~ The Many Shades of Love ~

An Unlikely Pair and the Ruby Ring...

2012-01-23T17:30:00.000-08:00

15 years ago Jamie and I made a decision that would change our lives forever. We moved from the city of San Diego to the burbs of San Diego. It was time for us to go from home-renters to homeowners. We did our research, looked for nice neighborhoods, with good schools and lots of parks and outdoor areas. We found a brand new community in the Southbay and decided to check it out. Once we rounded the corner into this beautiful new neighborhood, I immediately felt this was going to be our home. Jamie however wasn't so sure. After looking at many houses on various streets we came across the house. The minute we walked through the front door I just knew this was the house where Tatiana would grow up. We looked from room to room and then went to the backyard to check out the possibilities of what was then a blank slate.

Suddenly a head popped up over the fence and said, "Are you two buying this house?" I swear it was a scene out of the old TV show, Home Improvement. It was as if Mr. Wilson lived next door! Shortly thereafter we found out it wasn't Mr. Wilson after all, it was Mr. Jim. Mr. Jim and his wife Miss Corinne (as we affectionately call them) would soon become our new neighbors because we ended up buying the house! It was 1997 and Tatiana was 2 years old.

Mr. Jim and Jamie became fast friends. At the time Jim was in his 70's and Jamie was in his 30's. They were quite the pair. They gave each other grief like father and son and very quickly considered each other just that. It was an unlikely pairing of two of the most opposite people on the planet...but it worked. Kind of like us!

One of the things the two of them always joked about was Jim's ruby ring. Jamie always called it his pimp ring! Jim always said he was going to give it to Jamie when he died. It was in jest but it always freaked me out when they talked about it. I could go on and on about the bantering back and forth that Mr. Jim and Jamie did over the years. It was a strange love but it was theirs.

Sadly, we lost Mr. Jim quite a few years ago and that was truly one of the saddest days we can remember. We were all devastated but Jamie was heartbroken. It was as if he had lost his own dad.

Jim's relatives flew in from New Orleans for the memorial service and as we were all sitting in Miss Corinne's dining room she came downstairs with a box. She handed it to Jamie and told him that Jim thought of him as a son and always wanted him to have his ring. There was not a dry eye in the house. Jamie now wears Mr. Jim's ring every single day. If it's not on his finger because of work, it's around his neck on a chain...always close to his heart.

Little did we know, 15 long years ago, that not only would we raise Tatiana in our wonderful home, but we would also have a built in California family right next door. Mr. Jim is now our angel in heaven and Miss Corinne is our angel on earth, otherwise known as our Cali Mom. How lucky are we?!

MLK....Thank You.....

2012-01-16T06:30:00.000-08:00

How do you say thank you to someone who......

~Stood up
~Spoke out
~Paved the way
~Made change
~And gave his life

It feels impossible. But today that's what I want to say. Thank you, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. for making today better than yesterday. Now it's our turn. Happy birthday.....

My Interview on "The Next Family"....

2012-01-14T12:46:00.000-08:00

Check out my interview on The Next Family. This is a wonderful site for all modern families.

http://thenextfamily.com/2012/01/an-interview-with-amy-wise/

Pirate Play.....

2012-01-05T19:32:00.000-08:00

Us in Sunriver, OR

Tatiana and Me....Christmas in Sunriver, OR

Happy New Year everyone! As you can see I took a little break from writing over the holidays. The fam and I took a vacation and spent some much needed time away in Sunriver, Oregon with 27 of my relatives. Every 4 years we ALL meet in Sunriver for a fun filled Christmas celebration. Our group included, my parents, aunts, uncles, brother, sister, nieces, nephews, cousins, children, girlfriends and boyfriends! We had 4 lovely cabins on the same street which enabled us to go back and forth for meals, movies, games and fun! My parents cabin even had a Christmas tree, so of course we had Christmas dinner there for the full holiday effect.

I have been going to Sunriver with my family since I was in 4th grade. Without doing the math, let's just say that's a VERY long time! I love that I'm now sharing a piece of my childhood with Jamie and Tatiana. Besides going every 4 years with everyone for Christmas, we try and go off and on with my parents and siblings in the Summer or Fall just for fun.

This particular visit had an unusual twist to the activities. When I say unusual, that is truly an understatement. My Uncle Joey, who I just love, brought his girlfriend with him this year. The 2 of them make a perfect couple as they are both a bit eccentric. I LOVE that about them because I can totally relate! They met in the theater in their small town in Washington. Joey was performing and Carol was part of the "crew." Being the creative people that they are you never know what you are going to get. Again...love that! This time what we got was...drum roll please....a Pirate Play! Yes, that's right....a Pirate Play.

Carol wrote a play 5 years ago and thought it would be fun if the family could actually act it out together with costumes and all! She brought 2 suitcases full of amazing costumes and accessories, along with scripts for everyone. She went around to each of us and asked who wanted to participate in the play and who wanted to be audience members. I had EVERY intention of being an audience member until she looked at me and said, "I'm counting on you to participate." Well, for some reason I just couldn't say no! I think it was the look in her eyes. =) Jamie, on the other hand, had no problem saying no! He thought it was HILARIOUS that we were actually doing a pirate play! Um, his exact words..."white people" followed by lots of laughter!

Me...as Bella the Fortune Teller in the Pirate Play

Uncle Joey and Girlfriend Carol

Needless to say we ALL got a kick out of the play and had a blast doing it. The audience members couldn't believe what they were seeing, and all of us will probably talk about this particular Christmas festivity for years to come! Jamie is still cracking up to this day.

Jamie as an audience member. Me as a play participant.

Next year we are spending the holidays with Jamie's family and I can guarantee there will not be any Pirate Plays! Hmmm....maybe I should suggest it? ;)

Hate Free Zone....

2011-12-14T18:54:00.000-08:00

Those of you that know me, know I'm a VERY positive person. Lately, however I've been a little disheartened by all the negative stories directed at specific groups or religions. From the minister and church in Kentucky that refused membership to interracial couples, to Lowe's Home Improvement pulling their ads from All American Muslim, to parents throwing their gay children out on the streets, to the hateful comments regarding the interracial article our family was featured in, in USA Today. There's so many more but I think you get the picture. Each one has a running theme...ignorance and hate based on the unknown.

The minister and church denying interracial couples membership? I'm speechless. Did we just go back in time? A church teaching hate? Isn't that an oxymoron? Or are they just morons? Sorry, I normally don't say that about people but in this instance I couldn't resist. I wish the minister and members could spend one week with us so they could see that we are just a family full of love....nothing more, nothing less.

Lowe's Home Improvement removing ads from All American Muslim because a small Christian group complained? Since when does one religion have a say over the other? C'mon Lowe's...have you ever seen the show? The entire point is to open minds and erase assumptions. You just threw that out the window in an instant! Are we living in the dark ages or America? Shame on you Lowe's.

Parents throwing gay children away like trash? How is this possible? How does a parent stop loving their child because they can't accept their partner? The heart can't help who it falls in love with. Love's funny like that. Trust me, I know.

The hateful comments on USA Today because we are an interracial family? Really? I had to stop reading because the horrible words made my stomach turn. How can someone hate us if they don't even know us?

Why are we hating instead of loving? Why are we erasing instead of embracing? This is supposed to be the season of peace and love no matter what the religion. How can one hate what they don't even know? That is called ignorance.

Does it matter if I'm Christian, Muslim, Jewish or Buddhist? Does it matter if I'm black, white, brown or green? Does it matter if I'm gay, straight, or go both ways? No, it doesn't. What matters is...if I have a heart, if I'm kind, if I'm giving and if I'm loving.

The irony in all of this is, religion is supposed to teach love. What is happening here? Why is it okay to love some and hate others? It's not. I can guarantee that whether someone worships in a church, temple, mosque or home, there is NO religion that says it's okay to hate. Only people do. No matter the race, religion, or sexual orientation....open hearts and open minds don't discriminate.

I'm Christian, I'm straight, and I refuse to hate!

The Blind Man.....

2011-12-10T11:22:00.000-08:00

The other night my hubby and I went to a birthday celebration for one of his friends. As we were walking into the restaurant, my third hand….I mean my blackberry, lit up, and I received an email from my agent. She wanted to know if I would be interested in being interviewed about being in an interracial relationship. She received a query from someone who was writing a “how-to” on how to have a successful interracial relationship. They wanted tips and advice on how to “survive” this type of union. Of course I said yes, after all, it’s not only my life, it’s what I write about! After I said yes, it got me to thinking. How interesting that we need tips and advice on how to “survive” in a mixed race relationship. After 19 years together, and 18 years of marriage, it’s all so natural to me. Survival? Tips and advice? That just sounds odd. However, if I look back on all the struggles and trials and tribulations that we have gone through, well then, it makes all sorts of sense. That’s why I still write about our marriage, because even though we have it down “to a science,” I know there are a lot of couples out there that are wondering, is this really going to work? They are dealing with family issues, societal issues, and more. Me, this is how I deal with it….if you don’t like us….that’s okay. We like us and that’s all that matters.

It still boggles my mind that in 2011 this is even an interview topic. We really need to get over it. Really. The funny thing about “us” is, we are just a couple. We are like all the other couples out there, the only difference….our skin colors.

So let me ask everyone this question….if a blind man met us and we became close friends without ever sharing our “differences” with him, would he know we are a mixed race couple, or would we just be a “regular” couple to him? Hmm, something to ponder. If you don’t see the difference, is there one?

Just like everyone else….we start our day together, we live our lives together, we make plans together, we raise a family together, we laugh together, we cry together, and we grow old together. Read that sentence again….are we an interracial couple, or just a couple? It’s all so simple yet society still makes it so difficult. We are in love, we are married, we have been together for many years, yet people still question us. Why?

I've said it before and I will say it again....nobody is born a bigot. Racism is taught….let’s stop teaching it. The blind man only "sees" our hearts….what can we learn from him? How about loving this life together…..one heart, one mind, one love.

Comedy in a Casserole.......

2011-11-26T11:45:00.000-08:00

Flashback to Thanksgiving 1993.....Jamie and I had been husband and wife for just a few months and we were going to our first "married Thanksgiving" at his sister's house. His sister asked me to bring a dish to share with everyone and I was so excited to be contributing to the Thanksgiving dinner. I was a little nervous because it was our first holiday as a married couple with his family. I decided to bring the staple dish that I had grown up with....green bean casserole with french onions on top. You all know it, you all love it, you've all had it...right?

Well, we got to his sister's house and I proudly walked in with my green bean casserole. I set it on the table, took off the foil, and waited for everyone to dig in. After we said a prayer everyone started to dish up all their food from the table.......everything but my casserole that is. So I thought, hmm, why is nobody eating my green bean casserole? This is a favorite at my house...what's up? I was starting to get a little hurt as everyone dished up and walked right by my beans. Whatever...I proudly filled my plate and ate those beans up! However, I was literally the only one! Apparently black folk don't like green bean casserole.

The funny thing is after that holiday meal, I was given the task of bringing the rolls and the soda going forward, yes you heard me...rolls and soda....pretty impossible to screw up right? My green bean casserole has been the holiday funny ever since. Good thing I have a good sense of humor! At first it really did hurt my feelings, but now I can actually look back and laugh. This was one more thing to adjust to in a mixed marriage....getting used to each other's traditions big and small. As time went on I graduated to making complete meals for Jamie's family...um, minus the green bean casserole!

The hilarity continued this year when my sister-in-law Niki called to let me know that the green bean casserole commercials had started and she couldn't wait to make it. I laughed! It truly is the running joke even after all these years. By the way, a little aside, Niki is white like me. The silliness continued on Thanksgiving day while talking to my mom. She said, while giggling, "Be sure to tell Jamie that Aunt Sal is cooking green bean casserole today." Then minutes after that phone call, Jamie's longtime friend Calvin, otherwise known as "T," called to wish us a happy Thanksgiving. Jamie and T were comparing menus and T listed green bean casserole as one of the dishes he and his wife were making for dinner. Jamie quickly said, "Oh hell no!" and just started laughing! He then proceeded to share the infamous green bean casserole story with T. Another little funny, T just so happens to be black and his wife is white. Do you see a pattern here? I have yet to talk to an all black family that serves the infamous casserole.

Through the years the green bean casserole jokes have become another fun tradition that we all share as we continue to embrace the differences between our two very opposite families. Who knew that each year we would literally have comedy in a casserole! It's a perfect analogy for us.

USA Today Comments.......

2011-11-14T20:41:00.000-08:00

Last week our family had the honor of being featured in USA Today. I was interviewed for the piece and then a photographer came out and did a photo shoot of our family. We had such a great time with the photographer he actually ended up joining us for dinner after we were done taking pictures. The article came out a couple of weeks after the interview and it was such a thrill to have our family be the face of interracial marriage in USA Today. It truly touched me because so much of my writing is about this very subject.

I have been writing about interracial marriage for years now and the one thing that I have never had to deal with when it comes to writing about our family, whether on my blog or on guest sites, is racist comments. Even if there has been a difference of opinion the comments have always been very respectful. When the article came out in USA Today I was saddened to see so many racist and hateful comments in the comment section. Thankfully there were many more positive comments than negative ones but it saddened me none the less. Because USA Today reaches so many people I should not have been surprised, but I was. I'm not going to go into specifics about what was said and luckily the paper pulled the really horrible comments, but it still shocks me to see how closed minded and ignorant people can be when it comes to race in America in 2011. I actually had to stop reading the comments because they made my stomach turn. They also made me realize how much work we still need to do when it comes to educating people about race and interracial relationships.

The one thing that I want people to know that don't seem to understand or approve of our family is we are truly no different than any other family out there today. I don't wake up in the morning and look at my husband and think, "I'm so in love with my black husband," he's just my husband. I don't look at my daughter and think, "My biracial daughter is my heart and soul," she's just my daughter. Yes my husband is black, yes I'm white and yes our daughter is biracial.....those are the facts, but the truth of the matter is, we are three people that make up a family filled with love. It really is that simple. I didn't steal a black man from the hood, Jamie didn't set out to meet a white woman, and we didn't say let's have a mixed child. We married each other because we fell in love and we had a child because we wanted a family. Color has never had anything to do with our choices when it comes to our relationship and family. Color only comes into play when society continues to make an issue of it. We are about love and love only. Isn't that why anyone gets married and starts a family?

I've said it before and I will say it again. Tatiana gets the best of both worlds. We embrace my culture and we embrace Jamie's culture. She gets double the fun, double the food, double the history, double everything! Talk about an open mind. America is all about people that originally came from some place else. Our country is really just one big melting pot of the world, so trying to be around one race and one race only is quite unrealistic. I feel sorry for people that aren't open to other races, cultures and backgrounds. They are truly missing out on so many wonderful experiences. It's quite sad.

So in the end, to those that had such negative things to say about our family....all I can say is, my heart breaks for the hate that you carry. I hope that you can one day realize we are just a family that happens to have multiple shades of skin colors and lots and LOTS of LOVE!

Thank you USA Today for such a wonderful experience!

Shame on You.....

2011-10-31T20:06:00.000-07:00

Life, it’s pretty much a rollercoaster ride for all of us at some point. My particular rollercoaster needs to be named, and I think I will call it infinity, because truly, it never seems to end. As you all know we are STILL dealing with the lawsuit against the Otay Water Department, Eastlake Development, et al. Yes, still. I know….four and half years later and it continues to go on and on! Even though we won in a jury trial over seven months ago, here we are today dealing with appeals, cross complaints, cross lawsuits and a big fat MESS, otherwise known as our “justice” system.

Not only are we still being bullied by the big guys, I mean, Otay Water and Eastlake Development, but now more bullies want to join in on the fun. Wells Fargo Bank, who carries the loan on our long ago closed store decided that they weren’t making enough money off the rest of the world, so not only did they sue us a couple of years ago for a loan on our store that was destroyed by Otay Water’s negligence, but now they have put liens against my home and my business partner’s home because the lawsuit continues to take too long. Yes, you heard me….first they sued us for the loan and then they said to themselves, “Hmm, since we haven’t gotten the money from these people yet and even though we know they are still in the middle of a lawsuit, let’s put liens on their homes and crush the victims even more.” Okay, they might not have said those exact words, but it sure feels like it! I even wrote to the CEO of Wells Fargo back when they first sued us and explained the entire lawsuit. I told him we had every intention of paying our loan when this was over and by no means were we trying to get out of any of our responsibilities. They just needed to wait in line with everyone else until the suit was over. The well is dry and the turnip has no blood left. I guess the CEO needed some fast cash, because he didn’t want to hear it. The response back was from his attorney to my attorney. Instead of having the human decency to contact me, he had his attorney do his dirty work. How sad, how typical, how expected. I was hoping for more. I was hoping for change. Alas, the banks continue on with their greed even when the victim is being victimized. Pitiful and just plain wrong!

There is no job title, position, or amount of money that makes it okay to destroy people’s lives. I hope one day that companies find compassion, and people stop doing what they are told, and instead start doing what is right. Shame on you- Otay Water, Eastlake Development, and Wells Fargo- for losing your soul’s to the system. Will it be worth it in the end? I wonder?

In the meantime, while we continue to fight the good fight, I refuse to let any of them get in the way of my dreams. My husband told me that he married me because I’m one of the strongest women he knows. So, that being said, I’m going to continue to grow stronger every day no matter how many hurdles continue to get thrown my way.

I am proud to say, not only am I writing my book, This is Me….Coming Out of the Darkness, while also working on a movie based on the same book, (thank you my dear friend Amy Ferris for the Director introduction), I’m also writing for the Shame Prom anthology AND I just signed a book contract to write the book; Divorce, Dance, or Dare. It doesn’t end there. Recently I was asked to be a partner….yes, a partner, in an amazing new company called Decision Point. This is going to be a company that helps people during the biggest decision points of their lives. It’s what I live and breathe for. It’s going to be incredible and life changing for so many, and I’m honored to be a part of it!

I’m pinching myself at how even during the darkest of times- with faith, family, friends, support and LOTS of hard work- dreams not only come true again, but they can be even more fantastic the second time around!

"Oh, You're Together?"

2011-10-17T18:32:00.000-07:00

It's funny, when my husband and I are together, whether in a restaurant, standing in line somewhere, even at a hospital, people aren't quite sure if we are a couple. A while back I was in the emergency room (that's another crazy story for another day) and we were waiting for the doctor. When he finally came in and introduced himself, he shook my hand and then looked at Jamie, shook his hand and said, "You are?".......long pause.......I finally finished his sentence and said, "Husband." He said, "Oh, well, you just never know these days." Yeah right! We all know if Jamie had been white the doctor would have automatically assumed he was my husband, but since he was black he just didn't go there. Funny don't you think!? I’m so used to it at this point it hardly even gets to me, well, maybe just a little. The same thing happens to us in restaurants when we are waiting for a table. Unless we are holding hands or wrapped around each other, which we try not to do in public, it's always, "Oh, you're together?" Really? Are “we” such a shock? This is southern California for goodness sake and last I checked it is 2011. Isn't it?

One of the more comical "Oh, you're together moments,” was when I was having surgery years ago. I woke up post surgery and asked for my husband. I wanted him by my side, AND he also had my glasses so I couldn't see a darn thing! No contact lenses allowed during surgery. I was blind as a bat! The nurse said she checked the family waiting room and he wasn't there. I knew he was, because he would make sure he was there when I woke up. That is just the kind of guy he is. I asked her to check again. She did, and she then went on to describe who was in the room and once again she was determined that he was not there. Well guess what "nurse ratchet," (I only say that because she got irritated with me) the black man you just described in the waiting room, is my husband! She didn't even ask him if he was with me. Imagine? I kindly told her the big black man was my husband and after turning a few shades of red, she went back to the waiting room one last time, but this time she brought my hubby back with her. I finally had him back by my side AND I could see again! Hopefully, the nurse’s vision became just a little clearer that day too.

Hopefully.

Progress.....

2011-10-04T08:22:00.000-07:00

Sculpture Garden SFSU

It's all about college tours at the Wise house right now. We just returned from San Francisco State University, which is Tatiana's first choice for college. She chose SFSU for many reasons; The first being their dance program which is her major, the second because she loves the city, and the third because of the culture and diversity that SFSU offers.

Prior to going to San Fran we visited a couple of other campuses. One of the recent campus tours we went on was a total bust, and originally it was her second choice! From the very first moment we drove into the parking lot Tatiana said, "I'm not feeling this campus at all." The entire day went that way. It was just a vibe that she had, or actually lack thereof. Then we went to SFSU and her reaction was the polar opposite! Tatiana stepped onto campus and instantaneously smiled from ear to ear. She was home. Jamie even said, "I can totally see you going to school and living here. This is you." At this point we had only been there for, oh, about five minutes! It was like the campus had a heartbeat of its own. It was full of life, color, music, laughter, beautiful architecture, people from all over and so much more! Jamie and I were ready to go back in time and attend school with her. She would be horrified and would quickly veto us, but it sure sounded like a good idea, at least to us!

One of the things that is not only important to Tatiana but important to us as parents of a mixed race child, is that she goes to a university that is filled with diversity. To say that SFSU is diverse would be an understatement. It lives and breathes diversity! The students that attend SFSU are from every race and religion you can imagine. We got a very clear picture of that when we walked to the heart of the campus which is called Malcom X Plaza. The plaza is filled with music and festivities and also houses the Cesar Chavez Student Center. The more we walked and the more we saw, the more we fell in love with the campus and all it had to offer. Notice I keep saying we. We truly fell in love with SFSU right along with her and for her. It is such an exciting time in her life! The diversity clincher was when we were on the tour and the guide told us about the College of Ethnic Studies. This is the only program of its kind in the nation and SFSU offers it. Hello diversity!

Needless to say by the time we were done with the tour and our day spent on campus, Tatiana was ready to move in. Instead she did the next best thing. She applied. The applications for Fall 2012 opened up the following day, so she jumped online, filled out the application, went over it with a fine tooth comb and hit submit! While she was filling out her info., this time I had a smile from ear to ear, not only because I was so excited for her, but also because I saw that she was able to choose two or more races/ethnicity's as her race on the application. I was thrilled! Back in the day when Tat was entering kindergarten I had to choose one race and one race only. I will never forget how that made me feel. Now, not only was there an option for two races, but when she got to the gender section the options were male, female, transgender, or non-gender specific. How cool is that!? I had never seen that on any application before. My how times have changed. I love it! Equality all the way around.

That, my friends, is progress.

Just as it should be.

Thank you San Fran!

Happy 17th Birthday Tatiana!!

2011-09-20T07:30:00.000-07:00

When Jamie and I got married in 1993, we knew that we wanted to have children right away. We both love our families and we wanted to start our own soon after our wedding, so we did! Tatiana Chantal Wise came into this world 17 years ago, on September 20th, 1994. From day one Tatiana had a mind of her own, a huge heart, a giant smile and a laugh that just never quit. She screamed a lot too! Just for fun. Fun for her, not so much for us! The neighbors still laugh about how loud she was. =) Oh ya, one more thing, she had lots and lots of hair! She was literally born with an afro. I'm not kidding, she really was. Oh the hair!

I'm still amazed that she has gone from diapers, to dancing, to girl scouts, to teen (help us please!) to a high school graduate at 16, and now here she is today......SEVENTEEN years old!! How did it happen so fast? It's been an amazing, wild, 17 year rollercoaster. Tatiana has come in to her own and we are so proud of the young woman she is today. She has excelled, she has made mistakes, and she continues to learn and grow. That's what life's all about and she is certainly living it! Her free spirit is inspiring!

So on Tatiana's 17th....we say happy, happy birthday; to a kind, amazing, talented, beautiful, loving, incredible, smart, rock star of a daughter! We are so blessed that she is our child and now we look forward to her almost adult future and all the amazingness she is going to create in the years to come! Happy birthday Tatiana! We LOVE you!

Guest Blog by: Author and Publisher Joyce Norman

2011-09-12T13:27:00.000-07:00

I’ve been enmeshed in the many shades of love all my life. Growing up in Texas, I played with Hispanic children from my school. The African-American woman who sometimes ironed our clothes (that was a different day and time) always brought her two children to play dolls with me. No children lived in my neighborhood so this was a special treat and my mother would often invite them back for playtime. In college I was drawn to the kindness and intelligence of a good-looking young man from Seoul, Korea. Many things separated us – our cultural differences, traditions – certainly not the color of his skin. For me, love has never been a color. It is an emotion.

Therefore, in 1980, when I was seeking to adopt an infant, it was of no consequence to me that the eight-hour old baby boy offered me was Brazilian. When I first held my son in my arms in Rio de Janeiro the only difference I saw was that he had huge black eyes and mine were blue. Dark curly hair, smooth olive skin, a ready smile – wherever we went everyone wanted to hold him.

From the day he learned to walk he didn’t want me to hold his hand and that’s when I saw his first beginnings of confidence in himself. “I do it” was one of his first sentences.

As he grew I was amazed at the ease with which he moved through life. Although an energetic little boy there was always a calmness about him.

In those early years I began to emerge in ways I could never have dreamed of. When the two of us would go out, almost always, someone would say, “Oh, what a beautiful little boy.” And then, looking at my premature silver hair, would ask, “He must look like his father.”

I will never understand why I felt it necessary to answer, “He’s adopted and he’s Brazilian?” I hate to admit it but I believe I felt the need to give a reason for the difference in the way we looked. Looking back, I felt the strong need to justify us or give info I didn’t have to. I believe I wanted us to be “normal” – whatever that means.

Through the years, regardless of age, my son never once spoke up when someone said, “Look at that dark hair.” At any time he could have said, “I’m Brazilian.” Guess he didn’t feel he had to. However, I always spoke up, “My hair used to be dark like his.” Now I think back with “What did that remark have to do with my son anyway?”

From my son I learned something about myself --- that my confidence was not as secure as his and I discovered the color issue was not as settled in my life as I thought it was. I, personally, just couldn’t accept the questions about the two of us, and felt I had to give a definition.

One day I decided to quit explaining, quit justifying and just let people think what they would. My son has taught me so much and I respect, that to his core, he has always had a depth of maturity that held at bay questions from the outside.

He didn’t need me to define him then.

He doesn’t need me to define him now.

Joyce Norman

Author/Publisher

Am I Being Punk'd?!

2011-09-05T21:33:00.000-07:00

“Hello, this is the Oprah Winfrey network calling.” Yes, that was the message that was playing on my answering machine last week as I walked towards my phone in disbelief. The caller went on to say that he was looking to speak with Amy Wise about an article she wrote about tough times don't have to mean no fun. Let me just say when I first heard the words “This is the Oprah Winfrey Network calling,” I thought it was a joke. However, when the caller started talking about a specific article I wrote, I picked up the phone and he introduced himself. He was an associate producer from the OWN Network at the new primetime Suze Orman show. He asked if I would be willing to give him a phone interview so he could get some more information about my article and situation for a possible appearance on the show. At this point I was between thinking, “I just know I’m being punk’d, to, “You have got to be kidding me!” I truly wasn’t sure what to think! So I didn’t think, and instead, I talked. As I started giving him details of how we lost everything due to the crazy water issue, how we fell apart, started over, and created an even more amazing dream and stronger family, I was still thinking, “I’m soooo being punk’d!” When he asked if I was willing to go into detail about just how financially devastated we were, because of course Suze Orman’s entire show is based on finances, I was still thinking, “This can’t be real!” I told him I wasn’t comfortable sharing financial information and asked him if he would send me some credentials via email. You just never know. He promptly sent the credentials and then we proceeded to talk some more. As we talked about my situation he also shared with me that he had read quite a bit of my writing online and really loved what he had read on my blog. He told me that he was in an interracial relationship as well. He said this was the first interracial relationship he had ever been in and it was wonderful to read my blog and see how happy we were after all these years. I said, “No way, of all the producers, they chose you to call me!?” I just thought that was hilarious! By the time we were done talking it felt like we were old friends. In fact, we plan to keep in touch and I’m so looking forward to seeing his relationship progress.

Okay, back to the OWN Network call. First, let me say that I’m not the type of person that gets star struck by anyone. I have lived a very blessed life that has exposed me to everything from embassy parties filled with dignitaries, princes, and military elite, to, media, literary and sports figures. We have always taught Tatiana that no matter what type of job you have, it’s just a job. When someone is in the spotlight it has nothing to do with who they are as a person, it’s simply their career. We have made sure to teach her that nobody is better than anybody else no matter what they do or how much money they make. So, that being said, I have to say when The Oprah Winfrey Network called, I will admit, I was blown away! Yes, I admit it. Not because it was her network, but because she has been through it all and is the queen of inspiration! You could have knocked me over with a feather when I got that call. It meant the world to me because my mission and my passion is to always pay it forward. I mean every single day! Whether it’s opening a door, donating, volunteering, lending a hand…whatever the help might be….that's what I’m all about! Over the last four years we have had support and help from so many and I’m determined to forever pay that forward. Forever. That is what the call represented to me. It’s about inspiring others and being there for each other and the OWN Network and everyone involved in that network is all about inspiration and helping! I literally cried when I got off the phone because I knew the call meant that I was on the right path and doing the right things after all the madness and mayhem we have lived these last four plus years.

I have talked to the network a couple of times since the initial call and regardless of what happens down the road I will always treasure the fact that our story was, and is, inspirational to others dealing with difficult life issues.

Mind you, we are still in the middle of dealing with our case, appeals, and the insanity of the “justice” system, but we have created a new life and we no longer let the old life control our future. We control it. After all, who says we can only have one dream!? We have created new dreams and my heart literally sings when I sit back and look at how far we have come. We have been through so much and have worked so hard as a family to not only keep it together after losing everything and having to totally start over, but to make sure that we are stronger than ever before. Jamie has been our steady rock and will be starting his own business, Tatiana graduated high school one year early and is starting her new future, and I have an amazing career as a writer. We fell hard, but we slowly and methodically got back up because we were surrounded by support, love, and faith. It’s really quite amazing!

In the end, the calls from the OWN Network will always hold a special place in my heart, but more importantly the calls reiterated that dreams CAN come true, not once, but as many times as you want them to. So for everyone out there….go for it…your dreams are waiting. Now it’s your turn!

Why My Husband Won't Be Seeing "The Help"......

2011-08-26T14:01:00.000-07:00

Check out my guest article on StyleSubstanceSoul

Happy 18th Anniversary to Us!!!

2011-08-21T08:24:00.000-07:00

Then....August 21st, 1993

Now....

Who knew on a fateful day 19 years ago while driving up the 805 freeway in San Diego, my life would change forever?! http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2010/05/how-heck-did-you-two-meet-i-mean-she.html That was the day I "met" my hubby, and our future was set in motion. The story still blows my mind!

Now, flash forward to today...August 21st, 2011...our 18th wedding anniversary. It's hard to believe that so much time has gone by since that first day we saw each other on the freeway. We have been through so much together and have come so far, and neither one of us would have ever imagined that we would be where we are today. We are best friends, shoulders for each other, lovers, parents, partners, soulmates, and so much more. There are days when we laugh, there are days when we cry, and there are days when we want to "strangle" each other, but there is never, ever a day that goes by that we don't love each other completely. We don't take each other for granted and we realize how lucky and blessed we are to have each other.

Time has changed circumstances, but time has not changed us. We are more in love today than the day we got married. There is a deepness to that love that only time, heartache, life, happiness, and challenges can bring. It's the "getting through" and the "making it out" of the dark times that has truly allowed us to embrace the "bright times" with joy.

I love my husband not just with all my heart, but deep down to my soul. We just fit so very perfectly, while also being so very different. It's hard to even explain.

So today, on our 18th anniversary, I want to say thank you, for the most amazing, life altering, wonderful, 18 years! I love you Jamie J....happy, happy anniversary! Here's to many, many more! We rock!

Build Your Life!

2011-08-09T09:12:00.000-07:00

Lately I’ve seen question after question on various interracial websites about what couple's should do when family members don’t accept their interracial relationship. My answer to this is…..don’t be afraid to build a life together because you’re worried about what other people think of your relationship. Jamie and I never would have made it past dating had we listened to everyone else’s opinions about us. Here we are 19 years later, with a beautiful daughter and an amazing life!

I’m so disturbed about some of the stories I’ve seen in the news or heard from friends lately, that sometimes I feel like we are actually moving backwards when it comes to race relations. Just the other day there was a story on the news about a man who had his daughter sign a contract that stated she would not date any black men, felons, or gangsters, and if she did he would kill them. Kill them?! Really!? First of all, the fact that he lumped black men in the same category as felons and gangsters, like ALL black men fall into these categories, is stereotyping at its worst. The contract itself was twisted enough, but when the daughter actually ended up dating a black man, her father posted dead or alive posters with the boyfriend’s information and picture on them! Well, karma is a “you know what,” and Daddy is now in prison for 7 years! Clearly this is an extreme case of racial family issues, but I hear time and time again of families that will automatically disown their children if they date outside their race. How do you disown your own child? Better yet, why would you want to? Disowning someone because of the skin color of the person they love? Seriously? Why? Does this “skin color” beat your child? Does this “skin color” treat your child horribly? Or does this “skin color” love your child with all “its” heart? Last time I checked skin color doesn’t hurt people, people do.

Jamie and I have lived through it all when it comes to racism, and there were days, when trust me, I didn’t think the tears would stop because of some of the racial issues we had to deal with, but now, here we are, happier, stronger, and more in love than ever. We love us, we love our life and we wouldn’t have it any other way. We never allowed circumstances or people to divide us or destroy our love. In fact, just the opposite, our strength comes from all we have had to deal with throughout the years and at this point we are Mr. and Mrs. Universe we are so freakin’ strong! Nothing and no one can come between us….ever!

Now, back to YOU…..whatever you do….don’t be afraid to build YOUR life! Go….now….start today. Here’s to your future and here’s to your love….today, tomorrow and forever!

Oregon Snowbunnies.....

2011-07-25T21:23:00.000-07:00

Jamie and Amy

Timmy and Niki

Where do I begin? The last few months have been such a rollercoaster, my stomach is still doing flips from the wild ride that has been life lately. I try and take it all in stride and I try and go with the flow, while continuing to ride these constant ups and downs. Sadly, one of the downs that I will never understand and still can’t grasp or believe, is the loss of Jamie’s little brother Timmy to a hit and run driver in Las Vegas. Tim just turned 40 last month and he had treated himself to a Harley Davidson motorcycle for his birthday. Now before you go there…Tim was an EXPERIENCED rider. He was in the Ruff Ryder motorcycle club and has ridden for years. Unfortunately, a person with no conscience ran a stop sign and CHOSE to continue running, while Timmy was left behind. Our hearts are broken and the world will never be the same without him. Ever.

As I share the story of his loss, I’m going to share another story that will bring a smile to your face, just like Tim did for all of us, all the time!

Jamie and Tim were two peas in a pod. I count both of them as two of the funniest, craziest men on the planet! Truly. If you don’t laugh when you’re around them, well, you have no sense of humor at all! None! Another thing about the two of them is they would give you the shirts off their backs and would do anything for anyone…..especially for their family and friends. These two, big, teddy bear men are fathers that love their kids to their core. Now when I said two peas in a pod that was no joke! One of the funniest things about them is, they BOTH married white women from Oregon. Yes that’s right….both of them! For those of you that know Jamie and Tim you wouldn’t think either one of them would have gone down “that road” at all! But the fact that they BOTH did, and the fact that Niki and I are BOTH from Oregon…hilarious! Jamie has always said to Tim, “You just had to be like me didn’t you!?” So the running joke for all of these years has been, the two most unlikely “brothas” went and married white women from Oregon. Amy and Niki….go figure!

Now that Tim is our angel, this little bit of trivia about the two of them has gone from being funny and silly to holding a very special place in my heart. Niki and I have realized this odd connection these last couple of months as we continue to deal with the loss of Tim. It was ever more apparent when she stayed with us last week while we prepared for his Celebration of Life. It’s not just that we are from Oregon, it’s that we get each other. We get the family dynamics. We get the differences. We get the difficulties that we’ve both experienced. We get the hilarity. We get that Jamie and Tim’s “side” HATE “our” traditional green bean casserole. We get it ALL! It has gotten to the point where we speak at the same time and the EXACT same words come out of our mouths. It’s a little freaky!

I will forever have a bond to Nik that is unexplainable and so very special. When we share the story about both of us being white girls from Oregon, yes we laugh at the irony, but now we will treasure the connection. So through the laughter and through the tears, Niki and I will always be sisters AND “The Oregon Snowbunnies!” I know Timmy is smiling at this one, just as we are smiling at the memory of him. Love you Tim! Forever and always!

Black Comedy……

2011-07-11T12:46:00.000-07:00

As most of you know, I’m currently in the middle of writing my book. Along with writing the book I also have some very cool projects that are in the works. Sometimes I feel like my head is spinning because I have so many balls up in the air right now. I’m not complaining at all, in fact, it’s all very exciting! I’m actually beyond grateful. Beyond!

My “angel on earth” and dear friend, Amy Ferris, recently “sparked” an introduction that has now “sparked” a project that coincides with the story of my book. However, this particular project requires a little more drama and quite a bit of twists and turns. I have to be slightly more open-minded, and think out of the box on this one. I’m being asked to think along the lines of a black comedy, otherwise known as a dark comedy. For some reason I’m having a hard time wrapping my brain around this concept. I’ll get there. I’m a very out of the box person so it should be a piece of cake for me…or at least a cupcake. Okay, that’s just silly humor, maybe that’s my problem! I need a little less silly, and a lot more dark! Clearly, I'm not going to be doing stand up at the Improv ANY time soon! That, I can guarantee! =)

Anywho…back to the subject matter. The other day I was having a phone conversation with my Sister, and I was catching her up on life, projects, and all the daily “stuff.” I was telling her about the project that I mentioned above, and explained that we are taking a slightly different turn on the writing. I shared the idea of the black comedy with her and she immediately started coming up with ideas of her own. She said, “You know how Jamie always has hilarious comebacks for everything and always has crazy things to say? That would be perfect for what you are looking for.” As she was going into detail, I stopped for a minute and thought, what is she talking about? What does that have to do with a black comedy? Then I got it! I smiled inside, stopped her, and said, “You do realize what a black comedy is, right? It’s a dark comedy, NOT an African American comedy!?” We both stopped, she said, “Oh my God,” and we literally busted out laughing! I cried I laughed so hard! She was going on and on about Jamie’s humor, thinking I meant “black,” as in “African American!” It was CLASSIC! Then she said, “I thought that was really weird that they would want the story to be an African American comedy.” Then I laughed some more! You gotta love it! She automatically went there because I said black comedy and I’m married to a black man. That is comedy in itself!

These are some of the silly things that come up in regards to our marriage. We don’t always have to deal with negative racial stuff, and sometimes we don’t have to deal with anything at all. Thank God! This however, was one of those fun moments, where in looking for “black comedy,” I got some "comic relief" instead! We all need a little bit of that once in a while. Don’t we?

Hopefully it will be okay with her that I’m sharing this with EVERYONE! Maybe I will send her a quick text before I hit send. Naw! I don’t think she’ll mind….it was too cute and too funny not to share. Love ya Sis!

Happy Father's Day!

2011-06-19T00:01:00.000-07:00

My favorite picture of Dad and Hubby

Two men from different worlds. Two men that respect each other. Two men that love each other. Two men that I never would have imagined being part of the same family. Two men that have been there through everything. Two men that have helped make me who I am today. Two men that give unconditional love. Two men that are amazing Dads. Two men that I love with all my heart and all my soul. Two men that would give the shirt off their backs to help someone. Two men, different worlds...one love. Happy Fathers Day!! I love you both!

The Right to Live in Love......

2011-06-13T17:26:00.000-07:00

There are days when I simply forget how far we have come because I'm just living, and there are days when I realize how far we still have to go. However, there is one day that will always be special to me, and that is..."Loving Day." I'm sure there are many of you out there that don't even realize what Loving Day is or what it represents, but to me it represents my heart, my marriage, my love. So what is it? It's the anniversary of the June 12th, 1967 Supreme Court decision....

Loving vs. Virginia ~ "There can be no doubt that restricting the freedom to marry solely because of racial classifications violates the central meaning of the equal protection clause."

Richard and Mildred Loving, a mixed race couple....(how PERFECT is their last name by the way...REALLY, that is their last name!).....were forced to leave their home state of Virginia after they married, because back in the late 60's their union was still illegal in 16 states. Yes, illegal! They had two options....go to jail, or leave Virginia. They packed up and moved to WA, D.C. and the rest, as they say, is history. They didn't just move, they fought, they won, they LOVED! Bravery, courage, determination, and true love won out. How cool is that!?! Because of this amazing couple my husband and I are free to live and free to love. I can't imagine having to fight for the right to marry the man I love. I would though...no doubt...no question in my mind. I would fight like a lion! It still boggles my mind to even think that it was illegal for two people to marry solely because of the color of their skin. This was during my lifetime no less. How insane were "we" back then!? This is why it is so important to always fight for what is right. If we stay quiet and do nothing, then nothing happens. If we speak up, and teach tolerance, then everything can happen! Sometimes laws might be changed and sometimes minds might be changed.....either way, we move forward, and that my friends, is a good thing! So to Richard and Mildred Loving, a brave couple who stood up for the their love and their rights, here's to you, from all of "us"....thank you Loving's for giving us the RIGHT to live in LOVE!

For more information about this special day and this amazing couple visit:

http://www.lovingday.org/

For more information on their struggle:

http://www.lovingday.org/the-loving-story

Next up…..Prop 8.

Time Flies.....

2011-05-31T10:33:00.000-07:00

Picture this…..your sixteen year old comes home and says, “I want to talk to you and I really want you to listen and think seriously about what I’m going to say.” What is the first thing that goes through your mind? I know…me too…..you hold your breath for a minute and hope for the best…right!? You just never know with teenagers! You just never know. So that’s what I did, I held my breath and I listened. The last thing that I expected to hear was, “I’ve decided to graduate high school a year early.” My eyes lit up; a little from relief and a little from shock, and then I said, “What…why?!” She said, “I’m done with high school and I’m really ready to move on with my future.” I said, “How on earth are you going to do this.” She said, “I knew you wouldn’t even listen if I didn’t have a plan, so I already have it all figured out. I’ve talked to everyone I need to talk to, and I know exactly what I need to do to get it done.” She knows me soooo well. Don’t just ask to do something…..know how it’s going to get done. How could I not listen after hearing that? Not only did she have a plan, she was beyond determined to make it happen. After I heard the plan, then we had to wait for Daddy to come home so we could talk to him about it. We make decisions as a family and this was big. Without going into every little detail….after much discussion, many phone calls to universities, and multiple meetings at the school…..it was a go!

Well, that was five months ago and here we are today…..our sixteen year old is graduating from high school exactly one year early. Yes, ONE YEAR EARLY! I can’t believe this day is here! How did this happen so fast?!? I’m not talking about the five months going by fast, I’m talking about our "baby" graduating from high school!

I know it’s a cliché, but I swear it was just yesterday that we were letting go of her little hands as she walked away to her classroom on the first day of kindergarten. Flash forward! This week we will be "letting go" of her "little hands" again as we watch “our baby” walk across the stage in her cap and gown to receive her high school diploma. Proud? That is an understatement! It’s all so surreal. Boy, did she earn this one! Big time! I have never seen such determination or hard work in my life. She knew it wasn’t’ going to be easy to finish school a year early, in fact she just told us the other day that she really wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to pull it off. But she did! Goal - set - done!

Tatiana has always had a mind of her own and has ALWAYS done things, shall we say, “her way,” but this….I’m speechless. It’s hard to truly express how proud we are of our beautiful daughter and all that she has accomplished in sixteen short years. Time truly does fly…..and very soon, so will she.

The Love of My Life.....

2011-05-23T09:12:00.000-07:00

The love of my life..

He looks different than me.

He acts different than me.

He is different than me.

None of that matters,

because he is,

the love of my life.

They said he was too ghetto.

They said I was a fad.

They said we wouldn't last.

Here we are today,

even stronger than before,

and he is STILL the love of my life.

His family is all that matters.

His family is his life.

His family is his world.

That is what's important

and that is why he is,

the love of my life.

He is my best friend.

He is my partner.

He is my lover.

What more could I ask for,

I'm full of joy
from the love of my life.

He is my rock.

He is my shoulder.

He is my heart.

He is the love of my life.

Agree to Disagree?

2011-05-17T11:48:00.000-07:00

As you all know by now, I'm not one who is shy about voicing my opinions and beliefs. I have never had a problem speaking up or speaking out about things that I feel strongly about. In fact, when I was younger, that “attribute” got me in a bit of trouble throughout the years! I always felt that it was more important to speak up about what you believe in then to worry about getting in trouble. Needless to say, I was in trouble a lot! Just ask my parents. Wait, no, on second thought…don’t! Who knows what they will reveal! =)

Recently, I had separate conversations with different family members that left each one of us at opposite ends of the “opinion spectrum.” Ironically, both conversations had to do with gay marriage. I don’t even remember how the topic came up, but I do remember, very clearly, how each of us felt about the subject. It was prop 8 all over again, but this time in my house.

The first conversation was interesting because the family member I was talking to felt that gay rights should cover everything but marriage. I didn’t get it. Why everything but? I used the example of my marriage being against the law back in the 60’s and asked them how they would feel if Jamie and I could not legally be married today. They said that was totally different. I said no it wasn’t. They said yes it was. Back and forth we went. I said it was about the right to marry. They said marriage is between a man and a woman. Interracial marriage, gay marriage….rights are rights as far as I’m concerned. As this banter went on, I could see that neither of us was EVER going to change the other’s mind, so I finally said, “Look, I love you, I totally disagree with you, and clearly we are just going to have to agree to disagree.”

Then came conversation number two. This time with a totally different family member. Once again the topic of gay marriage came up. Go figure. We were discussing current events on the news and one of the stories was about gay marriage. This conversation wasn’t so much of a back and forth, but more of a; there is no way in hell you are ever going to change my mind, kind of conversation. The exact words from this family member were, “I hope they realize they are not going to heaven.” Okay, are your eyes popping out of your head yet? Mine sure were! I said, “Do you seriously believe that!?” The answer was a very, very strong yes! I couldn’t believe it. Tensions were rising, and at this point even my daughter was getting uncomfortable. She is about as open minded as they come and she was visibly upset that a relative could feel this way about someone else’s right to marry. She finally said, “Can we not talk about this right now!” We were all “enjoying” a family meal and the mood had quickly gone South. Straight to hell, apparently.

Opinions shrouded in religion drive me nuts. “Gay people aren’t going to heaven?” Really? Who decided that? Ohhhh religion…..why do you have to be so mean? Against my norm we changed the subject and moved on. Mind you, I’m not done…I will talk to this relative again and ask them if they really believe that gay people are “banned” from heaven. I will ask them if they really believe God is that mean. I know He’s not, and it breaks my heart that people are being taught this in the very churches that are supposed to teach love. I don’t get it.

So in the end, I will love my “opposite opinioned" relatives with all my heart. I will agree to disagree. For now.

After All This Time....

2011-05-04T17:36:00.000-07:00

Relationships can be so tricky, especially in a mixed race marriage. In a world seen through rose-colored glasses we all get along, but once the glasses come off that’s not always the case. Jamie’s Mom (otherwise known as Gigi), was, to put it mildly, not thrilled when I entered the picture. When her son chose to marry a white woman she was not happy! She did not attend our wedding and for years she and I had no relationship at all. None. Sadly we didn’t get close until she was literally on her death bed. She became ill while visiting from Atlanta many years ago. She was in the hospital for quite some time and Jamie and I went to visit her almost everyday. During those visits she witnessed our love and our family’s closeness. She realized that her son and I were happy; and, skin color and everything else aside, in the end that’s all that really matters. All the “bad blood” had finally melted away. I’m sad it took so long, but oh so happy it finally happened. I just wish we had had more time.

Heartbreakingly, she was never able to go home and passed away while she was still visiting. We were with her to the end, so in a way it was a blessing that she was here and not home in Atlanta. I will never ever forget the heartbreak my husband went through on her very last day so many years ago. He was filled with pure and utter sadness at the loss of his mother that he loved so much.

Flash forward to present day. We were volunteering at my sister-in-law’s church and a little piece of Gigi appeared. Jamie’s sister said, “Oh, I found this the other day when I was cleaning out some boxes.” She then handed us a card in an envelope. It was a Christmas card from the last Christmas that Gigi was alive. She has been gone for almost 10 years, so it was surreal to have this card show up out of the blue. In the card she wrote that she was sending her love to Jamie, to me, and to Tatiana. Jamie and I sat on the church steps and cried. For Jamie, his mom came to life –if only for a minute through her handwriting; for me it was a little treasure of love sent to our entire family, even after all this time.

So as Mother’s Day approaches, I’m thankful, that, in the end, Gigi and I were okay.

Out of the Box Christian

2011-04-17T18:37:00.000-07:00

My Peaceful Space

Religion, it’s a recurring theme in my life. Just the other day I was in Starbucks, anxiously awaiting my caramel frappaccino (my other religion), when a very attractive black man in a suit came up to me and said, “Do you practice?” I wasn’t sure what he was referring to, and at first I thought he was asking if I was a practicing attorney because this particular Starbucks is on the bottom floor of a law firm. He clearly saw the puzzled look on my face and pointed to my bracelet, and said, “Is that just an accessory or do you practice?” Ohhhh! I finally got it. My bracelet had Buddha’s on it and he wanted to know if I was a practicing Buddhist. I thought about it for a second and wondered if I should give this complete stranger my true beliefs on religion, or the quick and easy answer, which would have been, “I’m a Christian.” The easy answer, however, just does not cover the full story of how I feel about religion. I’m a Christian, but there is so much more to it than that. I decided to be open and give him the “more.” I said, “No I’m not a Buddhist, but I’m a very out of the box Christian, open to all religions. I practice bits and pieces of many religions, including Buddhism, because in the end don’t we all want the same thing from whatever religion it is that we practice?” He literally looked at me, smiled, took my hand in both of his hands, and said, “Thank you, that’s exactly how I feel and I’m so very happy to meet you!” In that moment, two strangers understood that if we all open our minds and hearts to each other, the world would be a much more peaceful place. It was a pretty cool moment.

A few days after that, my Sister and I were talking and she told me that she loved the fact that my friends were from so many different backgrounds, ages and religions. She was so right! My friends are a “we are the world gumbo.” I have friends that are Christian, Buddhist, Jewish, Mormon, Muslim, Atheist, "Goddess," "Universe," and I’m sure I’m missing something, but you get the idea. I love them all. I respect them all. I’m thankful that they are all in my life. Period.

As a child I was raised as a Lutheran, and I even taught Sunday school, but as I got older I held on to some beliefs and let go of others, while opening my mind to so many more. Being in an interracial marriage automatically frees your mind. How could it not? We are living a life that is not the norm, but it’s a life filled with love, so why would a religion that is not “my norm” be any different?

Religion to me is now all about faith, peace, love, kindness, caring and giving. I pray to Jesus. I meditate to Buddha. I talk to God. I look to the Universe. It’s all good as far as I’m concerned! So when someone asks me what my religion is, I have to ask, “Do you really want to know?” If the answer is yes….well then….”I’m and out of the box Christian and so much more!

The Verdict is in....Love Rocks!

2011-04-05T20:00:00.000-07:00

When two people of the same "color" are married to one another, there are so many things they do in their daily lives that are "issue" free. On the flip side, when two people of different "colors" are married, bizarre things come up that most people would never even think about. Welcome to my world.

As you all know we are in this nightmare trial with Otay Water et al. We are on week 3 and still standing strong. Exhausted, but strong!! Of course, before trial started we had to pick a jury. When we were all going through the various jurors, one of the things that we had to keep in mind was if anyone had a problem with Jamie and I being an interracial couple. Weird huh? I know.....this isn't something that one would normally consider when worrying about what a juror is going to think! However, I can guarantee you if there was a juror that had "issues" with us it could possibly interfere with their feelings regarding the outcome. You would hope this would not be the case, and that they would always be impartial, but in the end jurors are just people with opinions. So oddly, these are things that have to be considered. Crazy huh?! Never a dull moment, that's for sure!

It's still so bizarre to me that race plays such a part of our lives. However, things are always popping up regarding our "interracialness," so it's just a fact of life for us in our marriage. Bummer, but life. We are just "us" and nothing else, but in some people's eyes we are still an oddity or something they don't believe in at all. Hopefully by the time we are old and gray we can look back on all these weird racial situations with "fond" memories. For now it's still a very real part of our world. We don't mind if people don't get us, don't approve of us, or for that matter, don't like us.....because the bottom line is; we get us, we approve of us, and we LOVE us! The verdict is in.......love rocks, no matter what the mix!

This Is My Life....Not Theirs......

2011-03-20T13:30:00.000-07:00

Is this actually happening? I must be dreaming! Somebody pinch me. OH MY GOD.....after FOUR LONG years we are going to trial! Justice is going to prevail. Finally! We lost our store, our health, our finances, our credit, our peace of mind, our faith in the system, our trust in authority, our dream. (click here for that sordid story) BUT, for all that we've lost, we've also gained so much, and I'm truly overwhelmed by it all. Strength, love, determination, support, generosity, and last but not least, faith. What more could I ask for out of life. What more?

And then there's my marriage. Wow. Who knew when Jamie and I got married 18 years ago that the strength we gained from our interracial struggles, would give us the strength to get through this madness!? Now, after all that we've been through, we are ready for the fight of our lives. Trial. Ready to get up on the witness stand and speak from our hearts. Ready to get justice for a dream destroyed. Ready to stomp out the injustice of promises broken. Ready to take our lives back!

I choose to stop being a victim. I choose to stop being destroyed. I choose to move on. I choose to live my new dream. I choose to live MY life.

I used to concentrate on all that was taken away, but now I'm embracing all that's coming my way. I'm surrounded by love from family and friends who continue to rally by my side. Love can do wonders in the darkest of times because now all I see is LIGHT! The trial is just a detail to be crossed off the list, a blip on the radar so to speak. I took back my life when I embraced all the love, and let go of the anger and hate. When I sit on that stand and look into the eyes of attorney's that continue to try and take me down, I'm going to think of all of you that are in my life that have helped me stay so strong. You know who you are, and I send you my love, because without you I'd be curled up on the floor. I would be checked in somewhere, wearing a jacket with belts, and white all over the walls! You have lifted me up and made me whole, and given me a new lease on life. Today I say thank you from the bottom of my heart because your love has gotten me through.

So yes, this week is our trial, and we will fight for what's right, but this is MY life, not theirs.

Letting Go.....

2011-03-07T12:58:00.000-08:00

As you know I am a contributing writer to The Next Family online magazine. This week I received an email from the Editor of The Next Family saying that this month's theme was "Letting Go." I literally laughed out loud! This very minute, as I sit here and write, there are so many "letting go" moments happening in my life. So many! I had to share here as well......

Today Tatiana is starting her behind the wheel driving lessons. I will be letting her go to drive on her own in a very short period of time. She has been practicing with me for 6 months and now she is going to be receiving her license. How do you let your baby go to drive on her own without worry and fear? I know I have to, and I know I have to trust that I have taught her well. She is a safe, smart driver and that's what matters. Letting her go is not going to be easy but I know it's time. Ready or not.

Today I'm also ordering Tatiana's cap and gown for high school graduation. This past January she decided she wanted to graduate a year early. She did the research, she figured out how to do it, we had meetings, called universities, and have now made it a reality. I'm letting her go to her next phase in life a year early! This one is BIG!!! Talk about letting go! She is ready, the question is, am I?

Today I'm going downtown for trial preparation for our water trial next week. I'm letting go after 4 long years and I'm putting my life and my family's life in the hands of 12 jurors. How do you let go and give it all over to 12 complete strangers? How? My husband says I'm a trooper and I can do it. I know I have to let go and let the system do what it's designed to do. I don't have an option, I must.

Today, as I prepare for trial and to get justice for the loss of our original dream, I'm moving on and letting go and working on my new dream. I'm writing my book with a new fervor, and now have a deadline for finishing. It's not until I let go of the old and let in the new, did this determination and drive fully kick in. It's time to move on and then some.

As you can see there is a lot of "letting go" going on in my life right now! It feels like an entire new life is being born right before my eyes. Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be? It's a lot to handle all at once, and sometimes letting go seems overwhelming, but when I just let be what will be, then it all seems to fall into place, just as it should.

So today I give my daughter wings, today I trust in the justice system, today I let my words flow. Today, I LET GO.

Knock on Wood.....

2011-02-23T08:23:00.000-08:00

The other day I was at Starbucks with a friend of mine. I call her my "Starbucks Homie" because that is the only place we ever see each other. Ever. We get together about once a month and sit there for hours, and I mean hours, catching up on all that happened in our lives the previous month.

As always, some pretty intense subjects come up. At some point in the conversation she was telling me about a friend of hers that had been ill and had recently passed away. This friend, unfortunately, did not leave a will. Long story short, it's going to be a mess because there is an ex wife, a new wife, children, property and so on. After she finished her story about her friend, we started talking about our own wills, or actually lack thereof. Both of us were not concerned about the "stuff," our only concern was our kids. God forbid, what if something happened to both parents and there was no will? Who would take care of the kids? It's funny because we had similar concerns but also very different concerns. My friend and her hubby are both white and of course Jamie and I are black and white. One of my main concerns was that if anything (knock on wood) were to happen to both Jamie and I, I wouldn't want Tatiana to be raised in "white bread anywhere." All of my relatives happen to live in "white bread everywhere," so automatically unless they moved to So Cal...they are out. Then there is Jamie's family. The opposite of "white bread everywhere." What happens to her white side? Do you see my conundrum? So now that she is 16 and graduating a year early from high school, this isn't such an issue....knocking on more wood.....but through the years it was a worry. Mind you...we love all of our family members, but there is nobody that would be just right. Maybe I'm putting too much thought into this, but I want her to always live both sides of her "coin." We determined through much thought and many discussions that if anything had happened to both of us we would have had one of our interracial couple friends raise her. There are many reasons for that choice. The first one being that she would still live here and go to her own school. The second is, these people are like family to us. The third, she would get the cultural mix that is so important to us and to her. Lastly, she would not have to move away from all she knew. That is huge.

So many of our friends are like family to us, so this doesn't seem strange at all. What's right for one fam might not be for the other. We have never fit into any kind of mold, so it's normal for us to think out of the box. Clearly.

It's weird writing about these things, in fact, it kind of freaks me out. Thankfully Tatiana is almost grown and we don't really have to worry about this anymore, because truly, how do you ever decide who is going to raise your child? Black, white, mixed or otherwise.

Now I'm off to go knock on some more wood, big time!

My Plate Runneth Over.....

2011-02-08T09:18:00.000-08:00

Life, sometimes it can be a bit much. To say my plate is full is the understatement of the year. I need a giant turkey platter to hold all that is going on in my life right now! Ironically I haven't been writing much because my brain is so full I can't seem to write a cohesive sentence these days. So many words...yet none of them make sense. It's like white noise swirling around in my brain! I need some serious meditation time. Or maybe an island with a really big drink! Ya, that sounds good......I'll take door number two. Now!

I know we all have challenges, and I know we all go through "stuff," but dang, can I catch a break!? Let me give you a taste of what it's been like. As most of you know we are still going through this horrible lawsuit with the water dept et al over the loss of our business 4 years ago. If you aren't familiar with our story you can check it out here and you can also read about it in the book Oil and Water and Other Things That Don't Mix. Recently we found out that the Otay Water Dept settled with the landlord/builder who is a plaintiff and defendant, and as part of their settlement they are suing all of us for back rent and for breaking our leases. Yes indeed, you read that right, the very people that poisoned us, got us sick, and took away our business, are now suing us! Hmmm....you gotta "love" our legal system. Or not.

Because we lost our business, and have been in this legal nightmare for 4 years, our financial situation isn't a situation, it's just gone.....history, kaput, null and freakin' void! Needless to say, we have had to get very creative when it comes to money.

I'm not only a writer writing for multiple sites, magazines, and a book, while also writing my own book, but I'm also a part time Program Director at a tutoring facility, and starting this week, a part time "assistant" at an accessory company that I have been a fan of for a couple of years. The second job is thanks to a referral from the wonderful Marketing Manager of The Next Family who is now a dear friend! You rock Madge!!

Then of course there is my "favorite" part time job, the lawsuit. Conference calls, hearings, depos, trial prep and so much more! All of the ridiculousness has continued to suck up my time for 4, insane, long years! Oh the good times, they just keep on rollin'. Can you hear the sarcasm in my voice? I can taste it at this point. Oh ya, did I forget to mention...trial starts on March 14th?! Oy vey!

As if my plate isn't full enough already, our daughter just recently decided she is going to graduate high school a year early. We have had to do some fancy footwork to get all the puzzle pieces in place to make that happen! I'm SUPER proud of her and wouldn't discourage her for a minute, but who knew we were going to add graduation and senior activities to our "platter" this year? She is so motivated, she is keeping me motivated! Love that kid!

Let's see, what else? My husband and I also "take care of" our neighbor (Cali Mom) who has recently had many medical issues, so I have been "living" with her at various doctors appointments and surgeries. Again, wouldn't change it for the world, because she means the world to us, but ooowee does all this have to happen at the same time?

Sleep at this point would be great! Whew! I'm tired just writing all of this! The funny thing is, I'm not complaining. Venting, yes, complaining, no. I'm really quite thankful....really!

I'm still doing what I love most, which is writing, I'm part of a book that helps others dealing with the worst water tragedy of all time, I have two jobs that are getting me through this case, I have amazing parents that continue to help us through it all, I have family that's ALWAYS there, I have attorneys that haven't stopped fighting for 4 years, I have friends that are constant shoulders, I have wonderful women friends from my writing world who inspire me every day, I have an amazing daughter whose motivation keeps me going, and of course, last but not least, my supportive, hard working, loving, rock of a husband! So what do I have to complain about? That's all pretty amazing don't you think? I'm surrounded by love 24/7! That just rocks!

So yes my plate is full, and as a matter of fact it's spilling all over the place, but at the end of the day, it's okay. As my hubby always says, "I woke up today, so of course it's a good day." We have been through so many challenges as an interracial couple, and as just a "regular couple," that nothing seems to get us down anymore. How cool is that? Cool.

Now it's time for some deep breaths and maybe some wine. Breath in, sip, breath out, sip, breath in, sip, breath out, sip......awwww. That's better.

Hair....It Continues to Amaze Me...........

2011-01-26T08:19:00.000-08:00

One thing that I’m still getting used to even after 16 years of having a mixed race daughter is this whole "hair thing." The other day I went into Tatiana's bathroom and hanging everywhere were rows of HAIR! She had washed her weave and it was hanging off the towel racks, shower curtain, and counter. It looked like long black creatures had taken over everything in sight. At first when I walked into the bathroom I was a little freaked out, but then I looked around and literally laughed out loud!

Each time I write about hair, and there have been many, it seems Tatiana is at a different stage in her life. First, as a little girl, it was combing through, braiding, and filling her thick, curly hair with barrettes. Then, as a pre-teen, it was adding extensions, and having them braided for hours at a time. Now, as a teen, it’s long, straight extensions, after her bi-monthly trips to the salon. I don't know why this blows me away so much because as a white woman, I go through the same type of craziness every month when I get my hair cut, colored and highlighted. What's the difference? The difference is I don't have someone else's hair attached to my head and hanging throughout the house! =) Trippy!

The other night we were all getting ready for bed and Jamie looked down and thought our little black poodle was lying really still on the floor, when in actuality it was Tat's weave! We had all been watching a movie together and she had taken it out piece by piece, and eventually it ended up in a nice, neat pile on the floor looking exactly like our dog. Hilarious! It just cracks me up that this black fluff ball on the floor looked more like our tiny toy poodle then my child’s hair!

Because I always want to know as much as I can about what my child goes through, I recently sat down to watch Good Hair. Good Hair is the documentary hosted by Chris Rock that follows where the hair extensions come from and how they eventually get to the heads of black women all over America. I haven’t watched the whole thing yet because once I started watching I asked Tat if she had seen it, and she said no. I want to sit and watch it with her so she can see the history behind what is attached to her head. It just fascinates me that there is a documentary about this! I’m sure the black women that are reading this are cracking up at me because this is just part of how you were raised and who you are, but for me it’s a totally new adventure.

Whenever we go to buy Tat’s hair we have to go to the “hood” because of course you can’t by “her hair” in the suburbs where we live. Even though our neighborhood is quite the melting pot, we still don’t have a beauty supply place that caters to the African American crowd. What’s up with that!? Hmmm, maybe I should open one....would that be weird? I’m always the only white person at the beauty supply where she shops so why not be the only one in our area that owns one!? It’s a thought. =)

As Tatiana hits each of the different life stages, I continue to learn something new. I love it, and wouldn’t change a thing. So even today, after 16 long years, her hair continues to amaze me and probably always will!

You can check out some of my other hair stories from at the links below:

http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/10/salon.html

http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/07/where-can-i-buy-pick.html

http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/05/hairsimple-right.html

I Didn't Know You Were Adopted....

2011-01-12T11:45:00.000-08:00

You probably thought this story was about me after reading the title didn't you? Guess again. This one would be about Tatiana and the assumptions that are made when strangers see us together. This time the scenario went like this.....Tatiana drove to school, pulled into the parking lot, we both got out of the car, said goodbye, I hopped into the drivers seat, and drove away. Someone who obviously doesn't know her very well came up to her and said, "I didn't know you were adopted." Tatiana said, "Um, I'm not." The guy just looked at her like she didn't know what SHE was talking about and said, "Oh."

This isn't the first time I have written about this, nor I'm sure, will it be the last. However, normally when "confusion" arises as to who "I" am, the comment is, "I didn't know your Mom was white," not, "I didn't know you were adopted." This makes me giggle and frustrates me all at the same time. When you carry someone for 9 months, have 20+ hours of labor and raise them for 16 years, you tend to want to shout...."Ya she is my daughter!!"

Now for those of you that know me well, or have been reading my stories for a while, you know that I am an adopted child myself. So why does the comment this boy made to my daughter irritate me? I love my Mom with all my heart so I don't know why it "bugs" me to hear someone ask if my child is adopted. Is it all the hard work I put into the pregnancy and labor? With all the grief I gave my Mom during my teen years she deserves an award for "that" work! Not even 9 months of pregnancy and 20+ hours of labor compare to the grief I caused my Mom during those years. We will leave it at that for now. That's another story for another time! =)

You would think I would be used to these "mom" questions by now, but I'm not. My kid is my kid. Period. I'm very proud and protective of my family so when someone tries to change the reality, I get a little "buggy."

The funny thing is, nobody ever questions Jamie and Tatiana when they are out and about. What's up with that!? She is a mix of the two of us in looks and color, so why don't they question him? is it because he is big, and black, and scary, and they don't dare!? Or is it simply because she is brown and so is he, so there is no question? Hmmph...I'm still bugged.

I wonder if that's why I'm so passionate about writing for my blog and The Next Family? I love my family so much and when anything about them is questioned, I tend to go a little "mama bear," if you know what I mean!

So just to clarify; No, she's not adopted. Yes, I am white. Yes, her Dad is black. All clear? Good. I feel better now. On to the next question.

Are You a Pimp?

2011-01-06T12:04:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I digress this week. I’m going from what I feel to be one of the most touching posts I have ever written, the poem to my parents, to a little hilarity this week. I had every intention of writing a deep story about something that happened this Christmas but then I came home to a house full of teenage girls hanging out with my hubby and the funny stories ensued. I laughed so hard at one of them that I just had to share it with all of you.

Let me start out by saying this is not a politically correct post by any means. Let me also clarify that there is no disrespect meant at all. It was a hilarious question by a 16-year-old girl with a hilarious answer by my comedian of a husband.

It went a little like this:

16 year old: Mr. Wise are you a pimp?

Really? Did she just ask that!? No stereotyping there at all!

Jamie: No, my wife won’t let me have any hoes.

Yep, that is what he said! I died laughing! I won’t let him? Okay I won’t, but it still sounds funny!

Who has these conversations?! Pimps, hoes? Wow! This is the comedy in an interracial marriage. Okay maybe not, but at least it is in ours. I’m sure most people out there would not be discussing pimps and hoes, but that is just us, craziness and all…I love it!

Again no disrespect, but c’mon now…”no, my wife won’t let me have any hoes.” Well at least I can say he listens to me! When I say no hoes, I mean it! I told you this was not going to be P.C. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

The Luckiest Girl in the World......

2010-12-26T20:37:00.000-08:00

She came home, all wrapped in pink, to a house that was filled with love.

Her childhood had many faces and many places, and friends from all around.

She kept old friends and made new friends, and was always ready for more.

There were times when change wasn't so easy for her, and she gave you lots of grief.

You never stopped loving her, you never stopped believing in her

and even when you wanted to, you never gave up on her.

She finally grew out of it, and became more mature, and thankfully lessons were learned.

She went off to college, and traveled the world, because you gave her wings to fly.

She loved and she lost, you stood by her side, while she picked up the pieces of her life.

She became her own woman, she loved again, this time it was for keeps.

There were smiles all around as she started a family, a new little girl of her own.

Her family grew up, right before her eyes, and then she continued to grow.

She went on, to follow her dreams of making it on her own.

Then her dream was destroyed, and once again, you were there to help her through the storm.

The storm is still raging, but she is not, for a new dream has now been born.

She is stronger than ever, no matter the hurdles, because she knows she's never alone.

Who was that baby wrapped in a blanket so many years ago?

That baby was me, and all I can say is I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

I write these words deep down from my soul, to my beautiful parents, who gave me so much.

You made me feel special because I was chosen, and you told me I came from your heart.

I thank you for loving me, I thank you for choosing me, I thank you from my core.

I will love you forever, and always be thankful, that I was the one that you chose.

~Amy 2010

If You Celebrate it....Say it!!

2010-12-15T10:33:00.000-08:00

The holidays are such an amazing time of year. They bring out the best in all of us. As I decorate, shop, and take in all the sights, sounds and smells of the season, I wonder, why can't it be like this all the time? What is it about the holidays that makes everyone just a little bit nicer and smile just a little wider?

We all might celebrate different holidays this season, but no matter which one we celebrate, it's all about peace and love. Right!? My mixed melting pot of a family happens to be Christian and we celebrate Christmas, but I love to share all the holidays with my amazing diverse group of friends. If we all took a moment to learn about each other's religions and celebrations, the unknown would now be known and the scary wouldn't be so scary anymore. It's not about condemning, it's about accepting. It's not about converting, it's about learning. There is nothing evil, or wrong, or "satanic" about a different religion....it's just that....different. Whether you celebrate Christmas, or Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa, or nothing at all, it's your prerogative as a citizen of the world to do just that.....in peace.

So this year my wish for all of us is to learn about each other, accept each other, live with each other, and love each other. If you celebrate Christmas...I wish you a very merry Christmas. If you celebrate Hanukkah....I say, happy Hanukkah. If you celebrate Kwanzaa....I wish you happy Kwanzaa. If you are determined to be politically correct.....I wish you Happy Holidays! =)

It's okay to be proud of your religion and traditions as long as you respect what others celebrate as well. See how easy it is.....let's all stop walking on egg shells......if you celebrate it.....SAY IT!!!

My Story in a Very Special Book......Available Now!

2010-12-08T11:23:00.000-08:00

Available for purchase at:

LL- Publications:

www.ll-publications.com/oilandwater.html

Amazon.com:

http://www.amazon.com/Water-Other-Things-That-Dont/dp/1905091850/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1292260129&sr=8-1

BarnesandNoble.com:
http://productsearch.barnesandnoble.com/search/results.aspx?WRD=oil+and+water+and+other+things+that+don't+mix&page=index&prod=univ&choice=allproducts&query=oil+and+water+and+other+things+that+don't+mix&flag=False&ugrp=1

Just in time for the holidays I would like to share a book with you that is near and dear to my heart. It’s called Oil and Water and Other Things That Don’t Mix.

This is an anthology of stories, poems, and recollections from 27 authors. The pieces all focus on the theme: “Conflict…Resolution Optional.” This book will make you laugh, cry, think, and may even make you angry. The volume includes work from award-winning authors and journalists, newly published authors, as well as talented new authors making their debut.

The BP oil spill disaster in April 2010 prompted authors Zetta Brown and Nicky Wheeler-Nicholson Brown from the She Writes™ online community of writers to develop the charity anthology Oil and Water and Other Things That Don’t Mix. 100% of the proceeds will be divided between charities that not only help the wildlife and environment, but also the people living in the area. With this in mind, they picked The Bay Area Food Bank (http://www.bayareafoodbank.org//) and MOBILE Baykeeper® (http://www.mobilebaykeeper.org//) to aid their continuing mission to help the Gulf Coast communities affected.

There are many reasons why this book is so special to me. First, I’m thrilled and honored to be part of the book and to be able to share my own water story in this special anthology. Second, the fact that 100% of the proceeds are going to help the Gulf and the people of that region…well that just rocks! Lastly, when my life was turned upside down due to a water tragedy, I promised myself that I was going to make it my mission to help others affected by water tragedies of their own. It doesn’t get much worse than the Gulf oil spill when it comes to water disasters. It actually brings tears to my eyes to be able to share my water struggle in a book that is going to help those dealing with one of the worst water atrocities of all time. It’s surreal, it’s special, and it’s amazing. Words can’t express how proud I am to be part of this book.

So, if you want some wonderful reading, a great gift for family and friends, and most importantly, a wonderful book for an important cause, you can order your copy now......just in time to finish up your holiday list.

I hope you enjoy reading it as much as we all enjoyed writing it. This one is pretty darn special…....

Oil and Water…and Other Things That Don’t Mix is available from http://www.amazon.com//, http://www.barnesandnoble.com/, direct from the publisher at http://www.ll-publications.com//, and from many other online book retailers. Other retailers who wish to carry the book should contact Jim Brown at editor@ll-publications.com for details.

Oil and Water and Other Things That Don't Mix......Publication Date Dec. 15, 2010

2010-12-03T22:44:00.000-08:00

Media Release

Oil and Water...and Other Things That Don’t Mix

Anthology to raise funds to aid the Gulf Coast clean-up

Edited by Zetta Brown and Nicky Wheeler-Nicholson Brown

Published by LL-Publications

Release Date: December 15, 2010

$14.99 (US) / £9.99 (UK/EU)

ISBN: 978-1-905091-85-0

© LL-Publications, 2010

Permission to Forward Granted

The BP oil spill disaster in April 2010 prompted authors Zetta Brown and Nicky Wheeler-Nicholson Brown from the She Writes™ online community of writers to develop the charity anthology Oil and Water...and Other Things That Don’t Mix. All proceeds will be divided between charities that not only help the wildlife and environment, but also the people living in the area. With this in mind, they picked the charities of The Bay Area Food Bank (http://www.bayareafoodbank.org/) and MOBILE Baykeeper® (http://www.mobilebaykeeper.org/) to aid their continuing mission to help the Gulf Coast communities affected.

After placing a call for submissions last June, the resulting anthology features award-winning authors, poets, journalists, bloggists, newly published authors, and talented new authors making their debut. The women and men contributing to the anthology came from everywhere wanting to do something to help the Gulf region.

Jenne’ R. Andrews - Shonell Bacon - Lissa Brown - Mollie Cox Bryan

Maureen E. Doallas - Mylène Dressler - Nicole Easterwood
Angela Elson - Melanie Eversley - Kimeko Farrar - L B Gschwandtner
John Klawitter - Mary Larkin - Linda Lou - Kelly Martineau
Patricia Anne McGoldrick - Ginger McKnight-Chavers - Carl Palmer
Karen Pickell - Dania Rajendra - Cherie Reich - Jarvis Slacks
Tynia Thomassie - Amy Wise - Dallas Woodburn
Zetta Brown - Nicky Wheeler-Nicholson Brown

The official theme of the anthology is “Conflict...Resolution optional.” Not all stories are specific to the South, but all have the theme of conflict and there is fiction and non-fiction inside. The stories, poems and recollections will make you laugh, cry, think—and some may even get you angry—and topics range from personal relationships to dealing with the kitchen oven.

The editors of Oil and Water...and Other Things That Don’t Mix are from the South. Zetta Brown is from Texas but currently lives in Scotland with her husband Jim Brown, and together they own and operate LL-Publications that will publish the anthology. Nicky Wheeler-Nicholson Brown was born and raised on the Gulf Coast of Alabama. She is currently an editor and ghostwriter for several publishing houses in New York and the Berkshires and is following in the footsteps of her grandfather Major Malcolm Wheeler-Nicholson, founder of DC Comics.

“Despite our names, Nicky and I are not related,” says Zetta Brown. “In fact, we have never met in person. We met through the social network She Writes™ in the Southern Writers subgroup. When the oil disaster happened, the members in our little group were disgusted—which is Southern for ‘pissed off.’ I had the idea of doing an anthology to benefit charities dealing with the disaster and I approached Nicky because she has deep roots in the Gulf. She came up with the name and we’ve been running with it ever since.”

Nicky Wheeler-Nicholson Brown adds, “I am a seventh generation Gulf Coastal inhabitant and the only way I can describe how I felt once the oil started gushing is that my heart broke. My mother’s family arrived in New Orleans around 1820 and we’ve been somewhere on the coast between there and Pensacola, Florida ever since. The Gulf Coast has been through so much, particularly in the last six years—one devastating hurricane after another, economic difficulties, over-development and now this horrific oil spill. The charities that we honor in our donations are doing the best they can to help the people and the environment on the coast.”

Oil and Water...and Other Things That Don’t Mix is scheduled for release on December 15, 2010 and will be available from http://www.amazon.com/, www.barnesandnoble.com, direct from the publisher at http://www.ll-publications.com/, and from many other online book retailers. Other retailers who wish to carry the book should contact Jim Brown at editor@ll-publications.com for details.

Orders are now being taken. Visit the Oil and Water...and Other Things That Don’t Mix page at LL- Publications: www.ll-publications.com/oilandwater.html

LL-Publications (http://www.ll-publications.com/) is an independent publisher based in Scotland specializing in genre and literary titles in both print and ebook formats since 2008.

Contact: Zetta Brown, editor@ll-publications.com

Injustice At Its Worst.......

2010-11-30T09:02:00.000-08:00

Almost 4 years after they stood in front of these very same news cameras Otay Water, City of Chula Vista, Bremco, Seymour Lewis Development et al, have done nothing but destroy us.....this can't be allowed to happen to innocent victims...it just can't....check out a portion of the video from our story.....speak up and get angry! This must stop!

http://www.10news.com/news/25954124/detail.html

"Oh Lordy, Lordy!"

2010-11-24T10:23:00.000-08:00

This past Friday was a beautiful crisp Fall night in San Diego. Our daughter Tatiana was out of town taking dance classes in Vegas and Jamie and I had the weekend to ourselves. Friday afternoon, I announced, “Let the adult weekend begin!” Of course everyone’s minds went straight to the gutter! =) We however “got out of the gutter” and decided to go to dinner and then to Fashion Valley Mall for a stroll. Fashion Valley is an outdoor mall filled with beautiful high end stores and lovely Christmas decorations. Not Jamie’s cup of tea at all, but we both decided it would be nice to walk around and enjoy the night air after dinner. As we got out of our car and started walking toward the stores, a man walked by us (this man so happened to be black) and said, “Oh lordy, lordy, it’s a black man with a white woman!” Mind you, he said this loudly, pretty much at the top of his lungs. Jamie and I looked at each other and just laughed! Normally I would have been offended, but the way he said it just struck us as funny for some reason.

Well, it didn’t stop there. He literally watched us, and kept making comments as he waited for the elevator. He went on to say, “Aaaand it’s a black man, with a white woman, at a white mall, oh lordy!” White mall? I’m not sure where that came from because everyone and their “brother”, no pun intended, shops there. He repeated the black man/white woman thing a couple of more times. By now the comedy had worn off and he had become irritating. Jamie said, “Really…” and then gave him a look that changed the guy’s tune. He said, “Aw, it’s all good man, you and your wife have a nice night together.” It was the weirdest thing.

What makes someone say things like that out loud, and not only that, but what makes them think it’s okay? Would he ever say that to a couple that wasn’t mixed? Picture it: “Oh lordy, lordy it’s a white man with a white woman!” I guess it’s just not as catchy huh? It’s funny to me that someone feels the need to “point out” our race to us. Clearly I know I’m white, and clearly Jamie knows he’s black, and CLEARLY we know that we’re together! But gosh, just in case we weren’t sure…thanks for pointing that out Mr. Man! We “appreciate” it! By the way…let me point out to YOU, if you haven’t looked at your calendar lately…it’s 2010, not 1910.

Maybe I should have said, “Oh lordy, lordy, it’s a black man that needs to keep his opinions to himself.” We all know what they say about opinions now don’t we? ‘Nuf said, especially by you, Mr. Man.

Flashback....Driving Miss Daisy....

2010-11-18T11:02:00.000-08:00

In honor of Driving Miss Daisy playing on Broadway with Vanessa Redgrave and James Earl Jones I thought I would share this one again.....this is a story I posted in May of '09. Enjoy....it still makes me giggle. =)

One of the things I love about my husband is, he always makes me laugh. He must have been a comedian in a former life because he is hilarious! There is not a day that goes by that he doesn't make me crack up in one way or another. Let's just say, most days I never know what I am going to get! Some days it drives me crazy, but I love that about him....it's just him. On one of the particularly funny days, we were visiting my parents in Lake Oswego, Oregon. We needed to run errands so we borrowed my Dad's car to go to the grocery store. Of course Jamie drove because he does not like me driving if he is in the car. I am a great driver by the way so I don't know what the issue is! So anyway, we get to the grocery store and pull into the parking lot. I just needed to run in and pick up a couple of things so Jamie said he would wait in the car. As I am getting out of the car (which happens to be a luxury car, and this only matters because of what comes next) Jamie sticks his head out of the window, and in his best Southern accent, with a huge smile on his face, says, "Okay Miss Daisy I'll be sittin' right here waitin' for ya! You be careful now Miss Daisy!" I almost died! The parking lot was full of people walking around, and remember we were in Lake Oswego, Oregon...not exactly a melting pot. I think I turned 500 shades of red and Jamie just sat in the car cracking up while people stared at us! Hilarity at it's best! Once in a while when we are in just the "perfect area," he will pull this lovely little comedic rabbit out of his hat for a re-run, and each time I am just as embarrassed, and each time it is just as funny! Next time I'm driving! =)

"Secret"...Love in Black and White.....

2010-11-11T08:43:00.000-08:00

I’m not sure how many of you have seen the new video from Seal featuring his wife Heidi Klum. If you haven’t you can check it out here. I absolutely love this video. This is what two people in love feel for each other. It’s not about being black and white, famous or not famous, it’s about being in love. The beauty of this video speaks volumes for interracial couples, or, for that matter, all couples. I applaud Seal and Heidi for putting this out there. It’s racy, and it’s personal, but most of all, it’s romantic and touching. The contrast of their skin, the looks in their eyes, and the words in the song…beautiful.

Sadly when an interracial couple is “out there” there is always some form of hate that comes out of the woodwork. In this case it’s in the form of the comment section. I read through some of the comments and thankfully most of them voiced nothing but praise for the video and all its beauty. However there were some comments that just made me sad. I won’t print them because they don’t deserve “air time.” All I can say is, I feel for people who don’t get to experience all that the world has to offer. They choose to close themselves off from people and places that are not like them, so they miss out. They choose to hate people who are in situations different from theirs, so they live with anger. To me living with hate would be just like dying a little inside each and every day. We don’t all have to agree, but there is no need to be hateful when we don’t.

Love is a beautiful thing and if you happen to find it with someone of a different race, then yippee! Celebrate! When in doubt, watch this video again and realize that love comes in all colors. Or, you can just ask me…18 loving years later…Jamie and I are living proof of love in black and white.

"Honorary Black Person"

2010-11-04T09:14:00.000-07:00

It’s official…I’ve been with Jamie so long I’m now an “honorary black person!” I’m not making this stuff up. We were in a meeting the other day with a room full of people and the meeting was not going well. One of the people said, in a joking manner, “It’s cause we’re black, that’s why this isn’t working out.” Everyone laughed and then I looked at the person that said that, tilted my head, pointed at myself, and said, “Um excuse me…helloooo..,white person in the room.” He looked at me and said, “Whatever, you’re not white, you’re an honorary black person.” I was the only white person in the room, but apparently not really, because according to him I’m an “honorary black person”! Who knew!?

Hmm…what does it take to get that title? Is it because everyone is so used to me being with Jamie? Is it because it’s easier to make the jokes if I’m the honorary black person instead of the white person? It’s a curious thing this distinction, or maybe I should look at it as lack thereof. No distinction is what we all want! This is a good thing.

Back in the day when Jamie and I first got together I was the “devil” white woman…no, seriously, that’s what I was called by some, so it seems I have come a VERY long way now that I’m the “honorary black person.” I should celebrate this milestone…with wine perhaps!

All joking aside, I think what it comes down to is, I’m comfortable no matter who I’m with or what setting I’m in. I try and “make friends” no matter where I go because I just love people. So whether I’m in a room full of black people, white people or purple people, it’s all good, all the time. That’s my hope for everyone.

I still feel like I should get a certificate or something:
Amy Wise – Honorary Black Person. It kind of has a ring to it don’t ya think?

Nicknames.......

2010-10-27T16:25:00.000-07:00

With all the seriousness that is wrapped around race, this week I thought I would lighten it up a bit.

One of the reasons that Jamie and I have lasted as long as we have is because we love to have fun and we love to laugh! Even better, we like to make each other laugh by poking fun at each other. Only in a nice way of course…well, most of the time. You gotta be able to laugh, right? Otherwise, what’s the point? One of the ways we make each other giggle is by having very silly nicknames for each other and using them often. Now of course, because we are an interracial couple the names we give each other pretty much relate to that. Our nicknames have just become part of our daily conversations and they always make us smile.

Our silliness in a nutshell:

Jamie’s names for me depending on the day…
Snow Bunny (he uses this one a lot!)
White Woman
Crazy White Woman (some days that’s just how I roll)
Vanilla
White Chocolate
Vanilla Ice
Patty Hearst (this one just makes me laugh)
Wifey
Light Bright
Sunshine (cute)
Lily White A$$ (really depending on the day and the mood….now, now get your mind out of the gutter!)

My names for Jamie (also depending on the day and of course my mood!)…
Big Sexy Hunk O’ Chocolate (my favorite and I use it often)
Hot Chocolate
Black Maaaaan (remember, from Designing Women?)
Chocolate Bar
Chocolate Deliciousness (Mhmm)
Big Bald Black Man
Hubby
Hubs
Big Daddy (He is known as this)
Big Black A$$ (as in, get your B.B.A. in here! Tee hee)

So that pretty much covers it. Goofy nicknames for goofy people. That’s us! I hope you got a little smile or maybe even a giggle out of our silliness. Now I’m off to see what my Big Sexy Hunk O’ Chocolate is up to!

"The House"

2010-10-23T10:57:00.000-07:00

One of the many joys I get from writing, aside from the writing itself of course, are all the wonderful Authors that I'm getting to know. I'm in awe of all the talent and feel very blessed to be a part of their writing journey. One of the talented Authors that I am referring to is Anjuelle Floyd. Her first book, Keeper of Secrets: Translations of an Incident (2007) was received with rave reviews. Anjuelle is now preparing to release her first novel, The House, which will publish this Fall.

The House:

On receiving the very thing she wants—a divorce and the power to sell their house—over which they have fought the past year—Anna Manning learns that Edward, her soon-to-be ex-husband is dying from cancer. A faithful wife for three decades, and stay-at-home mother of four children, Anna endured Edward’s constant absence due to travel for his international real estate firm and numerous extra-marital affairs. With their children now adults, Edward has less than six months, possibly three, to live. Anna takes him home to die in the house she has fought so vigorously to sell. But letting go of someone who has caused so much pain in your life doesn’t come easily. Edward has changed. There are Anna and Edward’s four children, three of whom who are married and struggling to endow their families with meaning and purpose. The House shows what happens when one adopts the belief that: All hold regret and are seeking forgiveness. Our salvation rests in the hands of others—most particularly the ones we love, and who have treated us wrongly.

I recently had the opportunity to read The House, and let me just say, it captivated me. The book is a novel, yet the characters were so strong I felt like I was reading someone's memoir. Anjuelle sent a copy of the book to me back in August and I just finished it last week. Life tends to get in the way of reading and relaxing, and due to time, or actually lack thereof, it took me much longer than I intended to finish this book. However, most of the time when I have to walk away from a book because time is not on my side I tend to forget who the characters are and where the plot left off. I find myself having to go back and re-read so I can refresh my memory as to where I was in the book. This was not the case at all with The House. The characters felt like family to me, so each time I picked up the book I "fell" right back into their lives like I had never set the book down. It's like talking to an old friend after not speaking to them for years, but for some reason once the conversation starts it seems like it was just yesterday.

The characters in the book had many types of relationships that all of us could relate to in one way or another. One of the aspects of the book that I loved, were the interracial relationships that were intertwined amongst the characters. This wasn't a focus of the book or focus of the relationships, it just was. Exactly like life, there were real feelings and real views expressed about the interracial relationships and how they affected the family dynamics. I could relate to every single thought because I have lived them all and then some. I truly appreciated how Anjuelle's characters reacted to these relationships. She did this with a subtlety that rang very true to life.

The House is a book that I didn't want to end because I didn't want to say goodbye to the characters. I laughed, I cried, I related....as will you. This is a must read that you will also want to recommend to your friends.

Thank you Anjuelle for letting me be a small part of The House's journey!

African American Section......

2010-10-14T14:18:00.000-07:00

I have received so many emails and comments from my latest story on The Next Family and She Writes that I had to share the story here. Normally I try and have different stories on my blog and Next Fam because I don't want to bore! =) However I think this one needs to be shared on both sites.............

So I have a question: Did you know that in general books written by black authors are shelved in the African American section? Did any of you out there realize that? Unless of course you are Toni Morrison or friends with Oprah, black authors are pretty much housed in their own “special” section.

A fellow writer who happens to be black recently published her first novel. A few months ago, just prior to her publication date, she sent out an interesting request. We are all on a writers’ site together and one of her posts was: “Wanted: White Ambassadors to Help Me Cross Over”. Seriously, that was her post! After I read this request she sent out, I wrote about it on my blog at "I'll Be Your White Friend"

I thought she had such guts and honesty by asking that simple “favor.” She knew that unless she got the word out to others outside her “circle,” her book would end up in the African American section and her audience would be limited. Her post caused quite the stir and received both sympathy and “are you kidding me?” responses. I get it though. You spend all this time writing and coming up with this wonderful story that has nothing to do with being black or white, and then boom, you are put into a category that many readers will never venture to. It’s so silly. A lot of people who read her request had never thought of her situation because of course, if you are a white writer there is no “white section!” Romance, mystery, memoir, self-help, religious…yes…but “white section”? No way!

Why am I on such a rant about this issue so long after her post? Well, the writer that I’m talking about is now published and I promised her when the book was pubbed that I would buy it. So off I went to Borders this past weekend and I was so happy to find her book stocked in the store. There it was on the computer…Substitute Me, by Lori Tharps. I had looked in the store on previous occasions but it was only available online. I was thrilled to see that I could finally get her book, take it home and get to reading! Imagine the look on my face when I saw that her book was located in the….drum roll please….African American section! You have to be freakin’ kidding me! Yes indeed, that’s exactly where it was. I literally laughed out loud at the ridiculousness of it and how spot-on Lori was about where her book would end up!

Off I went to the African American section, perusing the shelves for Lori’s book while noticing the obvious glances my way. I truly wanted to share my dismay and story with the other women in the section, but I was so heated I didn’t want the guys with the white coats to show up for the crazy lady in the African American section at Borders! So instead, I bought the book, went home, and emailed my experience to Lori. She was irritated, but of course not surprised. Unless we stop putting people, books, music, and everything else in categories, that’s exactly where we are going to stay. Let’s all start thinking outside the box, people. You might be surprised at all the new things you will learn and enjoy. Until then, I’ll see ya at the bookstore…you can find me in the African American section.

Interview With Crime/Mystery & Interracial Romance Novelist Stacy-Deanne

2010-10-07T08:06:00.000-07:00

Stacy-Deanne

Melody ~

The Award-Winning

Crime/Mystery & Interracial Romance

2008 ~ Simon and Schuster

Amy: Stacy, thank you for joining me today. I'm very excited to have an Interracial Fiction Writer on my blog since all my writing is basically real life...or rather, my life!

Stacy: Thanks for having me. I appreciate the opportunity!

Amy: The first question I'd like to ask you is how did you get into writing?

Stacy: I started writing at nineteen when I got my first computer. I loved it so much I decided to do it professionally. It made me happier than anything else did.

Amy: What inspired you to make writing your career?

Stacy: The minute I started writing, something clicked and I knew this was what I was put on earth to do. I had many stories inside of me and I wanted to share them with the world. I got so much joy from writing that any rewards outweighed the risks.

Amy: What made you choose fiction?

Stacy: Well, I love to make up stories and I’ve always had a great imagination. If I couldn’t make up my own characters or plots than I wouldn’t want to write. Also fiction is what I read. I don’t read nonfiction.

Amy: Obviously I'm very interested in your writing because so many of your characters are involved in interracial relationships. Let me ask you this....are you in an interracial relationship or have you ever been in one? Nothing like cutting to the chase right!?

Stacy: Right now I am single and no I am not looking, LOL. Yes I've been in interracial relationships.

Amy: Is this why you write about interracial relationships? Because of your experiences?

Stacy: I write interracial romances because they are a preference and interest of mine personally. I think interracial romances are beautiful and very exciting. I always loved books and movies that centered on them and I enjoy writing those types of romances.

Amy: Will all your books have aspects of interracial relationships in them?

Stacy: I can’t say if all will. I write what comes to me and what’s right for the story but the majority of my books will definitely be interracial romances. My books also contain regular romances between other characters that might not be the main characters, so usually there is more than a few couples in my novels. Along with the crime and mystery of course. LOL!

Amy: I know you are currently working on your 4th book after writing Divas in '05, Everlasting in '07, and Melody in '08. Your newest book "Giving Up the Ghost" will publish in 2011....can you give us a "taste" of the story?

Stacy: Would love to! Here’s a sneak peek of Giving up the Ghost coming April 2011. It’s the first installment in my detective and interracial romance series:

Albany Detective Brianna “Bree” Morris is having the year from hell. A sadistic admirer has been stalking her for months and now her friend Cheyenne Wilson has been beaten and left for dead.

With her ex-lover and faithful partner, Steven Kemp, Bree thrusts herself into the case. It’s not long before they believe two unrelated British men are connected to the attack. Michael is a womanizing artist with a ferocious appetite for rough sex. Simon is a wealthy free spirit looking for love in all the wrong places, but has one too many skeletons in his closet. Bree struggles to determine fact from fiction when it comes to Michael and Simon, but her attempts are blurred by Michael's manipulation and her sexual attraction to Simon, who Steven is convinced cannot be trusted.

Meanwhile the stalker does everything in his power to get close to Bree and his obsession evokes a spiral of violence.

Bree must trust her heart to find answers but her heart leads her to the most dangerous man of all.

Amy: Stacy, it sounds so intriguing! I can't wait to read it! You are a busy lady writing so many books in a fairly short period of time. Do you write full time?

Stacy: Yes I am writing full time right now. It's funny, I wish I'd had more books out at this point but the publishing industry is very slow. LOL.

Amy: What advice do you have for up and coming writers that want to follow the dream of writing their first book?

Stacy: I want them to know it won’t be easy if they hope to seek publication. I also want them to be realistic and realize that writing is hard work. There is a difference between writing a first draft and writing something that is publishable. It takes a lot of skill, learning and hard work to write something that is good enough to be published. I’d also let them know that rarely is your first book published. I’d written twelve books before my first published book. It’s not an easy career, believe me. I’d also tell anyone they’d better love writing and do it because they love it because there is no guarantee you’ll ever get published.

Amy: Stacy, thank you so much for being here today and for giving us such an honest perspective on your writing and the "writing world" in general. It's been a pleasure having an interracial fiction writer on my blog and I just wish you so much continued success! Congratulations on your new book, I'm truly looking forward it!

Stacy: Thanks so much, Amy! I enjoyed being here and I enjoy your blog very much. To the readers and IR fans out there, keep a look out for my work and check out my web site to keep up with me: http://www.stacy-deanne.net/

"That's Okay, They're Family"......

2010-09-28T11:41:00.000-07:00

When it comes to race issues in America we are not surprised when the older generation still has problems regarding interracial dating and marriage. Sometimes it's hard to let go of old school ways when that's how someone was raised. However, the younger generation is supposed to give us hope that race will just be a fact and not an issue. Now the "pee wee generation"....I'm talking about our itty bitties....kinder, first graders and so on......those little kiddos should have ZERO issues when it comes to race, right? Why would a first or second grader care, or even know, to have a problem with interracial dating or marriage? The one and only reason a little one would care, or rather know to care, is because they are being taught to care. I wrote about this last year at "Nobody is Born a Bigot" but this year it hit even closer to home.

Recently, we were out with relatives from Jamie's side of the family and one of them told us a story that was very concerning to me. Her little daughter was watching a wedding show with her and the couple that was getting married happened to be a black woman and an Asian man. Our little relative said to her Mama, "How can they be getting married? They don't belong together." Mama said, "What? They're getting married because they love each other." Little relative said, "They can't get married, they should be the same." Is your mouth dropping yet? At this point mine did! Mama then said, "It doesn't matter what skin color someone is as long as the man treats the woman like a princess, they make each other happy, and they love each other." Little relative wasn't going for it. She said, "No, it's not okay, they need to be the same." Mama then said, "Well what about Uncle Jamie and Aunt Amy?" Little relative said, "That's okay, they're family." Isn't it fascinating that because we are family, and she loves us to pieces, she feels that our interracial marriage is okay? She's just a child, so she doesn't understand that if we're okay, then all interracial marriage should be okay. As the story goes on, I still can't believe what I'm hearing. How could our little relative feel this way? Mama continued to explain that it's all about love and happiness, and not skin color. However, with the exception of "us," little relative was not about to change her mind in regards to how she feels about interracial couples.

You might be asking, where is she learning this kind of thinking? I asked the very same question. Clearly Mama isn't teaching racism. Mama and Daddy are not together anymore, so is it being taught at Daddy's? Is she learning from friends at school who learn from their Mommy's and Daddy's? Is she learning from Grandparents? Who knows? It's just sad and wrong.

Tolerance is so important and the little ones are the key. They are like sponges, and no matter what we teach them they will soak it in. It breaks my heart that our little relative feels this way. I hope that all of her Mama's positive feedback and teaching will outweigh the negative that she is being exposed to elsewhere. Hate can be taught, but love can still be learned. This is my hope for her.

Happy Sweet 16 Tatiana!!!!

2010-09-20T09:26:00.000-07:00

16 years ago today we were blessed with the most amazing gift ever...our beautiful daughter!

From a baby to a young woman....this is our child.....

She is kind, she is loving, she is beautiful, she is talented, she is funny, she is crazy, she is wild, she is a dancer, she is a friend, she has her faults, she has made mistakes, she has grown, she will continue to grow, she will move out, she will move on, she will create her own life, she will live, she will love, but one thing will never change, she will always be our fabulous daughter!

Today we celebrate the joy of our life.....Tatiana...happy, happy 16th birthday baby girl....we love you!! Mama and Daddy <3

Aren't We All Just Sisters At Heart?!

2010-09-08T12:30:00.000-07:00

Okay ladies, this one’s for you. Since my last post about our “friend” that has issues with white women and black men, all sorts of conversations have popped up…some good, some bad. I’m a little discouraged…okay, a LOT discouraged that this is even a conversation. Ladies, c’mon on now! Aren’t we all in this together? Women are supposed to be there for each other, not fight against each other. We are supposed to be there through thick and thin, laughter and tears, good and bad, boys to men, men to men, and more men…right?! Why do we want to “dog” each other, when we should totally be there for each other? It’s beyond me. I want my “sisters” to be happy, to be successful, to thrive, to find love, to find their passions, and to live their dreams! I want it for me, AND I want it for you. Really! I don’t care if you’re black, white, brown, purple or green. If you’re a good person, you deserve good. If you’re a bad person, I hope you can turn around and “get that good!”

It’s crazy, because in the midst of all these conversations and emails, I was out and about and found the perfect piece of art (the pic above) that totally says everything I’m feeling. It’s by artist Kelly Rae Roberts, and it’s called “Sisters at Heart.” I HAD to have it because it speaks to my writing about interracial love, it speaks to how I wish the world was, it speaks to how I truly feel, and it speaks to how I want ALL women to feel. Let’s lose the negativity ladies, and wish each other well. In the end aren’t we all just sisters at heart?

Love Is Not A Skin Color.......(My Latest Story on TheNextFamily.com)

2010-09-03T08:11:00.000-07:00

Okay I’m officially irritated. If it wasn’t so ridiculous I would probably be mad too. It’s amazing how you can find out how people really feel when they voice their opinions behind your back to someone else. Are we in high school?! Funny thing is, more often than not, those opinions come full circle and make their way back to the very person you didn’t have the courage to say it to in the first place. So where am I going with all this, and what happened that got me so hot and bothered (and not in a good way)?

Well, we have a “friend” who shall remain nameless to protect the ignorant, that apparently has huge issues with black men being with white women. This is someone who has been in our home, drank our wine, ate our food, laughed with us and cried with us…but come to find out she doesn’t approve of black men with white women?! How do we now know this? The other day she was at a friend’s party and there was another black and white couple attending the party as well. These are the lovely words that came out of her mouth: “He is obviously not a real man, because if he was he would get himself a strong black woman and wouldn’t be with that weak white woman.” Ummm, excuse me?! Wow. WOW! Of course this comment got back to my husband and he said, “Well, then what does she really think of Amy and me?” Ya, my thoughts exactly.

First of all, since when are all black women strong and all white women weak? I am probably one of the strongest people you will ever meet. Seriously, I’ve been through it and I’m still standing and still strong, and look…I’m white! Why do people insist on continuing this separation madness? There are strong black women and weak black women, there are strong white women and weak white women. Being strong or being weak has nothing to do with skin color…it’s a mind-set, and last I checked all of our brains were the same color. Maybe next time she should use hers before speaking. Just a thought. It’s sad to me that people just don’t get it. I’m not with Jamie because he’s black and he’s not with me because I’m white. We are with each other because we love each other…period. Love comes from the heart, which, just like the brain, is the same color in all of us. It’s simple…love is not a skin color!

Diversity Classes Should Be Mandatory For These So Called "Educators!"

2010-08-28T18:36:00.000-07:00

By now I'm sure all of you have seen this. If not you will be just as shocked as I was when I first saw it on the news. You ARE reading the dates correctly....it does say 2010-2011 not 1910-1911! Shocking is an understatement! Even as I write this and look at it, I think, this can't be possible, it just can't! Race based elections at a school in 2010!!!?????

Here it is in a nutshell:

As seen on MSNBC:
Following an uproar over a policy it said was designed 30 years ago to achieve racial equality, a school district board in a Mississippi town on Friday scrapped a system of student elections where race determined whether a candidate could run for some class positions, including president.

The rules were made over 30 years ago to make the school elections "fair." "Cough, cough!" However, when I looked at my calendar this morning it was 2010...I thought we had learned from the hate of the past and moved at least slightly forward? Well, in Nettleton Mississippi this is clearly not the case! What "sane" adults, in what "educational" system, thought this was okay!? We wonder why racism continues.....well in Nettleton it's being "taught" in the schools! How can anyone justify that this was set up to make things fair? More so, how can anyone in 2010 justify this still being in print and in place today!? There is no explaining it away, there is no excuse. This would be like leaving a whites only sign on a water fountain and not removing it in 2010. I am dumbfounded that any school in this country of ours allowed this to continue. Dumbfounded!

While we're at it.....are there only black and white children at this school? What about everyone else? The stupidity just keeps growing! The more I type, the more blown away I become. Who printed this? Who passed it out? Who allowed it? All these people were okay with this? Really?! REALLY!? Each and every adult that had a hand in the process of allowing this old, outdated, racist, foolish, policy to continue, need to go and take multiple hours of diversity classes. In fact diversity classes should be mandatory for these so called "Educators!" Mandatory!!!

And "They" Said it Wouldn't Last....Happy 17th Anniversary to Us!!!

2010-08-21T01:00:00.000-07:00

Rose Garden Gazebo Where We Were Married

Rose Garden August 2010

Rose Garden August 1993

18 years ago I met my love, my partner, my soul mate, my present, my future, and my best friend. 17 years ago on August 21st, 1993, I married him. We got married in a flower-covered gazebo, on a hot summer night, in the Balboa Park Rose Garden in San Diego. It was simple, it was beautiful, it was perfect. Our preacher, who was an old family friend of Jamie’s, married us and then sang to us. The song - “Always and Forever” - now, it’s forever our song. Close family and friends were there to share in our joy. Two people in love, pledging their lives to each other. It was intense…it was LOVE!

Flash forward, and now we have had 17 years of marriage, a 15 year-old daughter, and an amazing roller coaster of a life. Has it been perfect? Oh heck no! Has it been fabulous? Oh hell yes!! Would I do it again? In a minute! Am I looking forward to 17 more? Of course! After 17 years, I still love waking up on a Saturday morning wrapped in each others arms. I love coming home to Jamie sitting in his favorite chair, and walking across the room to kiss his beautiful sexy lips! I love sitting at the kitchen table, talking about life and catching up on the day. In other words, I love him now more than ever!

So today, we will celebrate 17 glorious years of craziness, fun, happiness, sadness, ups, downs, and most importantly…LOVE! Happy anniversary to my Big Sexy Hunk O’ Chocolate! Here’s to 17 more, and more, and more!

......and "they" said it wouldn't last....Happy 17th Anniversary to Us!!!

Dr. Laura Schlessinger...What Was She Thinking!? The "N" Word? Really?!!?

2010-08-13T09:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday as I was catching up on facebook, a friend of mine sent me a link and asked the following; "Amy...what is your take on this?" The link was a story about Dr. Laura using the "N" word multiple times on her talk show and then later apologizing for it. You can read the story below:

LOS ANGELES – Talk radio host Dr. Laura Schlessinger has issued an apology for saying the N-word several times in an on-air conversation with a caller that she said was "hypersensitive" to racism.

Schlessinger said on her website Wednesday that she was wrong in using the word for what she called an attempt to make a philosophical point.

"I articulated the N-word all the way out — more than one time," Schlessinger said in comments from the opening of her radio show that she posted on her site. "And that was wrong. I'll say it again — that was wrong."

She said she "realized I had made a horrible mistake, and was so upset, I could not finish the show."
Schlessinger said she pulled herself off the air at the end of the hour.

During the exchange on Tuesday's show, Schlessinger said the woman who called herself Jade was too sensitive for complaining that her husband's friends made racist comments about her in their home.
When the woman asked if the N-word was offensive, Dr. Laura said "black guys say it all the time," then went on to repeat it several times.

Schlessinger did not direct the epithet at the woman, but said she used it to suggest how often she hears it, and that it should not automatically be cause for offense.

When the caller objected, Schlessinger replied: "Oh, then I guess you don't watch HBO or listen to any black comedians."

Schlessinger also said that if the caller did not have a sense of humor about race, she shouldn't have entered into an interracial marriage.

After I read the story, I sat there with my eyes popping out of my head, and my jaw on the ground. I re-grouped, put my eyes back in, picked my jaw up off the floor, and re-read the story to make sure I was reading it correctly, because I just "knew" that I must have read it wrong. Sadly I hadn't.

First of all I have to say I have never been a fan of Dr. Laura. I have many friends that are, and that's great, ya know, free country and all, but I think she is very condescending and cruel to her callers. I remember having a conversation with a friend years and years ago about Dr. Laura. We had recently listened to one of her shows and the subject was daycare. Dr. Laura basically stated that if you put your child in daycare you were a terrible parent. She said you must at all costs figure out a way to stay home with your child otherwise the child will suffer. Reality check Dr. L...not everyone can do that. From that moment on I realized she had lost touch, and the things she had said about parents that use daycare were down right cruel. Never again was I a fan. So that being said, when I read yesterday's story I was shocked but not totally surprised.

I feel so bad for the woman that called Dr. L for advice. This woman obviously needed help and all Dr. Laura did was apparently make her feel worse. For Dr. L to use the "N" word at all was her first mistake, to make light of it was her second, and to compare her usage of it to black men using it, was her third.  Let me clarify for the record I don't think anyone should use the word at all. I've said it before and I'll say it again...it's a hateful word and I don't think it's cute, cool, or necessary. However when Dr. L stated that if the caller didn't have a sense of humor about race she shouldn't have entered into an interracial marriage, that is what really got to me. Really Dr. Laura?!  There is a BIG difference regarding having a sense of humor about race vs. spewing racial slurs.  A sense of humor is me calling my hubby a "big sexy hunk o' chocolate," a racial slur would be me using the "N" word at all. I have been with him for 18 years and that word has never come out of my mouth. Ever!

Dr. L, when your husband gets handcuffed due to the color of his skin, or gets pulled over because of the color of his skin, or your child gets called the very "N" word that you used....then you can come and talk to me about having a sense of humor regarding race.

The very reason I write this blog is to show people that interracial marriage is just like any other marriage. However based on the call from a woman who just wants her home to be like any other, we clearly have a long way to go. I hope Dr. Laura takes a step back and realizes that when people call her they are reaching out and truly need help. She needs to realize she doesn't have ALL the answers. If she would just listen, and show some respect and kindness to her callers, then she would already be on the way to helping them. It's fascinating to me that she would even attempt to give advice regarding interracial marriage when she is married to a white man. She should have sympathized with her caller's problem and told her that she didn't understand fully what she was going through because she has never been in an interracial marriage. It's okay to not have all the answers, but it's not okay to profess that you do and have no basis for it.....what was she thinking!? The "N" word?! Really!!?!

I'm So Proud of Them........

2010-08-12T08:02:00.000-07:00

My latest story on The Next Family....

Click here to read: http://thenextfamily.com/2010/08/im-so-proud-of-them/

Wrong Number!

2010-08-09T08:56:00.000-07:00

The craziest thing happened the other day. I was out to lunch with an old college friend of mine and as we were sitting at the table talking, her phone rang. It was a text message, and I could tell by the look on her face that she was confused about what the message said. She looked at me and said, "You have to read this." So I did, and I looked back at her with the same confused look she had, and said, "What the heck does that mean?!" She said, "Well obviously they have the wrong number!" I told her, "Text back and let them know they have the wrong number, and not only that, tell them you're a white woman!" Now, you are probably thinking why on earth would she need to tell them that?!? It will make complete sense when you see how it went............check it out........

-Stranger text to my friend's phone: "A, n**ga got my shoes?"
~Friend's text back to stranger: "Ummm, I'm thinking you have the wrong person!"
-Stranger: "Que, is that you? Don't play dumb n**ga!"
~Friend (with a little help from me): "I'm not dumb, but I'm a white woman!"
-Stranger: "Huh!?!?"

At this point my friend and I are dying laughing!!!

~Friend: "You have the wrong number!"
-Stranger: "Sorry."
~Friend: "It's okay, hope you get your shoes."
-Stranger: "LOL, yeah me too and sorry once again!"

More laughter at the table! OUT LOUD cracking up!!

~Friend: "No problem."
-Stranger: "But anyways, if you don't mind me asking, how are you?"

Okay, now apparently he thinks he can start flirting!!!! How hilarious is that!?

~Friend: "Fine but I'm a grown married white woman with 2 kids!"

Stranger was stopped dead in his tracks! The end! =) LOL!!!!

There are many things that came out of that call. First, my friend said to me, "How weird that I got that message when I was with you!" Ya know, me being married to a black man and all....I WOULD be with her for the "N" word text! Odds!? It still makes me cringe to see the "N" word being used so flippantly even though I know he meant it as a "friendly" gesture to his "homey." I will never understand that, ever. The "kids" just don't get the history of the word and they think it's so cool. It's so not!

That aside, it just cracks me up that I can be out having lunch with a friend and something as simple as a wrong number becomes a hilarious story for my blog. As I said on a previous post, I don't ever seek this stuff out, it just keeps coming at me! Day, after day! =) I also stated that some days the stories will be deep and inspirational and some days the stories will be silly and fun. Hopefully this one gave you a giggle! It's a welcome relief to have the "funny stuff" regarding race come up once in a while. Laughter is good for the soul, and we laughed HARD....all from a CRAZY "wrong number!?"

Romance........What is Your Definition?

2010-08-05T07:26:00.000-07:00

My latest story on The Next Family......

Click Here: http://thenextfamily.com/2010/08/romance-what-is-your-definition/

My Passion..........

2010-07-30T08:48:00.000-07:00

After one of the many dance recitals.

Yeah we are officially silly, after another recital!

Writing about interracial marriage and family is my passion because I'm passionate about my marriage and family!

~I'm passionate about all the things we have gone through in a mixed race household.

~I'm passionate about helping other's that feel they are alone in this journey, and letting them know they are not!

~I'm passionate about changing perceptions about mixed race marriages and showing everyone that they are just marriages with a "twist."

~I'm passionate about shaping the future for my child and teaching her to be proud of all of who she is!

~I'm passionate about showing other mixed race parents they too can do the same.

~I'm passionate about hearing your stories and helping you through difficult situations.

~I'm passionate about getting to know you and your families so we can all share in this wonderful experience of interracial love!

~I'm passionate about laughter and hearing the funny stories too!

~I'm passionate about not taking ourselves so seriously each and every day.

~I'm passionate about standing up to racism.

~I'm passionate about speaking out and speaking up!

~I'm passionate about teaching tolerance and forgiveness.

~AND....I'm passionate about always being here for you!

Adjusting to Each Other.....

2010-07-29T14:13:00.000-07:00

My latest story on The Next Family

Click here to read: http://thenextfamily.com/2010/07/adjusting-to-each-other/

I'll Be Your White Friend!

2010-07-22T08:08:00.000-07:00

I am a member of this great site called She Writes @ http://www.shewrites.com/. It's a site filled with women writers from all over, who are on there for the purpose of helping each other grow in their writing. It's inspiring!

Yesterday, as I was catching up on the site, one of the many posts caught my eye. The post was from a writer named Lori Tharps. She was asking "white writers" on the site to become her "white friends," buy her book, and pass the word to their "white friends" about her book. I kid you not! Guts huh!? I'm sure there were a lot of people on the site that were taken aback by her request, but I totally get it. Why, you ask? Me being a "white writer," how would I get it? Well, she is a black writer about to publish her third book and books for some reason get categorized just like people do. We assume that only black people are going to read books written by black authors, so that is the "pile" they get filed in. It's the weirdest thing. It's almost habit for people. Will my book about interracial marriage get both categories because it's "half black and half white!?" Hmmm? It's nuts! Authors are authors, black, white or otherwise!

Sometimes I feel like we are going backwards when it's comes to thinking and talking about race. I don't get it. It's 2010 for goodness sake. I always think I'm going to run out of things to talk about on my blog, yet every single day something about race comes up in my daily living. It's kind of mind blowing. I don't seek it out...it just happens. If I wrote it all down I would have a library, not just a blog or book.

So even though I've never met Lori Tharps, except in cyber space, and I have yet to read her book "Substitute Me" http://www.amazon.com/Substitute-Me-Lori-Tharps/dp/1439171106 because it's not quite published yet, I'm going to be her new "white friend," I'm going to buy her book, and I'm going to pass the word to other's to do the same.

Maybe, eventually her book will not be a "black book" but just a "book." It's a perfect analogy for my marriage.....I have the same hopes, that maybe one day, it will just be a "marriage" and not an "interracial marriage!" It's possible right? Now get to reading! =)

Embrace it, Don’t Erase it!

2010-07-21T10:05:00.000-07:00

My latest story on http://www.thenextfamily.com/

click here: Embrace it, Don’t Erase it!

Is That Your Mom?

2010-07-12T10:59:00.000-07:00

After one of the many dance recitals.

So the other day I was off work early and was able to pick our daughter up from dance. Normally my schedule only allows me to pick up once a week and my husband covers the rest. However, this particular night I was able to pick her up from the class that she asst. teaches. I love being able to see this class because it wasn't that long ago that Tatiana was one of the little dancers...now she is helping to teach them! Crazy! All you Mom's out there...and Dad's too, you get it, right? It's heart warming and freaky at the same time. How do they grow up so fast!? Anywho, back to the story...after the class was over, and my heart was all warm and gushy, we were walking out to the car and two of little dancers that Tat teaches were sitting on the curb while their Moms talked. One little girl just so happened to be Black and the other little girl was Hispanic. As we were walking by, the little girl who is black said, "Miss Tatiana, is that your Mom?" Tat said, "Yes." The little girl said, "Ohhhh, I like her!" Right after she said that, the little girl who is Hispanic said, "Blanca!" Tatiana and I just cracked up!!! First of all, the fact that they were so surprised that I was blanca (white) was hilarious in itself, but the fact that they were excited about it was even funnier! It still blows my mind, that people, whether little or big, are so shocked that I am Tatiana's Mom. I am here to tell you, that YES, I am her Mom! :)

Check Out My Latest Story on www.thenextfamily.com......

2010-07-11T10:11:00.000-07:00

http://thenextfamily.com/2010/07/“i’m-sorry-did-you-say-sewer-water”/

"A Family"......Just Like You, and You, and You.......

2010-07-07T12:04:00.000-07:00

Recently I was asked to be a contributing writer to the website The Next Family at, http://www.thenextfamily.com/ I am very excited to be writing for them because their website stands for everything I do. It's about all types of families and all types of love. I will be writing for them once a week and look forward to sharing the beautiful message that yes, we are an “Interracial Family,” but really we are “A FAMILY” just like you!

You can check out my first story at the link below:
http://thenextfamily.com/2010/07/%e2%80%9can-interracial-family%e2%80%9d-or-just-%e2%80%9ca-family%e2%80%9d/

About The Next Family:
http://thenextfamily.com/about-2/

"She's Your Kind"

2010-06-28T09:51:00.000-07:00

Great Niece, Niece, Daughter and Me

Once a month my family and I volunteer at Angelfood. My Sister n Law runs the program at her church for our particular area. It's a lot of work but oh so much fun! It has become quite the family affair! We volunteered as always this past weekend. Customer after customer lined up to get the food they ordered. One woman in particular came up to me and made it a point to say, "Hi Amy," and then continued to have a little conversation while she waited for her food. She does this each time she comes to the church. She just so happens to be white and the church just so happens to be a "black church." Not that everyone and their brother isn't welcome, it just so happens to be that way. =) After the woman left, I turned to my niece (my husband's side of the fam) and said, "That lady is so sweet, she always comes up to me and talks to me while she waits for her food." My Niece then said, "It's because you are her kind." It took a second for me to process what she said, then I realized what she meant, and said, "Oh, because we are both white? Ya think!?" My Niece said, "Ya!" Then we both just laughed! So does this lady automatically come talk to me because I'm white and that makes her more comfortable? Or is this just what my Niece thinks? It's all so odd to me, because I soooo don't think that way. I'm the only white person on so many occasions and am so used to it, that I just don't go there in my brain. =) I hope the lady talks to me because I'm friendly......but everyone there is friendly, so why does she always pinpoint me? Is my Niece right? Is it really because I'm "her kind?" Hmmm.......something to ponder.

Two Men...Different Worlds...One Love....Happy Father's Day!

2010-06-20T10:43:00.000-07:00

Dad and Hubby

Two men from different worlds. Two men that respect each other. Two men that love each other. Two men that I never would have imagined being part of the same family. Two men that have been there through everything. Two men that have made me who I am today. Two men that give unconditional love. Two men that are amazing Dads. Two men that I love with all my heart and all my soul. Two men, different worlds...one love. Happy Fathers Day!! I love you both!

"Loving Day".....The Right to Live in Love!

2010-06-09T09:02:00.000-07:00

Amy and Jamie....living and loving in 2010

Mildred and Richard.....living and loving in 1967

There are days when I simply forget how far we have come because I'm just living, and there are days when I realize how far we still have to go. However, there is one day that will always be special to me, and that is..."Loving Day." Yes you read it right..."Loving Day!" I'm sure there are many of you out there that don't even realize what Loving Day is or what it represents, but to me it represents my heart, my marriage, my love. So what is it? It's the anniversary of the June 12th, 1967 Supreme Court decision....

Loving vs. Virginia ~ "There can be no doubt that restricting the freedom to marry solely because of racial classifications violates the central meaning of the equal protection clause."

Richard and Mildred Loving, a mixed race couple....(how PERFECT is their last name by the way...REALLY, that is their last name!).....were forced to leave their home state of Virginia after they married, because back in the late 60's their union was still illegal in 16 states! Yes..illegal! :( They had two options....go to jail, or leave Virginia. They packed up and moved to WA, D.C. and the rest, as they say, is history. They didn't just move, they fought, they won, they LOVED! Bravery, courage, determination, and true love won out. How cool is that!?! Because of this amazing couple my husband and I are free to live and free to love! I can't imagine having to fight for the right to marry the man I love. I would though...no doubt...no question in my mind! I would fight like a lion! It still boggles my mind to even think that it was illegal for two people to marry solely because of the color of their skin. This was during my lifetime no less. How insane were "we" back then!? This is why it is so important to always fight for what is right. If we stay quiet and do nothing, then nothing happens. If we speak up, and teach tolerance, then everything can happen! Sometimes laws might be changed and sometimes minds might be changed.....either way, we move forward, and that my friends is a good thing! So to Richard and Mildred Loving, a brave couple who stood up for the their love and their rights, here's to you, from all of "us"....thank you Loving's for giving us the RIGHT to live in LOVE!

For more information about this special day and this amazing couple visit:

http://www.lovingday.org/

For more information on their struggle:

http://www.lovingday.org/the-loving-story

PS....

I want to send a special shout out to one of my readers. Her name is Heather and she is putting on a Loving Day photo essay in her home state of Missouri. The photo essay will include interracial couples that Heather knows from around the country. My family will be one of the featured families in her essay. I just want to say thank you Heather for including us in your celebration all the way in Missouri! Very cool!

Thank YOU!!!!........

2010-06-02T08:08:00.000-07:00

Lately my schedule has not given me much time to write on my blog. I keep taking notes about various events or situations and little by little the notes will all make their way to the blog. Life tends to get in the way! =) I wish I could write all day long because I truly enjoy it!!

Today my post however is about all of YOU out there in cyberland! I just want to take a moment to say thank you for reading and thank you for all of your beautiful comments. I have made many new friends across the world because of this blog and I just LOVE that we are all here for a common reason, and that is.....LOVE, pure and simple. I am blessed to be in such an amazing marriage and even more blessed to be able to share it with all of you. So thank YOU for taking time out of your day to read and to comment and to now be part of my life. I truly appreciate it! Here's to many more years of happy relationships whatever mix they might be!!

More posts to come....if only there were 48 hours in a day! =) Amy

What Are You Staring At? I'm Just Kissing My Husband Goodbye!

2010-05-19T07:46:00.000-07:00

For those of you that know me, you know that my car has been in the shop quite a bit lately. Because of that "fun" little fact I get the pleasure of my husband taking me or picking me up from work. A few days ago he was dropping me off at my job and as I was getting out of the car he got out as well to say goodbye. He hugged me and kissed me and as usual he was also being silly. Little did we know there was an older woman (white woman) walking into the salon next to where I work just watching us. Well, her world must have stopped when she saw us kissing, because if looks could kill......let's just say, we would be very, very dead! At first when I saw her looking at us and then me as I walked toward my work, it didn't cross my mind why she was giving me such an evil stare down. Then I realized..."Oh my gosh, she was just mortified that we were kissing!" Let me just clarify for the record , we were not making out like two teenagers in a parking lot. We hugged and kissed goodbye and laughed a little. Was she horrified that two adults were kissing each other goodbye? Highly unlikely. Was she was disgusted because a white woman and a black man were kissing? Much more likely. How do I know this? Because the look wasn't one of distaste from two people smooching, it was a scary, I'm going to stare at you until you are gone because you disgust me look! There was no mistaking it! She stood there and held the salon door, didn't go in, and then craned her neck to continue to give me "her look" as I unlocked the door at my job. It was wild! Trust me, I've seen the look enough in our 18 years together that there was no question in my mind what she was thinking of us. If she knew we had been married all these years would it have been a different story? Probably not. In her mind "we" are not "acceptable." Sad. Had I been quick that day, and thinking on my feet , I would have gone up to her and said, "Oh honey, you should try it, you have noooo idea what you're missing!" But alas, I was hurrying to work and so shocked that she was so shocked , my quick thinking was no where to be found! Plus, I was raised to respect my elders and that would have been rude. When older people react the way they do to my husband and I, I just have to remember that "their" generation was taught that "we" should not be together. Remember "we" were illegal back in the day! Crazy! Our generation has gotten somewhat better, and our daughter's generation is almost there, even though clearly we still have a long way to go. I always want moments like this to be turned around and think to myself, "If only she knew us, and if only she knew how in love we are, maybe she wouldn't think that way at all." I know every moment and every instance of racism can't be a teaching moment but I sure wish they could be. However, I'm sure whatever I said to her would not have changed her old school way of thinking, even if I said something as simple as, "What are you staring at? I'm just kissing my husband goodbye." So once again, my husband and I stand firm in our love and hope for the older woman that couldn't get "us" through her head, that she too, at some point, found this kind of love in her lifetime. That is my wish for her.

How the heck did you two meet?!

2010-05-05T10:42:00.000-07:00

The other day we were at a birthday party and Jamie's friend Byron asked the question...."How did you two meet? I mean she went to school abroad, and you, well, you're a fool!" The two of us died laughing! =) So, this is how the two most opposite people on the planet, met, got married, had a child, and lived happily/crazily after:

It was 1992 and I was driving up the 805 freeway in San Diego. I was with my "Little Sister" from the Big Sis/Little Sis program. As we were driving, multiple "fancy" black sports cars, (all with black men in them), were in the lane next to us. My Little Sis started to wave at one of the men in one of the cars. I told her to stop waving because they were too old for her (she was 15 at the time) and were either a bunch of athletes or a bunch of drug dealers, and you don't want to mess with either! Yeah, I know, stereotyping at its best. Bad!!! However, I wasn't wrong....it was athletes and friends. So there! =)

Anyway, my little sis said, "No, I know one of them, he used to coach my basketball team when I was little." That "coach" so happened to be Jamie! I wasn't sure if I believed her or if she was just flirting, so on we went up the freeway.

A few weeks went by and my Little Sis was out and about, and who did she run into?.....Jamie! He asked her, "Who was that woman that you were in the car with the other day?" She told him it was her Big Sis, and then he proceeded to give her his phone number to give to me. So the next time her and I were together she gave me the phone number and told me it was from the guy we saw on the freeway. =) Well, I promptly threw it in the trash and said, "I don't call people that I see on the freeway that are complete strangers!" She said, "But I know him!" I didn't care, he was a stranger to me and you know what Mom always says. =)

A couple more months went by and my Little Sis and I were driving around again and low and behold but who was standing in a friend's front yard talking?.....Jamie again! Odds?!? My Little Sis says, "That is the guy that gave you the phone number." I said, "Oh my gosh, you have got to be kidding me!? I better pull over and say hi or he is going to think I am a "b." We pulled over, he came over to the car and said hi, and then promptly asked why I didn't call him. I told him, "I don't call people I see on the freeway. Let's do this the right way...you call me....here's my number." He then waited an entire WEEK to call! I guess he was getting me back for throwing away his number. LOL! Our first call was on a Sunday and we talked for FOUR hours! However, we still didn't go out for another two months. We got to know each other over the phone, day, after day, after day.

Finally we had our first date which was at his apartment where he made me dinner. I know it sounds bad, first date, his apartment. We had been talking for two months for goodness sakes, it was like we were “old homies” by now! No worries…he was a complete gentleman! =)

You would think the rest was history, but noooooo, that would have been too easy. We dated from that day on, but there was a slight snag in our future. I had already made the decision before he and I met, to move back to Oregon to be closer to my family. Soooo, we literally fell in love, and it was time for me to leave. I debated whether or not to go, but Jamie told me to go because I would regret it if I didn't. He said, "If we are meant to be it will work out. You want to be with your family, so that is where you need to be." I left. We wrote and called constantly. Distance, not so fun....four months later he moved up to Oregon! Then three months later we moved back to San Diego! Nuts huh!? I am a Cali girl, I couldn't take the weather. Love ya fam, but had to go "home."

THEN the rest was history! We got engaged, got married in '93, had Tatiana in '94, and here we are today!! So when anyone asks the question......how did we meet? The answer is.....on the 805 freeway.....fate took care of the rest!

What Will the New Census Show......How Many of "Us" are There Now?

2010-04-22T09:16:00.000-07:00

It's that time again....census time. Did you all receive your forms in the mail? Did you fill it out and turn it in? Because it's census time, I thought it would be fitting to write about some statistics regarding interracial marriage and divorce. I tend to forget that my husband and I are in a VERY SMALL group of people when it comes to marriages in the United States. As of the last census, the percentage of interracial marriages in the U.S. was still below 5%! That amazes me! I will be so curious to see what the new census stats show. It's funny to me that the numbers are so low because I guess I just think of "us" as just like everyone else. Clearly the numbers show a very different story.

Interracial marriage in the U.S.:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interracial_marriage_in_the_United_States

The other interesting statistic is, that marriages of white woman and black men have a higher rate of divorce than any other marriages. Now why is that? Certainly every marriage has issues, and interracial marriages get that added "benefit" of dealing with being "judged" by society and everyone around them, but I think black men and white woman get the "judging" on a more heightened level from all sides. Maybe that is part of the reason why those marriages fall apart. Is it history, is it racism, is it a power struggle, what is it that creates this "built in failure" regarding this type of union? Thoughts? To me, marriage is marriage, and if you love one another and are strong in who you are, then nothing should be able to tear you apart, right? My husband and I are living proof that you CAN make it, and that no matter what life throws at you, if you hang in and fight for each other, marriage CAN last a lifetime, black, white or otherwise. So, what will the new census show.......how many of "us" are there now?

Chocolate for Me....Vanilla for You!

2010-04-13T08:09:00.000-07:00

In any relationship, be it an interracial one or not, you have to be able to laugh and have fun! It's so important! Jamie and I are VERY silly when it comes to each other. 18 years later, we are sillier than ever, and we make no bones about it! For some reason there seems to be a lot of funny moments that come up in regards to us being an interracial couple. We don't purposely set out to concentrate on the fact that we are interracial, it just happens throughout the day, and if you can get a giggle then why not?! Laughter is good for you, right!?! So the other day we were at the beach celebrating my birthday. It was near the end of the day and we felt like ice cream. I went into the ice cream shop and placed our order and when the girl handed me our milkshakes I looked down and said to my daughter and her friend, "Look, it's me and Daddy, chocolate and vanilla!" They looked at me like I was nuts! I thought it was hilarious and said, "You have to take a picture!" Oh the teenage embarrassment, you should have seen the look on their faces. They finally took the picture, we all got a good laugh, and off we went to enjoy our ice cream at the beach. Of course, chocolate for me and vanilla for Jamie! =)

Minds Really Truly CAN Be Changed!

2010-03-25T08:48:00.000-07:00

By now if you have read my blog for any period of time you have read the various posts about the client at my job who has had no problem sharing her racists views with me. Here are the links to the previous posts regarding some of the interactions I have had with her:

1) http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/09/changing-mind-of-racist.html

2) http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/11/seeing-beneath-skin.html

3) http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/12/baby-steps.html

Well, after all of the talks, all of the patience, and all of the SHOCK, I received an amazing phone call from her the other day. She called to tell me that she "loves me" and that I make her day every time she sees me. I almost fell out of my chair! She also told me that she prays for my family on a daily basis and is so happy for me that I have such a wonderful family! I am going to be honest, at first it freaked me out a little bit. I thought, "How did we get to this point?" This is someone who hated black people just a few short months ago and now after our many, many talks and interactions, she is slowly moving towards love for everyone! Wow! That is pretty powerful! There were times when it was hard to stomach having conversation with her, and now it's all about positive thoughts, moving forward, and accepting everyone! Mind you, she isn't totally there yet. She still has not seen her son that is married to a black woman, and she has not seen her grandson in a very long time, but she IS praying that it works out. Before, she wanted nothing to do with them and now she is actually praying about it. Let me just say WOW again! I am going to be seeing her today so I will see if there has been even more progress since the last time. The lesson I have learned in all of this is, never give up on someone no matter how bad it seems, and never ever stop fighting for what you believe in. Minds really truly can be changed!

"I'm Coming Back As A White Man In My Next Life!"

2010-03-16T07:58:00.000-07:00

So remember when I started this blog I said some posts would be deep and serious and some would be funny and silly? Well this one would definitely fall into the funny and silly category! Yesterday I had to go to traffic court for an "illegal" left turn ticket. I plead not guilty a month ago and then went back yesterday to fight it. As luck would have it the ticket was dismissed! Woohoo! This made my day for sure!! What a great way to start the week. Later that day the Hubby called me at work to see how traffic court went. I said, "Dismissed baby!" =) He said, "What?!?! If that had been me they probably would have taken me to jail!" Okay, clearly he is exaggerating, but as you can see from past "driving while black" incidents he is a little bitter, and rightly so.....
http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/05/dwbdriving-while-black.html The next thing out of his mouth was, "I'm coming back as a white man in my next life so I can get out of tickets and not get pulled over all the time!" I just laughed! On the surface this comment was quite funny and we both got a kick out of the conversation. Sadly though it is all too true that he would have been treated totally different by the cop and by the courts. You would have thought that he was happy that I didn't have to pay the ticket since it's our money, but he was so stuck on what would have happened to him he couldn't get past that. Why do all black men automatically get treated differently by cops? It's a curious stereotype that seems to never go away. Will it ever? I hope so because my husband should be able to drive down the street, pass a police car, and just drive on without thought of being pulled over once again for nothing. So when I got home last night the "bitter humor" was still there and I gave him a hello kiss and then he said, "Whatever, no ticket white woman," and we laughed again! I just hope when Jamie "comes back" in his "next life" he doesn't come back as a white man, he comes back exactly as he is today. That is why I love him so much...bitter humor, and all!

What is Happening to our Younger Generation? Are We Moving Forward or Backward?

2010-03-07T12:21:00.000-08:00

This post was originally a response to a comment that one of my faithful readers, Heather had left on the "UCSD Compton Party" story. As I was responding I realized it needed to be a post instead of a comment because with every word I typed I got a little more sad and a lot more perplexed. Heather had listed a link http://www.columbiamissourian.com/stories/2010/02/26/cotton-balls-scattered-front-mus-black-culture-center/ to a recent racist act at their local University in Missouri. Cotton balls were thrown in front of the Black Student Cultural Center during Black History Month. I had just responded on another post about the noose that was found in the library at UCSD. http://www.nbcsandiego.com/news/local-beat/Noose-Found-Inside-UCSDs-Geisel-Library---85479767.html What is happening on our campuses? Isn't it just the saddest thing to see this generation act like this? I don't get it. Kids are taught these things, they are not born this way. These are kids that are clearly either living in homes that condone racism or they are hanging with friends that have taught them this is the way to think. I will never ever, ever, ever understand how someone can hate based on skin color. EVER!! Hate is such a horrible useless emotion to bear, and to bear it based on nothing but skin color is really stupidity when you get right down to it! They might have most loving, beautiful, kind hearted person in the world standing in front of them but because they don't "like" their skin color they automatically hate them? Really? Where is the common sense? This is happening on campuses of "educated" young adults? I feel so sorry for them. There is a chunk of life they are missing out on. Being diverse isn't just politically correct it's a beautiful way to live. There are so many people from so many different cultures in each and every city, and on each and every campus in our country. We can all teach each other something. Why wouldn't we want to know more? Isn't that the point of going to college? It's not just about what is in the textbook you buy at the bookstore, it is about life and learning more and more about it each day. Racism is just a sheltered ignorant way of thinking. Wouldn't someone just stay home, in the same place they were born and raised if they didn't want to know more? Why go to college if you don't want to open your mind? So to all of the students on all of the campuses throughout our country, open your minds, open your hearts, and really truly learn. Life is about moving forward not backward.

The "N" Word........

2010-03-04T08:27:00.000-08:00

Oh this word! You know which one I'm talking about......the "N" word. I despise this word, and at the same time am very confused by the use of this word. My personal opinion is the word should not be used at all, by anyone at any time. Now this opinion coming from a white woman might not hold as much water as if it were coming from a black woman or black man. However, because I am married to a black man and have a child that is half black this word takes on a whole other meaning for me. When I hear this word it hurts my heart because I personally feel that it hurts my husband and daughter. We have had many discussions about the use of this word and who should be "allowed" to use it. When my daughter was in elementary school I got a call from the Vice Principal saying that someone on the playground had called her the "N" word. It was a little boy that was actually trying to be "cool" by calling her this word. It was more of a, "What up my "N**ga," use of the word. Tat was hurt, the boy was mortified that he hurt her, and I got a call from the school. The interesting thing was, the call came from the VP who was black and not the Principal who was white. Was this a coincidence, probably not. Interesting none the less. So here is a kid that was trying to be "cool" and he ends up hurting someone by the use of this horrible word. Where did he learn the word? Home? Music? Friends? Who knows where he learned it and why he thought it was okay to use it? It was a perfect example of why it shouldn't be used in conversation in the first place. Now on the flip side of that story, just yesterday one of my husband's friends used the "N**ga" phrase on his facebook and I was mortified! I asked my husband if his friend was mad at him. He laughed and said there was nothing wrong with a black man calling a black man that word. We have had this conversation many, many times and I totally disagree. I think the word is awful, and should not be used at all. Who am I to say though? When two black men use this word in a "friendly" banter is it okay? Me, personally I don't think so. I think the word is hateful. Jamie and I have disagreed on this subject for years. I think even in friendly conversation it keeps the word alive, and as far as I am concerned it should be very dead and very buried. So, is there ever a time when it is okay to use the "N" word?

UCSD Compton Themed Party...Stereotypes Hurt.....

2010-02-20T11:47:00.000-08:00

One of the reasons we live where we do is because of the diversity. Being in an interracial marriage with a mixed race child makes you always think about things that couples in same race marriages and families don't have to think about. One of those things is where we live. Not that we can't live anywhere we want, but we wouldn't purposely choose to live somewhere that in general had a negative feeling about mixed race marriages or wasn't a diverse area. We want our daughter to grow up being exposed to all races and cultural traditions. That being said when I heard about the "Compton themed party" http://www.cbs8.com/Global/story.asp?S=12009416 at UCSD at first I thought this must be a mistake and the media was portraying it wrong. No way can there be a party that purposely mocks another race during the month we are all celebrating that race, especially in southern Cali (my very own "backyard") which in general is melting pot central. However, as the story unfolded I realized that, oh my gosh stereotyping and racism is alive and well at UCSD. So in a nutshell here is the story.....there was an invite sent out to a party off campus at UCSD in La Jolla, CA. The invite was to a "Compton themed" party that blatantly mocked Black History Month. See below for full invite......

Read The Invitation To The "Compton Cook Out," As Posted On Facebook:

"February marks a very important month in American society. No, i'm not referring to Valentines day or Presidents day. I'm talking about Black History month. As a time to celebrate and in hopes of showing respect, the Regents community cordially invites you to its very first Compton Cookout.

For guys: I expect all males to be rockin Jersey's, stuntin' up in ya White T (XXXL smallest size acceptable), anything FUBU, Ecko, Rockawear, High/low top Jordans or Dunks, Chains, Jorts, stunner shades, 59 50 hats, Tats, etc.

For girls: For those of you who are unfamiliar with ghetto chicks-Ghetto chicks usually have gold teeth, start fights and drama, and wear cheap clothes - they consider Baby Phat to be high class and expensive couture. They also have short, nappy hair, and usually wear cheap weave, usually in bad colors, such as purple or bright red. They look and act similar to Shenaynay, and speak very loudly, while rolling their neck, and waving their finger in your face. Ghetto chicks have a very limited vocabulary, and attempt to make up for it, by forming new words, such as "constipulated", or simply cursing persistently, or using other types of vulgarities, and making noises, such as "hmmg!", or smacking their lips, and making other angry noises, grunts, and faces. The objective is for all you lovely ladies to look, act, and essentially take on these "respectable" qualities throughout the day.

Several of the regents condos will be teaming up to house this monstrosity, so travel house to house and experience the various elements of life in the ghetto. We will be serving 40's, Kegs of Natty, dat Purple Drank- which consists of sugar, water, and the color purple , chicken, coolade, and of course Watermelon. So come one and come all, make ya self before we break ya self, keep strapped, get yo shine on, and join us for a day party to be remembered- or not. "

How is it that a generation of young kids living in Southern California or anywhere for that matter, could possibly think this was okay? Not cool, not funny, not cute, not right. Whatever happened to thinking before acting or speaking!? When will everyone learn that stereotyping just keeps racism alive and well and stereotypes hurt!!!

Valentine's Number 17..........But Really It's Valentine's Day Every Day In Our House!

2010-02-13T17:19:00.000-08:00

Last night Jamie and I went out to dinner to celebrate Valentine's Day early. Neither one of us is about going out on Valentine's night with everyone and their brother, waiting for hours for terrible service from overworked people who would rather be home with their Valentine! =) Don't get me wrong, we still celebrate on the actual day, but we will be home making special meals, spending time together, and celebrating with our daughter and her Valentine. So on that note....we were sitting at dinner and I looked at him and said, "Can you believe this is our 17th Valentine's Day together!?" Obviously, since this year we will be married 17 years, that makes complete sense, but outside the obvious, I think we are both still amazed that we are where we are with each other 17 Valentines' later! To us Valentine's Day is one more day to do exactly what we do every single day. It's about loving each other every day, remembering how special we are to each other every day, and appreciating each other every day. We hold hands more than ever, we hug, we never ever leave without saying good bye or giving each other a kiss, and if we disagree we work it out. Valentine's Day can be stressful enough because of the expectations surrounding it, but for us it's a day that just signifies even more how much we were meant to be together. So on this Valentine's Day, make it special and then on the 15th, make it special again, and then on the 16th, make it special again......okay you get the idea......happy Valentine's Day everyone, and to my favorite "piece of chocolate" on Valentine's Day number 17, I LOVE YOU now more than ever!!!

I Want to Hear What YOU Have to Say.....

2010-02-03T10:22:00.000-08:00

So as you can see I have not been keeping up with my blog this month. Writers block? Too busy? Nothing to write about? No, it's none of those....I always have stuff to say, just ask my husband. =) If I have time to "play" on facebook then I should have time to write.....right? I have plenty to write about.....so what is it? Blogging can be so weird because you really don't know who is reading and who you are affecting. Sometimes I just wonder, "Who is out there?" =) I love hearing that people are reading, but most of the time the people I hear from don't leave comments, so I never would have known they were reading at all. So now I want to hear what you have experienced so I can write back to YOU. =) Whatever you have gone through in your interracial relationship, past or present, talk to me....ask questions...share stories......I would love to hear what you have to say! Then I will get back to writing. I have a journal full of topics to write about and our relationship is never lacking in stories, that's for sure! It seems there is always a new experience just around the corner! I'm sure it's the same for you as well. Can't wait to hear all about it!

A Black Man's Tribute to His White Mother......

2010-01-08T08:16:00.000-08:00

Oh my Mother...you gotta love her! She always buys gifts for my husband that nobody would buy or would be "embarrassed" to buy. It doesn't matter if it is for his birthday, Christmas, Father's Day, or whatever celebration it might be, she will find that "perfect" gift for Jamie! The funny thing is when she purchases these gifts my Dad always asks her, "Are you sure that's appropriate?" He thinks Jamie might get offended, when in actuality he loves the gifts because they make him laugh, especially since they are coming from my Mom!!! So that being said, one of the gifts he got this year from his lovely Mother n Law, was a book entitled "The Color of Water, a Black Man's Tribute to His White Mother." I love it! I am going to read it too!!! (A New York Times Best Seller by the way). =) Last year it was a book called, "Things White People Like." Truly one of the funniest and dead on books ever! Then it was a "Soul Food Cookbook".....Oh how I could go on and on!!! I love that my Mother, who is the sweetest woman on the planet always finds these "perfect" extra gifts to give to Jamie! He can always count on that "special something" being added to his "pile" that will once again, year after year, continue to make him smile. =)

White Bread Anyone?

2010-01-02T18:02:00.000-08:00

Happy 2010 everyone! Hope your holidays were wonderful. Here's to a new and amazing year for everyone!

This Christmas my husband, daughter and I went to Oregon for the first time in 2 years to spend Christmas with my side of the family. We had such a great time filled with laughter, tears, fun, late nights, and so much more! My parents live in a town outside Portland and it's just beautiful. Part of the days were spent at the lovely outdoor (COLD) mall shopping and seeing movies. However, the funny thing that I noticed at the mall, standing in line for the movies, in the movies, at the grocery store, driving around, wherever we were...there were ONLY white people. It was the weirdest thing! I didn't pay much attention at first and then once I noticed this I kept looking around and every where we went, low and behold....only white people! It's funny because my husband needed to go to the grocery store and he made the comment that we needed to go out so "he could put some color in the town." I laughed and said, "Yeah right!" Well he WAS right! I mean not ONE black person to be seen! Not one. Coming from California and So Cal at that, this is amazing to me. We live in the biggest melting pot and have a rainbow of people around us every single day. To not see anyone that even resembles my child and hubby was just bizarre. You forget how different it can be. My Sister even made the comment that when she was reading the local paper there were no pictures of any black people either! Apparently I'm not the only one to notice these things or maybe I've just ingrained it into every one's brain. =) To some this might not be so weird, but to me I can't even imagine not living around a rainbow of people. Mind you the town is beautiful and my husband and daughter didn't get treated any different than anyone else, it was just strange. My husband already sticks out as it is because he is a big, tall guy, so you can imagine in a sea of white people...HELLO...stick out, sore thumb, him!!! =) Needless to say we always have a wonderful time with the fam, but it's great to be back to our "wheat bread." There's no place like home sweet home!

Merry Christmas and a Very Happy New Year!

2009-12-23T20:54:00.000-08:00

One of our nativities at home.....

Our other nativity at home.....

Volunteering at Angel Food.....

Oh the holidays! Busy, busy, busy! I just wanted to take a moment to wish all of you a very merry Christmas and a truly happy New Year!!! May you find love and much happiness during this holiday season! I hope you all embrace the wonderful traditions from all sides of your beautiful families and relationships. Treasure the differences and learn from each other. It's pure joy when you take it all in! I will be back in 2010 with more stories from our 17 wild and wonderful years!!! From my family to yours merry, merry Christmas! Amy

Baby Steps.....

2009-12-08T07:16:00.000-08:00

I'm a little behind the eight ball in my blogging. Family, holiday festivities, and work don't leave much time for me to write during this busy season, but this one I had to share! To my surprise the client who I have written about twice on my blog, you remember...the racist one, well she came in the other day, put her hand on my arm and informed me that she went to apologize to a woman she knows that is black for some hurtful, racist comments she had made to her. I couldn't believe it! She said our talks had helped some, and she was trying to be more open to change just a little bit at a time. I told her I thought that was wonderful and I was so happy to see her trying to be more open minded. I thought I was wasting my breath with her but apparently she really listened. This makes my heart sing! So even though she still has a long way to go, sometimes all it takes is baby steps.

Green Bean Casserole.......

2009-11-25T22:32:00.000-08:00

Flashback to Thanksgiving 1993.....Jamie and I had been married for a few months and we were going to our first "married Thanksgiving" at his Sister's house. His Sister asked me to bring a dish to share with everyone and I was so excited to be bringing something to Thanksgiving dinner. I was a little nervous because it was our first holiday as a married couple with his family. I decided to bring the staple dish that I had grown up with....green bean casserole with french onions on top. You all know it, you all love it, you've all had it...right!!?? Yes, no, maybe so? Well we got to his Sister's house and I proudly brought in my green bean casserole. I set it on the table, took off the foil, and waited for everyone to dig in. After we said a prayer everyone started to dish up all their food from the table.......everything but my casserole that is. =( So I thought hmmmm, why is nobody eating my green bean casserole? This is a favorite at my house...what's up? I was starting to get a little hurt as everyone dished up and walked right by my beans! Whatever...I proudly filled my plate and ate those beans up! However, I was the only one! Apparently black folk don't like green bean casserole. Who knew!? The funny thing is after that holiday meal, I was given the task of bringing the rolls and the soda going forward, yes you heard me...rolls and soda....pretty impossible to screw up right!? My green bean casserole has been the holiday funny ever since. Good thing I have a good sense of humor! At first it hurt my feelings but now I can really look back and laugh. One more thing to adjust to in a mixed marriage....getting used to each other's traditions big and small. This year we will be at my family's house for the holidays and you better believe I 'm going to eat some green bean casserole! =)

After All This Time.......

2009-11-15T15:55:00.000-08:00

Relationships can be so tricky, especially in a mixed race marriage. In a world seen through rose colored glasses we all get along, but once the glasses come off that's not always the case. Jamie's Mom, otherwise known as Gigi, was to put it mildly not thrilled when I entered the picture. When her son chose to marry a white woman she was not a happy camper. For years her and I really had no relationship and sadly we didn't get "close" until she was literally on her death bed. She became ill while visiting from Atlanta and heartbreakingly she was never able to go home and passed away while she was still here. She was in the hospital for quite some time and Jamie and I went to visit her almost every single day. During those visits she witnessed our love and our family's closeness. She realized that her son and I were happy, and skin color and everything else aside, happiness is all that really matters. We were with her to the end, and I will never ever forget the heartbreak my husband went through on her very last day so many years ago. Pure and utter sadness at the loss of his Mother that he loved so much. Flash forward to present day......the other day we were volunteering at my Sister n Law's church and a "little piece" of Gigi appeared. Jamie's Sister said, "Oh, I found this the other day when I was cleaning out some boxes." She then handed us a card in an envelope. It was a Christmas card from the last Christmas that Gigi was alive. In the card she said, "She was sending her love to Jamie, to Me and to Tatiana." Jamie and I literally sat there and cried. For him his Mom came to life if only for a minute through her handwriting, and for me it was a little treasure of love sent to our family, after all this time. =)

Seeing Beneath the Skin........

2009-11-05T08:15:00.000-08:00

Just when I think I have made progress.....I find out I still have a long way to go. Yesterday at work the same racist client that I posted about a few weeks ago http://themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/09/changing-mind-of-racist.html

ends up shocking me again! Now let me just say I truly thought I had gotten through to her and changed her racist thoughts just a little. I'm not naive (my husband might beg to differ on that one), and I know that it takes a lot more than a couple of conversations to change years of racists thoughts, but I have seen it happen little by little with many people in my life and I thought it was happening here as well. Apparently, not so much. So I guess now instead of talking to me about her racist beliefs she has decided to share these thoughts with others at my job. Does she not realize this is going to get back to me?! C'mon now. Yesterday it went a little like this.....somehow the topic of her children came up, who by the way she does not speak to, and she said the reason she doesn't to speak to one of her sons is because "He is married to a black." Yes "a black." Wow....really!? What year are we in? What century is she from? Oh wait, it gets much worse. Then she proceeds to share her "lovely" feelings about black people and how much she hates them. Oh I'm not done yet. It just keeps going downhill from there! Then she starts talking about the grandbaby in the equation, and she says, "Yes, and my son has a monkey baby from her too." Are you kidding me!!!!!!!??? That comment made me sick to my stomach. How on earth do you feel this way about your own grandchild? How, how, how!!?? The thought of someone even saying that about a child is quite possibly the saddest thing I have ever heard. Sad and sick. The irony of this entire conversation is, later in the day she called to thank me for all I do. Yes, thank me!!! Of course she has no idea that I'm aware of this earlier conversation. My first thought was to say bye bye to her forever but instead, this is what I'm going to do...I'm going to gently bring up the subject again and I'm going to keep talking to her, and I AM going to educate her. I am determined to change her hate to love or at least to acceptance. Old wounds can be healed and new relationships can be formed if she can just start seeing beneath the skin!

The Salon.........

2009-10-25T17:34:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year.....Homecoming time! Yesterday was our daughter's Homecoming dance. Dresses, jewelry, shoes, flowers, limos, nails, hair-do's and more! Part of the day of course was spent at the hair salon getting the "do" done for the big night! As you all know from one of my previous posts hair is not a simple thing in our house. =) It just got a little more complicated because the lady that used to do Tatiana's hair moved back home to Indiana! What to do!? You don't understand...this is a tragedy! Now you know girls, once you find someone to do the hair right, they are with you for life! Hopefully! Well luckily we got referred to someone else, so off we went to the new salon....Tatiana, cousin Alyssa, and Moi. We walked in and as usual I am the ONLY white person there. Not only was this a "black salon," it was also a "black barber shop." "Stick out.....sore thumb.....Me." =) However, after being with Jamie for all of these years I am very used to being the only white person in the room. So after the initial "awkwardness" when we first walked in, we then met the new stylist and took our seats. While sitting there, of course I got the curious glances, and polite half smiles. Then a little boy comes over and sits beside me and says, "What are you doing here?" Out of the mouths of babes! Just an innocent question from a kid. Obviously he was just wondering......kind of like, "One of these things is not like the other." =) So I proceeded to tell him that I was waiting for my daughter to finish getting her hair done. He then pointed to every female in the room and asked if any of them was my daughter. Young, old and in between. It was pretty funny! Tatiana was at the shampoo bowl so he never did point at her because he couldn't see her. I told him he needed to go behind the wall to see her. So up he got...over he went...and back he came. He said, "I saw your daughter, and I said hi!" Too freakin' cute. He kept going back and forth to say hi. =) Then a little girl that was in the salon decided I needed to be her friend too. So she came and sat by me and showed me her video game. I LOVE that kids can make friends with anyone! Even the odd "wo-man" out! After more time went by I started looking at the clock and was hoping we were going to have enough time to get home and get Tatiana ready for the dance. A lady that was also getting a perm by the same stylist heard me talk about the time. She asked what Tat was getting her hair done for and when we said homecoming she kindly let us finish before she started her perm. I thanked her a hundred times and made another new "friend"...this time one of the adults. When Tat finished I said goodbye to everyone in the salon and said, "See you next time." Everyone smiled and said good-bye. So by the time we left I was no longer the odd wo-man out, I was just another Mom getting her daughter's hair done....well, kind of. =)

Interracial Couple Denied Marriage License. 2009 or 1909!!!???......

2009-10-16T07:41:00.000-07:00

The picture above was taken at a wedding we went to this past weekend. The significance of the picture and the wedding is pretty amazing considering today's post. Because I write a blog about interracial marriage I pay a lot of attention to things that are going on in regards to interracial relationships and race in general. However, somehow I missed this latest story until it showed up in my inbox from a friend of mine who is also in an interracial marriage. She is Hispanic and her Hubby is black. But first, back to the picture. The wedding that we went to in the picture was also for a mixed race couple. She is white and he is Hispanic. The wedding, and the day, was about a beautiful couple, getting married in a beautiful location, creating a beautiful family. The end. It wasn't about what race they are, it was just about love. Now, back to today's post. Sorry I'm all over the place today, but I think I'm in such shock, and the relevance of an interracial wedding is so ironic, that you will quickly get the picture.

The article below is about an interracial couple in Louisiana who went to apply for a marriage license. When the Justice of the Peace found out they were a mixed race couple he denied the license!!! Yes, you heard me.....denied!!! This is some of what he said....

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091016/ap_on_re_us/us_interracial_rebuff

Keith Bardwell, justice of the peace in Tangipahoa Parish, says, "It is his experience that most interracial marriages do not last long." Bardwell said he asks everyone who calls about marriage if they are a mixed race couple. If they are, he does not marry them, he said. Bardwell said he has discussed the topic with blacks and whites, along with witnessing some interracial marriages. He came to the conclusion that most of black society does not readily accept offspring of such relationships, and neither does white society, he said. "There is a problem with both groups accepting a child from such a marriage," Bardwell said. "I think those children suffer and I won't help put them through it."

Excuse me!!!???? Interracial marriages don't last that long??? The children suffer!!!?? Last I checked I have been married to my husband for 16 years and we are stronger than ever! He is my best friend and the love of my life! Did I not just recently write a post about "The Children" and how amazing it is to have such a diverse background? How embracing all of who you are makes you such a fabulous well rounded person? If that's suffering, well then bring it on! Um, isn't the President of the United States a "mixed race child?" Too bad he had such low aspirations and ended up doing nothing with his life! =) I wonder how he feels about this decision? Last I checked denying a marriage license based on race was outlawed in 1967....why is this man still allowed to marry people? Why isn't he in jail? He is breaking the law based on personal opinion. I'm sorry, how is that legal? I can't stop shaking my head, and have yet to pick my jaw up off the floor because I seriously can't believe this happened in 2009!!! It's one thing to be ignorant and we all know racism is out there, but THIS!!!? Ohhhh heck no! Not acceptable. Discrimination at it's worst. Okay I have ranted enough......soooo Mr. Keith Bardwell, so called Justice of the "Peace," first of all, you should not be allowed to use the word "peace" in your title, you are creating hate not peace. Second of all, next time maybe you should do a little research on interracial couples and you will find that we are all quite happy in our marriages! We might have to go through some things that most people in same race marriages don't, but the reason we have to go through these "things" is because of people like YOU who just keep the madness of racism alive. We are just couples, no different than anyone else. Me personally, I feel sorry for you that you haven't allowed yourself to experience the joy of marrying EVERYONE who is in love. Love doesn't discriminate, maybe you shouldn't either.

Is Love Enough?....

2009-10-06T09:43:00.000-07:00

Out to dinner with family and friends in '08

I was going through my blog this morning re-reading some of my old posts, reading some of the previous comments from people, and just looking at all of the different things I have written about. I started thinking, wow, we have gone through so much together......good, bad, crazy, ups, downs, funny stuff, scary stuff, happy times, sad times and on and on. It's so amazing that we are stronger and stronger through it all! So then I started thinking, is love enough? Is love all we need? Can love get us through it all? (Sounds like a song). =) I know all the things that we have gone through are just part of life, but I can guarantee we have gone through more than the norm because we are a mixed race couple. There are so many times that challenges get to everyone and people just give up. We have seen many of our friends go through divorce recently, and it just blows me away because these are people that I never would have imagined splitting up. So for them, was love not enough? We are the couple that everyone thought wouldn't make it because we are sooooo different and from such different backgrounds. Yet for us a challenge is really nothing because we have already been there done that in regards to "proving us." Not that we have anything to prove, so that wasn't the perfect choice of words, but I guess I mean the constant misconceptions that other people have of us. Back in the day it hurt me to hear anything negative about us, but now it makes me giggle because people have no idea the joy that we give each other. I WISH this joy on everyone, even the naysayers! It's awesome! Don't get me wrong, by no means are we perfect. There are days when we are ready to throttle each other....we had one of those days the other day...but the wonderful thing is, we always, and I mean always, talk it through, work it out, and start fresh. Our love is too important and too strong to let any argument or any issues get in the way. So hmmmm, once again, is love enough? In reading some of the comments about what people are going through in their new interracial relationships I just want to reach out and say....be strong, be true to who you are, treasure each other, don't ever give up, and in the end, through it all, LOVE WILL BE ENOUGH!

Always Be Aware of Your Surroundings..........

2009-10-04T11:24:00.000-07:00

Always be aware of your surroundings......this is something that Jamie has ingrained in my brain since the day we met. He says that no matter what neighborhood you live in or where you are, you are subject for a "jacking" at any moment if you don't pay attention to what is around you. This thought process comes from years of experience and growing up in the "hood" (as he says). He and I grew up in totally different types of neighborhoods which gave us very different perspectives on what goes on around us. I "loosely" paid attention to his advice, and then one day, low and behold, I was the one who got "jacked." I was grocery shopping on a Sunday afternoon in our old neighborhood. As I was coming out of the grocery store I did look around, but as usual didn't pay a ton of attention to what was going on around me. I was standing at the back of my car loading my groceries and all of the sudden a young black man was standing next to me. He was so close that I figured he must know me to be acting soooo familiar. I looked at him to see if I recognized him as one of Jamie's friends. He looked really young so I thought maybe he was one of my nephew's friends. I just kept thinking, he must know me because he is so close to me that our hips are touching. Never, ever did it cross my mind that something really bad was about to go down. Clearly, I trust too easily. Mind you, this is all happening in a matter of minutes. Finally when I realized I didn't know who he was, I looked at the young "man" and said, "Can I help you?" He then lifted his jacket and pulled out a gun and said, "See this, don't move, and don't say a word, where is your purse?" I just stood there in shock thinking this can't be happening! I thought for a second and then said, "It's in the front seat." It wasn't, but I just needed him to get away from me, so I could have a minute to breathe. He then said again, "Don't move and don't say a word, while his eyes were "bulging" out of his head." He was not playing! All the while people are coming and going having know idea what was happening right in front of their eyes. When he didn't find the purse in the front seat he started getting very upset. He said, "Where is it, where is it?!" I could see he was losing it, and realized I just needed to give it to him or he might shoot me. I told him it was right by me and he grabbed it and said, "Don't you say anything!" Then off he ran to a waiting car. I just stood their for a second and then just started to cry and yelled, "Someone call 911!" A car pulled up to me that had seen the guy running and asked if I had just been robbed. I said, "Yes! Call the police!" I think the thought of a gun being involved and what could have happened just shook me to my core because I was just in shock. The police arrived and amazingly enough it was the SAME cop that told me at the infamous "Toys "R" Us arrest" themanyshadesoflove.blogspot.com/2009/07/false-arrest.html that "I would be on the ground with my husband if I didn't shut up." Really? What are the odds that of all the cops he would be the one to show up to "my robbery!?" So he took my statement, as I stood there shaking, and then I said, "Do you remember me?" Of course he didn't, so I quickly refreshed his memory. He said, "We were just doing our job that day." Yeah, whatever. I was too upset at what just happened to also re-live that terrible day. After that I went home and when I walked in the door I just started to cry. Jamie said, "What's wrong!?" I told him what happened and he was soooo MAD he was ready to go find the guy and "kill" him. Okay not literally, but let's just say it would not have been pretty if he had found him. Needless to say the guy was long gone. After that, for an entire year I was too freaked out to go to the grocery store. It was the weirdest thing. But the worst thing that came out of this was I kept thinking I was going to run into him again, or that he would come back and rob me again because he had all my information about where I lived. I would see a young black man that resembled him and literally start to shake. How awful is that? Afraid of young black men and I am married to a black man! It was a horrible feeling. These are the things that create the hateful stereotypes that I am so against, and this time I was the one living it! I felt guilty because of the fear and I felt anger because of what he "created" in my life. Over time I got over it and realized that my purse was probably in a dumpster somewhere and I was the last person on this young "man's" mind. I am sure karma has caught up with him and I hope with all my heart that he has changed, but I can guarantee he has no idea that what he did that day changed my life forever. One thing is for certain, you can be sure that I am now very aware of my surroundings even in my "safe" little neighborhood.

The Children......

2009-09-24T08:56:00.000-07:00

When Jamie and I met and fell in love we knew fairly soon that we were going to be married and have a family together. Sometimes you just know these things. For us it was just a given. We were married in August of '93 and little Miss Tatiana was on the way in December of '93. =) I remember having a conversation with my Mom when Jamie and I decided to get married. It was about being in a mixed race marriage. She had no issues with this except for the fact she was worried about her future grandchildren. She didn't want them to face any prejudice or hate. She said it would break her heart. So think about it, when two people of the same race get married and decide to have a family they just do it. They don't have to think about what their kids will face in regards to the color of their skin. My Mom certainly didn't need to have that conversation with my Sister or Brother when they got married. The issues and decisions that an interracial couple face are so different than couples in same race relationships. When the day came that we found out we were expecting, ironically my parents were in town visiting from the Northwest. It was a happy, happy day and all of us were thrilled! The worry somehow melted away. I will always focus on the positive and deal with the negative as it comes. I will never let the negative rule my life, my marriage, or my daughter. So when my Mom voiced her worry, bless her heart, I just told her we would make sure that our children lived the happiest life possible. We wouldn't shelter them from racism, and when and if it occurred, we would teach them where it came from, how to deal with it, and to always be proud of who they are. That is what we have done with Tatiana....she has grown into an amazing, proud, beautiful young woman.

Once You Go Black, You Never Go Back.........?

2009-09-18T08:35:00.000-07:00

Okay, so yesterday on facebook...wait a minute, I seem to have a lot of facebook stories...hmmm does that mean I am spending too much time on facebook!? Is there a facebook anonymous out there!? Anywho....yesterday I posted that I was having a hard time writing on my blog. Brain freeze or something! One of my friends told me to FOCUS. So I tried..it didn't work. Once again, he said, "FOCUS." As you can see there were no posts yesterday, so focusing....didn't happen. Then one of my friends said, "Just channel the energy and wit of your husband (Jamie) and lover (me) and I guarantee you will get something going!" As you can see he is a big jokester! No lovers in my marriage or his! =) The "lover" by the way is a white man. Relevance...you will see in a moment. Well, the jokes went back and forth and then a couple of other friends chimed in, and finally I said, "Now you all know, once you go black you never go back." Well the laughter roared out loud on facebook! Lot's of LOL's! LOL...wow, am I 13!!!? =) One of my friend's who is also married to a black man (she happens to be Hispanic) said, "So true!" So is it true? Once you go black, you never go back? The saying came from somewhere, so how true is it? I'm married, so I'm not going anywhere, black, white, brown or blue, but if I wasn't married I would definitely be attracted to black men. Aww heck, I am attracted to black men! I'm not dead! =) Is it because that is what I'm used to? Is it because I'm happy in my marriage? Is it because my daughter is half black? Is it because of the stereotype about black men? This is a "G" rated blog, so we can't get into that one. =) Is it just my preference? I'm pretty specific in my preference of black men that I find I'm attracted to....big, tall, bald, with a goatee....ohhhhh, that's my husband! Now I get it!!!! =) Hmmm, what is your thought on this one.......?

Changing the Mind of a Racist.........

2009-09-10T07:17:00.000-07:00

If a grown adult has a mind filled with racist thoughts, can that mind be changed? I am asking this question because yesterday at work I had a client, that in random conversation started telling me how she feels about black people. As the conversation started to go in a direction that I knew was not going to be good, I told myself, "Okay, you can either get really mad and go off on her, or you can take this moment in time and "help" her maybe see another way of thinking." I chose the latter. So, I "calmly" sat there as she proceeded to tell me that black people are "freeloaders, drug dealers, drug addicts, lazy and good for nothing." The rant went on for a bit longer, but without going into further detail, I think you get what she was saying. When she was done, I looked at her and said, "You do realize my husband is black, right?" She said, "yes," and then started to stumble on her words a bit, and said, "Oh, I don't think ALL black people are like that." Then, the famous, "One of my best friends is black," excuse came out! That one always kills me! Oh, you have a black friend so that makes it okay to be derogatory? I don't get it. Wouldn't it be the exact opposite? Wouldn't one feel they were disrespecting a friendship by talking that way? Twisted thinking and then some, don't ya think!? Okay I am off track.....back to the conversation. As my blood is boiling inside, I kept telling myself, "Let's help her understand another way of thinking and not get angry." So, I said to her, "How is it possible that you can look at someone on the outside and automatically assume just based on their skin color that they are a lazy, good for nothing, druggy?" I said, "You have to get to know someone's heart first, and then if they continue to act that way it's not because they are black, it's because they have issues." She then said, "But that is just their culture and I don't like it." I told her, "I am not sure who you have been around, but that is a small, unfortunate part of everyone's culture." I proceeded to tell her that, "It really makes me sad that you feel that way because my husband would give the shirt off his back for anyone that needed it and he is a hard worker that is always there for his family." The conversation went on for a good 20 minutes and then she decided to tell me how much she hates our President. Hmmmm, could it be because he is black?! I then said, "You know what, the beauty of why we live in America is, you can feel one way, I can feel another, and the two of us can agree to disagree." I was determined to kill her with kindness. So each time I see her, if the subject arises again, I will continue to do the same. I hope that little by little, she will see that if she lets go of her hate, she will open the door for some love, and maybe, just maybe the mind of a racist will be forever changed. We shall see.

"Wow, I Never Pictured You With a Black Guy".......

2009-08-31T07:22:00.000-07:00

Out to dinner on our 16th anniversary 8/21/09 =)

I'm baaaack....sorry for the break...I just started a new full time job and it has been difficult keeping up with the blog, facebook and life! =) Speaking of facebook.....as many of you out there are...I too am addicted! Well, the other day I received a friend request from someone I thought was an old friend of mine from high school. She ended being a different person with the exact same name as my friend. Once I accepted the request I received a private email from her. She had seen my profile picture, which is of my husband, daughter and myself. The email was short and to the point. In it she wrote..."How are you?" Wow, I never pictured you with a black guy. He looks like that news guy that was on channel 6 in San Fran so I guess that's okay." As I am reading this, I'm thinking, first of all, do you not realize we don't know each other? Second of all, if he didn't look like the newscaster, would it not be okay?! I was just blown away! Here is a woman that thinks she is getting back in touch with a high school friend and all she can say after years and years is, "I never pictured you with a black guy!?" If I was with a white man would she have said, "Wow, I never pictured you with a white guy!" Of course not! Why is it okay to say something like that!? It's sooooo not! Even if she disagreed with us being together could she not have just said, "nice to be in touch again," and just leave out all of the other "stuff" she felt the need to write? People never ever cease to amaze me. My email back should have been, "Wow, I can't believe how ignorant you are!" Instead, needless to say, I hit the delete button. =)