Thursday, November 5, 2009

Seeing Beneath the Skin........


Just when I think I have made progress.....I find out I still have a long way to go. Yesterday at work the same racist client that I posted about a few weeks ago http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/09/changing-mind-of-racist.html
ends up shocking me again! Now let me just say I truly thought I had gotten through to her and changed her racist thoughts just a little.  I'm not naive (my husband might beg to differ on that one), and I know that it takes a lot more than a couple of conversations to change years of racists thoughts, but I have seen it happen little by little with many people in my life and I thought it was happening here as well.  Apparently, not so much.  So I guess now instead of talking to me about her racist beliefs she has decided to share these thoughts with others at my job.  Does she not realize this is going to get back to me?! C'mon now.  Yesterday it went a little like this.....somehow the topic of her children came up, who by the way she does not speak to, and she said the reason she doesn't to speak to one of her sons is because "He is married to a black."  Yes "a black."  Wow....really!?  What year are we in?  What century is she from?  Oh wait, it gets much worse.  Then she proceeds to share her "lovely" feelings about black people and how much she hates them.  Oh I'm not done yet.  It just keeps going downhill from there!  Then she starts talking about the grandbaby in the equation, and she says, "Yes, and my son has a monkey baby from her too."  Are you kidding me!!!!!!!???  That comment made me sick to my stomach.  How on earth do you feel this way about your own grandchild?  How, how, how!!??  The thought of someone even saying that about a child is quite possibly the saddest thing I have ever heard.  Sad and sick.  The irony of this entire conversation is, later in the day she called to thank me for all I do.  Yes, thank me!!!  Of course she has no idea that I'm aware of this earlier conversation.  My first thought was to say bye bye to her forever but instead, this is what I'm going to do...I'm going to gently bring up the subject again and I'm going to keep talking to her, and I AM going to educate her.  I am determined to change her hate to love or at least to acceptance.  Old wounds can be healed and new relationships can be formed if she can just start seeing beneath the skin! 

17 comments:

"J" said...

Well, it once shows again that there are quite crazy people walking around on this earth..

She's living in this self-created realm of "convictions". Logic fallacy is a part of said realm. Logic fallacy in the sense that mentioned woman herself is the evolutionary side-line of a rather horny sort of chimpansee(Bonobo's if You'd wanna know..they are about the funniest, raunchiest apes You'll ever see ehrrm..not for "too sensitive souls" though. You'll understand when You'll read about their ways of maintaining social cohesion..whahaha)

If You keep that in Your mind, the enternainment value of that kind of incorrigible people becomes immense..

"Don't fear them, if incorrigible, Ridicule them" That's what I always say..

BTW How is it on the home front?

Amy said...

J,

It is pretty amazing to me that she is such a sad and angry person. We had another conversation yesterday and she TRULY believes that all black people are criminals and drug addicts. It's actually quite ridiculous. She is so far off in her thinking that I can't even take her serious because there is just no basis for her thought process. Ignorance breeds ignorance breeds ignorance!

Home front is fabulous! Hubby is still my rock, daughter is still making us proud and driving us crazy all at the same time (teenagers) =)! My home and my family....my heart. <3 I have so much to write about and so little time!

How are you? How is life? How is everything across the pond? Hope all is well!

Amy

"J" said...

Well, in spite of a $600.000,- inherited house me & my sis can't sell for the life of it(and the income-tax we have to pay over it...ayayayay), life's fairly good. "Burrito Burp" seems to skip my place .Collegues already falling ill. Most of'em were back after just 2 weeks sick-leave.

We got a nice, crisp autumn overhere, with lots of sunshine. I live close to a small nature-reserve, so I am not complaining . Walks among the coloured trees are quite the feast I'd say..

On that woman? If she even can't love her grand-child...well.. hard to imagine for me, but there are indeed people that bitter In guess. Shame, really. She misses out on so much pleasure in life.

1st time poster... said...

This is my first post to your blog but WOW...you are definitely A LOT better than me, that's for sure!
I believe that there are some people that you cannot educate or change their ways, especially if they do not want to do so. Someone who says derogatory terms like that about their own grandchild is a complete racist nut and doesn't deserve to know the child at all. *smdh*
That is why my children have not met my side of the family...I was raised in that type of environment (except reversed, I'm black and my dh is white) and I know how they feel about it all and do not want them exposed to that nonsense. It may not be as in your face as that lady but enough to know better than to allow my kids around that.
She is very sick indeed.
WOW....

Amy said...

J,

Happy to hear you are enjoying life and my favorite time of year....Fall.

I have to agree with you on her missing out. It is a sad thing when one cannot except their own grandchild and is derogatory about them as well. Her loss, her sadness, her lonliness. Shame.

1st Time Poster,

Welcome and thank you for reading. I am so sorry to hear that your family has not met your kids. That is soooooo sad! We had many years of family issues to deal with being a mixed race couple but our daughter was always accepted and loved by both sides of the family. I hope that one day both you and your side of the family can make small changes to work towards acceptance. I can't imagine our daughter not knowing one of the sides. Any advice I can give I will be happy to help because I can guarantee we have been there done that! Have a great weekend.

Amy

Anonymous said...

You know...I still can't believe that you experience this kind of stuff in this day and age. My stomach literally lurched when I read about this woman for the 2nd time. Married to 'a black'... A black what? Geez! I gotta ask, what race is she? 'A white'? 'A yellow'?
Jess

Amy said...

I know Jess it is truly sad! I am not sure why she is so angry but I actually feel sorry for her believe it or not. I just can't imagine walking around with such hate inside me. She is Hispanic by the way born and raised in Mexico and then moved to the U.S. I just don't get it. I think this is one of those times that no matter what it will never make sense. Oh the things she is missing out on! Her own children and grandchildren....how much sadder can her hate get!? Her choice, her life, her ignorance. I have tried everything with her and there is no getting rid of her insane beliefs!

Amy

The Exception said...

I wonder if her son, who is married to "a black" truly knows how much of "a idiot" he mother is.

Amy said...

Oh I'm sure he knows. The whole thing is just sad because it doesn't need to be that way. Everyone misses out.

Rhea said...

I believe if we continue believing in change, then change is always possible. Maybe this one person will never get a clue (and miss out on a huge part of her life!), but someone might overhear a conversation, or read your blog and realize that it's ok to speak out against hate. The more voices the better. And while her comments sicken me, maybe someone who hears your response will get an education, and courage to speak up against the unspeakable.
Most importantly we owe it to our children to teach them to spread peace and love, especially in the face of hate.
Never be quiet, my wonderful, altruistic, vocal friend!

Amy said...

Oh Rhea I love your comment and I know that you are living it and breathing it every single day with your beautiful "rainbow family!" I will never be quiet and I will never accept hate. I am determined to make some kind of change even it is only one person at at time.

Loving and missing you!

Amy

Anonymous said...

I always find it so sad that this level of IGNORANCE still exists today. Rhea made a great point: Keep vocalizing and speaking out against racism!! The target of your outrage may never "get it" but someone else may indeed be affected who overhears it. Its also great for others to see someone else have the courage to speak up. I'm known for being a "squeaky wheel" in a lot of situations. Kudos to those of us who stand up for what we believe and say it LOUD and say it PROUD! Many people I know will say to me, "I always felt the same way (about whatever) but I don't like to draw attention to myself," or "I don't want to make waves," or "I don't want anyone to think I'm a troublemaker." They stay quiet in various situations, even when they know what is going on is wrong. So, a big pat on the back to you for standing up for your family and the WHOLE human race.
-Heather

Amy said...

Thank you so much Heather! One thing I have never had a problem with is speaking my mind. Always got me in a bit of trouble when I was younger and now it is a good thing at least most of the time! =) I will never ever stand by and listen to derogatory comments about anyone. It's hateful, hurtful and uncalled for. The squeaky wheels have to speak up for the rest, otherwise racism just continues. Thank you as always for reading and commenting...I love hearing from you! How are you and your honey doing? I hope you are well and happy!

Amy

Anonymous said...

We are doing great! I've never been more in love. We spent nearly the entire weekend together, which is unusual because of the hours I work. We have such a great time together - we have a LOT of fun. (A lot of times at each other's expense, but that's the way we've always been.) We both share the same sense of humor, so we're both "crazy." Things are going along beautifully. Sorry I haven't been as active on here lately, but I've been staying busy with work and raising money for a local humane society. I have also been doing a project to benefit the Stephen Lewis Foundation. The Foundation supports grass roots efforts in Africa to fight the AIDS epidemic there. I always enjoy reading all of your posts and the comments that follow. I may not always have time to put in my "two cents," but I always find time to at least read your blog. Thank you for continuing to write!
-H

Amy said...

Awwww Heather I am soooo happy for you!!!! I hope the love just keeps growing and growing!!! Keep up the good work...one person at a time is all it takes. =) Thank you for always reading. Have a fabulous week.

Amy

Anonymous said...

WOW. I think this level of ignorance must come from years of inbreeding; marrying your siblings generation after generation is bound to produce some type of genetic defect. It's her loss, but kudos to you for trying to bring her up to the rest of the world's level.

Amy said...

Anonymous,

Sadly racism is taught and passed down. Clearly she was not taught to love people that are different than her. I feel sorry for her. She has missed out on many amazing people in her life because all these years she has been so closed minded. I am still workin' on her and things have gotten better and better. It's going to take a lot more time and love and patience!

Thanks for reading!

Amy