Monday, August 31, 2009

"Wow, I Never Pictured You With a Black Guy".......

Out to dinner on our 16th anniversary 8/21/09 =)
I'm baaaack....sorry for the break...I just started a new full time job and it has been difficult keeping up with the blog, facebook and life! =) Speaking of facebook.....as many of you out there are...I too am addicted! Well, the other day I received a friend request from someone I thought was an old friend of mine from high school. She ended being a different person with the exact same name as my friend. Once I accepted the request I received a private email from her. She had seen my profile picture, which is of my husband, daughter and myself. The email was short and to the point. In it she wrote..."How are you?" Wow, I never pictured you with a black guy. He looks like that news guy that was on channel 6 in San Fran so I guess that's okay." As I am reading this, I'm thinking, first of all, do you not realize we don't know each other? Second of all, if he didn't look like the newscaster, would it not be okay?! I was just blown away! Here is a woman that thinks she is getting back in touch with a high school friend and all she can say after years and years is, "I never pictured you with a black guy!?" If I was with a white man would she have said, "Wow, I never pictured you with a white guy!" Of course not! Why is it okay to say something like that!? It's sooooo not! Even if she disagreed with us being together could she not have just said, "nice to be in touch again," and just leave out all of the other "stuff" she felt the need to write? People never ever cease to amaze me. My email back should have been, "Wow, I can't believe how ignorant you are!" Instead, needless to say, I hit the delete button. =)

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Nice pic of the two of you. :) I haven't published any photos of my guy on my facebook page, but I can only imagine some of the reactions it will get when I do. I went to school in a very rural area of southeast Missouri. There were NO people of color (any color other than white) in my entire school district. I don't ever have time to Facebook, though, so I guess they won't know for a long time, if ever. Just too busy for it.
-Heather

Amy said...

Heather so good to hear from you! =) Thank you....I love that pic too. It was such a nice night. =)

I live in So. Cali so of course we are a big melting pot of everyone. I think that is why I am even more amazed that these comments, stereotypes, and pure racism still even exist here. I am the never ending optimist...I know one day that will all change. Ask my husband however and he will tell you the exact opposite. It's just the way it has always and will always be is what he feels. I am hoping in this case he is wrong! =) I hope everything is going well with you and your honey and that you don't experience any of this craziness or at least as little as possible. Have a fabulous rest of your week!

PS....I know what you mean about facebook. Crazy busy! I am keeping up with my personal facebook, business facebook, and this blog. As you can see I am not writing as often but I am determined! I am going to write a book about all of this one day....oh to have all the time in the world! Cloning anyone?

Anonymous said...

Hey- I could tell you stories. You know, Rick is Mexican, darker than many black people I know, and most commonly mistaken for middle eastern, as is one of my daughters. Never a boring day! I get more of the reverse discrimination of being married to a successful mexican man. They stereotype me as a money hunter or a trophy wife I actually speak fluent spanish, appreciate the culture and am a Chief Operation Officer of a company. Hardly the trophy wife!! Now on the other side, I could have left daycare with any blue eyed baby without question, but always got questions when i took the dark mexican boy from the baby room!! Hehehehe...Ignorance is bliss.

Jennifer

Anonymous said...

If you find out about that cloning thing, let me know. I've been working two jobs for a while and could use a clone! By the way, how is the new job going for you? Have you been painting? I haven't had time lately, but have lots of ideas rolling around in my head.
Things are going very well with Raymond and me. :) We are still keeping our relationship very low-key as we are both private people when it comes to the local community. Its really been a wonderful summer falling in love with my friend.
-Heather

Amy said...

Heather,

"Falling in love with your friend," I love it!! 2 jobs wow! If I could split myself in fourths that would be perfect! One for me, one for hubby, one for daughter, and one for work. =) The new job is going very well. I am a Program Director for a tutoring facility so now I am working with kids and parents all day which is so weird!! I went from owning my own store....(you read the story) to this. Two TOTALLY different things. Right now I look at it as I am blessed to have a good job! I didn't think I would ever work for anyone ever again but life tends to have it's own plans, as you well know! I finished a painting a couple of weeks ago that I had been working on forever! I started another one but it's only in the drawing stage. Time oh time...where are you?! =) I can't wait to see how you and Raymond progress! It's soooo exciting! I am thrilled to be a "small" part of it! Amy

Jennifer,

Isn't it amazing that people just assume so many things strictly by outward appearences!? Middle Eastern, trophy wife, blond blue eyed child, and all of them so totally incorrect! I get that pretty much every single day! The other day Jamie and I were out and about and we went into a retail store to look around. They came up to me and asked if I needed help, then they separately went up to Jamie and asked the same thing. We came into the store together but for "some" reason they "assumed" we were not together. Hmmm what could that reason possibly be? I said we are together....and they just said, OH, okay. Small little things that continually speak volumes. Good thing I have a sense of humor about it all! From the outward racism, to the little every day occurences, we are so strong in our relationship that none of it fazes us anymore. =)

Hugs Chica! =)
Amy

Anonymous said...

Amy,
I was wondering if you've had any experieces with black women who don't approve of the two of you as a couple. It seems like I've been experiencing this sometimes when we are out and about. It's subtle, but sometimes it seems I'm ignored by a black waitress or hostess at restaurants. They don't make eye contact with me, and when they talk, they talk to him and not to me. Sometimes I wonder if its just in my head and maybe I'm perceiving something that isn't really going on. I just haven't had this happen when I've been out with past partners- who were all white. Have you ever experienced anything like this?
-Heather

Amy said...

Heather,

That is a constant for me. I've heard it all...."You took another brother from the hood," "aren't there enough white men out there for you, why did you take one of ours," Jamie's been called a sell out because he is with me, not shaking my hand when meeting me, the not so subtle stares. I could go on but you get the idea. On the other hand there are other's that have been beyond welcoming and kind. I am so used to it now that it doesn't even get to me. I am a good, kind woman in love with a good, kind man and if they can't see that then that is their issue and not mine. =) Be strong in your relationship and just be happy, the rest will either follow or drop by the wayside. For anyone to question our motives for being together after a total of 17 years is just silly. Clearly we are in love and we have built a beautiful life. I wish the same for those women that don't get it because if they can find THIS with someone who is black, white, brown, or green =)....they will be amazed at how full life can become. So next time someone stares, or gives "those" looks, just smile and walk on. =)

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences on this subject, Amy. I can't believe you've actually had some of these women SAY things to you, and Jamie, too! I can't believe people have the nerve to open their mouths like that. I do appreciate you sharing, I know my own experiences must not just be in my head. It's subtle so far with my own experience. I don't even bring it up to Raymond really, because I don't want other peoples' issues becoming a focus of our relationship. We talk about this type of thing from time to time, but its just that we are so into each other, we don't spend too much time discussing it. I think that's probably the healthy thing to do anyway. We are doing wonderfully. I am also glad you are a part of my new life. Thanks so much for all you share.
-Heather

Amy said...

Heather,

You are very welcome! I am so happy to be able to give you insight into your situation! =) The BEST thing you can do is do exactly what you are doing.....just live your lives together. As things come up just know that no matter what other people think, the only opinions that matter are yours and Raymond's. =) Had we listened to all of the naysayers and negativity through the years we would have been done a long time ago. Instead here we are today. I am so happy my small little piece of the blog world has brought people like you into my life. =) Keep living and loving!

Amy