Nicknames.......

 

With all the seriousness that is wrapped around race, this week I thought I would lighten it up a bit.

One of the reasons that Jamie and I have lasted as long as we have is because we love to have fun and we love to laugh! Even better, we like to make each other laugh by poking fun at each other. Only in a nice way of course…well, most of the time. You gotta be able to laugh, right? Otherwise, what’s the point? One of the ways we make each other giggle is by having very silly nicknames for each other and using them often. Now of course, because we are an interracial couple the names we give each other pretty much relate to that. Our nicknames have just become part of our daily conversations and they always make us smile.

Our silliness in a nutshell:

Jamie’s names for me depending on the day…
Snow Bunny (he uses this one a lot!)
White Woman
Crazy White Woman (some days that’s just how I roll)
Vanilla
White Chocolate
Vanilla Ice
Patty Hearst (this one just makes me laugh)
Wifey
Light Bright
Sunshine (cute)
Lily White A$$ (really depending on the day and the mood….now, now get your mind out of the gutter!)

My names for Jamie (also depending on the day and of course my mood!)…
Big Sexy Hunk O’ Chocolate (my favorite and I use it often)
Hot Chocolate
Black Maaaaan (remember, from Designing Women?)
Chocolate Bar
Chocolate Deliciousness (Mhmm)
Big Bald Black Man
Hubby
Hubs
Big Daddy (He is known as this)
Big Black A$$ (as in, get your B.B.A. in here! Tee hee)

So that pretty much covers it. Goofy nicknames for goofy people. That’s us! I hope you got a little smile or maybe even a giggle out of our silliness. Now I’m off to see what my Big Sexy Hunk O’ Chocolate is up to!

"The House"

One of the many joys I get from writing, aside from the writing itself of course, are all the wonderful Authors that I'm getting to know.  I'm in awe of all the talent and feel very blessed to be a part of their writing journey.  One of the talented Authors that I am referring to is Anjuelle Floyd.  Her first book, Keeper of Secrets: Translations of an Incident (2007) was received with rave reviews.  Anjuelle is now preparing to release her first novel, The House, which will publish this Fall. 

The House:

On receiving the very thing she wants—a divorce and the power to sell their house—over which they have fought the past year—Anna Manning learns that Edward, her soon-to-be ex-husband is dying from cancer.  A faithful wife for three decades, and stay-at-home mother of four children, Anna endured Edward’s constant absence due to travel for his international real estate firm and numerous extra-marital affairs. With their children now adults, Edward has less than six months, possibly three, to live.  Anna takes him home to die in the house she has fought so vigorously to sell. But letting go of someone who has caused so much pain in your life doesn’t come easily. Edward has changed. There are Anna and Edward’s four children, three of whom who are married and struggling to endow their families with meaning and purpose.  The House shows what happens when one adopts the belief that: All hold regret and are seeking forgiveness. Our salvation rests in the hands of others—most particularly the ones we love, and who have treated us wrongly.

I recently had the opportunity to read The House, and let me just say, it captivated me.  The book is a novel, yet the characters were so strong I felt like I was reading someone's memoir.  Anjuelle sent a copy of the book to me back in August and I just finished it last week.  Life tends to get in the way of reading and relaxing, and due to time, or actually lack thereof, it took me much longer than I intended to finish this book.  However, most of the time when I have to walk away from a book because time is not on my side I tend to forget who the characters are and where the plot left off.  I find myself having to go back and re-read so I can refresh my memory as to where I was in the book.  This was not the case at all with The House. The characters felt like family to me, so each time I picked up the book I "fell" right back into their lives like I had never set the book down.  It's like talking to an old friend after not speaking to them for years, but for some reason once the conversation starts it seems like it was just yesterday.

The characters in the book had many types of relationships that all of us could relate to in one way or another.  One of the aspects of the book that I loved, were the interracial relationships that were intertwined amongst the characters.  This wasn't a focus of the book or focus of the relationships, it just was.  Exactly like life, there were real feelings and real views expressed about the interracial relationships and how they affected the family dynamics.  I could relate to every single thought because I have lived them all and then some.  I truly appreciated how Anjuelle's characters reacted to these relationships.  She did this with a subtlety that rang very true to life.

The House is a book that I didn't want to end because I didn't want to say goodbye to the characters.  I laughed, I cried, I related....as will you.  This is a must read that you will also want to recommend to your friends. 

Thank you Anjuelle for letting me be a small part of The House's journey!

African American Section......

I have received so many emails and comments from my latest story on The Next Family and She Writes that I had to share the story here.  Normally I try and have different stories on my blog and Next Fam because  I don't want to bore!  =)  However I think this one needs to be shared on both sites.............

So I have a question: Did you know that in general books written by black authors are shelved in the African American section? Did any of you out there realize that? Unless of course you are Toni Morrison or friends with Oprah, black authors are pretty much housed in their own “special” section.

A fellow writer who happens to be black recently published her first novel. A few months ago, just prior to her publication date, she sent out an interesting request. We are all on a writers’ site together and one of her posts was: “Wanted: White Ambassadors to Help Me Cross Over”. Seriously, that was her post! After I read this request she sent out, I wrote about it on my blog at "I'll Be Your White Friend"

I thought she had such guts and honesty by asking that simple “favor.” She knew that unless she got the word out to others outside her “circle,” her book would end up in the African American section and her audience would be limited. Her post caused quite the stir and received both sympathy and “are you kidding me?” responses. I get it though. You spend all this time writing and coming up with this wonderful story that has nothing to do with being black or white, and then boom, you are put into a category that many readers will never venture to. It’s so silly. A lot of people who read her request had never thought of her situation because of course, if you are a white writer there is no “white section!” Romance, mystery, memoir, self-help, religious…yes…but “white section”? No way!

Why am I on such a rant about this issue so long after her post? Well, the writer that I’m talking about is now published and I promised her when the book was pubbed that I would buy it. So off I went to Borders this past weekend and I was so happy to find her book stocked in the store. There it was on the computer…Substitute Me, by Lori Tharps. I had looked in the store on previous occasions but it was only available online. I was thrilled to see that I could finally get her book, take it home and get to reading! Imagine the look on my face when I saw that her book was located in the….drum roll please….African American section! You have to be freakin’ kidding me! Yes indeed, that’s exactly where it was. I literally laughed out loud at the ridiculousness of it and how spot-on Lori was about where her book would end up!

Off I went to the African American section, perusing the shelves for Lori’s book while noticing the obvious glances my way. I truly wanted to share my dismay and story with the other women in the section, but I was so heated I didn’t want the guys with the white coats to show up for the crazy lady in the African American section at Borders! So instead, I bought the book, went home, and emailed my experience to Lori. She was irritated, but of course not surprised. Unless we stop putting people, books, music, and everything else in categories, that’s exactly where we are going to stay. Let’s all start thinking outside the box, people. You might be surprised at all the new things you will learn and enjoy. Until then, I’ll see ya at the bookstore…you can find me in the African American section. 

Interview With Crime/Mystery & Interracial Romance Novelist Stacy-Deanne

Stacy-Deanne

Melody ~

The Award-Winning

Crime/Mystery & Interracial Romance

2008 ~ Simon and Schuster

Amy: Stacy, thank you for joining me today. I'm very excited to have an Interracial Fiction Writer on my blog since all my writing is basically real life...or rather, my life!

Stacy: Thanks for having me. I appreciate the opportunity!

Amy: The first question I'd like to ask you is how did you get into writing?

Stacy: I started writing at nineteen when I got my first computer. I loved it so much I decided to do it professionally. It made me happier than anything else did.

Amy: What inspired you to make writing your career?

Stacy: The minute I started writing, something clicked and I knew this was what I was put on earth to do. I had many stories inside of me and I wanted to share them with the world. I got so much joy from writing that any rewards outweighed the risks.

Amy: What made you choose fiction?

Stacy: Well, I love to make up stories and I’ve always had a great imagination. If I couldn’t make up my own characters or plots than I wouldn’t want to write. Also fiction is what I read. I don’t read nonfiction.

Amy: Obviously I'm very interested in your writing because so many of your characters are involved in interracial relationships. Let me ask you this....are you in an interracial relationship or have you ever been in one? Nothing like cutting to the chase right!?

Stacy: Right now I am single and no I am not looking, LOL. Yes I've been in interracial relationships.

Amy: Is this why you write about interracial relationships? Because of your experiences?

Stacy: I write interracial romances because they are a preference and interest of mine personally. I think interracial romances are beautiful and very exciting. I always loved books and movies that centered on them and I enjoy writing those types of romances.

Amy: Will all your books have aspects of interracial relationships in them?

Stacy: I can’t say if all will. I write what comes to me and what’s right for the story but the majority of my books will definitely be interracial romances. My books also contain regular romances between other characters that might not be the main characters, so usually there is more than a few couples in my novels. Along with the crime and mystery of course. LOL!

Amy: I know you are currently working on your 4th book after writing Divas in '05, Everlasting in '07, and Melody in '08. Your newest book "Giving Up the Ghost" will publish in 2011....can you give us a "taste" of the story?

Stacy: Would love to! Here’s a sneak peek of Giving up the Ghost coming April 2011. It’s the first installment in my detective and interracial romance series:

Albany Detective Brianna “Bree” Morris is having the year from hell. A sadistic admirer has been stalking her for months and now her friend Cheyenne Wilson has been beaten and left for dead.

With her ex-lover and faithful partner, Steven Kemp, Bree thrusts herself into the case. It’s not long before they believe two unrelated British men are connected to the attack. Michael is a womanizing artist with a ferocious appetite for rough sex. Simon is a wealthy free spirit looking for love in all the wrong places, but has one too many skeletons in his closet.  Bree struggles to determine fact from fiction when it comes to Michael and Simon, but her attempts are blurred by Michael's manipulation and her sexual attraction to Simon, who Steven is convinced cannot be trusted. 

Meanwhile the stalker does everything in his power to get close to Bree and his obsession evokes a spiral of violence. 

Bree must trust her heart to find answers but her heart leads her to the most dangerous man of all.

Amy: Stacy, it sounds so intriguing! I can't wait to read it!  You are a busy lady writing so many books in a fairly short period of time. Do you write full time?

Stacy: Yes I am writing full time right now.  It's funny, I wish I'd had more books out at this point but the publishing industry is very slow. LOL.

Amy: What advice do you have for up and coming writers that want to follow the dream of writing their first book?

Stacy: I want them to know it won’t be easy if they hope to seek publication. I also want them to be realistic and realize that writing is hard work. There is a difference between writing a first draft and writing something that is publishable. It takes a lot of skill, learning and hard work to write something that is good enough to be published. I’d also let them know that rarely is your first book published. I’d written twelve books before my first published book. It’s not an easy career, believe me. I’d also tell anyone they’d better love writing and do it because they love it because there is no guarantee you’ll ever get published.

Amy: Stacy, thank you so much for being here today and for giving us such an honest perspective on your writing and the "writing world" in general. It's been a pleasure having an interracial fiction writer on my blog and I just wish you so much continued success! Congratulations on your new book, I'm truly looking forward it!

Stacy: Thanks so much, Amy! I enjoyed being here and I enjoy your blog very much. To the readers and IR fans out there, keep a look out for my work and check out my web site to keep up with me: http://www.stacy-deanne.net/

"That's Okay, They're Family"......

When it comes to race issues in America we are not surprised when the older generation still has problems regarding interracial dating and marriage.  Sometimes it's hard to let go of old school ways when that's how someone was raised.  However, the younger generation is supposed to give us hope that race will just be a fact and not an issue.  Now the "pee wee generation"....I'm talking about our itty bitties....kinder, first graders and so on......those little kiddos should have ZERO issues when it comes to race, right? Why would a first or second grader care, or even know, to have a problem with interracial dating or marriage?  The one and only reason a little one would care, or rather know to care, is because they are being taught to care.   I wrote about this last year at "Nobody is Born a Bigot" but this year it hit even closer to home. 

Recently, we were out with relatives from Jamie's side of the family and one of them told us a story that was very concerning to me.  Her little daughter was watching a wedding show with her and the couple that was getting married happened to be a black woman and an Asian man.  Our little relative said to her Mama, "How can they be getting married? They don't belong together."  Mama said, "What? They're getting married because they love each other."  Little relative said, "They can't get married, they should be the same."  Is your mouth dropping yet?  At this point mine did!  Mama then said, "It doesn't matter what skin color someone is as long as the man treats the woman like a princess, they make each other happy, and they love each other."  Little relative wasn't going for it.  She said, "No, it's not okay, they need to be the same."  Mama then said,  "Well what about Uncle Jamie and Aunt Amy?"  Little relative said, "That's okay, they're family."  Isn't it fascinating that because we are family, and she loves us to pieces, she feels that our interracial marriage is okay?  She's just a child, so she doesn't understand that if we're okay, then all interracial marriage should be okay.  As the story goes on, I still can't believe what I'm hearing. How could our little relative feel this way? Mama continued to explain that it's all about love and happiness, and not skin color. However, with the exception of "us," little relative was not about to change her mind in regards to how she feels about interracial couples.

You might be asking, where is she learning this kind of thinking?  I asked the very same question. Clearly Mama isn't teaching racism.  Mama and Daddy are not together anymore, so is it being taught at Daddy's?  Is she learning from friends at school who learn from their Mommy's and Daddy's?  Is she learning from Grandparents?  Who knows?  It's just sad and wrong. 

Tolerance is so important and the little ones are the key.  They are like sponges, and no matter what we teach them they will soak it in.  It breaks my heart that our little relative feels this way.  I hope that all of her Mama's positive feedback and teaching will outweigh the negative that she is being exposed to elsewhere.  Hate can be taught, but love can still be learned.  This is my hope for her.

Happy Sweet 16 Tatiana!!!!

16 years ago today we were blessed with the most amazing gift ever...our beautiful daughter! 

From a baby to a young woman....this is our child.....

She is kind, she is loving, she is beautiful, she is talented, she is funny, she is crazy, she is wild, she is a dancer, she is a friend, she has her faults, she has made mistakes, she has grown, she will continue to grow, she will move out, she will move on, she will create her own life, she will live, she will love, but one thing will never change, she will always be our fabulous daughter! 

Today we celebrate the joy of our life.....Tatiana...happy, happy 16th birthday baby girl....we love you!!  Mama and Daddy <3

Aren't We All Just Sisters At Heart?!

Okay ladies, this one’s for you. Since my last post about our “friend” that has issues with white women and black men, all sorts of conversations have popped up…some good, some bad. I’m a little discouraged…okay, a LOT discouraged that this is even a conversation. Ladies, c’mon on now! Aren’t we all in this together? Women are supposed to be there for each other, not fight against each other. We are supposed to be there through thick and thin, laughter and tears, good and bad, boys to men, men to men, and more men…right?! Why do we want to “dog” each other, when we should totally be there for each other? It’s beyond me. I want my “sisters” to be happy, to be successful, to thrive, to find love, to find their passions, and to live their dreams! I want it for me, AND I want it for you. Really! I don’t care if you’re black, white, brown, purple or green. If you’re a good person, you deserve good. If you’re a bad person, I hope you can turn around and “get that good!”

It’s crazy, because in the midst of all these conversations and emails, I was out and about and found the perfect piece of art (the pic above) that totally says everything I’m feeling. It’s by artist Kelly Rae Roberts, and it’s called “Sisters at Heart.” I HAD to have it because it speaks to my writing about interracial love, it speaks to how I wish the world was, it speaks to how I truly feel, and it speaks to how I want ALL women to feel. Let’s lose the negativity ladies, and wish each other well. In the end aren’t we all just sisters at heart?

Love Is Not A Skin Color.......(My Latest Story on TheNextFamily.com)

Okay I’m officially irritated. If it wasn’t so ridiculous I would probably be mad too. It’s amazing how you can find out how people really feel when they voice their opinions behind your back to someone else. Are we in high school?! Funny thing is, more often than not, those opinions come full circle and make their way back to the very person you didn’t have the courage to say it to in the first place. So where am I going with all this, and what happened that got me so hot and bothered (and not in a good way)?

Well, we have a “friend” who shall remain nameless to protect the ignorant, that apparently has huge issues with black men being with white women. This is someone who has been in our home, drank our wine, ate our food, laughed with us and cried with us…but come to find out she doesn’t approve of black men with white women?! How do we now know this? The other day she was at a friend’s party and there was another black and white couple attending the party as well. These are the lovely words that came out of her mouth: “He is obviously not a real man, because if he was he would get himself a strong black woman and wouldn’t be with that weak white woman.” Ummm, excuse me?! Wow. WOW! Of course this comment got back to my husband and he said, “Well, then what does she really think of Amy and me?” Ya, my thoughts exactly.

First of all, since when are all black women strong and all white women weak? I am probably one of the strongest people you will ever meet. Seriously, I’ve been through it and I’m still standing and still strong, and look…I’m white! Why do people insist on continuing this separation madness? There are strong black women and weak black women, there are strong white women and weak white women. Being strong or being weak has nothing to do with skin color…it’s a mind-set, and last I checked all of our brains were the same color. Maybe next time she should use hers before speaking. Just a thought. It’s sad to me that people just don’t get it. I’m not with Jamie because he’s black and he’s not with me because I’m white. We are with each other because we love each other…period. Love comes from the heart, which, just like the brain, is the same color in all of us. It’s simple…love is not a skin color!

Diversity Classes Should Be Mandatory For These So Called "Educators!"

By now I'm sure all of you have seen this.  If not you will be just as shocked as I was when I first saw it on the news.  You ARE reading the dates correctly....it does say 2010-2011 not 1910-1911!  Shocking is an understatement!  Even as I write this and look at it, I think, this can't be possible, it just can't!  Race based elections at a school in 2010!!!????? 

Here it is in a nutshell:

As seen on MSNBC:
Following an uproar over a policy it said was designed 30 years ago to achieve racial equality, a school district board in a Mississippi town on Friday scrapped a system of student elections where race determined whether a candidate could run for some class positions, including president.

The rules were made over 30 years ago to make the school elections "fair."  "Cough, cough!"  However, when I looked at my calendar this morning it was 2010...I thought we had learned from the hate of the past and moved at least slightly forward?  Well, in Nettleton Mississippi this is clearly not the case!  What "sane" adults, in what "educational" system, thought this was okay!?  We wonder why racism continues.....well in Nettleton it's being "taught" in the schools!   How can anyone justify that this was set up to make things fair?  More so, how can anyone in 2010 justify this still being in print and in place today!?  There is no explaining it away, there is no excuse.  This would be like leaving a whites only sign on a water fountain and not removing it in 2010.  I am dumbfounded that any school in this country of ours allowed this to continue.  Dumbfounded!

While we're at it.....are there only black and white children at this school?  What about everyone else?  The stupidity just keeps growing!  The more I type, the more blown away I become.  Who printed this?  Who passed it out?  Who allowed it?  All these people were okay with this?  Really?! REALLY!?  Each and every adult that had a hand in the process of allowing this old, outdated, racist, foolish, policy to continue, need to go and take multiple hours of diversity classes.  In fact diversity classes should be mandatory for these so called "Educators!"  Mandatory!!!

And "They" Said it Wouldn't Last....Happy 17th Anniversary to Us!!!

Rose Garden Gazebo Where We Were Married

Rose Garden August 2010

Rose Garden August 2010

Rose Garden August 1993

18 years ago I met my love, my partner, my soul mate, my present, my future, and my best friend. 17 years ago on August 21st, 1993, I married him. We got married in a flower-covered gazebo, on a hot summer night, in the Balboa Park Rose Garden in San Diego. It was simple, it was beautiful, it was perfect. Our preacher, who was an old family friend of Jamie’s, married us and then sang to us. The song - “Always and Forever” - now, it’s forever our song. Close family and friends were there to share in our joy. Two people in love, pledging their lives to each other. It was intense…it was LOVE!

Flash forward, and now we have had 17 years of marriage, a 15 year-old daughter, and an amazing roller coaster of a life. Has it been perfect? Oh heck no! Has it been fabulous? Oh hell yes!! Would I do it again? In a minute! Am I looking forward to 17 more? Of course! After 17 years, I still love waking up on a Saturday morning wrapped in each others arms. I love coming home to Jamie sitting in his favorite chair, and walking across the room to kiss his beautiful sexy lips! I love sitting at the kitchen table, talking about life and catching up on the day. In other words, I love him now more than ever!

So today, we will celebrate 17 glorious years of craziness, fun, happiness, sadness, ups, downs, and most importantly…LOVE!  Happy anniversary to my Big Sexy Hunk O’ Chocolate! Here’s to 17 more, and more, and more!

......and "they" said it wouldn't last....Happy 17th Anniversary to Us!!!

Dr. Laura Schlessinger...What Was She Thinking!? The "N" Word? Really?!!?

Yesterday as I was catching up on facebook, a friend of mine sent me a link and asked the following; "Amy...what is your take on this?"  The link was a story about Dr. Laura using the "N" word multiple times on her talk show and then later apologizing for it.  You can read the story below: 

LOS ANGELES – Talk radio host Dr. Laura Schlessinger has issued an apology for saying the N-word several times in an on-air conversation with a caller that she said was "hypersensitive" to racism.


Schlessinger said on her website Wednesday that she was wrong in using the word for what she called an attempt to make a philosophical point.

"I articulated the N-word all the way out — more than one time," Schlessinger said in comments from the opening of her radio show that she posted on her site. "And that was wrong. I'll say it again — that was wrong."

She said she "realized I had made a horrible mistake, and was so upset, I could not finish the show."
Schlessinger said she pulled herself off the air at the end of the hour.

During the exchange on Tuesday's show, Schlessinger said the woman who called herself Jade was too sensitive for complaining that her husband's friends made racist comments about her in their home.
When the woman asked if the N-word was offensive, Dr. Laura said "black guys say it all the time," then went on to repeat it several times.

Schlessinger did not direct the epithet at the woman, but said she used it to suggest how often she hears it, and that it should not automatically be cause for offense.

When the caller objected, Schlessinger replied: "Oh, then I guess you don't watch HBO or listen to any black comedians."

Schlessinger also said that if the caller did not have a sense of humor about race, she shouldn't have entered into an interracial marriage.

After I read the story, I sat there with my eyes popping out of my head, and my jaw on the ground. I re-grouped, put my eyes back in, picked my jaw up off the floor, and re-read the story to make sure I was reading it correctly, because I just "knew" that I must have read it wrong. Sadly I hadn't. 

First of all I have to say I have never been a fan of Dr. Laura.  I have many friends that are, and that's great, ya know, free country and all, but I think she is very condescending and cruel to her callers.  I remember having a conversation with a friend years and years ago about Dr. Laura. We had recently listened to one of her shows and the subject was daycare. Dr. Laura basically stated that if you put your child in daycare you were a terrible parent. She said you must at all costs figure out a way to stay home with your child otherwise the child will suffer.  Reality check Dr. L...not everyone can do that.  From that moment on I realized she had lost touch, and the things she had said about parents that use daycare were down right cruel.  Never again was I a fan.  So that being said, when I read yesterday's story I was shocked but not totally surprised.
 
I feel so bad for the woman that called Dr. L for advice.  This woman obviously needed help and all Dr. Laura did was apparently make her feel worse.  For Dr. L to use the "N" word at all was her first mistake, to make light of it was her second, and to compare her usage of it to black men using it, was her third.  Let me clarify for the record I don't think anyone should use the word at all.  I've said it before and I'll say it again...it's a hateful word and I don't think it's cute, cool, or necessary.  However when Dr. L stated that if the caller didn't have a sense of humor about race she shouldn't have entered into an interracial marriage, that is what really got to me.  Really Dr. Laura?!  There is a BIG difference regarding having a sense of humor about race vs. spewing racial slurs.  A sense of humor is me calling my hubby a "big sexy hunk o' chocolate," a racial slur would be me using the "N" word at all.  I have been with him for 18 years and that word has never come out of my mouth.  Ever!  
 
Dr. L, when your husband gets handcuffed due to the color of his skin, or gets pulled over because of the color of his skin, or your child gets called the very "N" word that you used....then you can come and talk to me about having a sense of humor regarding race.  
 
The very reason I write this blog is to show people that interracial marriage is just like any other marriage.  However based on the call from a woman who just wants her home to be like any other, we clearly have a long way to go.  I hope Dr. Laura takes a step back and realizes that when people call her they are reaching out and truly need help.  She needs to realize she doesn't have ALL the answers. If she would just listen, and show some respect and kindness to her callers, then she would already be on the way to helping them.  It's fascinating to me that she would even attempt to give advice regarding interracial marriage when she is married to a white man. She should have sympathized with her caller's problem and told her that she didn't understand fully what she was going through because she has never been in an interracial marriage.  It's okay to not have all the answers, but it's not okay to profess that you do and have no basis for it.....what was she thinking!?  The "N" word?!  Really!!?!   

I'm So Proud of Them........

 

My latest story on The Next Family....

Click here to read:  http://thenextfamily.com/2010/08/im-so-proud-of-them/

Wrong Number!

The craziest thing happened the other day.  I was out to lunch with an old college friend of mine and as we were sitting at the table talking, her phone rang.  It was a text message, and I could tell by the look on her face that she was confused about what the message said.  She looked at me and said, "You have to read this."  So I did, and I looked back at her with the same confused look she had, and said, "What the heck does that mean?!"  She said, "Well obviously they have the wrong number!"  I told her, "Text back and let them know they have the wrong number, and not only that, tell them you're a white woman!"  Now, you are probably thinking why on earth would she need to tell them that?!?  It will make complete sense when you see how it went............check it out........

-Stranger text to my friend's phone: "A, n**ga got my shoes?"
~Friend's text back to stranger: "Ummm, I'm thinking you have the wrong person!"
-Stranger: "Que, is that you? Don't play dumb n**ga!"
~Friend (with a little help from me):  "I'm not dumb, but I'm a white woman!" 
-Stranger: "Huh!?!?"

At this point my friend and I are dying laughing!!!

~Friend:  "You have the wrong number!"
-Stranger:  "Sorry."
~Friend:  "It's okay, hope you get your shoes."
-Stranger:  "LOL, yeah me too and sorry once again!"

More laughter at the table!  OUT LOUD cracking up!! 

~Friend:  "No problem."
-Stranger:  "But anyways, if you don't mind me asking, how are you?"

Okay, now apparently he thinks he can start flirting!!!!  How hilarious is that!?

~Friend:  "Fine but I'm a grown married white woman with 2 kids!"

Stranger was stopped dead in his tracks!  The end! =)  LOL!!!! 

There are many things that came out of that call.  First, my friend said to me, "How weird that I got that message when I was with you!"  Ya know, me being married to a black man and all....I WOULD be with her for the "N" word text!  Odds!?  It still makes me cringe to see the "N" word being used so flippantly even though I know he meant it as a "friendly" gesture to his "homey."  I will never understand that, ever.  The "kids" just don't get the history of the word and they think it's so cool.  It's so not!

That aside, it just cracks me up that I can be out having lunch with a friend and something as simple as a wrong number becomes a hilarious story for my blog.  As I said on a previous post, I don't ever seek this stuff out, it just keeps coming at me!  Day, after day! =)  I also stated that some days the stories will be deep and inspirational and some days the stories will be silly and fun.  Hopefully this one gave you a giggle!  It's a welcome relief to have the "funny stuff" regarding race come up once in a while.  Laughter is good for the soul, and we laughed HARD....all from a CRAZY "wrong number!?"

Romance........What is Your Definition?

My latest story on The Next Family......

Click Here:  http://thenextfamily.com/2010/08/romance-what-is-your-definition/ 

My Passion..........

After one of the many dance recitals.  

Yeah we are officially silly, after another recital!

Writing about interracial marriage and family is my passion because I'm passionate about my marriage and family!

~I'm passionate about all the things we have gone through in a mixed race household.

~I'm passionate about helping other's that feel they are alone in this journey, and letting them know they are not! 

~I'm passionate about changing perceptions about mixed race marriages and showing everyone that they are just marriages with a "twist." 

~I'm passionate about shaping the future for my child and teaching her to be proud of all of who she is!

~I'm passionate about showing other mixed race parents they too can do the same. 

~I'm passionate about hearing your stories and helping you through difficult situations. 

~I'm passionate about getting to know you and your families so we can all share in this wonderful experience of interracial love!

~I'm passionate about laughter and hearing the funny stories too!

~I'm passionate about not taking ourselves so seriously each and every day. 

~I'm passionate about standing up to racism. 

~I'm passionate about speaking out and speaking up! 

~I'm passionate about teaching tolerance and forgiveness. 

~AND....I'm passionate about always being here for you!     

Adjusting to Each Other.....

My latest story on The Next Family

Click here to read: http://thenextfamily.com/2010/07/adjusting-to-each-other/

I'll Be Your White Friend!

I am a member of this great site called She Writes @ http://www.shewrites.com/.  It's a site filled with women writers from all over, who are on there for the purpose of helping each other grow in their writing.  It's inspiring!

Yesterday, as I was catching up on the site, one of the many posts caught my eye.  The post was from a writer named Lori Tharps.  She was asking "white writers" on the site to become her "white friends,"  buy her book, and pass the word to their "white friends" about her book.  I kid you not!  Guts huh!?  I'm sure there were a lot of people on the site that were taken aback by her request, but I totally get it. Why, you ask?  Me being a "white writer," how would I get it?  Well, she is a black writer about to publish her third book and books for some reason get categorized just like people do.  We assume that only black people are going to read books written by black authors, so that is the "pile" they get filed in.  It's the weirdest thing.  It's almost habit for people.  Will my book about interracial marriage get both categories because it's "half black and half white!?"  Hmmm?  It's nuts!  Authors are authors, black, white or otherwise!

Sometimes I feel like we are going backwards when it's comes to thinking and talking about race.  I don't get it. It's 2010 for goodness sake.  I always think I'm going to run out of things to talk about on my blog, yet every single day something about race comes up in my daily living.  It's kind of mind blowing.  I don't seek it out...it just happens.  If I wrote it all down I would have a library, not just a blog or book.      

So even though I've never met Lori Tharps, except in cyber space, and I have yet to read her book "Substitute Me" http://www.amazon.com/Substitute-Me-Lori-Tharps/dp/1439171106 because it's not quite published yet, I'm going to be her new "white friend,"  I'm going to buy her book, and I'm going to pass the word to other's to do the same.

Maybe, eventually her book will not be a "black book" but just a "book."  It's a perfect analogy for my marriage.....I have the same hopes, that maybe one day, it will just be a "marriage" and not an "interracial marriage!"  It's possible right?  Now get to reading!  =)

Embrace it, Don’t Erase it!

My latest story on http://www.thenextfamily.com/

click here: Embrace it, Don’t Erase it!

Is That Your Mom?

After one of the many dance recitals.

So the other day I was off work early and was able to pick our daughter up from dance.  Normally my schedule only allows me to pick up once a week and my husband covers the rest.  However, this particular night I was able to pick her up from the class that she asst. teaches.  I love being able to see this class because it wasn't that long ago that Tatiana was one of the little dancers...now she is helping to teach them!  Crazy!  All you Mom's out there...and Dad's too, you get it, right?  It's heart warming and freaky at the same time.  How do they grow up so fast!?  Anywho, back to the story...after the class was over, and my heart was all warm and gushy, we were walking out to the car and two of little dancers that Tat teaches were sitting on the curb while their Moms talked.  One little girl just so happened to be Black and the other little girl was Hispanic.  As we were walking by, the little girl who is black said, "Miss Tatiana, is that your Mom?"  Tat said, "Yes."  The little girl said, "Ohhhh, I like her!"  Right after she said that, the little girl who is Hispanic said, "Blanca!"  Tatiana and I just cracked up!!!  First of all, the fact that they were so surprised that I was blanca (white) was hilarious in itself, but the fact that they were excited about it was even funnier!  It still blows my mind, that people, whether little or big, are so shocked that I am Tatiana's Mom.  I am here to tell you, that YES, I am her Mom!  :)  

Check Out My Latest Story on www.thenextfamily.com......

http://thenextfamily.com/2010/07/“i’m-sorry-did-you-say-sewer-water”/

"A Family"......Just Like You, and You, and You.......

Recently I was asked to be a contributing writer to the website The Next Family at, http://www.thenextfamily.com/  I am very excited to be writing for them because their website stands for everything I do.  It's about all types of families and all types of love.  I will be writing for them once a week and look forward to sharing the beautiful message that yes, we are an “Interracial Family,” but really we are “A FAMILY” just like you!

You can check out my first story at the link below:
http://thenextfamily.com/2010/07/%e2%80%9can-interracial-family%e2%80%9d-or-just-%e2%80%9ca-family%e2%80%9d/

About The Next Family:
http://thenextfamily.com/about-2/

"She's Your Kind"

Great Niece, Niece, Daughter and Me

Once a month my family and I volunteer at Angelfood.  My Sister n Law runs the program at her church for our particular area.  It's a lot of work but oh so much fun!  It has become quite the family affair!  We volunteered as always this past weekend.  Customer after customer lined up to get the food they ordered.  One woman in particular came up to me and made it a point to say, "Hi Amy," and then continued to have a little conversation while she waited for her food.  She does this each time she comes to the church.  She just so happens to be white and the church just so happens to be a "black church."  Not that everyone and their brother isn't welcome, it just so happens to be that way.  =) After the woman left, I turned to my niece (my husband's side of the fam) and said, "That lady is so sweet, she always comes up to me and talks to me while she waits for her food."  My Niece then said, "It's because you are her kind."  It took a second for me to process what she said, then I realized what she meant, and said,  "Oh, because we are both white? Ya think!?"  My Niece said, "Ya!"  Then we both just laughed!  So does this lady automatically come talk to me because I'm white and that makes her more comfortable?  Or is this just what my Niece thinks?  It's all so odd to me, because I soooo don't think that way. I'm the only white person on so many occasions and am so used to it, that I just don't go there in my brain. =)  I hope the lady talks to me because I'm friendly......but everyone there is friendly, so why does she always pinpoint me?  Is my Niece right?  Is it really because I'm "her kind?" Hmmm.......something to ponder.       

Two Men...Different Worlds...One Love....Happy Father's Day!

Dad and Hubby

Two men from different worlds.  Two men that respect each other. Two men that love each other.  Two men that I never would have imagined being part of the same family.  Two men that have been there through everything. Two men that have made me who I am today. Two men that give unconditional love.  Two men that are amazing Dads.  Two men that I love with all my heart and all my soul.  Two men, different worlds...one love.    Happy Fathers Day!!  I love you both! 

"Loving Day".....The Right to Live in Love!

Amy and Jamie....living and loving in 2010

Mildred and Richard.....living and loving in 1967

There are days when I simply  forget how far we have come because I'm just living, and there are days when I realize how far we still have to go.  However, there is one day that will always be special to me, and that is..."Loving Day."  Yes you read it right..."Loving Day!"  I'm sure there are many of you out there that don't even realize what Loving Day is or what it represents, but to me it represents my heart, my marriage, my love.  So what is it?  It's the anniversary of the June 12th, 1967 Supreme Court decision....

Loving vs. Virginia ~ "There can be no doubt that restricting the freedom to marry solely because of racial classifications violates the central meaning of the equal protection clause." 

Richard and Mildred Loving, a mixed race couple....(how PERFECT is their last name by the way...REALLY, that is their last name!).....were forced to leave their home state of Virginia after they married, because back in the late 60's their union was still illegal in 16 states! Yes..illegal! :( They  had two options....go to jail, or leave Virginia.  They packed up and moved to WA, D.C. and the rest, as they say, is history.  They didn't just move, they fought, they won, they LOVED!  Bravery, courage, determination, and true love won out.  How cool is that!?!  Because of this amazing couple my husband and I are free to live and free to love!  I can't imagine having to fight for the right to marry the man I love.  I would though...no doubt...no question in my mind! I would fight like a lion!  It still boggles my mind to even think that it was illegal for two people to marry solely because of the color of their skin. This was during my lifetime no less.  How insane were "we" back then!?  This is why it is so important to always fight for what is right.  If we stay quiet and do nothing, then nothing happens. If we speak up, and teach tolerance, then everything can happen! Sometimes laws might be changed and sometimes minds might be changed.....either way, we move forward, and that my friends is a good thing!  So to Richard and Mildred Loving, a brave couple who stood up for the their love and their rights, here's to you, from all of "us"....thank you Loving's for giving us the RIGHT to live in LOVE!  

For more information about this special day and this amazing couple visit:

http://www.lovingday.org/

For more information on their struggle:

http://www.lovingday.org/the-loving-story

PS....

I want to send a special shout out to one of my readers.  Her name is Heather and she is putting on a Loving Day photo essay in her home state of Missouri. The photo essay will include interracial couples that Heather knows from around the country.  My family will be one of the featured families in her essay. I just want to say thank you Heather for including us in your celebration all the way in Missouri!  Very cool! 

Thank YOU!!!!........

Lately my schedule has not given me much time to write on my blog.  I keep taking notes about various events or situations and little by little the notes will all make their way to the blog.  Life tends to get in the way!  =)  I wish I could write all day long because I truly enjoy it!! 

Today my post however is about all of YOU out there in cyberland!  I just want to take a moment to say thank you for reading and thank you for all of your beautiful comments.  I have made many new friends across the world because of this blog and I just LOVE that we are all here for a common reason, and that is.....LOVE, pure and simple.   I am blessed to be in such an amazing marriage and even more blessed to be able to share it with all of you.  So thank YOU for taking time out of your day to read and to comment and to now be part of my life.  I truly appreciate it!  Here's to many more years of happy relationships whatever mix they might be!! 

More posts to come....if only there were 48 hours in a day!  =)  Amy 

What Are You Staring At? I'm Just Kissing My Husband Goodbye!

For those of you that know me, you know that my car has been in the shop quite a bit lately.  Because of that "fun" little fact I get the pleasure of my husband taking me or picking me up from work.  A few days ago he was dropping me off at my job and as I was getting out of the car he got out as well to say goodbye.  He hugged me and kissed me and as usual he was also being silly. Little did we know there was an older woman (white woman) walking into the salon next to where I work just watching us.  Well, her world must have stopped when she saw us kissing, because if looks could kill......let's just say, we would be very, very dead!  At first when I saw her looking at us and then me as I walked toward my work, it didn't cross my mind why she was giving me such an evil stare down.  Then I realized..."Oh my gosh, she was just mortified that we were kissing!"  Let me just clarify for the record , we were not making out like two teenagers in a parking lot. We hugged and kissed goodbye and laughed a little. Was she horrified that two adults were kissing each other goodbye?  Highly unlikely.  Was she was disgusted because a white woman and a black man were kissing?  Much more likely. How do I know this?  Because the look wasn't one of distaste from two people smooching,  it was a scary, I'm going to stare at you until you are gone because you disgust me look! There was no mistaking it!  She stood there and held the salon door, didn't go in, and then craned her neck to continue to give me "her look" as I unlocked the door at my job.  It was wild!  Trust me, I've seen the look enough in our 18 years together that there was no question in my mind what she was thinking of us.  If she knew we had been married all these years would it have been a different story?  Probably not.  In her mind "we" are not "acceptable."  Sad.  Had I been quick that day, and thinking on my feet , I would have gone up to her and said, "Oh honey, you should try it, you have noooo idea what you're missing!"  But alas, I was hurrying to work and so shocked that she was so shocked , my quick thinking was no where to be found!  Plus, I was raised to respect my elders and that would have been rude.  When older people react the way they do to my husband and I,  I just have to remember that "their" generation was taught that "we" should not be together.  Remember "we" were illegal back in the day!  Crazy!  Our generation has gotten somewhat better, and our daughter's generation is almost there, even though clearly we still have a long way to go.  I always want moments like this to be turned around and think to myself, "If only she knew us, and if only she knew how in love we are, maybe she wouldn't think that way at all."  I know every moment and every instance of racism can't be a teaching moment but I sure wish they could be.  However,  I'm sure whatever I said to her would not have changed her old school way of thinking, even if I said something as simple as, "What are you staring at?  I'm just kissing my husband goodbye."  So once again, my husband and I stand firm in our love and hope for the older woman that couldn't get "us" through her head, that she too, at some point, found this kind of love in her lifetime.  That is my wish for her.

How the heck did you two meet?!

The other day we were at a birthday party and Jamie's friend Byron asked the question...."How did you two meet? I mean she went to school abroad, and you, well, you're a fool!" The two of us died laughing! So, this is how the two most opposite people on the planet, met, got married, had a child, and lived happily/crazily after:

It was 1992 and I was driving up the 805 freeway in San Diego. I was with my "little sister" from the Big Sis/Little Sis program. As we were driving, multiple black sports cars, (all with black men in them), were in the lane next to us. My little sis started to wave at one of the men in one of the cars. I told her to stop waving because they were too old for her (she was 15 at the time) and were either a bunch of athletes or a bunch of drug dealers, and you don't want to mess with either! Yeah, I know, stereotyping at its worst. Bad!!! However, I wasn't wrong....it was athletes and friends. So there! =)

Anyway, my little sis said, "No, I know one of them, he used to coach my basketball team when I was little." That coach so happened to be Jamie! I wasn't sure if I believed her or if she was just flirting, so on we went up the freeway.

A few weeks went by and my little sis was out and about, and who did she run into?.....Jamie! He asked her, "Who was that woman that you were in the car with the other day?" She told him it was her big sis, and then he proceeded to give her his phone number to give to me. So the next time her and I were together she gave me the phone number and told me it was from the guy we saw on the freeway. Well, I promptly threw it in the trash and said, "I don't call people that I see on the freeway that are complete strangers!" She said, "But I know him!" I didn't care, he was a stranger to me and you know what mom always says. =)

A couple more months went by and my little sis and I were driving around again and low and behold but who was standing in a friend's front yard talking?.....Jamie, again! Odds?!? My little sis says, "That is the guy that gave you the phone number." I said, "Oh my gosh, you have got to be kidding me!? I better pull over and say hi or he is going to think I am totally rude." We pulled over, he came over to the car and said hi, and then promptly asked why I didn't call him. I told him, "I don't call people I see on the freeway. Let's do this the right way...you call me....here's my number." He then waited an entire WEEK to call! I guess he was getting me back for throwing away his number! Our first call was on a Sunday and we talked for FOUR hours! However, we still didn't go out for another two months. We got to know each other over the phone, day, after day, after day.

Finally, we had our first date which was at his apartment where he made me dinner. I know it sounds bad, first date, his apartment. We had been talking for two months for goodness sakes, it was like we were old friends by now! No worries…he was a complete gentleman.

You would think the rest was history, but noooooo, that would have been too easy. We dated from that day on, but there was a slight snag in our future. I had already made the decision before he and I met, to move back to Oregon to be closer to my family. Soooo, we literally fell in love, and it was time for me to leave. I debated whether or not to go, but Jamie told me to go because I would regret it if I didn't. He said, "If we are meant to be it will work out. You want to be with your family, so that is where you need to be." I left. We wrote and called constantly. Distance, not so fun....four months later he moved up to Oregon! Then three months later we moved back to San Diego! Nuts huh!? I am a Cali girl, I couldn't take the weather. Love ya fam, but had to go home.

THEN the rest was history! We got engaged, got married in '93, had Tatiana in '94, and here we are today. So when anyone asks the question......how did we meet? The answer is.....on the 805 freeway.....fate took care of the rest!

What Will the New Census Show......How Many of "Us" are There Now?

It's that time again....census time.  Did you all receive your forms in the mail?  Did you fill it out and turn it in?  Because it's census time, I thought it would be fitting to write about some statistics regarding interracial marriage and divorce.  I tend to forget that my husband and I are in a VERY SMALL group of people when it comes to marriages in the United States.  As of the last census, the percentage of interracial marriages in the U.S. was still below 5%!  That amazes me!  I will be so curious to see what the new census stats show.  It's funny to me that the numbers are so low because I guess I just think of "us" as just like everyone else.  Clearly the numbers show a very different story. 

Interracial marriage in the U.S.:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interracial_marriage_in_the_United_States

The other interesting statistic is, that marriages of white woman and black men have a higher rate of divorce than any other marriages.  Now why is that?  Certainly every marriage has issues, and interracial marriages get that added "benefit" of dealing with being "judged" by society and everyone around them, but I think black men and white woman get the "judging" on a more heightened level from all sides. Maybe that is part of the reason why those marriages fall apart.  Is it history, is it racism, is it a power struggle, what is it that creates this "built in failure" regarding this type of union? Thoughts?  To me, marriage is marriage, and if you love one another and are strong in who you are, then nothing should be able to tear you apart, right?  My husband and I are living proof that you CAN make it, and that no matter what life throws at you, if you hang in and fight for each other, marriage CAN last a lifetime, black, white or otherwise.  So, what will the new census show.......how many of "us" are there now?

Chocolate for Me....Vanilla for You!

In any relationship, be it an interracial one or not, you have to be able to laugh and have fun!  It's so important! Jamie and I are VERY silly when it comes to each other.  18 years later, we are sillier than ever, and we make no bones about it!  For some reason there seems to be a lot of funny moments that come up in regards to us being an interracial couple.  We don't purposely set out to concentrate on the fact that we are interracial, it just happens throughout the day, and if you can get a giggle then why not?!  Laughter is good for you, right!?!  So the other day we were at the beach celebrating my birthday.  It was near the end of the day and we felt like ice cream.  I went into the ice cream shop and placed our order and when the girl handed me our milkshakes I looked down and said to my daughter and her friend, "Look, it's me and Daddy, chocolate and vanilla!" They looked at me like I was nuts! I thought it was hilarious and said, "You have to take a picture!"  Oh the teenage embarrassment, you should have seen the look on their faces.  They finally took the picture, we all got a good laugh, and off we went to enjoy our ice cream at the beach.  Of course, chocolate for me and vanilla for Jamie! =)     

Minds Really Truly CAN Be Changed!

By now if you have read my blog for any period of time you have read the various posts about the client at my job who has had no problem sharing her racists views with me. Here are the links to the previous posts regarding some of the interactions I have had with her:

1) http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/09/changing-mind-of-racist.html

2) http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/11/seeing-beneath-skin.html

3) http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/12/baby-steps.html

Well, after all of the talks, all of the patience, and all of the SHOCK, I received an amazing phone call from her the other day.  She called to tell me that she "loves me" and that I make her day every time she sees me.  I almost fell out of my chair!  She also told me that she prays for my family on a daily basis and is so happy for me that I have such a wonderful family! I am going to be honest, at first it freaked me out a little bit. I thought, "How did we get to this point?"  This is someone who hated black people just a few short months ago and now after our many, many talks and interactions, she is slowly moving towards love for everyone!  Wow!  That is pretty powerful!  There were times when it was hard to stomach having conversation with her, and now it's all about positive thoughts, moving forward, and accepting everyone!  Mind you, she isn't totally there yet.  She still has not seen her son that is married to a black woman, and she has not seen her grandson in a very long time, but she IS praying that it works out.  Before, she wanted nothing to do with them and now she is actually praying about it.  Let me just say WOW again!  I am going to be seeing her today so I will see if there has been even more progress since the last time.  The lesson I have learned in all of this is, never give up on someone no matter how bad it seems, and never ever stop fighting for what you believe in.  Minds really truly can be changed!