Out to dinner with family and friends in '08
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I was going through my blog this morning re-reading some of my old posts, reading some of the previous comments from people, and just looking at all of the different things I have written about. I started thinking, wow, we have gone through so much together......good, bad, crazy, ups, downs, funny stuff, scary stuff, happy times, sad times and on and on. It's so amazing that we are stronger and stronger through it all! So then I started thinking, is love enough? Is love all we need? Can love get us through it all? (Sounds like a song). =) I know all the things that we have gone through are just part of life, but I can guarantee we have gone through more than the norm because we are a mixed race couple. There are so many times that challenges get to everyone and people just give up. We have seen many of our friends go through divorce recently, and it just blows me away because these are people that I never would have imagined splitting up. So for them, was love not enough? We are the couple that everyone thought wouldn't make it because we are sooooo different and from such different backgrounds. Yet for us a challenge is really nothing because we have already been there done that in regards to "proving us." Not that we have anything to prove, so that wasn't the perfect choice of words, but I guess I mean the constant misconceptions that other people have of us. Back in the day it hurt me to hear anything negative about us, but now it makes me giggle because people have no idea the joy that we give each other. I WISH this joy on everyone, even the naysayers! It's awesome! Don't get me wrong, by no means are we perfect. There are days when we are ready to throttle each other....we had one of those days the other day...but the wonderful thing is, we always, and I mean always, talk it through, work it out, and start fresh. Our love is too important and too strong to let any argument or any issues get in the way. So hmmmm, once again, is love enough? In reading some of the comments about what people are going through in their new interracial relationships I just want to reach out and say....be strong, be true to who you are, treasure each other, don't ever give up, and in the end, through it all, LOVE WILL BE ENOUGH!
10 comments:
As a child of divorce and after celebrating 10 years of marriage myself...I have to be of the opinion that no, love is not enough. It is a good base/foundation...but so much other work is required. BTW-love reading your stuff Amy!
Jess
Jess,
Hello! Thanks for reading! =) I do agree that you have to work on so many other things, but if you believe in your love and your bond together than you will automatically work on those things to save the love you have no matter how hard things get. Does that make sense? I think we are saying the same thing in the exact opposite way. =) Here's to many more years for both of us!!!
YES!!! I believe love is enough. Like you, the "proving" part (if it ever was necessary) was done long ago. Me and my boyfriend have been together over 5 years and we love each other more and more with each day that passes. He is the one that makes me smile for no reason and laugh at nothing... he is my love... he is my everything. We are both professional and I, like you, don't look like "I date a black man" so I love that people notice how much we love and adore each other.
Tonya,
I love your explanation of how you feel about your honey! I can feel the love coming out of the words. =) Last night my hubby and I were talking and having this very conversation because another one of our friends is contemplating divorce. I feel soooo blessed to be in this marriage with the man who is the love of my life and my best friend. What a feeling! Keep on lovin'.....
Amy
Thanks for the words of encouragement, Amy. We are still going srong after 3 months (plus 5 years of friendship). Still having the time of our lives! Kudos to you and Jamie for always keeping the lines of communication open and talking things through. I truly believe COMMUNICATION is the key in any relationship. So, I have to add, LOVE and COMMUNICATION is enough!
-Heather
Oh Heather I agree 100% with you! Jamie and I talk about everything, and I mean everything! People are amazed that we do. I got home last night and Jamie was out getting the mail and the talking started the second I hit the driveway. We stood there and talked and talked and then went in the house and continued it while cooking dinner together. Gotta, gotta communicate!!! Love, respect, and communication! No matter the disagreements, trials, tribulations, challenges, etc....the bond of love, communicating openly and honestly, and respecting the other person's opinions should hopefully get us all through!!! So far so good here.....=) I am so happy for you and your man!!! Keep it up, stay happy and just have fun!
Amy
Hmm..I am afraid for me it wasn't enough. My ex had several serious mental issues(borderline being one of them..) and all the love in the world couldn't prevent our split after 8 years of desperately trying..
I have to admit I was the one to state:" enough is enough". Living with a borderliner drains You in no uncertain way. I had to do it to save myself.
It was a terrible break-up. She cried her heart out. The saddest part was, that she knew she was sick when the , let's call them "spells" took over and she changed in an utterly unrecognizable person.
When the spells subsided she always remembered how she had mentally (mis)treated me. And was always so sad realizing she had one of those periods again.
It got worse with the years, and bi-polar paranoia creeped in. She started distrusting anyone, even me, for their motivations..
She loved me dearly, and I her(maybe I still do..) but in the end that could not save it. She cried soo hard when I told her" I could not bear it any longer" "Why couldn't we just stay friends?" etc. In the end I had to choose for my own sanity. After 2 years, I still feel terrible ,a terrible person. But, it was just too much for me.... I am not proud of the fact that I was the one to say "sorry, but I do not want any contact anymore"
So, no, love is not always enough.Sadly..
J oh my gosh that is so sad. I totally understand that in your case there is just no way that love would have been enough. Mental illness is such a tough thing to deal with and if someone is not taking the proper meds or has the proper treatment it is an impossible thing to live with. I have experience with schizophrenia as my cousin had it and has since passed away. She was fine when she took her meds but when she didn't she was hearing voices and doing completely unsafe things that eventually ended up killing her in the end. The irony is she was a nurse when she was well but couldn't even take care of herself when she wasn't. So very sad. Don't ever think you are a terrible person, this is an extreme that is so unbelievable that having a normal relationship just would not have been in the picture. No guilt needed, it is what it is and nothing could change that. Take the good things that you had with her and hold onto those memories. Thank you for sharing your story.
Amy
Just found your post! Love it!! I have dated white guys most of my life (I am 28)and I usually get the odd looks, but not much more than that. Last month I went out to dinner with my bf and got stared at by a lady who actually walked by the table and stopped for a couple seconds to look a little longer before leaving!! lol!!! I am glad for your post! Thank you!
Natasha,
So glad you found my blog and are enjoying it. Every single day seems to bring about something to write about. I just wish I had more time. =) I hope you keep reading and I hope you keep staying strong in who you are and who you date! Kudos.
Amy
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