana's friends that was joining us was so excited to be coming over, she said, "Oh I can't wait, my first "black" barbecue!" She happens to be Hispanic. I thought that was so funny that she categorized our barbecue as a "black barbecue." She just knew the food and the experience would be totally different than the barbecues she has with her family and she was genuinely excited. One of our other guests made the comment, "How many people are coming over, you have enough food for an army?" Tatiana then proceeded to tell her, "We're black, we always cook way too much food!" I said, "Hello, what about me?!" Then my daughter says, "Mama, you are the blackest white person I know. You must have been black in a former life." I just laughed because it truly doesn't matter and that is what I love! We are a melting pot of a family and a melting pot of friends and I treasure that more each day. Okay, I got off track, sorry....back to the barbecue........the food, ooohhh the food! There is always a never-ending flow of food, and delicious is an understatement! Ribs, steaks, burgers, hot links, hot dogs, chicken, hamburgers, baked mac n cheese, potato salad, baked beans, greens, cheese pie, and more! The cooking goes on and on and on, and people come and go all day long! Then when the eating is done, it's game time. Cards, domino's, board games, sometimes all of them are going at once.....a group here, a group there. After all is said and done, day has gone into night, and it is time for everyone to go home, then it's make a plate time! Everyone takes a little bit of everything and some people even bring their own Tupperware to take food home in! It's not rude, it's just the way it is! That was one of the many things for me that took some getting used to! Who brings Tupperware to someone else's barbecue? Apparently everyone! Family is family....you share in the eating, the fun AND the leftovers! Good times always had by all and stomachs always waayyy too full! Until next time. =)

Rollin' on Dubs! =)

Back in 2000 Jamie and I bought a nice little convertible for me to drive. I loved it when we bought it, and felt it was just perfect the way it was. However, Jamie said it wasn't complete until it had rims on it. I told him, "Really, what do I need with rims!?" I could care less whether my car had rims, in fact I thought it was pretty silly and a total waste of money. I told him whatever, as long as it didn't look "pimped" out. =) He laughed! Well, one weekend Jamie took my car out and about and low and behold my car came home accessorized.....with rims! This time, I laughed! He said he just couldn't have me driving around without them on the car! You would have thought I was driving around naked! =) For some reason rims on a car are a staple in a black man's repertoire. It's a must! Well, the following Monday I went to work and was sitting at my desk and one of the guys that worked at the company came in to say hi. I think his exact words were, "Oooh, Amy is rollin' on dubs, nice!" Okay, first of all the fact that comment was even directed at me is comedy, and second of all the fact I knew what he meant is even funnier! This co-worker just so happened to be a black male as well, so of course he truly appreciated the rims! I never thought I would see the day when I would be told I was "rollin' on dubs!!! Now the funny thing is, when I am looking at cars I notice whether or not they have "pimped out" rims, and if they don't, now I think they look naked! Maybe my next car will be rollin' on 24's! =) Who knows!?

The Big Surprise!

Okay, you carry someone for nine months, you have 20+ hours of labor, and you raise them their entire life (14 1/2 years so far)......but nobody thinks you are that child's Mother!? What's up with that?! Where is this coming from you ask? Once again someone is shocked to find out Tatiana is half white and that I am her Mom. We were driving to school the other day and one of her schoolmates was walking down the street. I waved even though I didn't know her, because of course it's my job to embarrass my child...oh, it's not.....don't tell her that! Well, anyway, when Tatiana ran into that same classmate later in the day she asked Tat who she was in the car with on the way to school. Tatiana said, "My Mom, silly." The girl said, "What?! You are white?!! Oh my God, I had no idea!" You would have thought she found out Tatiana had two heads or something...shock and awe! When Tatiana was telling me the story she said, "Sorry Mama, once again you are left out!" It's so funny to me that this keeps coming up, and even funnier that people are continually shocked to find out Tatiana is half white. It's like I am this big surprise when they meet me for the first time! Now, on the other hand, when she is out and about with her Dad and I'm not there, nobody ever questions whether or not she is black. Never, ever, have I heard someone say, "What!? You are black!? I had no idea!" OMG! It doesn't even phase me anymore because I am so used to it, but sometimes I do get a little irritated by it and I have to say something. The other day we were at the community pool and I had to go sign in Tatiana and her friends so they could go swimming. The security guard asked which of the kids was my child. I pointed to Tatiana, and then he looked at me with an attitude like I was lying to him! He said, "She is your daughter?" I just looked at him and said, "Yes, her Dad is black!" Well then he said, "Oh, oh, well you didn't have to tell me that." Well apparently I did because he didn't believe I was signing my own child in. So after that the kids went off to swim, and the guard went off to sensitivity training. Okay, not really, but maybe he should have! So, it's no surprise that I will continue to be, "the big surprise," but as long as you are kind about it, I will just smile and say, "Yes, I really am her Mom!"

Through Good Times and Bad and Why I Write This Blog...

Why do I write this blog? There are many reasons, and they have become ever more apparent as the days go on. When I started thinking about writing I had no intention of writing about interracial marriage. My husband knew I wanted to write and he suggested that I start a blog about that topic. My mind was elsewhere. I was going to write a book about all of the things that we have gone through as a family in the last two years. We were living a very different life just two short years ago. We were running a two family business and living the American Dream. We had a beautiful Candy Bouquet/Gift Store for four wonderful years. Two years ago we found out that instead of our building receiving drinking water we were actually receiving reclaimed sewer water! Needless to say the media onslaught began and the customers ran far, far away. We finally figured out why we were all sick, and our store sadly had to close because customers just did not want to come back. Who can blame them? We are now living in the mess of the legal system and the destruction of our dream that we worked so hard to build. However, while everything else has fallen apart around us, our marriage has continued to grow. It has not been easy and each day in this legal nightmare we are living we struggle to make sense of it all. Without going into all of the negative detail, I was going to write about the injustice that the innocent parties go through, but instead here I am writing about my experiences in an interracial marriage. I am happy to be focused on something else and thrilled to see what is transpiring from this blog. I have had so much wonderful feedback from family, friends, and even strangers who are now becoming friends because of this blog. So from bad, comes a little good, from lemons, comes a little lemonade. I don't know where this will lead, but for now I am just enjoying the writing and all it is bringing. It's funny because when you take the vows that say, "through good times and bad" and "for better or worse" it's easy to say, but not always easy to live. It's a piece of cake to make it through the good times, but if you can make it through the bad, and I mean really, really bad....you can make it through anything! That is what the core of this blog is about. Some days my stories will be fun and silly, and some days my stories will be deep and inspirational, just like life. I don't profess to be an expert on interracial marriage or marriage in general, but after sixteen years I have a lot to share and a lot to give. =) So whether you are reading this blog because you too are in a mixed race marriage and can totally relate, or you're reading it because marriage is marriage, I hope each of you gets something from this little piece of me that inspires you. Enjoy, and thank you for taking the time to stop by and read The Many Shades of Love, and remember you can get through most anything if you work together!

Nobody is Born a Bigot.....

This post actually came to mind because just the other day one of my friend's posted a comment from her granddaughter on Facebook. Her granddaughter asked her what she "was." Grandma said, "You are a girl" honey. Her 3 year old granddaughter laughed and said, "No, am I black or white?" Her granddaughter happens to be black, white, and Mexican, so she proceeded to explain this to her. How interesting that a 3 year old already notices that her skin color is different from Mom and Dad's. The great thing is, by having these open discussions about being multi-racial it just becomes a fact, like saying the sky is blue. It just is blue, and she just is multi-racial. I have never understood racism. To this day, and after all I have gone through with my husband and daughter in regards to racism, (I could write a book on that alone) I still don't get it. How do you choose to hate someone based solely on the color of their skin? Did they do something horrible to you? Do they treat others badly? Where does this hate come from? If someone commits a crime against you and they happen to be black, are you angry at that person because they are black? No, you are angry because of what they did to you, not because of the color of their skin. If every child, that was born to every parent, starting today, was taught to like or dislike someone for the person they are vs. the color of their skin, racism would be erased. Just like that. Nobody is born a bigot...racism is taught.

Church.....

Church.....Religion.....Sprirituality.......they all have different meanings depending on how we grew up. I grew up in the Lutheran Church and my husband grew up in the Baptist Church. We are raising our daughter on the other hand not in any particular church but as a Christian. We are also raising her to be open and respectful of ALL religions and to always be willing to think outside the box. =) One of the joys of being in a racially mixed marriage is sharing and experiencing all of the differences on both sides. "Black churches" and "white churches" could not be any more different. (I don't like distinguishing them like that, but for the purpose of this post I need to.) White churches in my experience, are quiet, prayerful, and pretty conservative. Black churches are the exact opposite. I remember the first time I went to a predominately black church, I was amazed. The singing, the clapping, the holy ghost, it was wild...to me at least! At first I thought, this is not how you act in church, and then I realized, this is pretty cool! Talk about praising God! Do it out loud and do it proud! Not that we aren't feeling the same thing in the predominately white churches, but it just feels so good to shout it out. Don't even get me started with the differences in the clothes! Ohhhh the hats in the black churches....fantastic! I just can't express how much I love the fact that we can teach our daughter the best of all worlds so she can pass that on to her kids, and so on, and so on. Whether you are Baptist, Lutheran, Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, etc., one day if we all accept and respect each other for whatever religion we practice, whatever race we are, and whatever our differing beliefs might be, then maybe, just maybe there will be no wars, no racism, and no hate. It's so simple, so why do we make it so hard? Call me Tinkerbell, but miracles can happen, right?

Just Like Us......

One of the fascinating things that has happened since starting this blog is that my daughter notices every single interracial couple whenever we are out in public. It's not that she didn't notice before, she just never pointed them out to me. Now she says, "Look Mama, there is another interracial couple, you should tell them about your blog." First of all, the fact that she is a teenager and even knows that I have a blog, let alone cares about it, is amazing. I love it! It's like we have this unspoken connection with these couples, and now she wants to share that connection with people "just like us" through the blog. =) I am not to the point yet of being brave enough to just go up to a couple based solely on the fact that they are mixed, and say, "Hey, check out my blog on interracial relationships!" This might surprise anyone that knows me, because I have no problem talking to strangers, and for that matter no problem talking at all! Just ask my husband. =) So, if you are out and about, and happen to be a mixed couple, don't mind the "crazy lady" who might come up to you and share her blog with you even though you are complete strangers. More important than sharing my blog and sharing my experiences is the fact that there ARE so many "of us" out there now. This just shows me that the world is opening up and people are falling in love with someone that years ago they might not have even given a second glance because they were NOT just like them. Trust me when I say, after 16 years of marriage to someone who is not like me AT ALL.....it IS the best of both worlds! Open up your heart and open up your mind and just let love take it's course....you will be amazed!

Angels..........

Today I was out looking for an angel for a friend of mine. I needed to find an African American Angel, but of course I couldn't. This has always been an ongoing problem when looking for gifts. As a "white shopper" we take it for granted that we will always be able to find the white version of what we are looking for. This is not so true when looking for the black version. So today, even though I was shopping for a black friend and wanted a black angel, I had to buy a white angel. My daughter said I shouldn't get it because it didn't look like the person it was supposed to represent. I told her I really liked the sentiment that was written on the stand of the angel so I was going to get it anyway. I was bummed that it wasn't a black angel and even more bummed that there wasn't even an option available. These are the little things that I realize as a white woman, married to a black man, with a mixed daughter. We always made sure that Tatiana had both black and white dolls growing up and interestingly enough it was more often my side of the family that purchased the black dolls for her. So next time you are out shopping take a moment to see what is available in the black and white versions of gifts, let alone Asian, Hispanic etc. Once you start paying attention it will be an eye opener.

Today's post is dedicated to our newest angel,

LaKiesha Mason

R.I.P.....May 24th, 1988 - May 24th, 2009

The Only One.....

Outside our cabin in Sunriver, OR

When you are in an interracial marriage or relationship one of the things you quickly get used to is being the only one of your particular race at family functions. When Jamie and I first started dating and then got married, this was something that we didn't even really think about until we got to whatever event it was that we were attending. All of the sudden you look around the room and think....hmmm I am the only white person, black person, etc. in the room. To be honest, because that is what this blog is all about, at first I was a little nervous at family parties because I just wanted to fit in. Then I quickly realized that was just silly, and I let go of all my worries and just had fun. After 16 years of marriage it is now second nature for both of us to be "the only one" at our various family get togethers. Christmas before last we went to Sunriver, OR with 30 plus relatives from my side of the family. Jamie's running joke with Tatiana was that they were going to be the only black people in Sunriver, and that the snow ball fights would be unfair because they wouldn't be able to "hide" in the snow! Hilarious! Last year it was Christmas with Jamie's family and I was "the only one." Now after all of these years it is just funny to me that it was ever an issue, even if only for a minute. We love each other's families to pieces (mind you this did not happen over night, but that's another post for another day)....crazy as we all are, and we wouldn't have it any other way!

Driving Miss Daisy......

One of the things I love about my husband is, he always makes me laugh. He must have been a comedian in a former life because he is hilarious! There is not a day that goes by that he doesn't make me crack up in one way or another. Let's just say, most days I never know what I am going to get! Some days it drives me crazy, but I love that about him....it's just him. On one of the particularly funny days, we were visiting my parents in Lake Oswego, Oregon. We needed to run errands so we borrowed my Dad's car to go to the grocery store. Of course Jamie drove because he does not like me driving if he is in the car. I am a great driver by the way so I don't know what the issue is! So anyway, we get to the grocery store and pull into the parking lot. I just needed to run in and pick up a couple of things so Jamie said he would wait in the car. As I am getting out of the car (which happens to be a luxury car, and this only matters because of what comes next) Jamie sticks his head out of the window, and in his best Southern accent, with a huge smile on his face, says, "Okay Miss Daisy I'll be sittin' right here waitin' for ya! You be careful now Miss Daisy!" I almost died! The parking lot was full of people walking around, and remember we were in Lake Oswego, Oregon...not exactly a melting pot. I think I turned 500 shades of red and Jamie just sat in the car cracking up while people stared at us! Hilarity at it's best! Once in a while when we are in just the "perfect area," he will pull this lovely little comedic rabbit out of his hat for a re-run, and each time I am just as embarrassed, and each time it is just as funny! Next time I'm driving! =)

"We Don't Think of you as White".......

Whenever we get together with Jamie's side of the family, inevitably someone will make some kind of comment about white people. Don't get me wrong it is never in a mean or obnoxious way, but it is directed specifically at white people. The comments are always meant to be funny, but what's even funnier is, I'm right there! I will look at the person that made the comment and say, "Helloooo, white person in the room!" Then they will look at me, and without a thought say, "Oh, we don't think of you as white." Hmmm....how does one take that? I am white, and about as white as you can get actually. I don't get offended when I hear that, so do I take it as a compliment? I'm not sure. I guess so. Maybe we are all just so comfortable with each other and used to each other that we don't see color amongst ourselves anymore. This is a good thing, right?! Isn't that the way it's supposed to be? One day maybe we will all say, "Oh, I don't think of you as"....... because there will be nothing to think about, we will just be who we will be. Wouldn't that be nice?! One can dream can't they?

In Black and White.........

Family dinners....they make for the most interesting conversations. The other night at the dinner table Tatiana was telling Jamie and I about some videos on You Tube. She was telling us about one in particular where people share their secrets but don't show their faces. In this video there was a teen who said they hated themselves because they were half black and half white. That just broke my heart. After she told us about the video we had a discussion and asked Tatiana if she had any issues because she was half black and half white. She said "Not at all, why would I!?" In my heart I knew that would be her answer because we have raised her to love herself for who she is, period. =) We have always taught our daughter to cherish the blending of cultures, races, traditions, and all of the other things that go along with being a "mixed" family. I wish I could sit down and talk with the the teen in the video and find out why they would have these feelings. Clearly this child needs someone to talk to. It's so important to always have an open dialogue about these things so that if there are problems no matter what they might be, you can solve them together. I love that Tatiana always talks freely about her race and heritage. People are fascinated when they find out what her background is comprised of......Russian, Swedish, Indian, African, Creole, black, white, etc. She has the best of ALL worlds! =) We are all a blend of something, and that is what makes each and every one of us so special. Take a look in the mirror today and smile....you are amazing!

Pimp Daddy......

Flashback to 1992.....Jamie, my friend Sandy and I were all going out on the town. We rented a limo, (because that's what we did in our 20's when we had no responsibilities and money to burn) and we headed to the Hyatt in La Jolla for dinner and hanging out. We pulled up to the hotel and piled out of the limo.....2 very tall white women and one very, very tall black man. Needless to say we didn't exactly blend in....and that quickly became an understatement when we found out what event was actually going on that night at the hotel. Irony, comedy and more.....it was the Black Women's Conference! I kid you not. So here we are, 2 white women, on the arms of a black man, at the Black Women's Conference. Hmmm. =) Well, we said, what the heck, let's check it out! As we were walking through looking at all of the booths and displays the assumptions started to fly......you could just see it on everyone's faces....what's up with these three? Jamie quickly became our "pimp daddy" in the minds of many of the people there. We heard the comments and saw the stares, but we took it all in stride. Of course not everyone reacted that way, but for those that did, we just let them assume away! I will never forget that night and the irony of showing up at that particular event where Jamie officially became our "pimp daddy"........awww memories! =)

Opposites Attract....

The old saying, "opposites attract" is pretty much "nail on the head" for us! Besides the "obvious," Jamie and I are opposite in every other way as well. When people meet us for the first time, almost every single person reacts with, "how on earth did you two get together?!" This question doesn't really have to do with the fact that we are black and white, okay maybe it does a little, but it is really because we are just soooo different from each other. Jamie is "Mr. ghetto fabulous" and I am "Ms. prim and proper"....or at least that is what people assume! Ha, little do they know. =) It makes us laugh when people don't get us! Don't get me wrong we have similarities as well.....we are both stubborn, strong, opinionated, and we are both Aries! Imagine those arguments....two rams butting heads! Luckily those are few and far between. =) The funny thing is, because we are so opposite we pretty much always come to the middle on everything. One of things we have both learned in all our years together is to just totally accept each other for who we are as individuals and the rest will follow for us as a couple. Never try and change someone, just embrace the differences! That is exactly what we did, and even though soooooo many people thought we wouldn't last, this year we will celebrate our 16th anniversary and we are stronger and more opposite than ever!

What's in a Name......

The other day after picking up Tatiana and a friend from school we were all in the car and Tat was talking about various members of the family. As she was talking about them she was mentioning their names. Then out of the blue Tat's friend interrupted her and repeated some of the names Tatiana had just said....Desco, Janessa, D'aija and so on. Then she proceeded to say to Tatiana, "You are so black!" Of course the family members she was discussing were from Jamie's side of the family. Her friend by the way is Filipino, and her Mom is married to a black man. This gives her the "pass" to say that to Tatiana, or at least she thinks so! =) Was her friend stereotyping based on names...yes, but then as we started comparing names on my side of the family and Jamie's side of the family, it became abundantly clear that you could lay those two lists of names in front of someone and pretty much be able to guess what their background was. As the conversation went on, the more interesting it became. I will spare you anymore details, so here are the lists:

My side of the family...Stan, Terry, Lori, Tony, Danielle, Amy, Scott, Kasey, Lindsay, Tyler, Evan, Sally, Joe, Mike, Jennifer, Ben, Madison, Summer, Chris, Darcy, Nate, Drew, Jim, John, Rachel, Allyson, Elizabeth, Paul, Joanne...okay I could go on, but you get the idea.

Jamie's side of the family....Gigi, Charise, Shartice, Trennell, Xavier, Zander, Rosa, Jalisa, Stephanie, Sherome, Janessa, Shaaron, Sharaya, Saraiya, Desco, Dojanai, D'aija, Destinee, Paulk, Will, Art, and again you get the idea.

Clearly the two lists above are family members from very different backgrounds just based on the names. I love it! Whether we are black, white, brown, "green" or "purple," why do we choose the names we do? Is it to have a piece of our heritage, is it a family name, or do we just like the name? I picked Tatiana's name because it is Russian, and I am half Russian and half Swedish. I was adopted when I was a baby and nobody in my family is Russian. I found the name Tatiana from a book I read in college. I picked her name clear back then and stuck with it! I wanted my daughter's name to represent the part of me that I didn't have growing up.....maybe that's what's in a name, at least for me. =)

Hair....Simple, Right?

Alyssa (L) Tatiana (R)

Tatiana (L) hair out before braiding /Cousin Alyssa (R) '97

As a white woman I never realized how much I took my hair for granted. Sounds silly doesn't it? Hair, what's the big deal? You get up, you wash it, you brush it, you dry it, you style it, and you go on your merry way.....me yes, Tatiana not so much! When Tat was born 14 years ago I had no idea that hair would be such a big thing...both literally and figuratively. =) Tat was born with a combo of my thick, thick hair and her Dad's curly hair. I had no idea how to do my own daughter's hair! Crazy huh!? Luckily my husband Jamie was brought up in a house full of women, because from the time Tatiana was born (she came out with a full head of hair....a "baby fro" no less) Jamie, along with Tat's Cousins and Aunts have done her hair. They would sit for hours combing and braiding, combing and braiding and then adding cute little barrettes. She would cry because her scalp was so tender and I would have to leave the room so I didn't hear her cry. Jamie and his Sisters all told me she would get used to it. Nuts! As Tat got older she wanted the long braids which Jamie did not know how to do so my business partner's daughter Yanna started doing Tat's hair. This entailed going out and "buying hair" so it could be braided into Tat's real hair. Who knew I would ever "buy" hair! Okay I didn't buy it...Jamie did. Now the fun begins.....8-10 hours of Tat sitting there while Yanna braids in every little braid. Yes 8-10 hours and it hurts while it's getting done! Then for two days after that her scalp is soooo tight from the braids her head hurts! Beauty or insanity?! Okay, now fast forward to present day and we have moved from the braids to wanting straight hair. Time for a perm. Wait, a perm? Don't perms make your hair curly? They did when I was growing up. White people perms, yes.....black people perms....no. Just the opposite....perms make their hair straight. Now Tatiana goes to a salon for black women and gets perms in her hair to keep it straight. This process takes about two hours each time and quite often has a "lovely burning" affect on the skin. Wow! Once again the price of beauty! Now you might ask what about swimming, what about the rain, what about washing........water is the enemy.....if it gets wet, it goes curly! Perm, history! Okay not history but then Tat gets to comb and straighten, comb and straighten. So today when you get ready ask yourself.... hair....simple.....right?

Meat on the Bones....

Today's story will probably make you giggle......I know it makes me laugh every time I tell it. It might be a little too much information, but it's one of the differences between black men and white men that never ceases to amaze me. One of the "benefits" of being married to a black man is they tend to love a little more meat on the bones. =) In other words the bigger the "gluteus maximus" the better! I remember back in '92 when Sir Mix a Lot's song came out....you all know it...."Baby Got Back".....well that was the year Jamie and I met and I never soaked in the true meaning of the song until the "back" comments were directed at me! The first time Jamie told me my b.u.t.t. was "huge"....well, let's just say if looks could kill he would have been six feet under! I told him he was so rude! He said, "what are you talking about, that was a compliment!" I said "what, how could you telling me my butt is huge be a compliment!!!!?" He said, "black men don't want bones...we want meat on the bones!" Who knew!? Hilarious! I think I'll go have some dessert now.....not really, but it's nice to not have to worry soooo much about that second bite of cake. =)

Don't Ever Assume.....

It never ceases to amaze me that people assume they are "safe" in saying things to certain people. Back in my retail days there was a customer that came into the shop and we started conversing with each other. Come to find out we lived in the same neighborhood. She went on to explain that she really used to like the neighborhood, but then......(this is where she leans in and whispers in my ear), "those people" started moving in, you know, (then she whispers even more quietly, while putting her hand on my arm) "the blacks." Instead of getting angry, or instead of being shocked, I slowly moved closer to her, put my hand on her arm, (of course she thought I was going to agree with her) and said, "you might want to watch who you make racist comments to because I am married to one of "those people," my husband is black." Then I proceeded to step back and watch her turn 50 different shades of red and just stand there in silence. There were no more words needed....you know what they say about assuming......=)

Color Blind?

When Jamie first came up with the idea for me to write this blog I wasn't sure about it because as a family we just don't concentrate on race that much. However, somehow it always comes up in the ins and outs of every day living. When my daughter was first born 14 years ago I didn't want to make race an issue at all. I wanted her to grow up "color blind," but as my husband always points out, that is not the way the world works. After many years and lots of learning, I embrace the differences and am no longer "color blind" myself. I now realize this is not a bad thing. We are raising our daughter to treasure ALL of who she is. Ironically when people first meet Tatiana, everyone, and I mean everyone, assumes she is only black. I remember picking her up from school and a friend of her's that had never met me was getting a ride from us. As he started getting in the car he looked at me, then he looked at Tatiana and said, "Wow, your Mom is white, I didn't believe you!" So there ya go, I'm the "white Mom." I looked at him and said, "20 hours of labor and 14 years of raising...ya I'm her Mom!" Then we all had a good laugh. =) There was another time I remember picking her up back when she was in daycare and one of the little boys that went there came up to me and said, "why are you and Tatiana's Daddy different colors than her?" An innocent question from an innocent boy. I told him that was just the way God made all of us. (A little too young for the scientific details don't ya think!?) He said, "oh, okay" and went on his merry way. If only adults were that accepting! I could go on with the "color blind" stories but you get the idea. I wonder if one day this won't be a story anymore...it will just be.

The Color of Love.....

When two people come together it's normally because they have fallen in love, and in a perfect world "love conquers all." Now, when two people from different races and backgrounds come together it's also because they have fallen in love and once again "love conquers all," right? Well this is a blog about two people from different races and backgrounds that did fall in love 17 years ago, then married 16 years ago, had a daughter 14 years ago and just so happen to be black (my husband) and white (me). Is this the end of the story...not by a long shot, actually it is just the beginning. Everyday I will share a different story about my experiences in an interracial marriage. Each story will be something that I have personally gone through with my family. I hope that what I share on this blog about my experiences will make you laugh and it might even make you cry, but more importantly I hope you can relate and that in some way, shape or form it helps you in your interracial relationship, whatever "mix" that might be.

If you have comments or questions please feel free to post them. Thank you for checking out "The Many Shades of Love!" More tomorrow......