Minds Really Truly CAN Be Changed!

By now if you have read my blog for any period of time you have read the various posts about the client at my job who has had no problem sharing her racists views with me. Here are the links to the previous posts regarding some of the interactions I have had with her:

1) http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/09/changing-mind-of-racist.html

2) http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/11/seeing-beneath-skin.html

3) http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/12/baby-steps.html

Well, after all of the talks, all of the patience, and all of the SHOCK, I received an amazing phone call from her the other day.  She called to tell me that she "loves me" and that I make her day every time she sees me.  I almost fell out of my chair!  She also told me that she prays for my family on a daily basis and is so happy for me that I have such a wonderful family! I am going to be honest, at first it freaked me out a little bit. I thought, "How did we get to this point?"  This is someone who hated black people just a few short months ago and now after our many, many talks and interactions, she is slowly moving towards love for everyone!  Wow!  That is pretty powerful!  There were times when it was hard to stomach having conversation with her, and now it's all about positive thoughts, moving forward, and accepting everyone!  Mind you, she isn't totally there yet.  She still has not seen her son that is married to a black woman, and she has not seen her grandson in a very long time, but she IS praying that it works out.  Before, she wanted nothing to do with them and now she is actually praying about it.  Let me just say WOW again!  I am going to be seeing her today so I will see if there has been even more progress since the last time.  The lesson I have learned in all of this is, never give up on someone no matter how bad it seems, and never ever stop fighting for what you believe in.  Minds really truly can be changed!

"I'm Coming Back As A White Man In My Next Life!"

So remember when I started this blog I said some posts would be deep and serious and some would be funny and silly?  Well this one would definitely fall into the funny and silly category!  Yesterday I had to go to traffic court for an "illegal" left turn ticket.  I plead not guilty a month ago and then went back yesterday to fight it.  As luck would have it the ticket was dismissed!  Woohoo!  This made my day for sure!!  What a great way to start the week.  Later that day the Hubby called me at work to see how traffic court went.  I said, "Dismissed baby!"  =)  He said, "What?!?!  If that had been me they probably would have taken me to jail!"  Okay, clearly he is exaggerating, but as you can see from past "driving while black" incidents he is a little bitter, and rightly so.....
http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/05/dwbdriving-while-black.html  The next thing out of his mouth was, "I'm coming back as a white man in my next life so I can get out of tickets and not get pulled over all the time!"  I just laughed!  On the surface this comment was quite funny and we both got a kick out of the conversation.  Sadly though it is all too true that he would have been treated totally different by the cop and by the courts.  You would have thought that he was happy that I didn't have to pay the ticket since it's our money, but he was so stuck on what would have happened to him he couldn't get past that. Why do all black men automatically get treated differently by cops?  It's a curious stereotype that seems to never go away.  Will it ever?  I hope so because my husband should be able to drive down the street, pass a police car, and just drive on without thought of being pulled over once again for nothing.   So when I got home last night the "bitter humor" was still there and I gave him a hello kiss and then he said, "Whatever, no ticket white woman," and we laughed again!  I just hope when Jamie "comes back" in his "next life" he doesn't come back as a white man, he comes back exactly as he is today.  That is why I love him so much...bitter humor, and all!     

What is Happening to our Younger Generation? Are We Moving Forward or Backward?

This post was originally a response to a comment that one of my faithful readers, Heather had left on the "UCSD Compton Party" story.  As I was responding I realized it needed to be a post instead of a comment because with every word I typed I got a little more sad and a lot more perplexed.  Heather had listed a link http://www.columbiamissourian.com/stories/2010/02/26/cotton-balls-scattered-front-mus-black-culture-center/ to a recent racist act at their local University in Missouri.  Cotton balls were thrown in front of the Black Student Cultural Center during Black History Month. I had just responded on another post about the noose that was found in the library at UCSD. http://www.nbcsandiego.com/news/local-beat/Noose-Found-Inside-UCSDs-Geisel-Library---85479767.html  What is happening on our campuses? Isn't it just the saddest thing to see this generation act like this? I don't get it. Kids are taught these things, they are not born this way. These are kids that are clearly either living in homes that condone racism or they are hanging with friends that have taught them this is the way to think. I will never ever, ever, ever understand how someone can hate based on skin color. EVER!! Hate is such a horrible useless emotion to bear, and to bear it based on nothing but skin color is really stupidity when you get right down to it! They might have most loving, beautiful, kind hearted person in the world standing in front of them but because they don't "like" their skin color they automatically hate them? Really? Where is the common sense? This is happening on campuses of "educated" young adults? I feel so sorry for them. There is a chunk of life they are missing out on. Being diverse isn't just politically correct it's a beautiful way to live. There are so many people from so many different cultures in each and every city, and on each and every campus in our country. We can all teach each other something. Why wouldn't we want to know more? Isn't that the point of going to college? It's not just about what is in the textbook you buy at the bookstore, it is about life and learning more and more about it each day. Racism is just a sheltered ignorant way of thinking. Wouldn't someone just stay home, in the same place they were born and raised if they didn't want to know more?  Why go to college if you don't want to open your mind?  So to all of the students on all of the campuses throughout our country, open your minds, open your hearts, and really truly learn.  Life is about moving forward not backward.

The "N" Word........

Oh this word!  You know which one I'm talking about......the "N" word.  I despise this word, and at the same time am very confused by the use of this word.  My personal opinion is the word should not be used at all, by anyone at any time.  Now this opinion coming from a white woman might not hold as much water as if it were coming from a black woman or black man.  However, because I am married to a black man and have a child that is half black this word takes on a whole other meaning for me.  When I hear this word it hurts my heart because I personally feel that it hurts my husband and daughter.  We have had many discussions about the use of this word and who should be "allowed" to use it.  When my daughter was in elementary school I got a call from the Vice Principal saying that someone on the playground had called her the "N" word.  It was a little boy that was actually trying to be "cool" by calling her this word.  It was more of a, "What up my "N**ga," use of the word.  Tat was hurt, the boy was mortified that he hurt her, and I got a call from the school.  The interesting thing was, the call came from the VP who was black and not the Principal who was white.  Was this a coincidence, probably not.  Interesting none the less.  So here is a kid that was trying to be "cool" and he ends up hurting someone by the use of this horrible word.  Where did he learn the word?  Home? Music? Friends? Who knows where he learned it and why he thought it was okay to use it?  It was a perfect example of why it shouldn't be used in conversation in the first place.  Now on the flip side of that story, just yesterday one of my husband's friends used the "N**ga" phrase on his facebook and I was mortified!  I asked my husband if his friend was mad at him.  He laughed and said there was nothing wrong with a black man calling a black man that word.  We have had this conversation many, many times and I totally disagree. I think the word is awful, and should not be used at all.  Who am I to say though?  When two black men use this word in a "friendly" banter is it okay?  Me, personally I don't think so.  I think the word is hateful.  Jamie and I have disagreed on this subject for years.  I think even in friendly conversation it keeps the word alive, and as far as I am concerned it should be very dead and very buried.  So, is there ever a time when it is okay to use the "N" word?