Wednesday, May 19, 2010

What Are You Staring At? I'm Just Kissing My Husband Goodbye!

For those of you that know me, you know that my car has been in the shop quite a bit lately.  Because of that "fun" little fact I get the pleasure of my husband taking me or picking me up from work.  A few days ago he was dropping me off at my job and as I was getting out of the car he got out as well to say goodbye.  He hugged me and kissed me and as usual he was also being silly. Little did we know there was an older woman (white woman) walking into the salon next to where I work just watching us.  Well, her world must have stopped when she saw us kissing, because if looks could kill......let's just say, we would be very, very dead!  At first when I saw her looking at us and then me as I walked toward my work, it didn't cross my mind why she was giving me such an evil stare down.  Then I realized..."Oh my gosh, she was just mortified that we were kissing!"  Let me just clarify for the record , we were not making out like two teenagers in a parking lot. We hugged and kissed goodbye and laughed a little. Was she horrified that two adults were kissing each other goodbye?  Highly unlikely.  Was she was disgusted because a white woman and a black man were kissing?  Much more likely. How do I know this?  Because the look wasn't one of distaste from two people smooching,  it was a scary, I'm going to stare at you until you are gone because you disgust me look! There was no mistaking it!  She stood there and held the salon door, didn't go in, and then craned her neck to continue to give me "her look" as I unlocked the door at my job.  It was wild!  Trust me, I've seen the look enough in our 18 years together that there was no question in my mind what she was thinking of us.  If she knew we had been married all these years would it have been a different story?  Probably not.  In her mind "we" are not "acceptable."  Sad.  Had I been quick that day, and thinking on my feet , I would have gone up to her and said, "Oh honey, you should try it, you have noooo idea what you're missing!"  But alas, I was hurrying to work and so shocked that she was so shocked , my quick thinking was no where to be found!  Plus, I was raised to respect my elders and that would have been rude.  When older people react the way they do to my husband and I,  I just have to remember that "their" generation was taught that "we" should not be together.  Remember "we" were illegal back in the day!  Crazy!  Our generation has gotten somewhat better, and our daughter's generation is almost there, even though clearly we still have a long way to go.  I always want moments like this to be turned around and think to myself, "If only she knew us, and if only she knew how in love we are, maybe she wouldn't think that way at all."  I know every moment and every instance of racism can't be a teaching moment but I sure wish they could be.  However,  I'm sure whatever I said to her would not have changed her old school way of thinking, even if I said something as simple as, "What are you staring at?  I'm just kissing my husband goodbye."  So once again, my husband and I stand firm in our love and hope for the older woman that couldn't get "us" through her head, that she too, at some point, found this kind of love in her lifetime.  That is my wish for her.

8 comments:

Teri Cohen said...

Oh My Gosh Amy,

What a better person you are than I am to have such a lovely wish for that woman. I guess my time in law enforcement has jaded me a little, because that wasn't my first thought for her :) Boy have Fredie and I caught some of those same looks but believe it or not we get a lot of the same looks from the other side. Sadly, its mostly black women who give the nastiest looks and have even approached me with some even nastier comments. I applaud you for your beautiful wishes and want you to know that reading the things you and Jamie go through helps me try to aspire to try and handle things more like you and live a more Godly life! Thank you for taking the time out of what is a busy life for all of us to write down your experiences and for letting us know that we're in "this" together!! It is more appreciated than you could ever know !!

The Exception said...

I have seen that look myself. And just like Teri had said, a lot more than not it was actually a black female that would give me that "what the hell is up with that" look. I find it amusing to be honest with you. Now I have gotten my share of looks from old white people who are just not down with the "swirl" and that is okay. It isn't there thing even though you are right Amy - do not knock it unless you try it. Will it all be perfect - probably not but as each generation goes by you chip a little more from that hatred wall and see the beauty that is on the other side.

Amy said...

Teri,

Thank you for the beautiful comment! I didn't get this patient and understanding overnight. It has taken a lot of work and a lot soul searching and a lot of faith. I have to realize that what people see on the surface is all based on what they have been taught. If I can change their thinking just by showing how "we" are and that we ARE really just like them then that is one more piece of hate gone. =)

It's interesting that you touched on the black women stares because I was going to hit on that as well but figured the post would have been too long. Then I realized I needed to save that for a post all it's own. I will get to that next time. =)

I also want to thank you for letting me know just how much you appreciate the blog. Sometimes it does get crazy and hard to keep up but knowing that I have touched someone and of course also made a friend a long the way just makes me keep wanting to write more and more! So thank you for reading and commenting!

Have a great rest of the week and a beautiful weekend!!

Amy said...

Daryl,

I love having the perspective from a black man's side, so thank you for the comment. It's so funny to me that when people are staring from irritation, hate, disgust, whatever it is they are thinking, they really have noooo idea what is behind the true couple. The white with white couple could be in an abusive horrible relationship but would never get the assumption stares that the black and white couple does and they might be the ones in the long term loving relationship! Irony.

So let's hope with time, as you said, the chips begin to get bigger and bigger and the hate becomes smaller and smaller.

To you as well Daryl...thank you for reading and for our friendship! You make me smile!

Amy

KATO said...

Monday, 24 May 2010
Mrs. AMY.
I am a very strong supporter of "Loving Day” website. It is my favorite website. My second favorite website is “IMDB.COM” because of what I do. However, I found you and your husband on Lovingday. Your story of you and your husband is beautiful and is one of those that I like better than my own on the site. I just read another beautiful love story on the site under the title "Huneygirl-07" (b & w photo) which touched my heart a lot.

I just read your story about the racist white woman that stared at you kissing your husband. I am just the opposite of her. Whenever I see an interracial couple (no matter what mixture) hugged up or being romantic, it always does my heart and mind good and the thoughts that I have are "thank God two more people have been blessed by the Holy Spirit of God to have an open mind/heart". In fact, whenever I see a bi-racial couple, I tell 'em or write down the Lovingday website for them. Racism and prejudice is taught to little kids at home, the same as love for all races/nationalities are also taught at home.

When I see bi-racial kids, I sometimes tell them to proudly let the world know that they are NOT just Black, but bi-racial or tell their full racial heritage. I do NOT believe in that crap of 1 drop of Black blood makes a person black. I also often say that our current president is NOT the first Black president. He is the first bi-racial president and I love it.

NOTE: Please go on line to lovingday.org and find my wife, Ester and I under the "Personal Stories" sections. Click on Nay K & Ester to see photo and story. My youngest son, Sullas and his wife, Wendy can be seen under the “Couples Stories”.

Amy, God has blessed you and your husband to have open hearts and minds and with people like you and I, we can make this planet a more loving place to live. Please feel free to write me. See e-mail below.

Peace & Blessings,
Nay K.
Miami (Little Cuba) Florida
E-MAIL: KATOSUBZERO@YAHOO.COM

Amy said...

Nay K.,

Thank you so much for reading and for your heartfelt comments. I just read your loving day post and also saw your son and his wife in their picture on Loving Day. Beautiful couples.....both of you!! I too love that site because it is truly just filled with LOVE! I am very excited because one of my readers is making my family photo's part of her first loving day celebration in Missouri! I'm touched to be a part of it. Oh how the internet just brings us all together!

I also use IMDB quite a bit so it's funny that you mentioned it. =)

I agree completely with you about being bi-racial and embracing it. It's about all of who someone is not just one piece.

My marriage is something I treasure more each day and I love that I continue to "meet" people just like my husband and I on my blog. Together we can truly make a difference.

Thank you again for reading!

Amy

Anonymous said...

Amy,
So happy to see "KATO" commented on your blog! When I first visited the Loving Day site, his post was my favorite because of his beautiful sentiments about interracial relationships. Since he posted his email right here on your blog, I've emailed him and have invited him to be a part of my photo essay as well! Thank you, Amy, again for this blog. The connections being made are so amazing!
-Heather

Amy said...

Heather,

That is so funny that you just emailed him...so did I!! I have been so busy I hadn't had a chance and today I am catching up on all of my emailing. =)

I too love that my blog is bringing about such wonderful connections! LOVE LOVE LOVE it!!
It just motivates me more and more to keep writing and to keep sharing our experiences so other interracial couples see that we all go through it, and that it does work out, and that love CAN conquer all!

Hugs Heather...

PS
I am so happy that "KATO" might be part of the photo exhibit as well...such fun!!!