Happy Father's Day!

My favorite picture of dad and hubby

Two men from different worlds. 

Two men that respect each other.

Two men that love each other. 

Two men that would do anything for family.

Two men that give unconditional love.

Two men that are amazing Dads.

Two men that have been there through everything. 

Two men that helped make me who I am today.

 Two men that I love with all my heart and soul. 

Two opposite men. 

Two hearts of gold.
One complete love.

Happy Fathers Day!!

I love you both!

Amy

Hate Mail.....

It's been a while since I have written about any recent racial issues our family has experienced. However, sadly, it's not for lack of them happening in our lives, it's simply because I have been crazy, busy. I actually have a list I could write about. As each year passes I assume we are going to have fewer and fewer racist problems arise. That is my hope, but not the reality...yet.

A couple of weeks ago we had a very disheartening letter arrive in the mail. It was addressed to our daughter and shocked us all. She so happened to check the mail that day and was excited to receive something addressed to her. That excitement quickly turned to disbelief after she opened the letter and saw what was inside. We were with 2 of her friends and she looked at them with wide eyes and handed the letter to me and said, "Mama, what is this?" I read it and thought it was a joke. Then I realized it was far from being funny and was actually filled with hate. We couldn't understand why someone would send such a cruel letter to our house and to her. The hand written return address was from Las Vegas, NV and the postal stamp where the letter was mailed was from Santa Ana, CA. Someone was trying to be tricky but clearly they weren't very bright. After I read it, I handed it to her friends and they read it and said, "Who takes the time to send something like this and who still cares about what color people are?" None of us could wrap our brains around what would possess someone to send a hateful letter to our home.

After the initial shock wore off, the worry started to set in, at least for me. The fact that someone had our address and child's name totally freaked me out. My other concern was how this would affect her. I told her not to let it get her down and that the person that wrote the letter obviously doesn't know her at all because she is achieving all of her goals and then some! She said she knew that but still didn't get why someone would send something so mean.

We went on with our day and the letter hung over our heads like a small dark cloud. At the end of the day when we all got home, I shared it with her daddy. His response was, "I'm surprised it took so long for something like this to show up after all the interracial stories that have been written about our family." To him it's just the reality of our world, and to me it's so sad and has to end!

After the conversation with my husband I shared the letter on Facebook. Everyone was shocked! A police officer friend messaged me and told me to call the local police because the letter is considered hate mail. So I did. The officer came out and said that it could have been from a stranger because of all the articles about our family or it could have been from a bully that was jealous or had issues with our daughter. Either way, hate is hate. He told us to save the letter and to call them if we receive anything else. We are all hoping this was a one time incident.

The irony is, when anything racial happens in our lives it has the EXACT opposite affect that the racist wants it to have. After 20 years of dealing with things like this, our family just gets stronger and stronger. That same night, Tatiana was going to spend the night at her cousin's house and as she walked out the door she sarcastically said, "Okay, I'm leaving now and I'm going out to achieve nothing in life!" We all just laughed! I was so happy to see she was taking it all in stride and was totally confident in herself and all that she is achieving. Smiles all around!

In the end I feel sorry for someone who has so much hate inside they feel the need to send it through the mail in an anonymous letter. The energy it took to write the letter, think about the fake address and send it, all based on hate....what a horrible way to live. I don't wish that on anyone.

We are now MORE determined than ever to live in love and to continue to follow our dreams! I forgive the hate and I hope the letter writer is able to let it go and find love and happiness in their life...sooner than later. That is my dream for them.

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day.....Gigi and Terry =)

Today's post is dedicated to two very different women. Gigi, Jamie's mom who is watching from above, and Terry, my mom who lives in Oregon. Two women from totally opposite backgrounds who are and were amazing moms. Both women lived completely different lives, just like so many others, but no matter where you're from or how you were raised, there is nothing like a mother's love! Happy Mother's Day to our moms and to all the moms out there...you are incredible! =) Enjoy YOUR day, because you deserve a great one!  

Believe in Yourself ~ Inspire Others ~ Spread Joy!

After a LOT of hard work, my quote book, Believe in Yourself, Inspire Others, Spread Joy!, is now published!

What began as a personal journey during a very dark time, ended up becoming so much more. I originally came up with each quote as a cathartic way to help me deal with all that I was going through. As I shared my words of motivation through Facebook and my blog, readers began to let me know how much the quotes were also helping them deal with their difficult times. It was amazing to see that the words were not only helping me, but others as well. Heartwarming. That is how my book was born.

Each page tells a story with a beautiful picture and a quote straight from my heart. All the quotes are based on my personal experiences or my family's experiences. Everyone will relate in one way or another. The words are truly like a friend that is reaching out just when you need them the most.

I'm beyond grateful at the response the book has been receiving. I'm so excited to share that it has been in the Top 100 "Hot New Releases, Motivational Books" on Amazon since its release! I'm thrilled and so thankful! After everything we have gone through over the last five years, it's surreal to have so much joy and amazingness happening. I can't stop smiling!

My hope is, that if you get my book, you use it to help you find your joy, follow your heart and live your dreams!

"Circumstances might take you down, but they can never prevent you from getting back up!" ~ Amy Wise

Click here to purchase:

Believe in Yourself ~ Inspire Others ~ Spread Joy!

DWB...Driving While Black......

Jamie's "baby," the El Co

Jamie

DWB....."driving while black." Sounds crazy doesn't it? I thought so too when I first heard the expression. However, when Jamie and I started dating 20 years ago he shared stories with me about always getting pulled over for nothing. I said, "Why would you get pulled over for nothing?" "Because I am a black man," was his answer to me. I said, "Ya right!" We have all heard the stories, but I thought he was exaggerating.

Well, within a very short time I had my first DWB experience with him. We went through an intersection and all of the sudden police lights turned on behind us. Jamie said, "Here we go again." I looked at him and said, "Why are they pulling us over?" He said, "Hello, black man driving." I gave the police the benefit of the doubt and thought they made a mistake. They came over to the car and said, "You ran a red light." Jamie said, "No I didn't, the light just turned yellow when we were in the intersection." The cop proceeded to say, "No, you ran a red light." Then I looked at him and said, "No we didn't, it was yellow after we got in the intersection!" I was not happy at this point and Jamie of course was not surprised. This went back and forth for a bit until he finally let us go with a verbal warning. Jamie said if I wasn't in the car it would have gone very differently. That was my first experience with DWB and there unfortunately have been many since then.

One incident happened just blocks from our house. Jamie was coming home after a co-workers get together. Ironically, he jokingly told his co-workers he should get home before dark otherwise the black man in the El Camino will get pulled over. No joke...he said that! Well, what do you know, on his way home he got pulled over! Seriously! Of course he knew he hadn't done anything but he pulled over and waited, while laughing inside.

The cop got out of the car and asked Jamie where he was going like he didn't belong in the neighborhood. He said, "This is my neighborhood, I have lived here for years! Where do you live?" Then Jamie asked him why he had been pulled over and the cop told him he didn't have a front license plate. Jamie laughed and said, "Yes I do, go look!" Then the cop proceeded to ask him in a sarcastic manner to turn off his car because he said he didn't want Jamie to run him over! Jamie said, "Oh, if I was gonna run you over you would have been run over already, but if it makes you feel better I will turn the car off." Not something you would normally say to a cop, but as you can tell he was quite irritated at this point. Deservedly so! The cop went to the front of the car, and oh my gosh, it's a miracle.....there was a license plate! Wow! He came back to the car window and Jamie said, "Are we done?" The cop said, "Oh sorry man I thought you didn't have a plate." Jamie said, "No you're not, you pulled me over because I'm a black man, in an El Camino, in a nice neighborhood." The cop said, "No man it's not like that." Jamie..."Whatever, are we done?" Off the cop went and Jamie came home with yet another DWB story!!!

Change? 

Interracial Marriage on the Rise.....

A report just came out from the PEW Research Center on interracial marriage. Much of the media is reporting on the study. Our family was part of the story in USA Today and the L.A. Times.

After being together for 20 years and married for 19, we don't think of each other as an interracial couple...we are a couple.

In the end, we are not made up of colors, we are just us.♥  I'm thankful and honored that our family is part of the story bringing about awareness and change. It is imperative to open minds so one day this will no longer need to be a story.

Check out some of the articles about the rise of IR marriage with our family featured:

USA Today~
Our family picture representing the USA Today article about the PEW report. (2/16/2012)

L.A. Times~
Article in L.A. Times about the PEW report with a brief interview from me. (2/16/2012)

USA Today~
Our family featured in USA Today article about the rise of interracial marriage. (11/8/2011)

Happy Valentine's Day!

To the love of my life~

My soulmate
My rock
My shoulder
My lover
My best friend.

Thank you
for your caring
for your craziness
and for your love.

My heart is warm
My life is full
Because of you.

Happy Valentine's Day Jamie J!
Always and forever,
Amy

Click here to read our interview about our "love style" on Style Goes Strong. 

An Unlikely Pair and the Ruby Ring...

15 years ago Jamie and I made a decision that would change our lives forever. We moved from the city of San Diego to the burbs of San Diego. It was time for us to go from home-renters to homeowners. We did our research, looked for nice neighborhoods, with good schools and lots of parks and outdoor areas. We found a brand new community in the Southbay and decided to check it out. Once we rounded the corner into this beautiful new neighborhood, I immediately felt this was going to be our home. Jamie however wasn't so sure. After looking at many houses on various streets we came across the house. The minute we walked through the front door I just knew this was the house where Tatiana would grow up. We looked from room to room and then went to the backyard to check out the possibilities of what was then a blank slate.

Suddenly a head popped up over the fence and said, "Are you two buying this house?" I swear it was a scene out of the old TV show, Home Improvement. It was as if Mr. Wilson lived next door! Shortly thereafter we found out it wasn't Mr. Wilson after all, it was Mr. Jim. Mr. Jim and his wife Miss Corinne (as we affectionately call them) would soon become our new neighbors because we ended up buying the house! It was 1997 and Tatiana was 2 years old. 

Mr. Jim and Jamie became fast friends. At the time Jim was in his 70's and Jamie was in his 30's. They were quite the pair. They gave each other grief like father and son and very quickly considered each other just that. It was an unlikely pairing of two of the most opposite people on the planet...but it worked. Kind of like us!

One of the things the two of them always joked about was Jim's ruby ring. Jamie always called it his pimp ring! Jim always said he was going to give it to Jamie when he died. It was in jest but it always freaked me out when they talked about it. I could go on and on about the bantering back and forth that Mr. Jim and Jamie did over the years. It was a strange love but it was theirs.

Sadly, we lost Mr. Jim quite a few years ago and that was truly one of the saddest days we can remember. We were all devastated but Jamie was heartbroken. It was as if he had lost his own dad.

Jim's relatives flew in from New Orleans for the memorial service and as we were all sitting in Miss Corinne's dining room she came downstairs with a box. She handed it to Jamie and told him that Jim thought of him as a son and always wanted him to have his ring. There was not a dry eye in the house. Jamie now wears Mr. Jim's ring every single day. If it's not on his finger because of work, it's around his neck on a chain...always close to his heart.

Little did we know, 15 long years ago, that not only would we raise Tatiana in our wonderful home, but we would also have a built in California family right next door. Mr. Jim is now our angel in heaven and Miss Corinne is our angel on earth, otherwise known as our Cali Mom. How lucky are we?!

MLK....Thank You.....

How do you say thank you to someone who...... 

~Stood up
~Spoke out
~Paved the way 
~Made change 
~And gave his life 

It feels impossible.  But today that's what I want to say.  Thank you, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. for making today better than yesterday.  Now it's our turn.  Happy birthday.....

My Interview on "The Next Family"....

Check out my interview on The Next Family. This is a wonderful site for all modern families.

http://thenextfamily.com/2012/01/an-interview-with-amy-wise/

Pirate Play.....

 Us in Sunriver, OR

Tatiana and Me....Christmas in Sunriver, OR

Happy New Year everyone! As you can see I took a little break from writing over the holidays. The fam and I took a vacation and spent some much needed time away in Sunriver, Oregon with 27 of my relatives. Every 4 years we ALL meet in Sunriver for a fun filled Christmas celebration. Our group included, my parents, aunts, uncles, brother, sister, nieces, nephews, cousins, children, girlfriends and boyfriends! We had 4 lovely cabins on the same street which enabled us to go back and forth for meals, movies, games and fun! My parents cabin even had a Christmas tree, so of course we had Christmas dinner there for the full holiday effect.

I have been going to Sunriver with my family since I was in 4th grade. Without doing the math, let's just say that's a VERY long time! I love that I'm now sharing a piece of my childhood with Jamie and Tatiana. Besides going every 4 years with everyone for Christmas, we try and go off and on with my parents and siblings in the Summer or Fall just for fun.

This particular visit had an unusual twist to the activities. When I say unusual, that is truly an understatement. My Uncle Joey, who I just love, brought his girlfriend with him this year. The 2 of them make a perfect couple as they are both a bit eccentric. I LOVE that about them because I can totally relate! They met in the theater in their small town in Washington. Joey was performing and Carol was part of the "crew." Being the creative people that they are you never know what you are going to get. Again...love that! This time what we got was...drum roll please....a Pirate Play! Yes, that's right....a Pirate Play.

Carol wrote a play 5 years ago and thought it would be fun if the family could actually act it out together with costumes and all! She brought 2 suitcases full of amazing costumes and accessories, along with scripts for everyone. She went around to each of us and asked who wanted to participate in the play and who wanted to be audience members. I had EVERY intention of being an audience member until she looked at me and said, "I'm counting on you to participate." Well, for some reason I just couldn't say no! I think it was the look in her eyes. =) Jamie, on the other hand, had no problem saying no! He thought it was HILARIOUS that we were actually doing a pirate play! Um, his exact words..."white people" followed by lots of laughter!  

Me...as Bella the Fortune Teller in the Pirate Play

Uncle Joey and Girlfriend Carol  

Needless to say we ALL got a kick out of the play and had a blast doing it. The audience members couldn't believe what they were seeing, and all of us will probably talk about this particular Christmas festivity for years to come! Jamie is still cracking up to this day.

Jamie as an audience member. Me as a play participant.

Next year we are spending the holidays with Jamie's family and I can guarantee there will not be any Pirate Plays! Hmmm....maybe I should suggest it? ;)

Hate Free Zone....

Those of you that know me, know I'm a VERY positive person. Lately, however I've been a little disheartened by all the negative stories directed at specific groups or religions. From the minister and church in Kentucky that refused membership to interracial couples, to Lowe's Home Improvement pulling their ads from All American Muslim, to parents throwing their gay children out on the streets, to the hateful comments regarding the interracial article our family was featured in, in USA Today. There's so many more but I think you get the picture. Each one has a running theme...ignorance and hate based on the unknown.

The minister and church denying interracial couples membership? I'm speechless. Did we just go back in time? A church teaching hate? Isn't that an oxymoron? Or are they just morons? Sorry, I normally don't say that about people but in this instance I couldn't resist. I wish the minister and members could spend one week with us so they could see that we are just a family full of love....nothing more, nothing less.

Lowe's Home Improvement removing ads from All American Muslim because a small Christian group complained? Since when does one religion have a say over the other? C'mon Lowe's...have you ever seen the show? The entire point is to open minds and erase assumptions. You just threw that out the window in an instant! Are we living in the dark ages or America? Shame on you Lowe's. 

Parents throwing gay children away like trash? How is this possible? How does a parent stop loving their child because they can't accept their partner? The heart can't help who it falls in love with. Love's funny like that. Trust me, I know.

The hateful comments on USA Today because we are an interracial family? Really? I had to stop reading because the horrible words made my stomach turn. How can someone hate us if they don't even know us?

Why are we hating instead of loving? Why are we erasing instead of embracing? This is supposed to be the season of peace and love no matter what the religion. How can one hate what they don't even know? That is called ignorance.

Does it matter if I'm Christian, Muslim, Jewish or Buddhist? Does it matter if I'm black, white, brown or green? Does it matter if I'm gay, straight, or go both ways? No, it doesn't. What matters is...if I have a heart, if I'm kind, if I'm giving and if I'm loving.  
 
The irony in all of this is, religion is supposed to teach love. What is happening here? Why is it okay to love some and hate others? It's not. I can guarantee that whether someone worships in a church, temple, mosque or home, there is NO religion that says it's okay to hate. Only people do. No matter the race, religion, or sexual orientation....open hearts and open minds don't discriminate.  
 
I'm Christian, I'm straight, and I refuse to hate!

The Blind Man.....

The other night my hubby and I went to a birthday celebration for one of his friends.  As we were walking into the restaurant, my third hand….I mean my blackberry, lit up, and I received an email from my agent.  She wanted to know if I would be interested in being interviewed about being in an interracial relationship.  She received a query from someone who was writing a “how-to” on how to have a successful interracial relationship. They wanted tips and advice on how to “survive” this type of union.  Of course I said yes, after all, it’s not only my life, it’s what I write about!  After I said yes, it got me to thinking.  How interesting that we need tips and advice on how to “survive” in a mixed race relationship.  After 19 years together, and 18 years of marriage, it’s all so natural to me.  Survival?  Tips and advice?  That just sounds odd.  However, if I look back on all the struggles and trials and tribulations that we have gone through, well then, it makes all sorts of sense.  That’s why I still write about our marriage, because even though we have it down “to a science,” I know there are a lot of couples out there that are wondering, is this really going to work?  They are dealing with family issues, societal issues, and more. Me, this is how I deal with it….if you don’t like us….that’s okay.  We like us and that’s all that matters.

It still boggles my mind that in 2011 this is even an interview topic.  We really need to get over it.  Really.  The funny thing about “us” is, we are just a couple.  We are like all the other couples out there, the only difference….our skin colors.

So let me ask everyone this question….if a blind man met us and we became close friends without ever sharing our “differences” with him, would he know we are a mixed race couple, or would we just be a “regular” couple to him?  Hmm, something to ponder.  If you don’t see the difference, is there one?

Just like everyone else….we start our day together, we live our lives together, we make plans together, we raise a family together, we laugh together, we cry together, and we grow old together.  Read that sentence again….are we an interracial couple, or just a couple?  It’s all so simple yet society still makes it so difficult.  We are in love, we are married, we have been together for many years, yet people still question us.  Why? 

I've said it before and I will say it again....nobody is born a bigot.  Racism is taught….let’s stop teaching it.  The blind man only "sees" our hearts….what can we learn from him?  How about loving this life together…..one heart, one mind, one love. 

USA Today Comments.......

Last week our family had the honor of being featured in USA Today. I was interviewed for the piece and then a photographer came out and did a photo shoot of our family. We had such a great time with the photographer he actually ended up joining us for dinner after we were done taking pictures. The article came out a couple of weeks after the interview and it was such a thrill to have our family be the face of interracial marriage in USA Today. It truly touched me because so much of my writing is about this very subject.

I have been writing about interracial marriage for years now and the one thing that I have never had to deal with when it comes to writing about our family, whether on my blog or on guest sites, is racist comments. Even if there has been a difference of opinion the comments have always been very respectful. When the article came out in USA Today I was saddened to see so many racist and hateful comments in the comment section. Thankfully there were many more positive comments than negative ones but it saddened me none the less. Because USA Today reaches so many people I should not have been surprised, but I was. I'm not going to go into specifics about what was said and luckily the paper pulled the really horrible comments, but it still shocks me to see how closed minded and ignorant people can be when it comes to race in America in 2011. I actually had to stop reading the comments because they made my stomach turn. They also made me realize how much work we still need to do when it comes to educating people about race and interracial relationships. 

The one thing that I want people to know that don't seem to understand or approve of our family is we are truly no different than any other family out there today. I don't wake up in the morning and look at my husband and think, "I'm so in love with my black husband," he's just my husband. I don't look at my daughter and think, "My biracial daughter is my heart and soul," she's just my daughter. Yes my husband is black, yes I'm white and yes our daughter is biracial.....those are the facts, but the truth of the matter is, we are three people that make up a family filled with love. It really is that simple. I didn't steal a black man from the hood, Jamie didn't set out to meet a white woman, and we didn't say let's have a mixed child. We married each other because we fell in love and we had a child because we wanted a family. Color has never had anything to do with our choices when it comes to our relationship and family. Color only comes into play when society continues to make an issue of it. We are about love and love only. Isn't that why anyone gets married and starts a family? 

I've said it before and I will say it again. Tatiana gets the best of both worlds. We embrace my culture and we embrace Jamie's culture. She gets double the fun, double the food, double the history, double everything!  Talk about an open mind. America is all about people that originally came from some place else. Our country is really just one big melting pot of the world, so trying to be around one race and one race only is quite unrealistic. I feel sorry for people that aren't open to other races, cultures and backgrounds. They are truly missing out on so many wonderful experiences. It's quite sad.   

So in the end, to those that had such negative things to say about our family....all I can say is, my heart breaks for the hate that you carry. I hope that you can one day realize we are just a family that happens to have multiple shades of skin colors and lots and LOTS of LOVE!       

Thank you USA Today for such a wonderful experience!           

Shame on You.....

Life, it’s pretty much a rollercoaster ride for all of us at some point.  My particular rollercoaster needs to be named, and I think I will call it infinity, because truly, it never seems to end.  As you all know we are STILL dealing with the lawsuit against the Otay Water Department, Eastlake Development, et al. Yes, still.  I know….four and half years later and it continues to go on and on!  Even though we won in a jury trial over seven months ago, here we are today dealing with appeals, cross complaints, cross lawsuits and a big fat MESS, otherwise known as our “justice” system.

Not only are we still being bullied by the big guys, I mean, Otay Water and Eastlake Development, but now more bullies want to join in on the fun.  Wells Fargo Bank, who carries the loan on our long ago closed store decided that they weren’t making enough money off the rest of the world, so not only did they sue us a couple of years ago for a loan on our store that was destroyed by Otay Water’s negligence, but now they have put liens against my home and my business partner’s home because the lawsuit continues to take too long.  Yes, you heard me….first they sued us for the loan and then they said to themselves, “Hmm, since we haven’t gotten the money from these people yet and even though we know they are still in the middle of a lawsuit, let’s put liens on their homes and crush the victims even more.”  Okay, they might not have said those exact words, but it sure feels like it!  I even wrote to the CEO of Wells Fargo back when they first sued us and explained the entire lawsuit.  I told him we had every intention of paying our loan when this was over and by no means were we trying to get out of any of our responsibilities.  They just needed to wait in line with everyone else until the suit was over.  The well is dry and the turnip has no blood left.  I guess the CEO needed some fast cash, because he didn’t want to hear it.  The response back was from his attorney to my attorney. Instead of having the human decency to contact me, he had his attorney do his dirty work.  How sad, how typical, how expected. I was hoping for more.  I was hoping for change.  Alas, the banks continue on with their greed even when the victim is being victimized.  Pitiful and just plain wrong!

There is no job title, position, or amount of money that makes it okay to destroy people’s lives.  I hope one day that companies find compassion, and people stop doing what they are told, and instead start doing what is right.  Shame on you- Otay Water, Eastlake Development, and Wells Fargo- for losing your soul’s to the system.  Will it be worth it in the end?  I wonder?

In the meantime, while we continue to fight the good fight, I refuse to let any of them get in the way of my dreams.  My husband told me that he married me because I’m one of the strongest women he knows.  So, that being said, I’m going to continue to grow stronger every day no matter how many hurdles continue to get thrown my way.

I am proud to say, not only am I writing my book, This is Me….Coming Out of the Darkness, while also working on a movie based on the same book, (thank you my dear friend Amy Ferris for the Director introduction), I’m also writing for the Shame Prom anthology AND I just signed a book contract to write the book; Divorce, Dance, or Dare.  It doesn’t end there.  Recently I was asked to be a partner….yes, a partner, in an amazing new company called Decision Point.  This is going to be a company that helps people during the biggest decision points of their lives. It’s what I live and breathe for.  It’s going to be incredible and life changing for so many, and I’m honored to be a part of it!

I’m pinching myself at how even during the darkest of times- with faith, family, friends, support and LOTS of hard work- dreams not only come true again, but they can be even more fantastic the second time around!

"Oh, You're Together?"

It's funny, when my husband and I are together, whether in a restaurant, standing in line somewhere, even at a hospital, people aren't quite sure if we are a couple.  A while back I was in the emergency room (that's another crazy story for another day) and we were waiting for the doctor.  When he finally came in and introduced himself, he shook my hand and then looked at Jamie, shook his hand and said, "You are?".......long pause.......I finally finished his sentence and said, "Husband."  He said, "Oh, well, you just never know these days." Yeah right!  We all know if Jamie had been white the doctor would have automatically assumed he was my husband, but since he was black he just didn't go there.  Funny don't you think!?  I’m so used to it at this point it hardly even gets to me, well, maybe just a little.  The same thing happens to us in restaurants when we are waiting for a table.  Unless we are holding hands or wrapped around each other, which we try not to do in public, it's always, "Oh, you're together?"  Really?  Are “we” such a shock?  This is southern California for goodness sake and last I checked it is 2011.  Isn't it?

One of the more comical "Oh, you're together moments,” was when I was having surgery years ago.  I woke up post surgery and asked for my husband.  I wanted him by my side, AND he also had my glasses so I couldn't see a darn thing!  No contact lenses allowed during surgery.  I was blind as a bat!  The nurse said she checked the family waiting room and he wasn't there.  I knew he was, because he would make sure he was there when I woke up.  That is just the kind of guy he is.  I asked her to check again.  She did, and she then went on to describe who was in the room and once again she was determined that he was not there. Well guess what "nurse ratchet," (I only say that because she got irritated with me) the black man you just described in the waiting room, is my husband!  She didn't even ask him if he was with me.  Imagine?  I kindly told her the big black man was my husband and after turning a few shades of red, she went back to the waiting room one last time, but this time she brought my hubby back with her.  I finally had him back by my side AND I could see again!  Hopefully, the nurse’s vision became just a little clearer that day too. 

Hopefully.

Progress.....

Sculpture Garden SFSU

It's all about college tours at the Wise house right now.  We just returned from San Francisco State University, which is Tatiana's first choice for college.  She chose SFSU for many reasons;  The first being their dance program which is her major, the second because she loves the city, and the third because of the culture and diversity that SFSU offers. 

Prior to going to San Fran we visited a couple of other campuses.  One of the recent campus tours we went on was a total bust, and originally it was her second choice!  From the very first moment we drove into the parking lot Tatiana said, "I'm not feeling this campus at all."  The entire day went that way.  It was just a vibe that she had, or actually lack thereof.  Then we went to SFSU and her reaction was the polar opposite!  Tatiana stepped onto campus and instantaneously smiled from ear to ear.  She was home.  Jamie even said, "I can totally see you going to school and living here.  This is you."  At this point we had only been there for, oh, about five minutes!  It was like the campus had a heartbeat of its own.  It was full of life, color, music, laughter, beautiful architecture, people from all over and so much more!  Jamie and I were ready to go back in time and attend school with her.  She would be horrified and would quickly veto us, but it sure sounded like a good idea, at least to us!

One of the things that is not only important to Tatiana but important to us as parents of a mixed race child, is that she goes to a university that is filled with diversity.  To say that SFSU is diverse would be an understatement.  It lives and breathes diversity!  The students that attend SFSU are from every race and religion you can imagine.  We got a very clear picture of that when we walked to the heart of the campus which is called Malcom X Plaza. The plaza is filled with music and festivities and also houses the Cesar Chavez Student Center.  The more we walked and the more we saw, the more we fell in love with the campus and all it had to offer.  Notice I keep saying we.  We truly fell in love with SFSU right along with her and for her.  It is such an exciting time in her life!  The diversity clincher was when we were on the tour and the guide told us about the College of Ethnic Studies.  This is the only program of its kind in the nation and SFSU offers it.  Hello diversity!  

Needless to say by the time we were done with the tour and our day spent on campus, Tatiana was ready to move in.  Instead she did the next best thing.  She applied.  The applications for Fall 2012 opened up the following day, so she jumped online, filled out the application, went over it with a fine tooth comb and hit submit!  While she was filling out her info., this time I had a smile from ear to ear, not only because I was so excited for her, but also because I saw that she was able to choose two or more races/ethnicity's as her race on the application.  I was thrilled!  Back in the day when Tat was entering kindergarten I had to choose one race and one race only.  I will never forget how that made me feel.  Now, not only was there an option for two races, but when she got to the gender section the options were male, female, transgender, or non-gender specific.  How cool is that!?  I had never seen that on any application before. My how times have changed.  I love it!  Equality all the way around. 

That, my friends, is progress. 

Just as it should be. 

Thank you San Fran!            

Happy 17th Birthday Tatiana!!

When Jamie and I got married in 1993, we knew that we wanted to have children right away.  We both love our families and we wanted to start our own soon after our wedding, so we did!  Tatiana Chantal Wise came into this world 17 years ago, on September 20th, 1994.  From day one Tatiana had a mind of her own, a huge heart, a giant smile and a laugh that just never quit.  She screamed a lot too!  Just for fun.  Fun for her, not so much for us!  The neighbors still laugh about how loud she was. =)  Oh ya, one more thing, she had lots and lots of hair!  She was literally born with an afro.  I'm not kidding, she really was.  Oh the hair!   

 

I'm still amazed that she has gone from diapers, to dancing, to girl scouts, to teen (help us please!) to a high school graduate at 16, and now here she is today......SEVENTEEN years old!!  How did it happen so fast? It's been an amazing, wild, 17 year rollercoaster.  Tatiana has come in to her own and we are so proud of the young woman she is today.  She has excelled, she has made mistakes, and she continues to learn and grow.  That's what life's all about and she is certainly living it!  Her free spirit is inspiring!

So on Tatiana's 17th....we say happy, happy birthday; to a kind, amazing, talented, beautiful, loving, incredible, smart, rock star of a daughter!  We are so blessed that she is our child and now we look forward to her almost adult future and all the amazingness she is going to create in the years to come!  Happy birthday Tatiana!  We LOVE you! 

Guest Blog by: Author and Publisher Joyce Norman



I’ve been enmeshed in the many shades of love all my life. Growing up in Texas, I played with Hispanic children from my school. The African-American woman who sometimes ironed our clothes (that was a different day and time) always brought her two children to play dolls with me. No children lived in my neighborhood so this was a special treat and my mother would often invite them back for playtime. In college I was drawn to the kindness and intelligence of a good-looking young man from Seoul, Korea. Many things separated us – our cultural differences, traditions – certainly not the color of his skin. For me, love has never been a color. It is an emotion.

Therefore, in 1980, when I was seeking to adopt an infant, it was of no consequence to me that the eight-hour old baby boy offered me was Brazilian. When I first held my son in my arms in Rio de Janeiro the only difference I saw was that he had huge black eyes and mine were blue. Dark curly hair, smooth olive skin, a ready smile – wherever we went everyone wanted to hold him.

From the day he learned to walk he didn’t want me to hold his hand and that’s when I saw his first beginnings of confidence in himself. “I do it” was one of his first sentences.

As he grew I was amazed at the ease with which he moved through life.  Although an energetic little boy there was always a calmness about him.

In those early years I began to emerge in ways I could never have dreamed of. When the two of us would go out, almost always, someone would say, “Oh, what a beautiful little boy.” And then, looking at my premature silver hair, would ask, “He must look like his father.”

I will never understand why I felt it necessary to answer, “He’s adopted and he’s Brazilian?” I hate to admit it but I believe I felt the need to give a reason for the difference in the way we looked. Looking back, I felt the strong need to justify us or give info I didn’t have to. I believe I wanted us to be “normal” – whatever that means.

Through the years, regardless of age, my son never once spoke up when someone said, “Look at that dark hair.” At any time he could have said, “I’m Brazilian.” Guess he didn’t feel he had to. However, I always spoke up, “My hair used to be dark like his.” Now I think back with “What did that remark have to do with my son anyway?”

From my son I learned something about myself --- that my confidence was not as secure as his and I discovered the color issue was not as settled in my life as I thought it was. I, personally, just couldn’t accept the questions about the two of us, and felt I had to give a definition.

One day I decided to quit explaining, quit justifying and just let people think what they would. My son has taught me so much and I respect, that to his core, he has always had a depth of maturity that held at bay questions from the outside.

He didn’t need me to define him then.

He doesn’t need me to define him now.


Joyce Norman

Author/Publisher



Am I Being Punk'd?!

“Hello, this is the Oprah Winfrey network calling.” Yes, that was the message that was playing on my answering machine last week as I walked towards my phone in disbelief. The caller went on to say that he was looking to speak with Amy Wise about an article she wrote about tough times don't have to mean no fun. Let me just say when I first heard the words “This is the Oprah Winfrey Network calling,” I thought it was a joke. However, when the caller started talking about a specific article I wrote, I picked up the phone and he introduced himself. He was an associate producer from the OWN Network at the new primetime Suze Orman show. He asked if I would be willing to give him a phone interview so he could get some more information about my article and situation for a possible appearance on the show. At this point I was between thinking, “I just know I’m being punk’d, to, “You have got to be kidding me!” I truly wasn’t sure what to think! So I didn’t think, and instead, I talked. As I started giving him details of how we lost everything due to the crazy water issue, how we fell apart, started over, and created an even more amazing dream and stronger family, I was still thinking, “I’m soooo being punk’d!” When he asked if I was willing to go into detail about just how financially devastated we were, because of course Suze Orman’s entire show is based on finances, I was still thinking, “This can’t be real!” I told him I wasn’t comfortable sharing financial information and asked him if he would send me some credentials via email. You just never know. He promptly sent the credentials and then we proceeded to talk some more. As we talked about my situation he also shared with me that he had read quite a bit of my writing online and really loved what he had read on my blog. He told me that he was in an interracial relationship as well. He said this was the first interracial relationship he had ever been in and it was wonderful to read my blog and see how happy we were after all these years. I said, “No way, of all the producers, they chose you to call me!?” I just thought that was hilarious! By the time we were done talking it felt like we were old friends. In fact, we plan to keep in touch and I’m so looking forward to seeing his relationship progress.

Okay, back to the OWN Network call. First, let me say that I’m not the type of person that gets star struck by anyone. I have lived a very blessed life that has exposed me to everything from embassy parties filled with dignitaries, princes, and military elite, to, media, literary and sports figures. We have always taught Tatiana that no matter what type of job you have, it’s just a job. When someone is in the spotlight it has nothing to do with who they are as a person, it’s simply their career. We have made sure to teach her that nobody is better than anybody else no matter what they do or how much money they make. So, that being said, I have to say when The Oprah Winfrey Network called, I will admit, I was blown away! Yes, I admit it. Not because it was her network, but because she has been through it all and is the queen of inspiration! You could have knocked me over with a feather when I got that call. It meant the world to me because my mission and my passion is to always pay it forward. I mean every single day! Whether it’s opening a door, donating, volunteering, lending a hand…whatever the help might be….that's what I’m all about! Over the last four years we have had support and help from so many and I’m determined to forever pay that forward. Forever. That is what the call represented to me. It’s about inspiring others and being there for each other and the OWN Network and everyone involved in that network is all about inspiration and helping! I literally cried when I got off the phone because I knew the call meant that I was on the right path and doing the right things after all the madness and mayhem we have lived these last four plus years.

I have talked to the network a couple of times since the initial call and regardless of what happens down the road I will always treasure the fact that our story was, and is, inspirational to others dealing with difficult life issues.

Mind you, we are still in the middle of dealing with our case, appeals, and the insanity of the “justice” system, but we have created a new life and we no longer let the old life control our future. We control it. After all, who says we can only have one dream!? We have created new dreams and my heart literally sings when I sit back and look at how far we have come. We have been through so much and have worked so hard as a family to not only keep it together after losing everything and having to totally start over, but to make sure that we are stronger than ever before. Jamie has been our steady rock and will be starting his own business, Tatiana graduated high school one year early and is starting her new future, and I have an amazing career as a writer. We fell hard, but we slowly and methodically got back up because we were surrounded by support, love, and faith. It’s really quite amazing!

In the end, the calls from the OWN Network will always hold a special place in my heart, but more importantly the calls reiterated that dreams CAN come true, not once, but as many times as you want them to. So for everyone out there….go for it…your dreams are waiting. Now it’s your turn!

Why My Husband Won't Be Seeing "The Help"......

Check out my guest article on StyleSubstanceSoul

Happy 18th Anniversary to Us!!!

Then....August 21st, 1993

 Now....

Who knew on a fateful day 19 years ago while driving up the 805 freeway in San Diego, my life would change forever?!  http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2010/05/how-heck-did-you-two-meet-i-mean-she.html  That was the day I "met" my hubby, and our future was set in motion.  The story still blows my mind!   

Now, flash forward to today...August 21st, 2011...our 18th wedding anniversary.  It's hard to believe that so much time has gone by since that first day we saw each other on the freeway.  We have been through so much together and have come so far, and neither one of us would have ever imagined that we would be where we are today.  We are best friends, shoulders for each other, lovers, parents, partners, soulmates, and so much more.  There are days when we laugh, there are days when we cry, and there are days when we want to "strangle" each other, but there is never, ever a day that goes by that we don't love each other completely.  We don't take each other for granted and we realize how lucky and blessed we are to have each other. 

Time has changed circumstances, but time has not changed us.  We are more in love today than the day we got married.  There is a deepness to that love that only time, heartache, life, happiness, and challenges can bring.  It's the "getting through" and the "making it out" of the dark times that has truly allowed us to embrace the "bright times" with joy. 

I love my husband not just with all my heart, but deep down to my soul.  We just fit so very perfectly, while also being so very different.  It's hard to even explain. 

So today, on our 18th anniversary, I want to say thank you, for the most amazing, life altering, wonderful, 18 years!  I love you Jamie J....happy, happy anniversary!  Here's to many, many more!  We rock! 

Build Your Life!

Lately I’ve seen question after question on various interracial websites about what couples should do when family members don’t accept their interracial relationship. My answer to this is…..don’t be afraid to build a life together because you’re worried about what other people think of your relationship. Jamie and I never would have made it past dating had we listened to everyone else’s opinions about us. Here we are 19 years later, with a beautiful daughter and an amazing life!

I’m so disturbed about some of the stories I’ve seen in the news or heard from friends lately, that sometimes I feel like we are actually moving backwards when it comes to race relations. Just the other day there was a story on the news about a man who had his daughter sign a contract that stated she would not date any black men, felons, or gangsters, and if she did he would kill them. Kill them?! Really!? First of all, the fact that he lumped black men in the same category as felons and gangsters, like ALL black men fall into these categories, is stereotyping at its worst. The contract itself was twisted enough, but when the daughter actually ended up dating a black man, her father posted dead or alive posters with the boyfriend’s information and picture on them! Well, karma is a “you know what,” and Daddy is now in prison for 7 years! Clearly this is an extreme case of racial family issues, but I hear time and time again of families that will automatically disown their children if they date outside their race. How do you disown your own child? Better yet, why would you want to? Disowning someone because of the skin color of the person they love? Seriously? Why? Does this “skin color” beat your child? Does this “skin color” treat your child horribly? Or does this “skin color” love your child with all “its” heart? Last time I checked skin color doesn’t hurt people, people do.

Jamie and I have lived through it all when it comes to racism, and there were days, when trust me, I didn’t think the tears would stop because of some of the racial issues we had to deal with, but now, here we are, happier, stronger and more in love than ever. We love us, we love our life and we wouldn’t have it any other way. We never allowed circumstances or people to divide us or destroy our love. In fact, just the opposite, our strength comes from all we have had to deal with throughout the years and at this point we are Mr. and Mrs. Universe we are so freakin’ strong!  Nothing and no one can come between us….ever!

Now, back to YOU…..whatever you do….don’t be afraid to build YOUR life! Go….now….start today. Here’s to your future and here’s to your love….today, tomorrow and forever!

Oregon Snowbunnies.....

Jamie and Amy

Timmy and Niki

Where do I begin? The last few months have been such a rollercoaster, my stomach is still doing flips from the wild ride that has been life lately. I try and take it all in stride and I try and go with the flow, while continuing to ride these constant ups and downs. Sadly, one of the downs that I will never understand and still can’t grasp or believe, is the loss of Jamie’s little brother Timmy to a hit and run driver in Las Vegas. Tim just turned 40 last month and he had treated himself to a Harley Davidson motorcycle for his birthday. Now before you go there…Tim was an EXPERIENCED rider. He was in the Ruff Ryder motorcycle club and has ridden for years. Unfortunately, a person with no conscience ran a stop sign and CHOSE to continue running, while Timmy was left behind. Our hearts are broken and the world will never be the same without him. Ever.

As I share the story of his loss, I’m going to share another story that will bring a smile to your face, just like Tim did for all of us, all the time!

Jamie and Tim were two peas in a pod. I count both of them as two of the funniest, craziest men on the planet! Truly. If you don’t laugh when you’re around them, well, you have no sense of humor at all! None! Another thing about the two of them is they would give you the shirts off their backs and would do anything for anyone…..especially for their family and friends. These two, big, teddy bear men are fathers that love their kids to their core. Now when I said two peas in a pod that was no joke! One of the funniest things about them is, they BOTH married white women from Oregon. Yes that’s right….both of them! For those of you that know Jamie and Tim you wouldn’t think either one of them would have gone down “that road” at all! But the fact that they BOTH did, and the fact that Niki and I are BOTH from Oregon…hilarious! Jamie has always said to Tim, “You just had to be like me didn’t you!?” So the running joke for all of these years has been, the two most unlikely “brothas” went and married white women from Oregon. Amy and Niki….go figure!

Now that Tim is our angel, this little bit of trivia about the two of them has gone from being funny and silly to holding a very special place in my heart. Niki and I have realized this odd connection these last couple of months as we continue to deal with the loss of Tim. It was ever more apparent when she stayed with us last week while we prepared for his Celebration of Life. It’s not just that we are from Oregon, it’s that we get each other. We get the family dynamics. We get the differences. We get the difficulties that we’ve both experienced. We get the hilarity. We get that Jamie and Tim’s “side” HATE “our” traditional green bean casserole. We get it ALL! It has gotten to the point where we speak at the same time and the EXACT same words come out of our mouths. It’s a little freaky!

I will forever have a bond to Nik that is unexplainable and so very special. When we share the story about both of us being white girls from Oregon, yes we laugh at the irony, but now we will treasure the connection. So through the laughter and through the tears, Niki and I will always be sisters AND “The Oregon Snowbunnies!” I know Timmy is smiling at this one, just as we are smiling at the memory of him. Love you Tim! Forever and always!

Black Comedy……

As most of you know, I’m currently in the middle of writing my book. Along with writing the book I also have some very cool projects that are in the works. Sometimes I feel like my head is spinning because I have so many balls up in the air right now. I’m not complaining at all, in fact, it’s all very exciting! I’m actually beyond grateful. Beyond!

My “angel on earth” and dear friend, Amy Ferris, recently “sparked” an introduction that has now “sparked” a project that coincides with the story of my book. However, this particular project requires a little more drama and quite a bit of twists and turns. I have to be slightly more open-minded, and think out of the box on this one. I’m being asked to think along the lines of a black comedy, otherwise known as a dark comedy. For some reason I’m having a hard time wrapping my brain around this concept. I’ll get there. I’m a very out of the box person so it should be a piece of cake for me…or at least a cupcake. Okay, that’s just silly humor, maybe that’s my problem! I need a little less silly, and a lot more dark! Clearly, I'm not going to be doing stand up at the Improv ANY time soon! That, I can guarantee! =)

Anywho…back to the subject matter. The other day I was having a phone conversation with my Sister, and I was catching her up on life, projects, and all the daily “stuff.” I was telling her about the project that I mentioned above, and explained that we are taking a slightly different turn on the writing. I shared the idea of the black comedy with her and she immediately started coming up with ideas of her own. She said, “You know how Jamie always has hilarious comebacks for everything and always has crazy things to say? That would be perfect for what you are looking for.” As she was going into detail, I stopped for a minute and thought, what is she talking about? What does that have to do with a black comedy? Then I got it! I smiled inside, stopped her, and said, “You do realize what a black comedy is, right? It’s a dark comedy, NOT an African American comedy!?” We both stopped, she said, “Oh my God,” and we literally busted out laughing! I cried I laughed so hard! She was going on and on about Jamie’s humor, thinking I meant “black,” as in “African American!” It was CLASSIC! Then she said, “I thought that was really weird that they would want the story to be an African American comedy.” Then I laughed some more! You gotta love it! She automatically went there because I said black comedy and I’m married to a black man. That is comedy in itself!

These are some of the silly things that come up in regards to our marriage. We don’t always have to deal with negative racial stuff, and sometimes we don’t have to deal with anything at all. Thank God! This however, was one of those fun moments, where in looking for “black comedy,” I got some "comic relief" instead! We all need a little bit of that once in a while. Don’t we?

Hopefully it will be okay with her that I’m sharing this with EVERYONE! Maybe I will send her a quick text before I hit send. Naw! I don’t think she’ll mind….it was too cute and too funny not to share. Love ya Sis!