Diversity Classes Should Be Mandatory For These So Called "Educators!"

By now I'm sure all of you have seen this.  If not you will be just as shocked as I was when I first saw it on the news.  You ARE reading the dates correctly....it does say 2010-2011 not 1910-1911!  Shocking is an understatement!  Even as I write this and look at it, I think, this can't be possible, it just can't!  Race based elections at a school in 2010!!!????? 

Here it is in a nutshell:

As seen on MSNBC:
Following an uproar over a policy it said was designed 30 years ago to achieve racial equality, a school district board in a Mississippi town on Friday scrapped a system of student elections where race determined whether a candidate could run for some class positions, including president.

The rules were made over 30 years ago to make the school elections "fair."  "Cough, cough!"  However, when I looked at my calendar this morning it was 2010...I thought we had learned from the hate of the past and moved at least slightly forward?  Well, in Nettleton Mississippi this is clearly not the case!  What "sane" adults, in what "educational" system, thought this was okay!?  We wonder why racism continues.....well in Nettleton it's being "taught" in the schools!   How can anyone justify that this was set up to make things fair?  More so, how can anyone in 2010 justify this still being in print and in place today!?  There is no explaining it away, there is no excuse.  This would be like leaving a whites only sign on a water fountain and not removing it in 2010.  I am dumbfounded that any school in this country of ours allowed this to continue.  Dumbfounded!

While we're at it.....are there only black and white children at this school?  What about everyone else?  The stupidity just keeps growing!  The more I type, the more blown away I become.  Who printed this?  Who passed it out?  Who allowed it?  All these people were okay with this?  Really?! REALLY!?  Each and every adult that had a hand in the process of allowing this old, outdated, racist, foolish, policy to continue, need to go and take multiple hours of diversity classes.  In fact diversity classes should be mandatory for these so called "Educators!"  Mandatory!!!

And "They" Said it Wouldn't Last....Happy 17th Anniversary to Us!!!

Rose Garden Gazebo Where We Were Married

Rose Garden August 2010

Rose Garden August 2010

Rose Garden August 1993

18 years ago I met my love, my partner, my soul mate, my present, my future, and my best friend. 17 years ago on August 21st, 1993, I married him. We got married in a flower-covered gazebo, on a hot summer night, in the Balboa Park Rose Garden in San Diego. It was simple, it was beautiful, it was perfect. Our preacher, who was an old family friend of Jamie’s, married us and then sang to us. The song - “Always and Forever” - now, it’s forever our song. Close family and friends were there to share in our joy. Two people in love, pledging their lives to each other. It was intense…it was LOVE!

Flash forward, and now we have had 17 years of marriage, a 15 year-old daughter, and an amazing roller coaster of a life. Has it been perfect? Oh heck no! Has it been fabulous? Oh hell yes!! Would I do it again? In a minute! Am I looking forward to 17 more? Of course! After 17 years, I still love waking up on a Saturday morning wrapped in each others arms. I love coming home to Jamie sitting in his favorite chair, and walking across the room to kiss his beautiful sexy lips! I love sitting at the kitchen table, talking about life and catching up on the day. In other words, I love him now more than ever!

So today, we will celebrate 17 glorious years of craziness, fun, happiness, sadness, ups, downs, and most importantly…LOVE!  Happy anniversary to my Big Sexy Hunk O’ Chocolate! Here’s to 17 more, and more, and more!

......and "they" said it wouldn't last....Happy 17th Anniversary to Us!!!

Dr. Laura Schlessinger...What Was She Thinking!? The "N" Word? Really?!!?

Yesterday as I was catching up on facebook, a friend of mine sent me a link and asked the following; "Amy...what is your take on this?"  The link was a story about Dr. Laura using the "N" word multiple times on her talk show and then later apologizing for it.  You can read the story below: 

LOS ANGELES – Talk radio host Dr. Laura Schlessinger has issued an apology for saying the N-word several times in an on-air conversation with a caller that she said was "hypersensitive" to racism.


Schlessinger said on her website Wednesday that she was wrong in using the word for what she called an attempt to make a philosophical point.

"I articulated the N-word all the way out — more than one time," Schlessinger said in comments from the opening of her radio show that she posted on her site. "And that was wrong. I'll say it again — that was wrong."

She said she "realized I had made a horrible mistake, and was so upset, I could not finish the show."
Schlessinger said she pulled herself off the air at the end of the hour.

During the exchange on Tuesday's show, Schlessinger said the woman who called herself Jade was too sensitive for complaining that her husband's friends made racist comments about her in their home.
When the woman asked if the N-word was offensive, Dr. Laura said "black guys say it all the time," then went on to repeat it several times.

Schlessinger did not direct the epithet at the woman, but said she used it to suggest how often she hears it, and that it should not automatically be cause for offense.

When the caller objected, Schlessinger replied: "Oh, then I guess you don't watch HBO or listen to any black comedians."

Schlessinger also said that if the caller did not have a sense of humor about race, she shouldn't have entered into an interracial marriage.

After I read the story, I sat there with my eyes popping out of my head, and my jaw on the ground. I re-grouped, put my eyes back in, picked my jaw up off the floor, and re-read the story to make sure I was reading it correctly, because I just "knew" that I must have read it wrong. Sadly I hadn't. 

First of all I have to say I have never been a fan of Dr. Laura.  I have many friends that are, and that's great, ya know, free country and all, but I think she is very condescending and cruel to her callers.  I remember having a conversation with a friend years and years ago about Dr. Laura. We had recently listened to one of her shows and the subject was daycare. Dr. Laura basically stated that if you put your child in daycare you were a terrible parent. She said you must at all costs figure out a way to stay home with your child otherwise the child will suffer.  Reality check Dr. L...not everyone can do that.  From that moment on I realized she had lost touch, and the things she had said about parents that use daycare were down right cruel.  Never again was I a fan.  So that being said, when I read yesterday's story I was shocked but not totally surprised.
 
I feel so bad for the woman that called Dr. L for advice.  This woman obviously needed help and all Dr. Laura did was apparently make her feel worse.  For Dr. L to use the "N" word at all was her first mistake, to make light of it was her second, and to compare her usage of it to black men using it, was her third.  Let me clarify for the record I don't think anyone should use the word at all.  I've said it before and I'll say it again...it's a hateful word and I don't think it's cute, cool, or necessary.  However when Dr. L stated that if the caller didn't have a sense of humor about race she shouldn't have entered into an interracial marriage, that is what really got to me.  Really Dr. Laura?!  There is a BIG difference regarding having a sense of humor about race vs. spewing racial slurs.  A sense of humor is me calling my hubby a "big sexy hunk o' chocolate," a racial slur would be me using the "N" word at all.  I have been with him for 18 years and that word has never come out of my mouth.  Ever!  
 
Dr. L, when your husband gets handcuffed due to the color of his skin, or gets pulled over because of the color of his skin, or your child gets called the very "N" word that you used....then you can come and talk to me about having a sense of humor regarding race.  
 
The very reason I write this blog is to show people that interracial marriage is just like any other marriage.  However based on the call from a woman who just wants her home to be like any other, we clearly have a long way to go.  I hope Dr. Laura takes a step back and realizes that when people call her they are reaching out and truly need help.  She needs to realize she doesn't have ALL the answers. If she would just listen, and show some respect and kindness to her callers, then she would already be on the way to helping them.  It's fascinating to me that she would even attempt to give advice regarding interracial marriage when she is married to a white man. She should have sympathized with her caller's problem and told her that she didn't understand fully what she was going through because she has never been in an interracial marriage.  It's okay to not have all the answers, but it's not okay to profess that you do and have no basis for it.....what was she thinking!?  The "N" word?!  Really!!?!   

I'm So Proud of Them........

 

My latest story on The Next Family....

Click here to read:  http://thenextfamily.com/2010/08/im-so-proud-of-them/

Wrong Number!

The craziest thing happened the other day.  I was out to lunch with an old college friend of mine and as we were sitting at the table talking, her phone rang.  It was a text message, and I could tell by the look on her face that she was confused about what the message said.  She looked at me and said, "You have to read this."  So I did, and I looked back at her with the same confused look she had, and said, "What the heck does that mean?!"  She said, "Well obviously they have the wrong number!"  I told her, "Text back and let them know they have the wrong number, and not only that, tell them you're a white woman!"  Now, you are probably thinking why on earth would she need to tell them that?!?  It will make complete sense when you see how it went............check it out........

-Stranger text to my friend's phone: "A, n**ga got my shoes?"
~Friend's text back to stranger: "Ummm, I'm thinking you have the wrong person!"
-Stranger: "Que, is that you? Don't play dumb n**ga!"
~Friend (with a little help from me):  "I'm not dumb, but I'm a white woman!" 
-Stranger: "Huh!?!?"

At this point my friend and I are dying laughing!!!

~Friend:  "You have the wrong number!"
-Stranger:  "Sorry."
~Friend:  "It's okay, hope you get your shoes."
-Stranger:  "LOL, yeah me too and sorry once again!"

More laughter at the table!  OUT LOUD cracking up!! 

~Friend:  "No problem."
-Stranger:  "But anyways, if you don't mind me asking, how are you?"

Okay, now apparently he thinks he can start flirting!!!!  How hilarious is that!?

~Friend:  "Fine but I'm a grown married white woman with 2 kids!"

Stranger was stopped dead in his tracks!  The end! =)  LOL!!!! 

There are many things that came out of that call.  First, my friend said to me, "How weird that I got that message when I was with you!"  Ya know, me being married to a black man and all....I WOULD be with her for the "N" word text!  Odds!?  It still makes me cringe to see the "N" word being used so flippantly even though I know he meant it as a "friendly" gesture to his "homey."  I will never understand that, ever.  The "kids" just don't get the history of the word and they think it's so cool.  It's so not!

That aside, it just cracks me up that I can be out having lunch with a friend and something as simple as a wrong number becomes a hilarious story for my blog.  As I said on a previous post, I don't ever seek this stuff out, it just keeps coming at me!  Day, after day! =)  I also stated that some days the stories will be deep and inspirational and some days the stories will be silly and fun.  Hopefully this one gave you a giggle!  It's a welcome relief to have the "funny stuff" regarding race come up once in a while.  Laughter is good for the soul, and we laughed HARD....all from a CRAZY "wrong number!?"

Romance........What is Your Definition?

My latest story on The Next Family......

Click Here:  http://thenextfamily.com/2010/08/romance-what-is-your-definition/ 

My Passion..........

After one of the many dance recitals.  

Yeah we are officially silly, after another recital!

Writing about interracial marriage and family is my passion because I'm passionate about my marriage and family!

~I'm passionate about all the things we have gone through in a mixed race household.

~I'm passionate about helping other's that feel they are alone in this journey, and letting them know they are not! 

~I'm passionate about changing perceptions about mixed race marriages and showing everyone that they are just marriages with a "twist." 

~I'm passionate about shaping the future for my child and teaching her to be proud of all of who she is!

~I'm passionate about showing other mixed race parents they too can do the same. 

~I'm passionate about hearing your stories and helping you through difficult situations. 

~I'm passionate about getting to know you and your families so we can all share in this wonderful experience of interracial love!

~I'm passionate about laughter and hearing the funny stories too!

~I'm passionate about not taking ourselves so seriously each and every day. 

~I'm passionate about standing up to racism. 

~I'm passionate about speaking out and speaking up! 

~I'm passionate about teaching tolerance and forgiveness. 

~AND....I'm passionate about always being here for you!     

Adjusting to Each Other.....

My latest story on The Next Family

Click here to read: http://thenextfamily.com/2010/07/adjusting-to-each-other/

I'll Be Your White Friend!

I am a member of this great site called She Writes @ http://www.shewrites.com/.  It's a site filled with women writers from all over, who are on there for the purpose of helping each other grow in their writing.  It's inspiring!

Yesterday, as I was catching up on the site, one of the many posts caught my eye.  The post was from a writer named Lori Tharps.  She was asking "white writers" on the site to become her "white friends,"  buy her book, and pass the word to their "white friends" about her book.  I kid you not!  Guts huh!?  I'm sure there were a lot of people on the site that were taken aback by her request, but I totally get it. Why, you ask?  Me being a "white writer," how would I get it?  Well, she is a black writer about to publish her third book and books for some reason get categorized just like people do.  We assume that only black people are going to read books written by black authors, so that is the "pile" they get filed in.  It's the weirdest thing.  It's almost habit for people.  Will my book about interracial marriage get both categories because it's "half black and half white!?"  Hmmm?  It's nuts!  Authors are authors, black, white or otherwise!

Sometimes I feel like we are going backwards when it's comes to thinking and talking about race.  I don't get it. It's 2010 for goodness sake.  I always think I'm going to run out of things to talk about on my blog, yet every single day something about race comes up in my daily living.  It's kind of mind blowing.  I don't seek it out...it just happens.  If I wrote it all down I would have a library, not just a blog or book.      

So even though I've never met Lori Tharps, except in cyber space, and I have yet to read her book "Substitute Me" http://www.amazon.com/Substitute-Me-Lori-Tharps/dp/1439171106 because it's not quite published yet, I'm going to be her new "white friend,"  I'm going to buy her book, and I'm going to pass the word to other's to do the same.

Maybe, eventually her book will not be a "black book" but just a "book."  It's a perfect analogy for my marriage.....I have the same hopes, that maybe one day, it will just be a "marriage" and not an "interracial marriage!"  It's possible right?  Now get to reading!  =)

Embrace it, Don’t Erase it!

My latest story on http://www.thenextfamily.com/

click here: Embrace it, Don’t Erase it!

Is That Your Mom?

After one of the many dance recitals.

So the other day I was off work early and was able to pick our daughter up from dance.  Normally my schedule only allows me to pick up once a week and my husband covers the rest.  However, this particular night I was able to pick her up from the class that she asst. teaches.  I love being able to see this class because it wasn't that long ago that Tatiana was one of the little dancers...now she is helping to teach them!  Crazy!  All you Mom's out there...and Dad's too, you get it, right?  It's heart warming and freaky at the same time.  How do they grow up so fast!?  Anywho, back to the story...after the class was over, and my heart was all warm and gushy, we were walking out to the car and two of little dancers that Tat teaches were sitting on the curb while their Moms talked.  One little girl just so happened to be Black and the other little girl was Hispanic.  As we were walking by, the little girl who is black said, "Miss Tatiana, is that your Mom?"  Tat said, "Yes."  The little girl said, "Ohhhh, I like her!"  Right after she said that, the little girl who is Hispanic said, "Blanca!"  Tatiana and I just cracked up!!!  First of all, the fact that they were so surprised that I was blanca (white) was hilarious in itself, but the fact that they were excited about it was even funnier!  It still blows my mind, that people, whether little or big, are so shocked that I am Tatiana's Mom.  I am here to tell you, that YES, I am her Mom!  :)  

Check Out My Latest Story on www.thenextfamily.com......

http://thenextfamily.com/2010/07/“i’m-sorry-did-you-say-sewer-water”/

"A Family"......Just Like You, and You, and You.......

Recently I was asked to be a contributing writer to the website The Next Family at, http://www.thenextfamily.com/  I am very excited to be writing for them because their website stands for everything I do.  It's about all types of families and all types of love.  I will be writing for them once a week and look forward to sharing the beautiful message that yes, we are an “Interracial Family,” but really we are “A FAMILY” just like you!

You can check out my first story at the link below:
http://thenextfamily.com/2010/07/%e2%80%9can-interracial-family%e2%80%9d-or-just-%e2%80%9ca-family%e2%80%9d/

About The Next Family:
http://thenextfamily.com/about-2/

"She's Your Kind"

Great Niece, Niece, Daughter and Me

Once a month my family and I volunteer at Angelfood.  My Sister n Law runs the program at her church for our particular area.  It's a lot of work but oh so much fun!  It has become quite the family affair!  We volunteered as always this past weekend.  Customer after customer lined up to get the food they ordered.  One woman in particular came up to me and made it a point to say, "Hi Amy," and then continued to have a little conversation while she waited for her food.  She does this each time she comes to the church.  She just so happens to be white and the church just so happens to be a "black church."  Not that everyone and their brother isn't welcome, it just so happens to be that way.  =) After the woman left, I turned to my niece (my husband's side of the fam) and said, "That lady is so sweet, she always comes up to me and talks to me while she waits for her food."  My Niece then said, "It's because you are her kind."  It took a second for me to process what she said, then I realized what she meant, and said,  "Oh, because we are both white? Ya think!?"  My Niece said, "Ya!"  Then we both just laughed!  So does this lady automatically come talk to me because I'm white and that makes her more comfortable?  Or is this just what my Niece thinks?  It's all so odd to me, because I soooo don't think that way. I'm the only white person on so many occasions and am so used to it, that I just don't go there in my brain. =)  I hope the lady talks to me because I'm friendly......but everyone there is friendly, so why does she always pinpoint me?  Is my Niece right?  Is it really because I'm "her kind?" Hmmm.......something to ponder.       

Two Men...Different Worlds...One Love....Happy Father's Day!

Dad and Hubby

Two men from different worlds.  Two men that respect each other. Two men that love each other.  Two men that I never would have imagined being part of the same family.  Two men that have been there through everything. Two men that have made me who I am today. Two men that give unconditional love.  Two men that are amazing Dads.  Two men that I love with all my heart and all my soul.  Two men, different worlds...one love.    Happy Fathers Day!!  I love you both! 

"Loving Day".....The Right to Live in Love!

Amy and Jamie....living and loving in 2010

Mildred and Richard.....living and loving in 1967

There are days when I simply  forget how far we have come because I'm just living, and there are days when I realize how far we still have to go.  However, there is one day that will always be special to me, and that is..."Loving Day."  Yes you read it right..."Loving Day!"  I'm sure there are many of you out there that don't even realize what Loving Day is or what it represents, but to me it represents my heart, my marriage, my love.  So what is it?  It's the anniversary of the June 12th, 1967 Supreme Court decision....

Loving vs. Virginia ~ "There can be no doubt that restricting the freedom to marry solely because of racial classifications violates the central meaning of the equal protection clause." 

Richard and Mildred Loving, a mixed race couple....(how PERFECT is their last name by the way...REALLY, that is their last name!).....were forced to leave their home state of Virginia after they married, because back in the late 60's their union was still illegal in 16 states! Yes..illegal! :( They  had two options....go to jail, or leave Virginia.  They packed up and moved to WA, D.C. and the rest, as they say, is history.  They didn't just move, they fought, they won, they LOVED!  Bravery, courage, determination, and true love won out.  How cool is that!?!  Because of this amazing couple my husband and I are free to live and free to love!  I can't imagine having to fight for the right to marry the man I love.  I would though...no doubt...no question in my mind! I would fight like a lion!  It still boggles my mind to even think that it was illegal for two people to marry solely because of the color of their skin. This was during my lifetime no less.  How insane were "we" back then!?  This is why it is so important to always fight for what is right.  If we stay quiet and do nothing, then nothing happens. If we speak up, and teach tolerance, then everything can happen! Sometimes laws might be changed and sometimes minds might be changed.....either way, we move forward, and that my friends is a good thing!  So to Richard and Mildred Loving, a brave couple who stood up for the their love and their rights, here's to you, from all of "us"....thank you Loving's for giving us the RIGHT to live in LOVE!  

For more information about this special day and this amazing couple visit:

http://www.lovingday.org/

For more information on their struggle:

http://www.lovingday.org/the-loving-story

PS....

I want to send a special shout out to one of my readers.  Her name is Heather and she is putting on a Loving Day photo essay in her home state of Missouri. The photo essay will include interracial couples that Heather knows from around the country.  My family will be one of the featured families in her essay. I just want to say thank you Heather for including us in your celebration all the way in Missouri!  Very cool! 

Thank YOU!!!!........

Lately my schedule has not given me much time to write on my blog.  I keep taking notes about various events or situations and little by little the notes will all make their way to the blog.  Life tends to get in the way!  =)  I wish I could write all day long because I truly enjoy it!! 

Today my post however is about all of YOU out there in cyberland!  I just want to take a moment to say thank you for reading and thank you for all of your beautiful comments.  I have made many new friends across the world because of this blog and I just LOVE that we are all here for a common reason, and that is.....LOVE, pure and simple.   I am blessed to be in such an amazing marriage and even more blessed to be able to share it with all of you.  So thank YOU for taking time out of your day to read and to comment and to now be part of my life.  I truly appreciate it!  Here's to many more years of happy relationships whatever mix they might be!! 

More posts to come....if only there were 48 hours in a day!  =)  Amy 

What Are You Staring At? I'm Just Kissing My Husband Goodbye!

For those of you that know me, you know that my car has been in the shop quite a bit lately.  Because of that "fun" little fact I get the pleasure of my husband taking me or picking me up from work.  A few days ago he was dropping me off at my job and as I was getting out of the car he got out as well to say goodbye.  He hugged me and kissed me and as usual he was also being silly. Little did we know there was an older woman (white woman) walking into the salon next to where I work just watching us.  Well, her world must have stopped when she saw us kissing, because if looks could kill......let's just say, we would be very, very dead!  At first when I saw her looking at us and then me as I walked toward my work, it didn't cross my mind why she was giving me such an evil stare down.  Then I realized..."Oh my gosh, she was just mortified that we were kissing!"  Let me just clarify for the record , we were not making out like two teenagers in a parking lot. We hugged and kissed goodbye and laughed a little. Was she horrified that two adults were kissing each other goodbye?  Highly unlikely.  Was she was disgusted because a white woman and a black man were kissing?  Much more likely. How do I know this?  Because the look wasn't one of distaste from two people smooching,  it was a scary, I'm going to stare at you until you are gone because you disgust me look! There was no mistaking it!  She stood there and held the salon door, didn't go in, and then craned her neck to continue to give me "her look" as I unlocked the door at my job.  It was wild!  Trust me, I've seen the look enough in our 18 years together that there was no question in my mind what she was thinking of us.  If she knew we had been married all these years would it have been a different story?  Probably not.  In her mind "we" are not "acceptable."  Sad.  Had I been quick that day, and thinking on my feet , I would have gone up to her and said, "Oh honey, you should try it, you have noooo idea what you're missing!"  But alas, I was hurrying to work and so shocked that she was so shocked , my quick thinking was no where to be found!  Plus, I was raised to respect my elders and that would have been rude.  When older people react the way they do to my husband and I,  I just have to remember that "their" generation was taught that "we" should not be together.  Remember "we" were illegal back in the day!  Crazy!  Our generation has gotten somewhat better, and our daughter's generation is almost there, even though clearly we still have a long way to go.  I always want moments like this to be turned around and think to myself, "If only she knew us, and if only she knew how in love we are, maybe she wouldn't think that way at all."  I know every moment and every instance of racism can't be a teaching moment but I sure wish they could be.  However,  I'm sure whatever I said to her would not have changed her old school way of thinking, even if I said something as simple as, "What are you staring at?  I'm just kissing my husband goodbye."  So once again, my husband and I stand firm in our love and hope for the older woman that couldn't get "us" through her head, that she too, at some point, found this kind of love in her lifetime.  That is my wish for her.

How the heck did you two meet?!

The other day we were at a birthday party and Jamie's friend Byron asked the question...."How did you two meet? I mean she went to school abroad, and you, well, you're a fool!" The two of us died laughing! So, this is how the two most opposite people on the planet, met, got married, had a child, and lived happily/crazily after:

It was 1992 and I was driving up the 805 freeway in San Diego. I was with my "little sister" from the Big Sis/Little Sis program. As we were driving, multiple black sports cars, (all with black men in them), were in the lane next to us. My little sis started to wave at one of the men in one of the cars. I told her to stop waving because they were too old for her (she was 15 at the time) and were either a bunch of athletes or a bunch of drug dealers, and you don't want to mess with either! Yeah, I know, stereotyping at its worst. Bad!!! However, I wasn't wrong....it was athletes and friends. So there! =)

Anyway, my little sis said, "No, I know one of them, he used to coach my basketball team when I was little." That coach so happened to be Jamie! I wasn't sure if I believed her or if she was just flirting, so on we went up the freeway.

A few weeks went by and my little sis was out and about, and who did she run into?.....Jamie! He asked her, "Who was that woman that you were in the car with the other day?" She told him it was her big sis, and then he proceeded to give her his phone number to give to me. So the next time her and I were together she gave me the phone number and told me it was from the guy we saw on the freeway. Well, I promptly threw it in the trash and said, "I don't call people that I see on the freeway that are complete strangers!" She said, "But I know him!" I didn't care, he was a stranger to me and you know what mom always says. =)

A couple more months went by and my little sis and I were driving around again and low and behold but who was standing in a friend's front yard talking?.....Jamie, again! Odds?!? My little sis says, "That is the guy that gave you the phone number." I said, "Oh my gosh, you have got to be kidding me!? I better pull over and say hi or he is going to think I am totally rude." We pulled over, he came over to the car and said hi, and then promptly asked why I didn't call him. I told him, "I don't call people I see on the freeway. Let's do this the right way...you call me....here's my number." He then waited an entire WEEK to call! I guess he was getting me back for throwing away his number! Our first call was on a Sunday and we talked for FOUR hours! However, we still didn't go out for another two months. We got to know each other over the phone, day, after day, after day.

Finally, we had our first date which was at his apartment where he made me dinner. I know it sounds bad, first date, his apartment. We had been talking for two months for goodness sakes, it was like we were old friends by now! No worries…he was a complete gentleman.

You would think the rest was history, but noooooo, that would have been too easy. We dated from that day on, but there was a slight snag in our future. I had already made the decision before he and I met, to move back to Oregon to be closer to my family. Soooo, we literally fell in love, and it was time for me to leave. I debated whether or not to go, but Jamie told me to go because I would regret it if I didn't. He said, "If we are meant to be it will work out. You want to be with your family, so that is where you need to be." I left. We wrote and called constantly. Distance, not so fun....four months later he moved up to Oregon! Then three months later we moved back to San Diego! Nuts huh!? I am a Cali girl, I couldn't take the weather. Love ya fam, but had to go home.

THEN the rest was history! We got engaged, got married in '93, had Tatiana in '94, and here we are today. So when anyone asks the question......how did we meet? The answer is.....on the 805 freeway.....fate took care of the rest!

What Will the New Census Show......How Many of "Us" are There Now?

It's that time again....census time.  Did you all receive your forms in the mail?  Did you fill it out and turn it in?  Because it's census time, I thought it would be fitting to write about some statistics regarding interracial marriage and divorce.  I tend to forget that my husband and I are in a VERY SMALL group of people when it comes to marriages in the United States.  As of the last census, the percentage of interracial marriages in the U.S. was still below 5%!  That amazes me!  I will be so curious to see what the new census stats show.  It's funny to me that the numbers are so low because I guess I just think of "us" as just like everyone else.  Clearly the numbers show a very different story. 

Interracial marriage in the U.S.:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interracial_marriage_in_the_United_States

The other interesting statistic is, that marriages of white woman and black men have a higher rate of divorce than any other marriages.  Now why is that?  Certainly every marriage has issues, and interracial marriages get that added "benefit" of dealing with being "judged" by society and everyone around them, but I think black men and white woman get the "judging" on a more heightened level from all sides. Maybe that is part of the reason why those marriages fall apart.  Is it history, is it racism, is it a power struggle, what is it that creates this "built in failure" regarding this type of union? Thoughts?  To me, marriage is marriage, and if you love one another and are strong in who you are, then nothing should be able to tear you apart, right?  My husband and I are living proof that you CAN make it, and that no matter what life throws at you, if you hang in and fight for each other, marriage CAN last a lifetime, black, white or otherwise.  So, what will the new census show.......how many of "us" are there now?

Chocolate for Me....Vanilla for You!

In any relationship, be it an interracial one or not, you have to be able to laugh and have fun!  It's so important! Jamie and I are VERY silly when it comes to each other.  18 years later, we are sillier than ever, and we make no bones about it!  For some reason there seems to be a lot of funny moments that come up in regards to us being an interracial couple.  We don't purposely set out to concentrate on the fact that we are interracial, it just happens throughout the day, and if you can get a giggle then why not?!  Laughter is good for you, right!?!  So the other day we were at the beach celebrating my birthday.  It was near the end of the day and we felt like ice cream.  I went into the ice cream shop and placed our order and when the girl handed me our milkshakes I looked down and said to my daughter and her friend, "Look, it's me and Daddy, chocolate and vanilla!" They looked at me like I was nuts! I thought it was hilarious and said, "You have to take a picture!"  Oh the teenage embarrassment, you should have seen the look on their faces.  They finally took the picture, we all got a good laugh, and off we went to enjoy our ice cream at the beach.  Of course, chocolate for me and vanilla for Jamie! =)     

Minds Really Truly CAN Be Changed!

By now if you have read my blog for any period of time you have read the various posts about the client at my job who has had no problem sharing her racists views with me. Here are the links to the previous posts regarding some of the interactions I have had with her:

1) http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/09/changing-mind-of-racist.html

2) http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/11/seeing-beneath-skin.html

3) http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/12/baby-steps.html

Well, after all of the talks, all of the patience, and all of the SHOCK, I received an amazing phone call from her the other day.  She called to tell me that she "loves me" and that I make her day every time she sees me.  I almost fell out of my chair!  She also told me that she prays for my family on a daily basis and is so happy for me that I have such a wonderful family! I am going to be honest, at first it freaked me out a little bit. I thought, "How did we get to this point?"  This is someone who hated black people just a few short months ago and now after our many, many talks and interactions, she is slowly moving towards love for everyone!  Wow!  That is pretty powerful!  There were times when it was hard to stomach having conversation with her, and now it's all about positive thoughts, moving forward, and accepting everyone!  Mind you, she isn't totally there yet.  She still has not seen her son that is married to a black woman, and she has not seen her grandson in a very long time, but she IS praying that it works out.  Before, she wanted nothing to do with them and now she is actually praying about it.  Let me just say WOW again!  I am going to be seeing her today so I will see if there has been even more progress since the last time.  The lesson I have learned in all of this is, never give up on someone no matter how bad it seems, and never ever stop fighting for what you believe in.  Minds really truly can be changed!

"I'm Coming Back As A White Man In My Next Life!"

So remember when I started this blog I said some posts would be deep and serious and some would be funny and silly?  Well this one would definitely fall into the funny and silly category!  Yesterday I had to go to traffic court for an "illegal" left turn ticket.  I plead not guilty a month ago and then went back yesterday to fight it.  As luck would have it the ticket was dismissed!  Woohoo!  This made my day for sure!!  What a great way to start the week.  Later that day the Hubby called me at work to see how traffic court went.  I said, "Dismissed baby!"  =)  He said, "What?!?!  If that had been me they probably would have taken me to jail!"  Okay, clearly he is exaggerating, but as you can see from past "driving while black" incidents he is a little bitter, and rightly so.....
http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/05/dwbdriving-while-black.html  The next thing out of his mouth was, "I'm coming back as a white man in my next life so I can get out of tickets and not get pulled over all the time!"  I just laughed!  On the surface this comment was quite funny and we both got a kick out of the conversation.  Sadly though it is all too true that he would have been treated totally different by the cop and by the courts.  You would have thought that he was happy that I didn't have to pay the ticket since it's our money, but he was so stuck on what would have happened to him he couldn't get past that. Why do all black men automatically get treated differently by cops?  It's a curious stereotype that seems to never go away.  Will it ever?  I hope so because my husband should be able to drive down the street, pass a police car, and just drive on without thought of being pulled over once again for nothing.   So when I got home last night the "bitter humor" was still there and I gave him a hello kiss and then he said, "Whatever, no ticket white woman," and we laughed again!  I just hope when Jamie "comes back" in his "next life" he doesn't come back as a white man, he comes back exactly as he is today.  That is why I love him so much...bitter humor, and all!     

What is Happening to our Younger Generation? Are We Moving Forward or Backward?

This post was originally a response to a comment that one of my faithful readers, Heather had left on the "UCSD Compton Party" story.  As I was responding I realized it needed to be a post instead of a comment because with every word I typed I got a little more sad and a lot more perplexed.  Heather had listed a link http://www.columbiamissourian.com/stories/2010/02/26/cotton-balls-scattered-front-mus-black-culture-center/ to a recent racist act at their local University in Missouri.  Cotton balls were thrown in front of the Black Student Cultural Center during Black History Month. I had just responded on another post about the noose that was found in the library at UCSD. http://www.nbcsandiego.com/news/local-beat/Noose-Found-Inside-UCSDs-Geisel-Library---85479767.html  What is happening on our campuses? Isn't it just the saddest thing to see this generation act like this? I don't get it. Kids are taught these things, they are not born this way. These are kids that are clearly either living in homes that condone racism or they are hanging with friends that have taught them this is the way to think. I will never ever, ever, ever understand how someone can hate based on skin color. EVER!! Hate is such a horrible useless emotion to bear, and to bear it based on nothing but skin color is really stupidity when you get right down to it! They might have most loving, beautiful, kind hearted person in the world standing in front of them but because they don't "like" their skin color they automatically hate them? Really? Where is the common sense? This is happening on campuses of "educated" young adults? I feel so sorry for them. There is a chunk of life they are missing out on. Being diverse isn't just politically correct it's a beautiful way to live. There are so many people from so many different cultures in each and every city, and on each and every campus in our country. We can all teach each other something. Why wouldn't we want to know more? Isn't that the point of going to college? It's not just about what is in the textbook you buy at the bookstore, it is about life and learning more and more about it each day. Racism is just a sheltered ignorant way of thinking. Wouldn't someone just stay home, in the same place they were born and raised if they didn't want to know more?  Why go to college if you don't want to open your mind?  So to all of the students on all of the campuses throughout our country, open your minds, open your hearts, and really truly learn.  Life is about moving forward not backward.

The "N" Word........

Oh this word!  You know which one I'm talking about......the "N" word.  I despise this word, and at the same time am very confused by the use of this word.  My personal opinion is the word should not be used at all, by anyone at any time.  Now this opinion coming from a white woman might not hold as much water as if it were coming from a black woman or black man.  However, because I am married to a black man and have a child that is half black this word takes on a whole other meaning for me.  When I hear this word it hurts my heart because I personally feel that it hurts my husband and daughter.  We have had many discussions about the use of this word and who should be "allowed" to use it.  When my daughter was in elementary school I got a call from the Vice Principal saying that someone on the playground had called her the "N" word.  It was a little boy that was actually trying to be "cool" by calling her this word.  It was more of a, "What up my "N**ga," use of the word.  Tat was hurt, the boy was mortified that he hurt her, and I got a call from the school.  The interesting thing was, the call came from the VP who was black and not the Principal who was white.  Was this a coincidence, probably not.  Interesting none the less.  So here is a kid that was trying to be "cool" and he ends up hurting someone by the use of this horrible word.  Where did he learn the word?  Home? Music? Friends? Who knows where he learned it and why he thought it was okay to use it?  It was a perfect example of why it shouldn't be used in conversation in the first place.  Now on the flip side of that story, just yesterday one of my husband's friends used the "N**ga" phrase on his facebook and I was mortified!  I asked my husband if his friend was mad at him.  He laughed and said there was nothing wrong with a black man calling a black man that word.  We have had this conversation many, many times and I totally disagree. I think the word is awful, and should not be used at all.  Who am I to say though?  When two black men use this word in a "friendly" banter is it okay?  Me, personally I don't think so.  I think the word is hateful.  Jamie and I have disagreed on this subject for years.  I think even in friendly conversation it keeps the word alive, and as far as I am concerned it should be very dead and very buried.  So, is there ever a time when it is okay to use the "N" word? 

UCSD Compton Themed Party...Stereotypes Hurt.....

One of the reasons we live where we do is because of the diversity.  Being in an interracial marriage with a mixed race child makes you always think about things that couples in same race marriages and families don't have to think about.  One of those things is where we live.  Not that we can't live anywhere we want, but we wouldn't purposely choose to live somewhere that in general had a negative feeling about mixed race marriages or wasn't a diverse area.  We want our daughter to grow up being exposed to all races and cultural traditions.  That being said when I heard about the "Compton themed party" http://www.cbs8.com/Global/story.asp?S=12009416 at UCSD at first I thought this must be a mistake and the media was portraying it wrong.  No way can there be a party that purposely mocks another race during the month we are all celebrating that race, especially in southern Cali (my very own "backyard") which in general is melting pot central.  However, as the story unfolded I realized that, oh my gosh stereotyping and racism is alive and well at UCSD.  So in a nutshell here is the story.....there was an invite sent out to a party off campus at UCSD in La Jolla, CA.  The invite was to a "Compton themed" party that blatantly mocked Black History Month.  See below for full invite...... 

Read The Invitation To The "Compton Cook Out," As Posted On Facebook:

"February marks a very important month in American society. No, i'm not referring to Valentines day or Presidents day. I'm talking about Black History month. As a time to celebrate and in hopes of showing respect, the Regents community cordially invites you to its very first Compton Cookout. 

For guys: I expect all males to be rockin Jersey's, stuntin' up in ya White T (XXXL smallest size acceptable), anything FUBU, Ecko, Rockawear, High/low top Jordans or Dunks, Chains, Jorts, stunner shades, 59 50 hats, Tats, etc.

For girls: For those of you who are unfamiliar with ghetto chicks-Ghetto chicks usually have gold teeth, start fights and drama, and wear cheap clothes - they consider Baby Phat to be high class and expensive couture. They also have short, nappy hair, and usually wear cheap weave, usually in bad colors, such as purple or bright red. They look and act similar to Shenaynay, and speak very loudly, while rolling their neck, and waving their finger in your face. Ghetto chicks have a very limited vocabulary, and attempt to make up for it, by forming new words, such as "constipulated", or simply cursing persistently, or using other types of vulgarities, and making noises, such as "hmmg!", or smacking their lips, and making other angry noises, grunts, and faces. The objective is for all you lovely ladies to look, act, and essentially take on these "respectable" qualities throughout the day. 

Several of the regents condos will be teaming up to house this monstrosity, so travel house to house and experience the various elements of life in the ghetto.  We will be serving 40's, Kegs of Natty, dat Purple Drank- which consists of sugar, water, and the color purple , chicken, coolade, and of course Watermelon. So come one and come all, make ya self before we break ya self, keep strapped, get yo shine on, and join us for a day party to be remembered- or not. "

How is it that a generation of young kids living in Southern California or anywhere for that matter, could possibly think this was okay?   Not cool, not funny, not cute, not right.  Whatever happened to thinking before acting or speaking!? When will everyone learn that stereotyping just keeps racism alive and well and stereotypes hurt!!!      

Valentine's Number 17..........But Really It's Valentine's Day Every Day In Our House!

Last night Jamie and I went out to dinner to celebrate Valentine's Day early.  Neither one of us is about going out on Valentine's night with everyone and their brother, waiting for hours for terrible service from overworked people who would rather be home with their Valentine! =) Don't get me wrong, we still celebrate on the actual day, but we will be home making special meals, spending time together, and celebrating with our daughter and her Valentine. So on that note....we were sitting at dinner and I looked at him and said, "Can you believe this is our 17th Valentine's Day together!?"  Obviously, since this year we will be married 17 years, that makes complete sense, but outside the obvious, I think we are both still amazed that we are where we are with each other 17 Valentines' later!  To us Valentine's Day is one more day to do exactly what we do every single day.  It's about loving each other every day, remembering how special we are to each other every day, and appreciating each other every day.  We hold hands more than ever, we hug, we never ever leave without saying good bye or giving each other a kiss, and if we disagree we work it out. Valentine's Day can be stressful enough because of the expectations surrounding it, but for us it's a day that just signifies even more how much we were meant to be together. So on this Valentine's Day, make it special and then on the 15th, make it special again, and then on the 16th, make it special again......okay you get the idea......happy Valentine's Day everyone, and to my favorite "piece of chocolate" on Valentine's Day number 17, I LOVE YOU now more than ever!!!   

I Want to Hear What YOU Have to Say.....

So as you can see I have not been keeping up with my blog this month.  Writers block?  Too busy?  Nothing to write about?  No, it's none of those....I always have stuff to say,  just ask my husband. =)  If I have time to "play" on facebook then I should have time to write.....right?  I have plenty to write about.....so what is it?  Blogging can be so weird because you really don't know who is reading and who you are affecting.  Sometimes I just wonder, "Who is out there?" =) I love hearing that people are reading, but most of the time the people I hear from don't leave comments, so I never would have known they were reading at all.  So now I want to hear what you have experienced so I can write back to YOU. =)  Whatever you have gone through in your interracial relationship, past or present, talk to me....ask questions...share stories......I would love to hear what you have to say!  Then I will get back to writing. I have a journal full of topics to write about and our relationship is never lacking in stories, that's for sure!  It seems there is always a new experience just around the corner! I'm sure it's the same for you as well.  Can't wait to hear all about it! 

A Black Man's Tribute to His White Mother......

Oh my Mother...you gotta love her!  She always buys gifts for my husband that nobody would buy or would be "embarrassed" to buy.  It doesn't matter if it is for his birthday, Christmas, Father's Day, or whatever celebration it might be, she will find that "perfect" gift for Jamie!  The funny thing is when she purchases these gifts my Dad always asks her, "Are you sure that's appropriate?"  He thinks Jamie might get offended, when in actuality he loves the gifts because they make him laugh, especially since they are coming from my Mom!!! So that being said, one of the gifts he got this year from his lovely Mother n Law, was a book entitled "The Color of Water, a Black Man's Tribute to His White Mother."  I love it! I am going to read it too!!! (A New York Times Best Seller by the way). =)  Last year it was a book called, "Things White People Like." Truly one of the funniest and dead on books ever!   Then it was a "Soul Food Cookbook".....Oh how I could go on and on!!!  I love that my Mother, who is the sweetest woman on the planet always finds these "perfect" extra gifts to give to Jamie!  He can always count on that "special something" being added to his "pile" that will once again, year after year, continue to make him smile.  =)      

White Bread Anyone?

Happy 2010 everyone! Hope your holidays were wonderful. Here's to a new and amazing year for everyone!

This Christmas my husband, daughter and I went to Oregon for the first time in 2 years to spend Christmas with my side of the family.  We had such a great time filled with laughter, tears, fun, late nights, and so much more!  My parents live in a town outside Portland and it's just beautiful.  Part of the days were spent at the lovely outdoor (COLD) mall shopping and seeing movies.  However, the funny thing that I noticed at the mall, standing in line for the movies, in the movies, at the grocery store, driving around, wherever we were...there were ONLY white people.  It was the weirdest thing!  I didn't pay much attention at first and then once I noticed this I kept looking around and every where we went, low and behold....only white people!  It's funny because my husband needed to go to the grocery store and he made the comment that we needed to go out so "he could put some color in the town."  I laughed and said, "Yeah right!"  Well he WAS right!  I mean not ONE black person to be seen!  Not one.  Coming from California and So Cal at that, this is amazing to me.  We live in the biggest melting pot and have a rainbow of people around us every single day.  To not see anyone that even resembles my child and hubby was just bizarre. You forget how different it can be.  My Sister even made the comment that when she was reading the local paper there were no pictures of any black people either!  Apparently I'm not the only one to notice these things or maybe I've just ingrained it into every one's brain. =)  To some this might not be so weird, but to me I can't even imagine not living around a rainbow of people.  Mind you the town is beautiful and my husband and daughter didn't get treated any different than anyone else, it was just strange.  My husband already sticks out as it is because he is a big, tall guy, so you can imagine in a sea of white people...HELLO...stick out, sore thumb, him!!!  =)  Needless to say we always have a wonderful time with the fam, but it's great to be back to our "wheat bread."  There's no place like home sweet home!

Merry Christmas and a Very Happy New Year!

One of our nativities at home.....

Our other nativity at home.....

Volunteering at Angel Food.....

Oh the holidays!  Busy, busy, busy!  I just wanted to take a moment to wish all of you a very merry Christmas and a truly happy New Year!!!  May you find love and much happiness during this holiday season!  I hope you all embrace the wonderful traditions from all sides of your beautiful families and relationships.  Treasure the differences and learn from each other.  It's pure joy when you take it all in!    I will be back in 2010 with more stories from our 17 wild and wonderful years!!! From my family to yours merry, merry Christmas!  Amy