Monday, October 17, 2011

"Oh, You're Together?"

It's funny, when my husband and I are together, whether in a restaurant, standing in line somewhere, even at a hospital, people aren't quite sure if we are a couple.  A while back I was in the emergency room (that's another crazy story for another day) and we were waiting for the doctor.  When he finally came in and introduced himself, he shook my hand and then looked at Jamie, shook his hand and said, "You are?".......long pause.......I finally finished his sentence and said, "Husband."  He said, "Oh, well, you just never know these days." Yeah right!  We all know if Jamie had been white the doctor would have automatically assumed he was my husband, but since he was black he just didn't go there.  Funny don't you think!?  I’m so used to it at this point it hardly even gets to me, well, maybe just a little.  The same thing happens to us in restaurants when we are waiting for a table.  Unless we are holding hands or wrapped around each other, which we try not to do in public, it's always, "Oh, you're together?"  Really?  Are “we” such a shock?  This is southern California for goodness sake and last I checked it is 2011.  Isn't it?

One of the more comical "Oh, you're together moments,” was when I was having surgery years ago.  I woke up post surgery and asked for my husband.  I wanted him by my side, AND he also had my glasses so I couldn't see a darn thing!  No contact lenses allowed during surgery.  I was blind as a bat!  The nurse said she checked the family waiting room and he wasn't there.  I knew he was, because he would make sure he was there when I woke up.  That is just the kind of guy he is.  I asked her to check again.  She did, and she then went on to describe who was in the room and once again she was determined that he was not there. Well guess what "nurse ratchet," (I only say that because she got irritated with me) the black man you just described in the waiting room, is my husband!  She didn't even ask him if he was with me.  Imagine?  I kindly told her the big black man was my husband and after turning a few shades of red, she went back to the waiting room one last time, but this time she brought my hubby back with her.  I finally had him back by my side AND I could see again!  Hopefully, the nurse’s vision became just a little clearer that day too. 



Anonymous said...

Great stories and I know of what you speak. Jamie is the most gentle giant I know. He even was afraid of me being a serial killer and something I wasn't when I was going to come to your house sight unseen to spend the weekend. I will always remember seeing this man who could crush me with his arms if he wanted :) So funny he was scared of me. His little pocket ,,,. Love you girlfriend.

Anonymous said...

Hey Amy. I am right there with you. In stores, restaurants everywhere. The strange thing about all this was when Soffia was little and was with Michael and holding his hands (She is blond with blue eyes) Nobody ever stop him or ask him what the he11 he was doing with this little girl. It show you what and how people think. People only see what they want to see not that I have like someone to stop him but it make you think. Take care Solrun

Nay K said...

Oh Amy, it's another great point that you have made and I have a lot to say on it. Please do not let it upset you. Some people are really innocent when they see obvious interracial couples in public.

I too have done that a few times and just recently at work. Every day, I see this Black man drive up and let’s out a nice looking White woman and he drives off.

She works in my building and since we have spoken several times in the past, I assumed they were a couple, so I was about to tell her about Loving Day and your web blog.

So I said to her, "I finally spoke to your husband last week" and she smiled and said "Oh he's not my husband, I just car pool with him because we are neighbors." Oops, that’s what I get for assuming, but in my mind I was hoping that there were a couple because you know I love to see interracial couples in public, church and everywhere.

Now on the negative side, some people who still hate to see will refuse to accept a mix couple unless as you wrote here, the mix couple are hugged up, kissing or holding hands.

In 2004, I took Ester to eat at a Black owned soul food restaurant and I walked in a bit before Ester because she was checking her make up or something in car. The people were very nice to me. I made the order for both of us. Then Ester joined me but the owner and waitress kept giving Ester dirty looks and then to me. I could read their minds. They were thinking "With all the pretty black sisters, how dare I bring a Mexican woman in here". Ester is Hispanic, but Not from Mexico, but in California, if a person is Hispanic, they are automatically assumed to be from Mexico. We just ignored them, eat our meal and left a very small tip. In Miami {Little Cuba} there’s not such a big deal about it.

When I think about our country, I still see the glass as half full because with obvious interracial couples(Black/White/White/Asian/Black/Hispanic or whatever) I think we have come a long way, but we still have some progress to make.

In closing, now days we see so many mixed couples in public i.e restaurants, clubs etc. sometimes it's just co-workers hanging out or sometimes they are a couple. The nurse in the hospital should have at least asked the first time, if Jamie was your husband instead of coming back and telling you no one was there.

"Let Us realize that a Change can only come, when We stand together as one.” “We Are The World" by Michael J. Jackson

Amy Wise said...


So hilarious that Jamie thought you were a "serial killer" from L.A.!! Then your little itty bitty self showed up! Ha ha ha! Love you right back.


It's bizarre that we all STILL get questioned. One day there will be so many mixes of everyone it won't even be a question!

Nay K.

Always keep your glass half full attitude. The more we have positive attitudes about all of this the quicker people will be accepting of everyone. Change does happen one lesson at a time.

Hugs all!


Wendy said...

I'm so glad that I found your blog! I have been married for 23 years now (I'm white, he's black). We have tons of stories like this, some funny, some not so funny.

Amy Wise said...


I'm so glad you found my blog! Welcome! I just looked at yours and you have a beautiful family. I love hearing from IR couples that have been in long term marriages. It truly shows that we CAN make it through it all AND have a beautiful life through our love. Keep in touch and thanks so much for stopping by!