Thursday, September 24, 2009

The Children......



When Jamie and I met and fell in love we knew fairly soon that we were going to be married and have a family together.  Sometimes you just know these things.  For us it was just a given.  We were married in August of '93 and little Miss Tatiana was on the way in December of '93. =)  I remember having a conversation with my Mom when Jamie and I decided to get married.  It was about being in a mixed race marriage.  She had no issues with this except for the fact she was worried about her future grandchildren.  She didn't want them to face any prejudice or hate.  She said it would break her heart.  So think about it, when two people of the same race get married and decide to have a family they just do it. They don't have to think about what their kids will face in regards to the color of their skin. My Mom certainly didn't need to have that conversation with my Sister or Brother when they got married. The issues and decisions that an interracial couple face are so different than couples in same race relationships. When the day came that we found out we were expecting, ironically my parents were in town visiting from the Northwest. It was a happy, happy day and all of us were thrilled!  The worry somehow melted away. I will always focus on the positive and deal with the negative as it comes.  I will never let the negative rule my life, my marriage, or my daughter.  So when my Mom voiced her worry, bless her heart, I just told her we would make sure that our children lived the happiest life possible.  We wouldn't shelter them from racism, and when and if it occurred, we would teach them where it came from, how to deal with it, and to always be proud of who they are.  That is what we have done with Tatiana....she has grown into an amazing, proud, beautiful young woman.

7 comments:

Madelyn said...

She is an amazing young lady.

Tonya Ingram said...

I think having my children is what helped my family (those that still had some prejudice in them) get over whatever issues they had with me dating black men. Now had I ever come home with the thuggish black man who doesn't have anything going for himself, they'd probably still have issues. However, they realize now that it's just a skin color and not all black people are alike. :)

Amy said...

aMaddie,

Thank you! We are just so proud of her. What a blessing!

Tonya,

It is wonderful how children bring light to any situation. I wish everyone would just realize that there are good and bad in all types of races. As I always say, you have to look at someone's heart first, the rest is just "decoration." Hope you are having a great week...thanks for continuing to read!

Amy

fb said...

My husband talks sometimes to move to US (we live in Canada), and each time I think of the difference it would make for our daughter ( 5 years old and mixed race). The heritage of racism is palpable and so present there that I don't feel I could be happy, having to defend the values and choices of my family.
Here in Montreal it never comes up in our life, we forget that elsewhere it could be an issue.
It makes me sad to feel that my daughter would be facing to choose between two identities: black or white. And that our family wouldn't be embraced by all. It is one reason I still don't feel we could live in the US, but maybe its changing. Lets hope so.

Amy said...

FB,

Don't ever feel that you can't move here because of the worries of racism in regards to your daughter. The US is an amazing place to live and the good far outweighs the bad. Unfortunately racism does still exist but it by no means rules our life or defines our life. We live in Southern Calif and it is really a melting pot of all cultures. Obviously the fact that my blog exists shows that racism is not gone by any means, but times have changed for the better as the years have gone on. I prefer to be open about these things vs not talking about them otherwise things will never change and growth will never happen. I am proud of my family and treasure our differences and everyone that we surround ourselves with feels the same. For those that don't, well that is their loss. No matter where we live, my family is amazing to me and that will never change regardless of what our address is. =) So if the day comes that you and your family move here then Welcome, welcome!! =)

Amy

Ginette said...

Congratulations on having a long and happy marriage and on raising who seems to be a very grounded child. My husband I are also an interracial couple and as far as I am concerned we are not black or white....at least to our son. I prefer for him at this young age to use accurate descriptions when talking about what we look like. I'm brown, he's peach (sorta), and our son is light brown. This may seem strange, but we are not sheltering him from society, we are just not introducing him to the harsh realities that society imposes on people until that time comes. He will figure it out because of how ppl. are soon enough, but in our home we are all beautiful even though we are different shades of color. So kudos for raising a child who knows all of her background. I'd like to know you and your husbands thoughts on the reverse interracial relationship, because trust me it can be very different for a white man and a black woman (which we are). Plus, I'm of Jamaican descent and my husband is German, so I think ppl. outside of the US are much more open minded. Your thoughts? P.S. Keep up your blog. I'm sure it's inspiring, if not entertaining several people!

Amy said...

Ginette,

I am glad you found my blog and are enjoying reading it! Thank you. =) It's funny that you say you haven't introduced your son to the harsh realities yet....I felt the very same way as you when our daughter was really young. It was my husband who said we couldn't "shelter" her because he felt she needed to learn what to expect. We have always been so open about, and so proud of our differences that even when society brought about issues for her it just didn't get to her because of what she was taught and how she has grown up. You will know when the time is right and depending on where you live maybe it won't even be an issue! =)

It's ironic that you ask about our opinion on the opposite situation with a white man and a black woman. Just today Tatiana and I were at the mall and just such a couple walked by. She said, "Awwww look it's us but opposite." =) I have always wondered if it is easier for a black woman and white man? I always get the typical "another white woman "stealing" another brother from the hood" response. Like I "stole" him! Ummm it was his choice! Ummm we fell in love! What have you experienced as the woman in your situation? How do you feel as a black woman seeing black men with white women? I would love to get your perspective which I am sure is going to be totally open minded because you are in my same (yet opposite) boat! =)

I am still bummed that it is a black and white thing instead of just a man and woman thing, but that is the reality.

I chose to write this blog to show what we go through on a daily basis but also to show others that we are just like everyone else. A family livin' life.

Thanks again for reading! Hope to hear back soon.

Amy

PS
How do you come about my blog?