Hate Mail.....

It's been a while since I have written about any recent racial issues our family has experienced. However, sadly, it's not for lack of them happening in our lives, it's simply because I have been crazy, busy. I actually have a list I could write about. As each year passes I assume we are going to have fewer and fewer racist problems arise. That is my hope, but not the reality...yet.

A couple of weeks ago we had a very disheartening letter arrive in the mail. It was addressed to our daughter and shocked us all. She so happened to check the mail that day and was excited to receive something addressed to her. That excitement quickly turned to disbelief after she opened the letter and saw what was inside. We were with 2 of her friends and she looked at them with wide eyes and handed the letter to me and said, "Mama, what is this?" I read it and thought it was a joke. Then I realized it was far from being funny and was actually filled with hate. We couldn't understand why someone would send such a cruel letter to our house and to her. The hand written return address was from Las Vegas, NV and the postal stamp where the letter was mailed was from Santa Ana, CA. Someone was trying to be tricky but clearly they weren't very bright. After I read it, I handed it to her friends and they read it and said, "Who takes the time to send something like this and who still cares about what color people are?" None of us could wrap our brains around what would possess someone to send a hateful letter to our home.

After the initial shock wore off, the worry started to set in, at least for me. The fact that someone had our address and child's name totally freaked me out. My other concern was how this would affect her. I told her not to let it get her down and that the person that wrote the letter obviously doesn't know her at all because she is achieving all of her goals and then some! She said she knew that but still didn't get why someone would send something so mean.

We went on with our day and the letter hung over our heads like a small dark cloud. At the end of the day when we all got home, I shared it with her daddy. His response was, "I'm surprised it took so long for something like this to show up after all the interracial stories that have been written about our family." To him it's just the reality of our world, and to me it's so sad and has to end!

After the conversation with my husband I shared the letter on Facebook. Everyone was shocked! A police officer friend messaged me and told me to call the local police because the letter is considered hate mail. So I did. The officer came out and said that it could have been from a stranger because of all the articles about our family or it could have been from a bully that was jealous or had issues with our daughter. Either way, hate is hate. He told us to save the letter and to call them if we receive anything else. We are all hoping this was a one time incident.

The irony is, when anything racial happens in our lives it has the EXACT opposite affect that the racist wants it to have. After 20 years of dealing with things like this, our family just gets stronger and stronger. That same night, Tatiana was going to spend the night at her cousin's house and as she walked out the door she sarcastically said, "Okay, I'm leaving now and I'm going out to achieve nothing in life!" We all just laughed! I was so happy to see she was taking it all in stride and was totally confident in herself and all that she is achieving. Smiles all around!

In the end I feel sorry for someone who has so much hate inside they feel the need to send it through the mail in an anonymous letter. The energy it took to write the letter, think about the fake address and send it, all based on hate....what a horrible way to live. I don't wish that on anyone.

We are now MORE determined than ever to live in love and to continue to follow our dreams! I forgive the hate and I hope the letter writer is able to let it go and find love and happiness in their life...sooner than later. That is my dream for them.

DWB...Driving While Black......

Jamie's "baby," the El Co

Jamie

DWB....."driving while black." Sounds crazy doesn't it? I thought so too when I first heard the expression. However, when Jamie and I started dating 20 years ago he shared stories with me about always getting pulled over for nothing. I said, "Why would you get pulled over for nothing?" "Because I am a black man," was his answer to me. I said, "Ya right!" We have all heard the stories, but I thought he was exaggerating.

Well, within a very short time I had my first DWB experience with him. We went through an intersection and all of the sudden police lights turned on behind us. Jamie said, "Here we go again." I looked at him and said, "Why are they pulling us over?" He said, "Hello, black man driving." I gave the police the benefit of the doubt and thought they made a mistake. They came over to the car and said, "You ran a red light." Jamie said, "No I didn't, the light just turned yellow when we were in the intersection." The cop proceeded to say, "No, you ran a red light." Then I looked at him and said, "No we didn't, it was yellow after we got in the intersection!" I was not happy at this point and Jamie of course was not surprised. This went back and forth for a bit until he finally let us go with a verbal warning. Jamie said if I wasn't in the car it would have gone very differently. That was my first experience with DWB and there unfortunately have been many since then.

One incident happened just blocks from our house. Jamie was coming home after a co-workers get together. Ironically, he jokingly told his co-workers he should get home before dark otherwise the black man in the El Camino will get pulled over. No joke...he said that! Well, what do you know, on his way home he got pulled over! Seriously! Of course he knew he hadn't done anything but he pulled over and waited, while laughing inside.

The cop got out of the car and asked Jamie where he was going like he didn't belong in the neighborhood. He said, "This is my neighborhood, I have lived here for years! Where do you live?" Then Jamie asked him why he had been pulled over and the cop told him he didn't have a front license plate. Jamie laughed and said, "Yes I do, go look!" Then the cop proceeded to ask him in a sarcastic manner to turn off his car because he said he didn't want Jamie to run him over! Jamie said, "Oh, if I was gonna run you over you would have been run over already, but if it makes you feel better I will turn the car off." Not something you would normally say to a cop, but as you can tell he was quite irritated at this point. Deservedly so! The cop went to the front of the car, and oh my gosh, it's a miracle.....there was a license plate! Wow! He came back to the car window and Jamie said, "Are we done?" The cop said, "Oh sorry man I thought you didn't have a plate." Jamie said, "No you're not, you pulled me over because I'm a black man, in an El Camino, in a nice neighborhood." The cop said, "No man it's not like that." Jamie..."Whatever, are we done?" Off the cop went and Jamie came home with yet another DWB story!!!

Change? 

Build Your Life!

Lately I’ve seen question after question on various interracial websites about what couples should do when family members don’t accept their interracial relationship. My answer to this is…..don’t be afraid to build a life together because you’re worried about what other people think of your relationship. Jamie and I never would have made it past dating had we listened to everyone else’s opinions about us. Here we are 19 years later, with a beautiful daughter and an amazing life!

I’m so disturbed about some of the stories I’ve seen in the news or heard from friends lately, that sometimes I feel like we are actually moving backwards when it comes to race relations. Just the other day there was a story on the news about a man who had his daughter sign a contract that stated she would not date any black men, felons, or gangsters, and if she did he would kill them. Kill them?! Really!? First of all, the fact that he lumped black men in the same category as felons and gangsters, like ALL black men fall into these categories, is stereotyping at its worst. The contract itself was twisted enough, but when the daughter actually ended up dating a black man, her father posted dead or alive posters with the boyfriend’s information and picture on them! Well, karma is a “you know what,” and Daddy is now in prison for 7 years! Clearly this is an extreme case of racial family issues, but I hear time and time again of families that will automatically disown their children if they date outside their race. How do you disown your own child? Better yet, why would you want to? Disowning someone because of the skin color of the person they love? Seriously? Why? Does this “skin color” beat your child? Does this “skin color” treat your child horribly? Or does this “skin color” love your child with all “its” heart? Last time I checked skin color doesn’t hurt people, people do.

Jamie and I have lived through it all when it comes to racism, and there were days, when trust me, I didn’t think the tears would stop because of some of the racial issues we had to deal with, but now, here we are, happier, stronger and more in love than ever. We love us, we love our life and we wouldn’t have it any other way. We never allowed circumstances or people to divide us or destroy our love. In fact, just the opposite, our strength comes from all we have had to deal with throughout the years and at this point we are Mr. and Mrs. Universe we are so freakin’ strong!  Nothing and no one can come between us….ever!

Now, back to YOU…..whatever you do….don’t be afraid to build YOUR life! Go….now….start today. Here’s to your future and here’s to your love….today, tomorrow and forever!