Check Out My Latest Story on www.thenextfamily.com......

http://thenextfamily.com/2010/07/“i’m-sorry-did-you-say-sewer-water”/

"A Family"......Just Like You, and You, and You.......

Recently I was asked to be a contributing writer to the website The Next Family at, http://www.thenextfamily.com/  I am very excited to be writing for them because their website stands for everything I do.  It's about all types of families and all types of love.  I will be writing for them once a week and look forward to sharing the beautiful message that yes, we are an “Interracial Family,” but really we are “A FAMILY” just like you!

You can check out my first story at the link below:
http://thenextfamily.com/2010/07/%e2%80%9can-interracial-family%e2%80%9d-or-just-%e2%80%9ca-family%e2%80%9d/

About The Next Family:
http://thenextfamily.com/about-2/

"She's Your Kind"

Great Niece, Niece, Daughter and Me

Once a month my family and I volunteer at Angelfood.  My Sister n Law runs the program at her church for our particular area.  It's a lot of work but oh so much fun!  It has become quite the family affair!  We volunteered as always this past weekend.  Customer after customer lined up to get the food they ordered.  One woman in particular came up to me and made it a point to say, "Hi Amy," and then continued to have a little conversation while she waited for her food.  She does this each time she comes to the church.  She just so happens to be white and the church just so happens to be a "black church."  Not that everyone and their brother isn't welcome, it just so happens to be that way.  =) After the woman left, I turned to my niece (my husband's side of the fam) and said, "That lady is so sweet, she always comes up to me and talks to me while she waits for her food."  My Niece then said, "It's because you are her kind."  It took a second for me to process what she said, then I realized what she meant, and said,  "Oh, because we are both white? Ya think!?"  My Niece said, "Ya!"  Then we both just laughed!  So does this lady automatically come talk to me because I'm white and that makes her more comfortable?  Or is this just what my Niece thinks?  It's all so odd to me, because I soooo don't think that way. I'm the only white person on so many occasions and am so used to it, that I just don't go there in my brain. =)  I hope the lady talks to me because I'm friendly......but everyone there is friendly, so why does she always pinpoint me?  Is my Niece right?  Is it really because I'm "her kind?" Hmmm.......something to ponder.       

Two Men...Different Worlds...One Love....Happy Father's Day!

Dad and Hubby

Two men from different worlds.  Two men that respect each other. Two men that love each other.  Two men that I never would have imagined being part of the same family.  Two men that have been there through everything. Two men that have made me who I am today. Two men that give unconditional love.  Two men that are amazing Dads.  Two men that I love with all my heart and all my soul.  Two men, different worlds...one love.    Happy Fathers Day!!  I love you both! 

"Loving Day".....The Right to Live in Love!

Amy and Jamie....living and loving in 2010

Mildred and Richard.....living and loving in 1967

There are days when I simply  forget how far we have come because I'm just living, and there are days when I realize how far we still have to go.  However, there is one day that will always be special to me, and that is..."Loving Day."  Yes you read it right..."Loving Day!"  I'm sure there are many of you out there that don't even realize what Loving Day is or what it represents, but to me it represents my heart, my marriage, my love.  So what is it?  It's the anniversary of the June 12th, 1967 Supreme Court decision....

Loving vs. Virginia ~ "There can be no doubt that restricting the freedom to marry solely because of racial classifications violates the central meaning of the equal protection clause." 

Richard and Mildred Loving, a mixed race couple....(how PERFECT is their last name by the way...REALLY, that is their last name!).....were forced to leave their home state of Virginia after they married, because back in the late 60's their union was still illegal in 16 states! Yes..illegal! :( They  had two options....go to jail, or leave Virginia.  They packed up and moved to WA, D.C. and the rest, as they say, is history.  They didn't just move, they fought, they won, they LOVED!  Bravery, courage, determination, and true love won out.  How cool is that!?!  Because of this amazing couple my husband and I are free to live and free to love!  I can't imagine having to fight for the right to marry the man I love.  I would though...no doubt...no question in my mind! I would fight like a lion!  It still boggles my mind to even think that it was illegal for two people to marry solely because of the color of their skin. This was during my lifetime no less.  How insane were "we" back then!?  This is why it is so important to always fight for what is right.  If we stay quiet and do nothing, then nothing happens. If we speak up, and teach tolerance, then everything can happen! Sometimes laws might be changed and sometimes minds might be changed.....either way, we move forward, and that my friends is a good thing!  So to Richard and Mildred Loving, a brave couple who stood up for the their love and their rights, here's to you, from all of "us"....thank you Loving's for giving us the RIGHT to live in LOVE!  

For more information about this special day and this amazing couple visit:

http://www.lovingday.org/

For more information on their struggle:

http://www.lovingday.org/the-loving-story

PS....

I want to send a special shout out to one of my readers.  Her name is Heather and she is putting on a Loving Day photo essay in her home state of Missouri. The photo essay will include interracial couples that Heather knows from around the country.  My family will be one of the featured families in her essay. I just want to say thank you Heather for including us in your celebration all the way in Missouri!  Very cool! 

Thank YOU!!!!........

Lately my schedule has not given me much time to write on my blog.  I keep taking notes about various events or situations and little by little the notes will all make their way to the blog.  Life tends to get in the way!  =)  I wish I could write all day long because I truly enjoy it!! 

Today my post however is about all of YOU out there in cyberland!  I just want to take a moment to say thank you for reading and thank you for all of your beautiful comments.  I have made many new friends across the world because of this blog and I just LOVE that we are all here for a common reason, and that is.....LOVE, pure and simple.   I am blessed to be in such an amazing marriage and even more blessed to be able to share it with all of you.  So thank YOU for taking time out of your day to read and to comment and to now be part of my life.  I truly appreciate it!  Here's to many more years of happy relationships whatever mix they might be!! 

More posts to come....if only there were 48 hours in a day!  =)  Amy 

What Are You Staring At? I'm Just Kissing My Husband Goodbye!

For those of you that know me, you know that my car has been in the shop quite a bit lately.  Because of that "fun" little fact I get the pleasure of my husband taking me or picking me up from work.  A few days ago he was dropping me off at my job and as I was getting out of the car he got out as well to say goodbye.  He hugged me and kissed me and as usual he was also being silly. Little did we know there was an older woman (white woman) walking into the salon next to where I work just watching us.  Well, her world must have stopped when she saw us kissing, because if looks could kill......let's just say, we would be very, very dead!  At first when I saw her looking at us and then me as I walked toward my work, it didn't cross my mind why she was giving me such an evil stare down.  Then I realized..."Oh my gosh, she was just mortified that we were kissing!"  Let me just clarify for the record , we were not making out like two teenagers in a parking lot. We hugged and kissed goodbye and laughed a little. Was she horrified that two adults were kissing each other goodbye?  Highly unlikely.  Was she was disgusted because a white woman and a black man were kissing?  Much more likely. How do I know this?  Because the look wasn't one of distaste from two people smooching,  it was a scary, I'm going to stare at you until you are gone because you disgust me look! There was no mistaking it!  She stood there and held the salon door, didn't go in, and then craned her neck to continue to give me "her look" as I unlocked the door at my job.  It was wild!  Trust me, I've seen the look enough in our 18 years together that there was no question in my mind what she was thinking of us.  If she knew we had been married all these years would it have been a different story?  Probably not.  In her mind "we" are not "acceptable."  Sad.  Had I been quick that day, and thinking on my feet , I would have gone up to her and said, "Oh honey, you should try it, you have noooo idea what you're missing!"  But alas, I was hurrying to work and so shocked that she was so shocked , my quick thinking was no where to be found!  Plus, I was raised to respect my elders and that would have been rude.  When older people react the way they do to my husband and I,  I just have to remember that "their" generation was taught that "we" should not be together.  Remember "we" were illegal back in the day!  Crazy!  Our generation has gotten somewhat better, and our daughter's generation is almost there, even though clearly we still have a long way to go.  I always want moments like this to be turned around and think to myself, "If only she knew us, and if only she knew how in love we are, maybe she wouldn't think that way at all."  I know every moment and every instance of racism can't be a teaching moment but I sure wish they could be.  However,  I'm sure whatever I said to her would not have changed her old school way of thinking, even if I said something as simple as, "What are you staring at?  I'm just kissing my husband goodbye."  So once again, my husband and I stand firm in our love and hope for the older woman that couldn't get "us" through her head, that she too, at some point, found this kind of love in her lifetime.  That is my wish for her.

How the heck did you two meet?!

The other day we were at a birthday party and Jamie's friend Byron asked the question...."How did you two meet? I mean she went to school abroad, and you, well, you're a fool!" The two of us died laughing! So, this is how the two most opposite people on the planet, met, got married, had a child, and lived happily/crazily after:

It was 1992 and I was driving up the 805 freeway in San Diego. I was with my "little sister" from the Big Sis/Little Sis program. As we were driving, multiple black sports cars, (all with black men in them), were in the lane next to us. My little sis started to wave at one of the men in one of the cars. I told her to stop waving because they were too old for her (she was 15 at the time) and were either a bunch of athletes or a bunch of drug dealers, and you don't want to mess with either! Yeah, I know, stereotyping at its worst. Bad!!! However, I wasn't wrong....it was athletes and friends. So there! =)

Anyway, my little sis said, "No, I know one of them, he used to coach my basketball team when I was little." That coach so happened to be Jamie! I wasn't sure if I believed her or if she was just flirting, so on we went up the freeway.

A few weeks went by and my little sis was out and about, and who did she run into?.....Jamie! He asked her, "Who was that woman that you were in the car with the other day?" She told him it was her big sis, and then he proceeded to give her his phone number to give to me. So the next time her and I were together she gave me the phone number and told me it was from the guy we saw on the freeway. Well, I promptly threw it in the trash and said, "I don't call people that I see on the freeway that are complete strangers!" She said, "But I know him!" I didn't care, he was a stranger to me and you know what mom always says. =)

A couple more months went by and my little sis and I were driving around again and low and behold but who was standing in a friend's front yard talking?.....Jamie, again! Odds?!? My little sis says, "That is the guy that gave you the phone number." I said, "Oh my gosh, you have got to be kidding me!? I better pull over and say hi or he is going to think I am totally rude." We pulled over, he came over to the car and said hi, and then promptly asked why I didn't call him. I told him, "I don't call people I see on the freeway. Let's do this the right way...you call me....here's my number." He then waited an entire WEEK to call! I guess he was getting me back for throwing away his number! Our first call was on a Sunday and we talked for FOUR hours! However, we still didn't go out for another two months. We got to know each other over the phone, day, after day, after day.

Finally, we had our first date which was at his apartment where he made me dinner. I know it sounds bad, first date, his apartment. We had been talking for two months for goodness sakes, it was like we were old friends by now! No worries…he was a complete gentleman.

You would think the rest was history, but noooooo, that would have been too easy. We dated from that day on, but there was a slight snag in our future. I had already made the decision before he and I met, to move back to Oregon to be closer to my family. Soooo, we literally fell in love, and it was time for me to leave. I debated whether or not to go, but Jamie told me to go because I would regret it if I didn't. He said, "If we are meant to be it will work out. You want to be with your family, so that is where you need to be." I left. We wrote and called constantly. Distance, not so fun....four months later he moved up to Oregon! Then three months later we moved back to San Diego! Nuts huh!? I am a Cali girl, I couldn't take the weather. Love ya fam, but had to go home.

THEN the rest was history! We got engaged, got married in '93, had Tatiana in '94, and here we are today. So when anyone asks the question......how did we meet? The answer is.....on the 805 freeway.....fate took care of the rest!

What Will the New Census Show......How Many of "Us" are There Now?

It's that time again....census time.  Did you all receive your forms in the mail?  Did you fill it out and turn it in?  Because it's census time, I thought it would be fitting to write about some statistics regarding interracial marriage and divorce.  I tend to forget that my husband and I are in a VERY SMALL group of people when it comes to marriages in the United States.  As of the last census, the percentage of interracial marriages in the U.S. was still below 5%!  That amazes me!  I will be so curious to see what the new census stats show.  It's funny to me that the numbers are so low because I guess I just think of "us" as just like everyone else.  Clearly the numbers show a very different story. 

Interracial marriage in the U.S.:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interracial_marriage_in_the_United_States

The other interesting statistic is, that marriages of white woman and black men have a higher rate of divorce than any other marriages.  Now why is that?  Certainly every marriage has issues, and interracial marriages get that added "benefit" of dealing with being "judged" by society and everyone around them, but I think black men and white woman get the "judging" on a more heightened level from all sides. Maybe that is part of the reason why those marriages fall apart.  Is it history, is it racism, is it a power struggle, what is it that creates this "built in failure" regarding this type of union? Thoughts?  To me, marriage is marriage, and if you love one another and are strong in who you are, then nothing should be able to tear you apart, right?  My husband and I are living proof that you CAN make it, and that no matter what life throws at you, if you hang in and fight for each other, marriage CAN last a lifetime, black, white or otherwise.  So, what will the new census show.......how many of "us" are there now?

Chocolate for Me....Vanilla for You!

In any relationship, be it an interracial one or not, you have to be able to laugh and have fun!  It's so important! Jamie and I are VERY silly when it comes to each other.  18 years later, we are sillier than ever, and we make no bones about it!  For some reason there seems to be a lot of funny moments that come up in regards to us being an interracial couple.  We don't purposely set out to concentrate on the fact that we are interracial, it just happens throughout the day, and if you can get a giggle then why not?!  Laughter is good for you, right!?!  So the other day we were at the beach celebrating my birthday.  It was near the end of the day and we felt like ice cream.  I went into the ice cream shop and placed our order and when the girl handed me our milkshakes I looked down and said to my daughter and her friend, "Look, it's me and Daddy, chocolate and vanilla!" They looked at me like I was nuts! I thought it was hilarious and said, "You have to take a picture!"  Oh the teenage embarrassment, you should have seen the look on their faces.  They finally took the picture, we all got a good laugh, and off we went to enjoy our ice cream at the beach.  Of course, chocolate for me and vanilla for Jamie! =)     

Minds Really Truly CAN Be Changed!

By now if you have read my blog for any period of time you have read the various posts about the client at my job who has had no problem sharing her racists views with me. Here are the links to the previous posts regarding some of the interactions I have had with her:

1) http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/09/changing-mind-of-racist.html

2) http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/11/seeing-beneath-skin.html

3) http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/12/baby-steps.html

Well, after all of the talks, all of the patience, and all of the SHOCK, I received an amazing phone call from her the other day.  She called to tell me that she "loves me" and that I make her day every time she sees me.  I almost fell out of my chair!  She also told me that she prays for my family on a daily basis and is so happy for me that I have such a wonderful family! I am going to be honest, at first it freaked me out a little bit. I thought, "How did we get to this point?"  This is someone who hated black people just a few short months ago and now after our many, many talks and interactions, she is slowly moving towards love for everyone!  Wow!  That is pretty powerful!  There were times when it was hard to stomach having conversation with her, and now it's all about positive thoughts, moving forward, and accepting everyone!  Mind you, she isn't totally there yet.  She still has not seen her son that is married to a black woman, and she has not seen her grandson in a very long time, but she IS praying that it works out.  Before, she wanted nothing to do with them and now she is actually praying about it.  Let me just say WOW again!  I am going to be seeing her today so I will see if there has been even more progress since the last time.  The lesson I have learned in all of this is, never give up on someone no matter how bad it seems, and never ever stop fighting for what you believe in.  Minds really truly can be changed!

"I'm Coming Back As A White Man In My Next Life!"

So remember when I started this blog I said some posts would be deep and serious and some would be funny and silly?  Well this one would definitely fall into the funny and silly category!  Yesterday I had to go to traffic court for an "illegal" left turn ticket.  I plead not guilty a month ago and then went back yesterday to fight it.  As luck would have it the ticket was dismissed!  Woohoo!  This made my day for sure!!  What a great way to start the week.  Later that day the Hubby called me at work to see how traffic court went.  I said, "Dismissed baby!"  =)  He said, "What?!?!  If that had been me they probably would have taken me to jail!"  Okay, clearly he is exaggerating, but as you can see from past "driving while black" incidents he is a little bitter, and rightly so.....
http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/05/dwbdriving-while-black.html  The next thing out of his mouth was, "I'm coming back as a white man in my next life so I can get out of tickets and not get pulled over all the time!"  I just laughed!  On the surface this comment was quite funny and we both got a kick out of the conversation.  Sadly though it is all too true that he would have been treated totally different by the cop and by the courts.  You would have thought that he was happy that I didn't have to pay the ticket since it's our money, but he was so stuck on what would have happened to him he couldn't get past that. Why do all black men automatically get treated differently by cops?  It's a curious stereotype that seems to never go away.  Will it ever?  I hope so because my husband should be able to drive down the street, pass a police car, and just drive on without thought of being pulled over once again for nothing.   So when I got home last night the "bitter humor" was still there and I gave him a hello kiss and then he said, "Whatever, no ticket white woman," and we laughed again!  I just hope when Jamie "comes back" in his "next life" he doesn't come back as a white man, he comes back exactly as he is today.  That is why I love him so much...bitter humor, and all!     

What is Happening to our Younger Generation? Are We Moving Forward or Backward?

This post was originally a response to a comment that one of my faithful readers, Heather had left on the "UCSD Compton Party" story.  As I was responding I realized it needed to be a post instead of a comment because with every word I typed I got a little more sad and a lot more perplexed.  Heather had listed a link http://www.columbiamissourian.com/stories/2010/02/26/cotton-balls-scattered-front-mus-black-culture-center/ to a recent racist act at their local University in Missouri.  Cotton balls were thrown in front of the Black Student Cultural Center during Black History Month. I had just responded on another post about the noose that was found in the library at UCSD. http://www.nbcsandiego.com/news/local-beat/Noose-Found-Inside-UCSDs-Geisel-Library---85479767.html  What is happening on our campuses? Isn't it just the saddest thing to see this generation act like this? I don't get it. Kids are taught these things, they are not born this way. These are kids that are clearly either living in homes that condone racism or they are hanging with friends that have taught them this is the way to think. I will never ever, ever, ever understand how someone can hate based on skin color. EVER!! Hate is such a horrible useless emotion to bear, and to bear it based on nothing but skin color is really stupidity when you get right down to it! They might have most loving, beautiful, kind hearted person in the world standing in front of them but because they don't "like" their skin color they automatically hate them? Really? Where is the common sense? This is happening on campuses of "educated" young adults? I feel so sorry for them. There is a chunk of life they are missing out on. Being diverse isn't just politically correct it's a beautiful way to live. There are so many people from so many different cultures in each and every city, and on each and every campus in our country. We can all teach each other something. Why wouldn't we want to know more? Isn't that the point of going to college? It's not just about what is in the textbook you buy at the bookstore, it is about life and learning more and more about it each day. Racism is just a sheltered ignorant way of thinking. Wouldn't someone just stay home, in the same place they were born and raised if they didn't want to know more?  Why go to college if you don't want to open your mind?  So to all of the students on all of the campuses throughout our country, open your minds, open your hearts, and really truly learn.  Life is about moving forward not backward.

The "N" Word........

Oh this word!  You know which one I'm talking about......the "N" word.  I despise this word, and at the same time am very confused by the use of this word.  My personal opinion is the word should not be used at all, by anyone at any time.  Now this opinion coming from a white woman might not hold as much water as if it were coming from a black woman or black man.  However, because I am married to a black man and have a child that is half black this word takes on a whole other meaning for me.  When I hear this word it hurts my heart because I personally feel that it hurts my husband and daughter.  We have had many discussions about the use of this word and who should be "allowed" to use it.  When my daughter was in elementary school I got a call from the Vice Principal saying that someone on the playground had called her the "N" word.  It was a little boy that was actually trying to be "cool" by calling her this word.  It was more of a, "What up my "N**ga," use of the word.  Tat was hurt, the boy was mortified that he hurt her, and I got a call from the school.  The interesting thing was, the call came from the VP who was black and not the Principal who was white.  Was this a coincidence, probably not.  Interesting none the less.  So here is a kid that was trying to be "cool" and he ends up hurting someone by the use of this horrible word.  Where did he learn the word?  Home? Music? Friends? Who knows where he learned it and why he thought it was okay to use it?  It was a perfect example of why it shouldn't be used in conversation in the first place.  Now on the flip side of that story, just yesterday one of my husband's friends used the "N**ga" phrase on his facebook and I was mortified!  I asked my husband if his friend was mad at him.  He laughed and said there was nothing wrong with a black man calling a black man that word.  We have had this conversation many, many times and I totally disagree. I think the word is awful, and should not be used at all.  Who am I to say though?  When two black men use this word in a "friendly" banter is it okay?  Me, personally I don't think so.  I think the word is hateful.  Jamie and I have disagreed on this subject for years.  I think even in friendly conversation it keeps the word alive, and as far as I am concerned it should be very dead and very buried.  So, is there ever a time when it is okay to use the "N" word? 

UCSD Compton Themed Party...Stereotypes Hurt.....

One of the reasons we live where we do is because of the diversity.  Being in an interracial marriage with a mixed race child makes you always think about things that couples in same race marriages and families don't have to think about.  One of those things is where we live.  Not that we can't live anywhere we want, but we wouldn't purposely choose to live somewhere that in general had a negative feeling about mixed race marriages or wasn't a diverse area.  We want our daughter to grow up being exposed to all races and cultural traditions.  That being said when I heard about the "Compton themed party" http://www.cbs8.com/Global/story.asp?S=12009416 at UCSD at first I thought this must be a mistake and the media was portraying it wrong.  No way can there be a party that purposely mocks another race during the month we are all celebrating that race, especially in southern Cali (my very own "backyard") which in general is melting pot central.  However, as the story unfolded I realized that, oh my gosh stereotyping and racism is alive and well at UCSD.  So in a nutshell here is the story.....there was an invite sent out to a party off campus at UCSD in La Jolla, CA.  The invite was to a "Compton themed" party that blatantly mocked Black History Month.  See below for full invite...... 

Read The Invitation To The "Compton Cook Out," As Posted On Facebook:

"February marks a very important month in American society. No, i'm not referring to Valentines day or Presidents day. I'm talking about Black History month. As a time to celebrate and in hopes of showing respect, the Regents community cordially invites you to its very first Compton Cookout. 

For guys: I expect all males to be rockin Jersey's, stuntin' up in ya White T (XXXL smallest size acceptable), anything FUBU, Ecko, Rockawear, High/low top Jordans or Dunks, Chains, Jorts, stunner shades, 59 50 hats, Tats, etc.

For girls: For those of you who are unfamiliar with ghetto chicks-Ghetto chicks usually have gold teeth, start fights and drama, and wear cheap clothes - they consider Baby Phat to be high class and expensive couture. They also have short, nappy hair, and usually wear cheap weave, usually in bad colors, such as purple or bright red. They look and act similar to Shenaynay, and speak very loudly, while rolling their neck, and waving their finger in your face. Ghetto chicks have a very limited vocabulary, and attempt to make up for it, by forming new words, such as "constipulated", or simply cursing persistently, or using other types of vulgarities, and making noises, such as "hmmg!", or smacking their lips, and making other angry noises, grunts, and faces. The objective is for all you lovely ladies to look, act, and essentially take on these "respectable" qualities throughout the day. 

Several of the regents condos will be teaming up to house this monstrosity, so travel house to house and experience the various elements of life in the ghetto.  We will be serving 40's, Kegs of Natty, dat Purple Drank- which consists of sugar, water, and the color purple , chicken, coolade, and of course Watermelon. So come one and come all, make ya self before we break ya self, keep strapped, get yo shine on, and join us for a day party to be remembered- or not. "

How is it that a generation of young kids living in Southern California or anywhere for that matter, could possibly think this was okay?   Not cool, not funny, not cute, not right.  Whatever happened to thinking before acting or speaking!? When will everyone learn that stereotyping just keeps racism alive and well and stereotypes hurt!!!      

Valentine's Number 17..........But Really It's Valentine's Day Every Day In Our House!

Last night Jamie and I went out to dinner to celebrate Valentine's Day early.  Neither one of us is about going out on Valentine's night with everyone and their brother, waiting for hours for terrible service from overworked people who would rather be home with their Valentine! =) Don't get me wrong, we still celebrate on the actual day, but we will be home making special meals, spending time together, and celebrating with our daughter and her Valentine. So on that note....we were sitting at dinner and I looked at him and said, "Can you believe this is our 17th Valentine's Day together!?"  Obviously, since this year we will be married 17 years, that makes complete sense, but outside the obvious, I think we are both still amazed that we are where we are with each other 17 Valentines' later!  To us Valentine's Day is one more day to do exactly what we do every single day.  It's about loving each other every day, remembering how special we are to each other every day, and appreciating each other every day.  We hold hands more than ever, we hug, we never ever leave without saying good bye or giving each other a kiss, and if we disagree we work it out. Valentine's Day can be stressful enough because of the expectations surrounding it, but for us it's a day that just signifies even more how much we were meant to be together. So on this Valentine's Day, make it special and then on the 15th, make it special again, and then on the 16th, make it special again......okay you get the idea......happy Valentine's Day everyone, and to my favorite "piece of chocolate" on Valentine's Day number 17, I LOVE YOU now more than ever!!!   

I Want to Hear What YOU Have to Say.....

So as you can see I have not been keeping up with my blog this month.  Writers block?  Too busy?  Nothing to write about?  No, it's none of those....I always have stuff to say,  just ask my husband. =)  If I have time to "play" on facebook then I should have time to write.....right?  I have plenty to write about.....so what is it?  Blogging can be so weird because you really don't know who is reading and who you are affecting.  Sometimes I just wonder, "Who is out there?" =) I love hearing that people are reading, but most of the time the people I hear from don't leave comments, so I never would have known they were reading at all.  So now I want to hear what you have experienced so I can write back to YOU. =)  Whatever you have gone through in your interracial relationship, past or present, talk to me....ask questions...share stories......I would love to hear what you have to say!  Then I will get back to writing. I have a journal full of topics to write about and our relationship is never lacking in stories, that's for sure!  It seems there is always a new experience just around the corner! I'm sure it's the same for you as well.  Can't wait to hear all about it! 

A Black Man's Tribute to His White Mother......

Oh my Mother...you gotta love her!  She always buys gifts for my husband that nobody would buy or would be "embarrassed" to buy.  It doesn't matter if it is for his birthday, Christmas, Father's Day, or whatever celebration it might be, she will find that "perfect" gift for Jamie!  The funny thing is when she purchases these gifts my Dad always asks her, "Are you sure that's appropriate?"  He thinks Jamie might get offended, when in actuality he loves the gifts because they make him laugh, especially since they are coming from my Mom!!! So that being said, one of the gifts he got this year from his lovely Mother n Law, was a book entitled "The Color of Water, a Black Man's Tribute to His White Mother."  I love it! I am going to read it too!!! (A New York Times Best Seller by the way). =)  Last year it was a book called, "Things White People Like." Truly one of the funniest and dead on books ever!   Then it was a "Soul Food Cookbook".....Oh how I could go on and on!!!  I love that my Mother, who is the sweetest woman on the planet always finds these "perfect" extra gifts to give to Jamie!  He can always count on that "special something" being added to his "pile" that will once again, year after year, continue to make him smile.  =)      

White Bread Anyone?

Happy 2010 everyone! Hope your holidays were wonderful. Here's to a new and amazing year for everyone!

This Christmas my husband, daughter and I went to Oregon for the first time in 2 years to spend Christmas with my side of the family.  We had such a great time filled with laughter, tears, fun, late nights, and so much more!  My parents live in a town outside Portland and it's just beautiful.  Part of the days were spent at the lovely outdoor (COLD) mall shopping and seeing movies.  However, the funny thing that I noticed at the mall, standing in line for the movies, in the movies, at the grocery store, driving around, wherever we were...there were ONLY white people.  It was the weirdest thing!  I didn't pay much attention at first and then once I noticed this I kept looking around and every where we went, low and behold....only white people!  It's funny because my husband needed to go to the grocery store and he made the comment that we needed to go out so "he could put some color in the town."  I laughed and said, "Yeah right!"  Well he WAS right!  I mean not ONE black person to be seen!  Not one.  Coming from California and So Cal at that, this is amazing to me.  We live in the biggest melting pot and have a rainbow of people around us every single day.  To not see anyone that even resembles my child and hubby was just bizarre. You forget how different it can be.  My Sister even made the comment that when she was reading the local paper there were no pictures of any black people either!  Apparently I'm not the only one to notice these things or maybe I've just ingrained it into every one's brain. =)  To some this might not be so weird, but to me I can't even imagine not living around a rainbow of people.  Mind you the town is beautiful and my husband and daughter didn't get treated any different than anyone else, it was just strange.  My husband already sticks out as it is because he is a big, tall guy, so you can imagine in a sea of white people...HELLO...stick out, sore thumb, him!!!  =)  Needless to say we always have a wonderful time with the fam, but it's great to be back to our "wheat bread."  There's no place like home sweet home!

Merry Christmas and a Very Happy New Year!

One of our nativities at home.....

Our other nativity at home.....

Volunteering at Angel Food.....

Oh the holidays!  Busy, busy, busy!  I just wanted to take a moment to wish all of you a very merry Christmas and a truly happy New Year!!!  May you find love and much happiness during this holiday season!  I hope you all embrace the wonderful traditions from all sides of your beautiful families and relationships.  Treasure the differences and learn from each other.  It's pure joy when you take it all in!    I will be back in 2010 with more stories from our 17 wild and wonderful years!!! From my family to yours merry, merry Christmas!  Amy

Baby Steps.....

I'm a little behind the eight ball in my blogging.  Family, holiday festivities, and work don't leave much time for me to write during this busy season, but this one I had to share!  To my surprise the client who I have written about twice on my blog, you remember...the racist one, well she came in the other day, put her hand on my arm and informed me that she went to apologize to a woman she knows that is black for some hurtful, racist comments she had made to her.  I couldn't believe it!  She said our talks had helped some, and she was trying to be more open to change just a little bit at a time.  I told her I thought that was wonderful and I was so happy to see her trying to be more open minded.  I thought I was wasting my breath with her but apparently she really listened.  This makes my heart sing!  So even though she still has a long way to go, sometimes all it takes is baby steps.

Green Bean Casserole.......

Flashback to Thanksgiving 1993.....Jamie and I had been married for a few months and we were going to our first "married Thanksgiving" at his Sister's house.  His Sister asked me to bring a dish to share with everyone and I was so excited to be bringing something to Thanksgiving dinner.  I was a little nervous because it was our first holiday as a married couple with his family.  I decided to bring the staple dish that I had grown up with....green bean casserole with french onions on top.  You all know it, you all love it, you've all had it...right!!??  Yes, no, maybe so?  Well we got to his Sister's house and I proudly brought in my green bean casserole.  I set it on the table, took off the foil, and waited for everyone to dig in.  After we said a prayer everyone started to dish up all their food from the table.......everything but my casserole that is.  =(  So I thought hmmmm, why is nobody eating my green bean casserole?  This is a favorite at my house...what's up?  I was starting to get a little hurt as everyone dished up and walked right by my beans!  Whatever...I proudly filled my plate and ate those beans up!  However, I was the only one!  Apparently black folk don't like green bean casserole.  Who knew!?  The funny thing is after that holiday meal, I was given the task of bringing the rolls and the soda going forward, yes you heard me...rolls and soda....pretty impossible to screw up right!? My green bean casserole has been the holiday funny ever since.  Good thing I have a good sense of humor!  At first it hurt my feelings but now I can really look back and laugh.  One more thing to adjust to in a mixed marriage....getting used to each other's traditions big and small.   This year we will be at my family's house for the holidays and you better believe I 'm going to eat some green bean casserole!   =)

After All This Time.......

Relationships can be so tricky, especially in a mixed race marriage.  In a world seen through rose colored glasses we all get along, but once the glasses come off that's not always the case.  Jamie's Mom, otherwise known as Gigi, was to put it mildly not thrilled when I entered the picture.  When her son chose to marry a white woman she was not a happy camper.  For years her and I really had no relationship and sadly we didn't get "close" until she was literally on her death bed.  She became ill while visiting from Atlanta and heartbreakingly she was never able to go home and passed away while she was still here.  She was in the hospital for quite some time and Jamie and I went to visit her almost every single day.  During those visits she witnessed our love and our family's closeness.  She realized that her son and I were happy, and skin color and everything else aside, happiness is all that really matters.  We were with her to the end, and I will never ever forget the heartbreak my husband went through on her very last day so many years ago.  Pure and utter sadness at the loss of his Mother that he loved so much.  Flash forward to present day......the other day we were volunteering at my Sister n Law's church and a "little piece" of Gigi appeared.  Jamie's Sister said, "Oh, I found this the other day when  I was cleaning out some boxes."  She then handed us a card in an envelope.  It was a Christmas card from the last Christmas that Gigi was alive.  In the card she said, "She was sending her love to Jamie, to Me and to Tatiana."  Jamie and I literally sat there and cried.  For him his Mom came to life if only for a minute through her handwriting, and for me it was a little treasure of love sent to our family, after all this time. =)

Seeing Beneath the Skin........

Just when I think I have made progress.....I find out I still have a long way to go. Yesterday at work the same racist client that I posted about a few weeks ago http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/09/changing-mind-of-racist.html

ends up shocking me again! Now let me just say I truly thought I had gotten through to her and changed her racist thoughts just a little.  I'm not naive (my husband might beg to differ on that one), and I know that it takes a lot more than a couple of conversations to change years of racists thoughts, but I have seen it happen little by little with many people in my life and I thought it was happening here as well.  Apparently, not so much.  So I guess now instead of talking to me about her racist beliefs she has decided to share these thoughts with others at my job.  Does she not realize this is going to get back to me?! C'mon now.  Yesterday it went a little like this.....somehow the topic of her children came up, who by the way she does not speak to, and she said the reason she doesn't to speak to one of her sons is because "He is married to a black."  Yes "a black."  Wow....really!?  What year are we in?  What century is she from?  Oh wait, it gets much worse.  Then she proceeds to share her "lovely" feelings about black people and how much she hates them.  Oh I'm not done yet.  It just keeps going downhill from there!  Then she starts talking about the grandbaby in the equation, and she says, "Yes, and my son has a monkey baby from her too."  Are you kidding me!!!!!!!???  That comment made me sick to my stomach.  How on earth do you feel this way about your own grandchild?  How, how, how!!??  The thought of someone even saying that about a child is quite possibly the saddest thing I have ever heard.  Sad and sick.  The irony of this entire conversation is, later in the day she called to thank me for all I do.  Yes, thank me!!!  Of course she has no idea that I'm aware of this earlier conversation.  My first thought was to say bye bye to her forever but instead, this is what I'm going to do...I'm going to gently bring up the subject again and I'm going to keep talking to her, and I AM going to educate her.  I am determined to change her hate to love or at least to acceptance.  Old wounds can be healed and new relationships can be formed if she can just start seeing beneath the skin! 

The Salon.........

It's that time of year.....Homecoming time!  Yesterday was our daughter's Homecoming dance.  Dresses, jewelry, shoes, flowers, limos, nails, hair-do's and more!  Part of the day of course was spent at the hair salon getting the "do" done for the big night!  As you all know from one of my previous posts hair is not a simple thing in our house. =)  It just got a little more complicated because the lady that used to do Tatiana's hair moved back home to Indiana!  What to do!?  You don't understand...this is a tragedy!  Now you know girls, once you find someone to do the hair right, they are with you for life!  Hopefully! Well luckily we got referred to someone else, so off we went to the new salon....Tatiana, cousin Alyssa, and Moi.  We walked in and as usual I am the ONLY white person there.  Not only was this a "black salon," it was also a "black barber shop." "Stick out.....sore thumb.....Me." =)  However, after being with Jamie for all of these years I am very used to being the only white person in the room.  So after the initial "awkwardness" when we first walked in, we then met the new stylist and took our seats.  While sitting there, of course I got the curious glances, and polite half smiles.  Then a little boy comes over and sits beside me and says, "What are you doing here?"  Out  of the mouths of babes!  Just an innocent question from a kid. Obviously he was just wondering......kind of like, "One of these things is not like the other." =)  So I proceeded to tell him that I was waiting for my daughter to finish getting her hair done.  He then pointed to every female in the room and asked if any of them was my daughter.  Young, old and in between.  It was pretty funny!  Tatiana was at the shampoo bowl so he never did point at her because he couldn't see her.  I told him he needed to go behind the wall to see her.  So up he got...over he went...and back he came.  He said, "I saw your daughter, and I said hi!"  Too freakin' cute.  He kept going  back and forth to say hi. =)  Then a little girl that was in the salon decided I needed to be her friend too.  So she came and sat by me and showed me her video game.  I LOVE that kids can make friends with anyone!  Even the odd "wo-man" out!  After more time went by I started looking at the clock and was hoping we were going to have enough time to get home and get Tatiana ready for the dance.  A lady that was also getting a perm by the same stylist heard me talk about the time.  She asked what Tat was getting her hair done for and when we said homecoming she kindly let us finish before she started her perm.  I thanked her a hundred times and made another new "friend"...this time one of the adults. When Tat finished I said goodbye to everyone in the salon and said, "See you next time." Everyone smiled and said good-bye.  So by the time we left I was no longer the odd wo-man out, I was just another Mom getting her daughter's hair done....well, kind of. =)    

Interracial Couple Denied Marriage License. 2009 or 1909!!!???......

The picture above was taken at a wedding we went to this past weekend.  The significance of the picture and the wedding is pretty amazing considering today's post.  Because I write a blog about interracial marriage I pay a lot of attention to things that are going on in regards to interracial relationships and race in general.  However, somehow I missed this latest story until it showed up in my inbox from a friend of mine who is also in an interracial marriage. She is Hispanic and her Hubby is black.  But first, back to the picture.  The wedding that we went to in the picture was also for a mixed race couple.  She is white and he is Hispanic.  The wedding, and the day, was about a beautiful couple, getting married in a beautiful location, creating a beautiful family.  The end. It wasn't about what race they are, it was just about love.  Now, back to today's post.  Sorry I'm all over the place today, but I think I'm in such shock, and the relevance of an interracial wedding is so ironic, that you will quickly get the picture. 

The article below is about an interracial couple in Louisiana who went to apply for a marriage license.  When the Justice of the Peace found out they were a mixed race couple he denied the license!!! Yes, you heard me.....denied!!!  This is some of what he said....

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091016/ap_on_re_us/us_interracial_rebuff

Keith Bardwell, justice of the peace in Tangipahoa Parish, says, "It is his experience that most interracial marriages do not last long." Bardwell said he asks everyone who calls about marriage if they are a mixed race couple. If they are, he does not marry them, he said.  Bardwell said he has discussed the topic with blacks and whites, along with witnessing some interracial marriages. He came to the conclusion that most of black society does not readily accept offspring of such relationships, and neither does white society, he said.  "There is a problem with both groups accepting a child from such a marriage," Bardwell said. "I think those children suffer and I won't help put them through it."

Excuse me!!!????  Interracial marriages don't last that long??? The children suffer!!!??  Last I checked I have been married to my husband for 16 years and we are stronger than ever! He is my best friend and the love of my life!  Did I not just recently write a post about "The Children" and how amazing it is to have such a diverse background?  How embracing all of who you are makes you such a fabulous well rounded person?  If that's suffering, well then bring it on!  Um, isn't the President of the United States a "mixed race child?" Too bad he had such low aspirations and ended up doing nothing with his life! =) I wonder how he feels about this decision? Last I checked denying a marriage license based on race was outlawed in 1967....why is this man still allowed to marry people?  Why isn't he in jail?  He is breaking the law based on personal opinion.  I'm sorry, how is that legal?  I can't stop shaking my head, and have yet to pick my jaw up off the floor because I seriously can't believe this happened in 2009!!!  It's one thing to be ignorant and we all know racism is out there, but THIS!!!?  Ohhhh heck no!  Not acceptable.  Discrimination at it's worst. Okay I have ranted enough......soooo Mr. Keith Bardwell, so called Justice of the "Peace," first of all, you should not be allowed to use the word "peace" in your title, you are creating hate not peace.  Second of all, next time maybe you should do a little research on interracial couples and you will find that we are all quite happy in our marriages!  We might have to go through some things that most people in same race marriages don't, but the reason we have to go through these "things" is because of people like YOU who just keep the madness of racism alive.  We are just couples, no different than anyone else.  Me personally, I feel sorry for you that you haven't allowed yourself  to experience the joy of marrying EVERYONE who is in love.  Love doesn't discriminate, maybe you shouldn't either. 

Is Love Enough?....

Out to dinner with family and friends in '08

I was going through my blog this morning re-reading some of my old posts, reading some of the previous comments from people, and just looking at all of the different things I have written about.  I started thinking, wow, we have gone through so much together......good, bad, crazy, ups, downs, funny stuff, scary stuff, happy times, sad times and on and on. It's so amazing that we are stronger and stronger through it all!  So then I started thinking, is love enough?  Is love all we need?  Can love get us through it all? (Sounds like a song). =)  I know all the things that we have gone through are just part of life, but I can guarantee we have gone through more than the norm because we are a mixed race couple.  There are so many times that challenges get to everyone and people just give up.  We have seen many of our friends go through divorce recently, and it just blows me away because these are people that I never would have imagined splitting up.  So for them, was love not enough?  We are the couple that everyone thought wouldn't make it because we are sooooo different and from such different backgrounds. Yet for us a challenge is really nothing because we have already been there done that in regards to "proving us."  Not that we have anything to prove, so that wasn't the perfect choice of words, but I guess I mean the constant misconceptions that other people have of us.  Back in the day it hurt me to hear anything negative about us, but now it makes me giggle because people have no idea the joy that we give each other.  I WISH this joy on everyone, even the naysayers!  It's awesome!  Don't get me wrong, by no means are we perfect.  There are days when we are ready to throttle each other....we had one of those days the other day...but the wonderful thing is, we always, and I mean always, talk it through, work it out, and start fresh.  Our love is too important and too strong to let any argument or any issues get in the way.   So hmmmm, once again, is love enough?   In reading some of the comments about what people are going through in their new interracial relationships I just want to reach out and say....be strong, be true to who you are, treasure each other,  don't ever give up, and in the end, through it all, LOVE WILL BE ENOUGH! 

Always Be Aware of Your Surroundings..........

Always be aware of your surroundings......this is something that Jamie has ingrained in my brain since the day we met.  He says that no matter what neighborhood you live in or where you are, you are subject for a "jacking" at any moment if you don't pay attention to what is around you.  This thought process comes from years of experience and growing up in the "hood" (as he says). He and I grew up in totally different types of neighborhoods which gave us very different perspectives on what goes on around us.  I "loosely" paid attention to his advice, and then one day, low and behold, I was the one who got "jacked."  I was grocery shopping on a Sunday afternoon in our old neighborhood.  As I was coming out of the grocery store I did look around, but as usual didn't pay a ton of attention to what was going on around me.  I was standing at the back of my car loading my groceries and all of the sudden a young black man was standing next to me.  He was so close that I figured he must know me to be acting soooo familiar.  I looked at him to see if I recognized him as one of Jamie's friends.  He looked really young so I thought maybe he was one of my nephew's friends.  I just kept thinking, he must know me because he is so close to me that our hips are touching.  Never, ever did it cross my mind that something really bad was about to go down.  Clearly, I trust too easily.  Mind you, this is all happening in a matter of minutes. Finally when I realized I didn't know who he was, I looked at the young "man" and said, "Can I help you?" He then lifted his jacket and pulled out a gun and said, "See this, don't move, and don't say a word, where is your purse?"  I just stood there in shock thinking this can't be happening!  I thought for a second and then said, "It's in the front seat."  It wasn't, but I just needed him to get away from me, so I could have a minute to breathe.  He then said again, "Don't move and don't say a word, while his eyes were "bulging" out of his head."  He was not playing!  All the while people are coming and going having know idea what was happening right in front of their eyes.  When he didn't find the purse in the front seat he started getting very upset.  He said, "Where is it, where is it?!"   I could see he was losing it, and realized I just needed to give it to him or he might shoot me.  I told him it was right by me and he grabbed it and said, "Don't you say anything!"  Then off he ran to a waiting car.  I just stood their for a second and then just started to cry and yelled, "Someone call 911!"  A car pulled up to me that had seen the guy running and asked if I had just been robbed.  I said, "Yes! Call the police!" I think the thought of a gun being involved and what could have happened just shook me to my core because I was just in shock.  The police arrived and amazingly enough it was the SAME cop that told me at the infamous "Toys "R" Us arrest" themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/07/false-arrest.html that "I would be on the ground with my husband if I didn't shut up."  Really?  What are the odds that of all the cops he would be the one to show up to "my robbery!?"  So he took my statement, as I stood there shaking, and then I said, "Do you remember me?" Of course he didn't, so I quickly refreshed his memory. He said, "We were just doing our job that day."  Yeah, whatever.  I was too upset at what just happened to also re-live that terrible day.  After that I went home and when I walked in the door I just started to cry.  Jamie said, "What's wrong!?" I told him what happened and he was soooo MAD he was ready to go find the guy and "kill" him.  Okay not literally, but let's just say it would not have been pretty if he had found him. Needless to say the guy was long gone.  After that, for an entire year I was too freaked out to go to the grocery store.  It was the weirdest thing.  But the worst thing that came out of this was I kept thinking I was going to run into him again, or that he would come back and rob me again because he had all my information about where I lived.  I would see a young black man that resembled him and literally start to shake.  How awful is that?  Afraid of young black men and I am married to a black man!  It was a horrible feeling.  These are the things that create the hateful stereotypes that I am so against, and this time I was the one living it!  I felt guilty because of the fear and I felt anger because of what he "created" in my life.  Over time I got over it and realized that my purse was probably in a dumpster somewhere and I was the last person on this young "man's" mind.  I am sure karma has caught up with him and I hope with all my heart that he has changed, but I can guarantee he has no idea that what he did that day changed my life forever. One thing is for certain, you can be sure that I am now very aware of my surroundings even in my "safe" little neighborhood.

The Children......

When Jamie and I met and fell in love we knew fairly soon that we were going to be married and have a family together.  Sometimes you just know these things.  For us it was just a given.  We were married in August of '93 and little Miss Tatiana was on the way in December of '93. =)  I remember having a conversation with my Mom when Jamie and I decided to get married.  It was about being in a mixed race marriage.  She had no issues with this except for the fact she was worried about her future grandchildren.  She didn't want them to face any prejudice or hate.  She said it would break her heart.  So think about it, when two people of the same race get married and decide to have a family they just do it. They don't have to think about what their kids will face in regards to the color of their skin. My Mom certainly didn't need to have that conversation with my Sister or Brother when they got married. The issues and decisions that an interracial couple face are so different than couples in same race relationships. When the day came that we found out we were expecting, ironically my parents were in town visiting from the Northwest. It was a happy, happy day and all of us were thrilled!  The worry somehow melted away. I will always focus on the positive and deal with the negative as it comes.  I will never let the negative rule my life, my marriage, or my daughter.  So when my Mom voiced her worry, bless her heart, I just told her we would make sure that our children lived the happiest life possible.  We wouldn't shelter them from racism, and when and if it occurred, we would teach them where it came from, how to deal with it, and to always be proud of who they are.  That is what we have done with Tatiana....she has grown into an amazing, proud, beautiful young woman.

Once You Go Black, You Never Go Back.........?

Okay, so yesterday on facebook...wait a minute, I seem to have a lot of facebook stories...hmmm does that mean I am spending too much time on facebook!? Is there a facebook anonymous out there!?  Anywho....yesterday I posted that I was having a hard time writing on my blog.  Brain freeze or something!  One of my friends told me to FOCUS.  So I tried..it didn't work.  Once again, he said, "FOCUS."  As you can see there were no posts yesterday, so focusing....didn't happen.  Then one of my friends said, "Just channel the energy and wit of your husband (Jamie) and lover (me) and I guarantee you will get something going!"  As you can see he is a big jokester!  No lovers in my marriage or his! =) The "lover" by the way is a white man. Relevance...you will see in a moment.  Well, the jokes went back and forth and then a couple of other friends chimed in, and finally I said, "Now you all know, once you go black you never go back."  Well the laughter roared out loud on facebook!  Lot's of LOL's!  LOL...wow, am I 13!!!?  =) One of my friend's who is also married to a black man (she happens to be Hispanic) said, "So true!"  So is it true?  Once you go black, you never go back?  The saying came from somewhere, so how true is it?  I'm married, so I'm not going anywhere, black, white, brown or blue, but if I wasn't married I would definitely be attracted to black men.  Aww heck, I am attracted to black men!  I'm not dead! =)  Is it because that is what I'm used to?  Is it because I'm happy in my marriage?  Is it because my daughter is half black? Is it because of the stereotype about black men?  This is a "G" rated blog, so we can't get into that one. =)  Is it just my preference?  I'm pretty specific in my preference of black men that I find I'm attracted to....big, tall, bald, with a goatee....ohhhhh, that's my husband!  Now I get it!!!!  =) Hmmm, what is your thought on this one.......?

Changing the Mind of a Racist.........

If a grown adult has a mind filled with racist thoughts, can that mind be changed? I am asking this question because yesterday at work I had a client, that in random conversation started telling me how she feels about black people. As the conversation started to go in a direction that I knew was not going to be good, I told myself, "Okay, you can either get really mad and go off on her, or you can take this moment in time and "help" her maybe see another way of thinking." I chose the latter. So, I "calmly" sat there as she proceeded to tell me that black people are "freeloaders, drug dealers, drug addicts, lazy and good for nothing." The rant went on for a bit longer, but without going into further detail, I think you get what she was saying. When she was done, I looked at her and said, "You do realize my husband is black, right?" She said, "yes," and then started to stumble on her words a bit, and said, "Oh, I don't think ALL black people are like that." Then, the famous, "One of my best friends is black," excuse came out! That one always kills me! Oh, you have a black friend so that makes it okay to be derogatory? I don't get it. Wouldn't it be the exact opposite? Wouldn't one feel they were disrespecting a friendship by talking that way? Twisted thinking and then some, don't ya think!? Okay I am off track.....back to the conversation. As my blood is boiling inside, I kept telling myself, "Let's help her understand another way of thinking and not get angry." So, I said to her, "How is it possible that you can look at someone on the outside and automatically assume just based on their skin color that they are a lazy, good for nothing, druggy?" I said, "You have to get to know someone's heart first, and then if they continue to act that way it's not because they are black, it's because they have issues." She then said, "But that is just their culture and I don't like it." I told her, "I am not sure who you have been around, but that is a small, unfortunate part of everyone's culture." I proceeded to tell her that, "It really makes me sad that you feel that way because my husband would give the shirt off his back for anyone that needed it and he is a hard worker that is always there for his family." The conversation went on for a good 20 minutes and then she decided to tell me how much she hates our President. Hmmmm, could it be because he is black?! I then said, "You know what, the beauty of why we live in America is, you can feel one way, I can feel another, and the two of us can agree to disagree." I was determined to kill her with kindness. So each time I see her, if the subject arises again, I will continue to do the same. I hope that little by little, she will see that if she lets go of her hate, she will open the door for some love, and maybe, just maybe the mind of a racist will be forever changed. We shall see.