My Life in an Interracial Marriage and Family ~ It's been 25 years of fun; learning, growing, laughing & crying with each other. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
What Are You Staring At? I'm Just Kissing My Husband Goodbye!
For those of you that know me, you know that my car has been in the shop quite a bit lately. Because of that "fun" little fact I get the pleasure of my husband taking me or picking me up from work. A few days ago he was dropping me off at my job and as I was getting out of the car he got out as well to say goodbye. He hugged me and kissed me and as usual he was also being silly. Little did we know there was an older woman (white woman) walking into the salon next to where I work just watching us. Well, her world must have stopped when she saw us kissing, because if looks could kill......let's just say, we would be very, very dead! At first when I saw her looking at us and then me as I walked toward my work, it didn't cross my mind why she was giving me such an evil stare down. Then I realized..."Oh my gosh, she was just mortified that we were kissing!" Let me just clarify for the record , we were not making out like two teenagers in a parking lot. We hugged and kissed goodbye and laughed a little. Was she horrified that two adults were kissing each other goodbye? Highly unlikely. Was she was disgusted because a white woman and a black man were kissing? Much more likely. How do I know this? Because the look wasn't one of distaste from two people smooching, it was a scary, I'm going to stare at you until you are gone because you disgust me look! There was no mistaking it! She stood there and held the salon door, didn't go in, and then craned her neck to continue to give me "her look" as I unlocked the door at my job. It was wild! Trust me, I've seen the look enough in our 18 years together that there was no question in my mind what she was thinking of us. If she knew we had been married all these years would it have been a different story? Probably not. In her mind "we" are not "acceptable." Sad. Had I been quick that day, and thinking on my feet , I would have gone up to her and said, "Oh honey, you should try it, you have noooo idea what you're missing!" But alas, I was hurrying to work and so shocked that she was so shocked , my quick thinking was no where to be found! Plus, I was raised to respect my elders and that would have been rude. When older people react the way they do to my husband and I, I just have to remember that "their" generation was taught that "we" should not be together. Remember "we" were illegal back in the day! Crazy! Our generation has gotten somewhat better, and our daughter's generation is almost there, even though clearly we still have a long way to go. I always want moments like this to be turned around and think to myself, "If only she knew us, and if only she knew how in love we are, maybe she wouldn't think that way at all." I know every moment and every instance of racism can't be a teaching moment but I sure wish they could be. However, I'm sure whatever I said to her would not have changed her old school way of thinking, even if I said something as simple as, "What are you staring at? I'm just kissing my husband goodbye." So once again, my husband and I stand firm in our love and hope for the older woman that couldn't get "us" through her head, that she too, at some point, found this kind of love in her lifetime. That is my wish for her.